Total LockDown (LockDown #2) (4 page)

I drag my lips
and teeth over every available inch of her fantastic tits, nibbling and sucking
at her pert nipples. God she smells so fucking good, it makes my dick hard as
concrete, ready to bang fucking nails.

The cocaine is
still in my system, it has kept my anxiety at bay but the anger is still raw
inside. If Abbi thinks this means I am over it, she can think again. I am just
using her tight little body the way she clearly likes it.

I kiss over her
toned stomach, the tiny fading stretch marks reminding me of my beautiful baby
asleep in her cot upstairs. Daddy loves you princess, I think to myself,
knowing that when Abbi wakes up tomorrow morning her stuff will be on the
doorstep ready for her to fuck off.

I flinch as I
reach the right side of her stomach, the scar from the knife cut she had
received with Phillip, prominent against her skin. It is a horrid reminder that
she has fucked him and put our child in danger. I feel a new wave of fury wash
of me at the thought and I want nothing more than to make her pay for how I
feel, make her feel every bit as shitty and worthless as she is to me.

I move lower and
then bury my face in her pussy, her juices coating my lips on the spot. My
tongue reaches out, trails up between her slit and over her clit, her body
convulses at the sensation. “Do not move, Abigail.” I command her. Her body
freezes instantly, her obedience making me want to tie her up and spank the
ever living shit out of her. Maybe she is better at being a sub that I first
thought she was.

“God, you’re so
wet, Abbi, so fucking irresistible and ripe.” Yeah, okay, totally irresistible,
that’s why the thought of putting my mouth here makes me want to puke. The very
thought of any part of Phillip connecting with her makes me want to peel her
skin from her body just so she has a fresh canvas for me, an untouched,
unmarred surface for my hands only, the way it should always be.

I fill her
channel with three of my fingers, her pussy struggling to accommodate my thick
digits. Her wetness lubricates well enough for me to slide in and out of her at
a frenzied pace, hammering repeatedly inside of her. She is near to coming, I
can feel her spasming around me, her inner muscles clenching tightly. I’m not
quite done yet with my torment; I don’t want her to cum. She doesn’t deserve to
have pleasure from me ever again.

As she is about
to topple over the edge, I remove my fingers and mouth away from her, leaving
her hanging on the tiny threads remaining before her downward spiral to the
ground below. I see her body internally huff at the empty feeling.

“Abigail.” I
warn her she isn’t here for her pleasure, this is for me.

I remove my
clothes, leaving them in a pile on the floor. My dick juts out, slapping
against my stomach, hard as a steel pipe. I clasp her shoulder and abruptly
turn her away from me, sliding the silk down her arms and to the floor. Her bare-naked
body is revealed to me, open and willing. She is desperate for some kind of forgiveness;
I can feel it emanating from her. I don’t have it in me to let this go, it is
eating away at me. I need time alone to think everything through, to sort my
now fucked up head out before I do something I really regret. She needs to be
away from me. I want this to work, I love her so fucking much, but every time I
look at her all I see is the fucking whore who fucked Phillip.

I place my hand
between her shoulder blades and push her down, bending at the waist. Her arse
pops out and touches the tip of my dick, her wet pussy begging for me. I give
into the compulsion of my nature, bringing my hand down against her pale cheek.
Her body jolts forwards from the force, but her cunt clenches tighter around
the head of my cock.

So my Abigail is
a little pain slut is she? Let’s see how much she can take?

I unleash some
of my built up rage and beat the shit out of her arse, spanking her over and
over until my hand is numb from its own pain. Her once pale skin is now a
scarlet red, just looking at my work makes me want to cum all over it, marking
my territory.

I am just about
ready to explode. I use my fingers to trail her juices up between her arse
cheeks, lubricating her anus. I don’t want her cunt, it is used. I want the
only place I know I was last deep inside.

When I have
wetted her hole to my liking, not hers, I ram my dick full pelt into her tight
entrance. Her muscles clench at me, choking my erection fiercely.

“Oh, fuck, Jesus
Abigail, you’re so tight.” I slam back and forth into her, her arse gliding up
and down my length, my body hanging in the balance of hell and heaven. Just a
couple more strokes and I’ll be in heaven, out of this shitty fucking hell she
has brought me to. Well for a few mere seconds more, anyway.

“You do not cum,
Abbi.” I order her as my face screws up in agonising pleasure. I can feel my
cock pulsating and throbbing as I spurt into her, my hot cum filling her arse
up. Fuck, the chokehold she has on me makes it near impossible to stop myself.

I pull from
inside her, my softening length resting against my thigh, the remnant of my
release trickling onto my skin.

I pick up my
clothes from the heap they lay in, look at her reddened arse and limp body,
then turn my back on her and walk out. I leave her there, against the wall,
used and abused like she deserves. It’s the way my heart is feeling thanks to
her.

At some point
during the night, I manage to drag myself from the floor, after remaining in
the heap Leighton had left me in. I don’t know where he has gone to, or if he
had even left the house. All I do know is that I feel like a cheap degraded
whore. I don’t want to be around him when he is like this, the way he has
treated me, using me and discarding me like a piece of shit, is not ok. I know I
screwed up, majorly, but he didn’t even give me a chance to explain. He didn’t
let me tell him how I was trying to protect everyone I love, to give everyone a
chance at living a normal carefree, safe life.

I’m sure the
best thing I can do right now is give him space. I don’t want to be the reason
Leighton’s anger took hold of him so ferociously that he changes into a monster
I know he tries so hard to hide. The dominant, hard fucking I can handle. In
fact I crave it a little, but the leaving me afterwards, not even talking to me
or acknowledging me, that is wrong on every account.

I sit in the
rocking chair beside my daughter’s cot, staring down at her peaceful sleeping
form. Her thick blonde hair beckons me to run my fingers through it, the soft
enticing texture warming me. Her gentle little breaths filter through the,
otherwise silent, room. I can feel my eyes filling with salty tears, the
emotional hurricane my body is going through makes it so god damn hard for me
to think rationally. I try my hardest to get my cognitive functions to work
properly, to stop me from going downstairs and taking those little yellow pills
from the cupboard and swallowing the lot.

“I love you so
much baby girl.” I say through my sad tears as I lift her sleeping body form
the mattress and hold her tightly to my chest. I want to have her drinking from
me right now, to feel that bond and connection only a mother could feel,
incomparable to any other. The love and total devotion you see in your child’s
eyes as they feed from you, the pull within you as they do, there is nothing
even imaginably close to it. I hate myself for pumping my body with the venom,
making it impossible for me to bond with Melissa. I hold my little girl tight
to me, her tiny heart beating against my breasts, as I cry uncontrollably for
my loss. I know I have gone too far, that I don’t know if Leighton will come
back from this, allow me to come back to him. I pray, hope and beg God for
forgiveness of my sins.

I feel myself
drifting off with her in my clutch, my own snores mingling with hers.

*****

I awake to light
filtering through the tiny slit in the curtains. I feel the weightlessness in
my arms, my daughter no longer there. I jump frantically, panicking, trying to
see where she is.

I bolt up from
the chair, leaning over her crib. She isn’t there. I begin to cry, hot tears
spilling down my face once more.

I run downstairs
faster than I thought my feet could find possible. When I reach the kitchen, I
see Leighton sitting at the bar in a crisp white shirt and grey suit slacks. In
his arms, our daughter, Melissa, suckles on the teat of her bottle. I feel
myself instantly calm.

“Fucking hell, I
was worried sick.” I tell him as I reach the kettle and switch it onto boil.

“Aha.” Is all he
answers with, his mood still the same as yesterday.

“Seriously,
Leighton, we need to talk about this.” I tell him, trying to take Melissa from
his arms.

“Firstly, I am
more than capable of feeding my daughter; she’s probably safer with me anyway.
Secondly, there is nothing to talk about, your bags are packed. They’re waiting
in your car. Debbie said you can stay there for a while. I would prefer Melissa
to stay with me, but as I work all day most days she would benefit more from
having a full time parent.” What the fuck?

“Leighton, you
can’t do this to me, please.” I begin to choke on my sob, my heart physically
breaking all over the floor beneath the heel of his shoe as he crushes it.

“Of course I
can,
sweetheart
. This is my house, my money, my life. You fucked me
over, so now I say goodbye.” He waves at me, still cooing and feeding our
daughter. How can he turn this malicious and spiteful? This is not the Leighton
I know, the Leighton who had saved me and built me back up.

His reaction
only makes me realise how monumental my betrayal was, regardless of the
intentions. So much was at stake when I drove to that industrial estate; I had
known the risks but still went through with it. Now I face losing everything I
care for.

“Please,
Leighton, please. Let me explain what happened, you have no clue.” I can feel
my heart pounding against my chest, my body is sweating a crazy amount and my
breathing is sharp and short. I can’t stop the restrictions happening, the
tightening around me.

I run to the
cupboard, searching through trying to find my tablets. I need them, now. I am
sooner, or later, going to pass out.

“They’re in your
car with the rest of your shit, Abigail, well what’s left of the things
anyway.” He used his finger to brush a stray hair out of Melissa’s eyes. “How
long have you been addicted to them, Abbi, how long have you been taking that
filth whilst feeding
MY DAUGHTER
.” He tries his hardest not to shout but
I can see how much he is struggling.

“I’m not
addicted, I can control it. I don’t need them. I just need you, Leighton.
Please talk to me. Please, I am begging you, baby. I can’t live without you,
please?” I am practically on my knees by his feet, clasping to his trousers
like a desperate child.

He brushes me
away, standing to place the empty bottle into the dishwasher to clean it. “Your
time for talking was when it happened. You,” he points at me, “should have told
me, Abbi, I would have probably forgiven you, probably understood your fucked
up logic, but now, after so long you want my forgiveness. You’ve got some
nerve, Abigail. You have precisely thirty minutes to remove yourself from my
home and drive away. You can keep the car, heck you can keep the damn ring for
all I care, but know this, Abigail, I am not a fucking mug, so do not even dare
treat me as such, you selfish piece of shit.”

He walks away,
straight past me, still holding our daughter. I fall from my knees to my
bottom. I bring my legs to my chest and howl into my knees. My heart is
official pulverised, everything my father had ever called me, every spiteful
word he had ever said, comes flooding back to me. I believe them all again, I
believe everything Leighton has just said. I don't deserve anyone.

I spend ten
minutes of my thirty, on the kitchen floor, trying my hardest to stop the ache
in my chest and the pain in my head as it throbs around inside my skull. I lift
my left hand and look at my engagement ring, a promise of forever, now taken away
so quickly.

Oh god, I feel
sick.

I make my way up
to my room, our room, and sit on the empty bed. I take the ring from my fingers
and clutch it to my empty, hollow chest. I lift it to look at it once more,
kissing the beautiful diamond.

I find a piece of
paper from the bedside drawer and write a note to him.

My
beautiful Leighton,

Oh god
baby, I never meant to hurt you.

You’re
everything to me, my light, my soul, my heart, my world and entire existence.

I won't
try to convince you now, just know I never did this to betray you, I only
wanted to stop all of this, so we could have a happy and safe life together.

I hope one
day, very soon, you will be up to talking to me and perhaps forgiving me.

My heart
will cease to beat until I am in your arms again, Leighton.

You keep
the ring safe for me, I will prove I am worthy of your love, so one day I can
wear it again with the pride I always have.

We are
separated from this point on, Leighton, please work through your problems and
issues with me.

Just know,
whatever you do whilst we are apart I will not hold against you, if you need to
fuck this out of your system, then you do it. Do whatever you have to, to make
me yours again.

Please
look after Melissa, I am not in the right place to care for her properly, I need
to get over my issues and this problem I am having with the medication. You’re
right, I am addicted, and it’s dangerous for our daughter. I know you will look
after her and love her properly.

Please let
her visit me at Debbie’s though, I’ll miss her and you.

I love you
so much, Baby. Stay safe.

Forever
and always Leighton.

Your
Abigail xxx

I lay the ring
on top on the little letter, and leave it on his side of the bed. I breathe the
essence of my home in, as I walk through the door and down the stairs. I don't
say goodbye to my little girl or Leighton, it will be too hard to leave either
of them. I need to do this, for both of us. We are no good together right now.
I know deep down, somewhere, that eventually we will be okay, we are destines
for one another. I will fight every single day I have breath within me, to have
him as mine once again.

I have no
concerns or worries of how he will look after her, he is the best father I have
ever seen. He dotes on that girl something fierce.

I climb into my
Aston Martin and drive away from my home. I refuse to look back in the rear
view mirror as I exit the underground car park and head towards the huge gated
entrance. My chest feels on fire as I leave my baby and her daddy, the two
people I love more than anything else on this planet.

I will be here
one day, back with them both, if it is the last thing I do.