Torrid Affair (21 page)

“And he loves me.” I don’t know why I was ashamed or why I needed to explain myself. “It’s nothing serious. Only when he’s really mad. He feels horrible about it.”

Nate cursed under his breath. “Have you ever thought about filing a restraining order?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’ve seen the sweet Julian, who has left everything behind to help me. We’re going through something, and we will come out stronger. I know that.”
I desperately needed to believe that.

“When did it get this bad?”

“When he started working for Dennis. He gave Julian all this power which also came with a heavy price tag.”

Nate kept his head lowered and his hand wrapped around his knee. “Is this the life you want?”

“I said five questions. That’s six.”

“No, that’s number five.”

“No, you asked why.”

Nate chuckled. It seemed odd at the moment when the topic of our conversation was depressing. “You’re still a smart aleck, huh?”

I smiled. ‘That’s another question.”

“Come on.” Nate released his knees and turned his upper body toward me. “Is this the life you want?”

I sighed and thought about the question. Shaking my head, I giggled. “I want the life where we run into the sunset together,” I said sarcastically. “Where you slip on the glass slipper and it fits. I want to be swept away every time I get kissed, causing me to kick my feet up with joy.”

A grin grew on Nate’s face. He looked delectable. “That can happen.”

I scoffed. “That only happens in movies. There’s no such thing as a happily-ever-after.”

“You don't believe in it?” His eyebrows furrowed.

I shook my head. “I think it's a crock of shit. I think it's happy while you're together, but once the happiness begins to fade, it’s all downhill.” Nate looked at me with his brow furrowed. I struggled to make him understand.

“Do you think Cinderella and Prince Charming lived happily
forever
? Or do you think perhaps ten years into their marriage he began to hit her? Did you ever consider that she was so afraid of him she refused to have his child because it would bind them together forever and she would never escape him?” Nate’s mouth opened but no sound came out. “Do you think the fear of never getting away consumed her so she hid birth control from him, but when he found it, he was so infuriated he fractured her jaw?”

I shook my head, and my tears began to fall. “I don’t believe in happily-ever-after. I believe that two people should stay together while they are happy, but once that disappears and you’re still whole, you should pack your shit and leave.” It’s what I believed, but not what I lived.

Nate’s hand wrapped around a strand of my hair. “Brielle, that is no way to live.”

“I don’t have the strength anymore.” We stared into each other’s eyes for a few more seconds. “I've made a complete fool of myself. I should go.” I pushed off the sand and stood.

Before I was able to take a second step, Nate's hand grasped mine and held me in place. “I'm going to kiss you,” he muttered. “I'm going to kiss you the way you deserve to be kissed. You'll be able to feel it. You’re not spineless, nor are you broken. You’re the strongest woman I know.” He pulled me into his arms and I went willingly. His nose ran up my cheek and a soft whimper escaped my lips.

“Don’t,” I whispered softly.

But Nate ignored my request. His lips kissed half of mine. One small half kiss was placed on one side, then the other. My breath was shaky, and I grew dizzy. The anticipation was too much to bear.

“Ten years I’ve waited to do this,” he said in a low husky voice.

I opened my mouth to respond, but Nate swept in and planted his lips flush on mine. It was soft at first, his lips playing against mine. But we both grew hungry, and in the blink of an eye, a spark that refused to die became a burning fire. I opened my mouth for him, and his tongue swooped inside. Nate’s hands ran up my body and gripped the nape of my neck. It was gentle, yet firm. Tender, yet desperate. It was everything I’d craved in the last ten years.

My hands pressed against his chest, and his heart raced under his T-shirt. I deepened the kiss and ran my hands through his hair. Nate kissed my lips, my cheek, my neck. Neither of us could get enough of the other.

It was the way it had always been between us.

We both needed more.

I felt everything from one simple kiss. I felt alive. Parts of me that Julian had destroyed were coming back. I wasn’t spineless, and I refused to be beaten down.

When Nate pulled away, we were panting. I wanted more, but we couldn’t. I shook my head.

“Don’t,” he said. “Don’t run away now.”

“We can’t do this.”

“Ten years ago I had a choice to make, you or her. You begged me to choose you and I didn’t. For ten years I’ve lived with the wrong choice.” Nate framed my cheeks. “I let you get away once, Brie. I won’t do it again. I’ll fight whoever I have to, but if I’m who you want to run into the sunset with, I’m in. All in.”

I bowed my head and pressed it to his lips. “You have a family, Nate,” I cried. “This isn’t college.”

“No,” he spoke softly against my skin. “This is about making our own happily-ever-after.”

I pulled back from his arms. “I need to go.”

“Okay. I’ll let you go, but only because this is what you do. You need to think things through before you make your decision. But know that I’m not changing mine.”

I nodded, and he kissed me one last time before I turned around and walked away. When I reached my car, I was finally able to breathe. Nate was offering me everything I wanted, but there were other parties involved this time.

Primarily, a child.

O
ne kiss changed it all
.

I let her slip from my hands once before. I’d be a fool to let that happen again.

It took one touch for me to spiral back in love with her. Back to a love that had never disappeared. It was as though my heart had hit the pause button on me and Brielle. She was back in my life and I couldn’t stay away. I’d tried, but my heart pulled for her.

I needed everything from her. Her love. Her smiles. Her laughter. Her genuine kindness for Caleb. I needed to protect her.

For the past ten years I protected her from afar. I figured it was best. Fate had dealt us a crappy hand and kept us apart so I stayed away from her and hoped Julian provided the happiness she deserved. I was wrong. I was dead fucking wrong. She was miserable, and I felt I was to blame. The life she lived wasn’t a life. She was in constant fear of the man who vowed to protect her.

It was now my turn to not let her run. I vowed I’d be the man she needed me to be.

My decision was made. I couldn’t force her to leave Julian, though, not when she was so hurt by him. She would have to make that decision on her own. But my mind was made up. For the past ten years I lived the life I’d always wanted, but with the wrong person. Delaney wasn’t the woman I loved.

I couldn’t stay in a marriage that was failing. I couldn’t pretend to love her anymore. Neither of us was perfect, but over the years our differences had become battlegrounds. Her patience with Caleb was thin. She wanted to be involved in society clubs and I preferred to be home with Caleb.

We’d grown apart. I’d stayed with her because of Caleb, ten years too many. Now it was time to live for what I wanted. And I wanted Brielle. It was that simple.

I
didn’t know
how or when the affair began. But it was torrid and ugly. I hurt everyone I’d ever loved. I became the worst version of myself, but never felt more alive.

I lied. I cheated.

I savored being with Nate.

Julian was the reason I died inside.

Nate was the reason I had a pulse.

I had no fucks left to give. No guilt left to feel.

Julian was an abuser. He didn’t deserve me.

Nate was the man I loved. I didn’t deserve him.

But I didn’t care because I was lost in the fake reality he and I built.

I was destined to fuck up everyone’s life.

A
fter my encounter with Nate
, I needed a moment to gather my thoughts so the first thing I did was give Julian a piece of my mind. When I arrived home, he was on the couch watching television. I marched right up to him, grabbed the remote off the coffee table, and shut it off. 

“Hey, babe.” He smiled up at me. He still wore his sweet facade masking his true demons.

“Here's the deal.” I stood tall and forced my gaze to lock on his. “You lay a finger on me again and I will call the police. I will file domestic abuse charges against you.” I hoped my voice was stern. I was petrified to confront him, but I couldn’t be his victim anymore.

“Brielle.” He lifted his hand to mine. 

“No.” I took a step back. “I have given you everything, Julian, and I'm thankful for all you’ve done for me, but enough is enough. You touch me again and I will call the cops.”

His eyes softened. “Baby, I'm sorry.” He rose from the couch and kneeled in front of me. “I don't know what happens to me. Why I get so angry. It's the alcohol that makes me crazy. I was stressed, and I'm sorry.”

I swallowed. I needed to stay strong. “I'm tired of the
I'm sorrys.
” 

“I know, Brie, but I found a job, and I promise I'll ease up on the drinking.” He was trying to reassure me, but I had done this dance before.

“No.” I filled my lungs with air. “You need help.”

“I thought that was why we were here. Nate will help me.”

“I think what you need is beyond Nate's capacity.” 

“What are you trying to say?”

“I think you need to go to AA.”

Julian sat back on his heels. His shoulders slouched, and he exhaled dramatically. “Fine.”

I dropped down on the floor next to him. “Thank you.” 

* * *

I
t started with a smirk
.

For three weeks I avoided Nathaniel. Julian was busy with work, I signed up for doubles at the diner, and from what Julian said over dinner one night, Nate was up to his ears with blueprints for new condos downtown.

We were on different schedules, and it was working. I ignored the fact I wanted his lips on me again. I shut down any hope of us being together. The fire would eventually put itself out.

He had a wife and a kid.

I had a husband.

He was my brother-in-law.

It was wrong.

It was so wrong.

But it felt too fucking good.

Since Julian was working, I saved up some of my tips and invested in a bicycle I found at a flea market as my means of transportation to and from work.

I arrived home in the early afternoon to find Nate’s car parked in the driveway. Hopping off my bike, I walked it toward the far side of the garage to where I stored it. Along the way, I noticed the hose running from the side of the house toward the backyard.

“Please don’t be alone, please don’t be alone,” I whispered to myself.

No such luck. Nate stood
—alone—
over a flowerbed as water sprayed on the soil.

“Hey,” he greeted me.

“Hi.” I smiled, my hands white knuckling the handlebars. Whenever I was around him, it seemed impossible to breathe. “You’re home early,” I stated as I parked my bike.

“Today was Caleb’s last day of school.” He released the nozzle and the water stopped.

“Oh.” I shifted my weight from one heel to the other.

“They’re at lunch with Del’s parents.”

“You didn’t go?” It seemed odd that he wouldn’t be there.

“I never do. I’m not their cup of tea.”

I chuckled. “I see.”

In order to get to the door of the garage, I had to pass near him. It was a simple thing to do. Or at least, it should have been. But walking that close to him was like strolling through a burning building and hoping you didn’t get licked by the flames.

Nate didn’t move. Our arms brushed as I passed him. It warmed my skin. Ignited my need. With shaky legs, I stepped forward. I was two strides away when his fingers curled around my upper arm. I gasped.

He pulled me toward him and I went willingly. My mouth crashed onto his, and we both moaned in ecstasy. He reached down and wrapped my legs around his torso. My lips were hungry for his as my hands tangled through his hair.

His growing erection pressed against my core as he walked inside the garage. The cool cement wall slammed against my back, and his hand cupped my behind as his mouth attacked my neck in the most pleasurable way. Nate moved his mouth from my neck and yanked on my blouse, exposing a breast. His lips kissed along the soft skin before he sucked on my nipple.

Tossing my head back, I moaned. “Oh, God.” He bit down on the tender skin, and I felt my panties grow wet with desire. Sex with my husband had never felt like this. It was plain and to the point. There was no fire. No desperation.

But Nate and I were lost in each other. Oblivious to the outside world. Trapped in a bubble that didn’t exist. Until a car drove down the street, and we both froze. “We can’t,” I gasped, my breast still exposed. “This is wrong.” I pushed off him and lowered my legs to the floor.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered.

Without a word, I fixed my top and walked toward my apartment. As I climbed the steps, I knew I needed a long shower to alleviate the ache between my legs.

I swore it was a one-time thing. An accident. We were alone, and as long as we were around other people, we would be on our best behavior.

That was yet another lie.

* * *

T
he following Sunday
, Delaney decided to cook a big supper with all the fixings. Nate and Julian minded the grill while I helped her in the kitchen. Julian and I were on better terms. He’d apologized for his actions, and after a few nights on the couch he and I were speaking again. Delaney was carrying out a bowl of pasta salad when Nate walked through the kitchen door.

“Make sure you shut the door,” she said over her shoulder. “I don’t want flies in the house.”

Julian rushed to help her, and I ignored the fact Nate and I were alone in the kitchen as I stood over the sink washing dishes. From the corner of my eye, I saw him walk slowly through the room. His hand grazed my back as he passed me and my breath caught in my throat. The pan slipped from my hand.

“Shit!”

“Everything okay?” he asked and opened the fridge.

“You can’t do that,” I barked and looked over at him.

“Do what?” He had a boyish grin on his face.

“You know exactly what you did.”

Nate didn’t speak. Instead, his eyes softened, the grin disappeared from his face, and I was greeted with the most delectable fuck me smile. His tongue ran across his lips.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

He closed the fridge door behind him. I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t.

“Like I want to taste you,” he whispered as he walked by. Goosebumps exploded all over my body. Nate stopped at the sliding door and tugged it open just as Julian made his way into the kitchen.

“If I remember correctly, it’s very sweet,” Nate said.

My cheeks burned.

“What’s sweet?” Julian asked.

Frantic, I shoved my hands into the dishwater and cut myself on a knife. “Fuck!” I jerked my hand out and rinsed off my finger. Luckily, Julian was more concerned with my little cut than Nate’s comment.

I should have put a stop to it all.

I should have packed my bags and run.

But something kept me there.

Maybe it was my vow to stay by Julian through good times and bad. Or maybe it was that somewhere deep down I knew I could never stay away from Nate, no mattered how hard I tried. The love I felt for him was all consuming—
and ugly
. It never died. It couldn’t. Ten years later we were still the same two people, desperate to be near each other. Our love knew no limits. It didn’t care how many people we hurt, or how badly we hurt each other.

The few seconds we spent together healed years of pain.

* * *

T
here were stolen moments
.

Soft, forbidden touches. 

Glances that made my heart speed in my chest. 

I savored every second.

I felt when his eyes were on me. When he scanned my body from across the room. 

Slowly, I began to dress for him: nicer shirts and shorter shorts. A little more blush on my cheeks. I spent more time in the morning making sure my hair was exactly how I wanted it.

It was all for him.

I insinuated my feelings toward him, but I never acted on them. After our passionate kiss in the garage, I kept my distance. My heart was still torn on what I should do. I reminded myself it was for my own good. It was the right thing to do. As if after everything we had been through, I suddenly developed a moral compass. 

Julian was getting the help he needed, and that weight was lifted off my shoulders. But I couldn’t leave him now.

For better or for worse.

In sickness and in health.

‘Til death do us part.

It was late one night when I arrived home from the diner to find Delaney out on the deck. She had her feet up, her Kindle on her lap, and a glass of red wine in her hand. 

“Hey, D.” I smiled as I passed her. 

“You're just now getting home?” I nodded. “Come, have a drink with me.” I didn’t see the harm in that since she was alone.

Two glasses later, we were in a deep conversation about life and how much difference ten years made. We reminisced about our college years and so on. Eventually, Julian came and sat next to me. He had been sober three weeks and proudly carried around his sobriety chip. 

He kissed me on the cheek and joined the conversation. Delaney was telling us about Caleb’s summer camp when my phone buzzed on the table. I slid my finger across the screen and was greeted with a text message.

Nicole: I want you for me. 

I brought my phone closer to my chest and responded. 

Me: That sounds like a personal problem. 

Nicole: You look beautiful.

I glanced up and looked around. The kitchen was empty. My glare moved to his office where I spotted him on his chair. He smiled, and my phone buzzed. 

Nicole: Hi. 

I shoved my phone in my pocket and pushed off the chair. “I'm going to head in,” I stated. “I have an early day tomorrow.”

“Goodnight,” Delaney said. 

“I'll be right in.” Julian grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. He then looked over at Delaney and began telling her he had attended the same camp Caleb was at when he was a kid. I was halfway up the steps when I pulled out my phone.

Me: Hi

Nicole: I can't stop thinking about you.

Me: I know what you mean.

Nicole: You’re not going to tell me to stop?

Me: I can’t fight it anymore.

A few seconds passed before the three little dots appeared on my screen.

Nicole: Leave him.

Me: I can’t.

I waited for Nate to respond, but when he didn’t, I sent him a message.