Too Busy for Your Own Good (45 page)

“I'm from a dysfunctional family.”

“My spouse doesn't help out.”

“My kids need to (name activity) to get into (name school).”

“There aren't enough hours in the day.”

No matter the excuse, though, your new goal should be taking the lead in making your home a sanctuary. It will take recruiting family members to organize and schedule your home to get you out of the “busy danger zone.”

The best way to make a change at your home is to set realistic goals. Is your household in chaos? Shoot for ordered messiness. You don't have to be a dictator, killjoy, or tyrant to craft a less busy, more peaceful home. Begin with a mandatory household meeting—all household members, including your partner, housemates, children, and boarders. Tell everyone something that they'd like to hear: “We're going to have a family meeting so that our lives will start to be more fun.” It's mandatory attendance, not optional. Don't worry if you get lots of sighs, gripes, and eye rolling. Your attitude here should be “too bad, we're having the meeting anyway.”

This meeting can be the start of you getting some help from your family. Tell them why you need their help—your busyness around the house is starting to take its toll in a major way—but if everyone pitches in, it won't be so bad. Promise them that the changes you ask for have one goal in mind—a happier home. You're on your way to undoing months (or years) of busyness damage and creating a sanctuary for yourself and every family member.

Another order of business for a family meeting is for each person to map out his or her schedule for the next six months (or year). This is important to do because you'll not only be giving each person a voice in the family, but also teaching them valuable life skills. Each person needs to list every important, save-the-day event coming up, as well as all the regularly scheduled activities. You and your mate know your holidays, vacations, and mandatory attendance activities. Every child's school has a master calendar. Don't forget to produce everyone's sports schedules. (Soccer can
monopolize so much time that some of my friends have admitted to praying that their kid's team
doesn't
get into the finals!)

Each person will make his or her own weekly schedule, Sunday through Saturday. Include all the details that are part of each family member's separate daily routine:

Wake-up time, morning meal

Leave for school, job, activity

After-school activities

Evening mealtime

Homework, office work

Free time

Bedtime

After individual schedules are made, get everyone on the same page, literally. Post a master calendar in the kitchen so each family member gets a better view (and sense) of working together as a team. It also gives everyone a dose of reality—how much time you actually do or don't have. You'll see how fairly you're dividing your time between family members, your job, commitments, and yourself. Other family members will discover that they are receiving their fair share of family resources and attention. Most families post a paper or dry-erase month-at-a-look calendar with large boxes for each day. It's best when only one person writes on it—others can make requests (with stick-on notes or verbally), but this keeps it honest. Keep different-colored pens on a string for nearby use. Here is how it should be filled out: