Total LockDown (LockDown #2) (8 page)

God, I feel so
shitty right now, I had left her and treated her like utter crap when she
needed me the most.

“Luke, where’s
Melissa?” I am still unsure to her location and it is worrying me.

“Antonio has
her, he is at the hospital with Debbie and Maria. Go get your woman man, this
is your chance to fix this. Be there for her, she fucking needs you.” I know he
is right, god I know it. I love Abigail so much, for all her faults and flaws and
I know deep down, she would never have gone to see Phillip if she wasn’t
desperate.

“I know man. I
love her so much. Cheers for telling me, I’ll speak soon.” I hang up the phone,
collecting my keys from the side again and running through the front door to my
car parked in the driveway. I force my key into the ignition, taking the hand
break off and spinning out of the driveway, my tyres burning rubber on exit.

I'm coming baby.

I wake up, my
eyes sore and hands even worse. The light in the corner by my bed is set low,
leaving a warm ambient glow across the white walls. I turn my head left and
right, trying to alleviate the ache in my neck.

I jump out of my
fragile skin, when I see someone sitting next to me, someone I haven’t seen in
three days, someone I love so fucking much it hurts more than any physical pain
I am suffering at the moment.

My Leighton.

He is asleep in
the chair, his beautiful long lashes lying delicately against his cheeks, his
head is dropped forward, towards his chest, the muscle there contracting and
relaxing as each breath he inhales pushes the firmness forward. His lips
slightly parted, drawing oxygen through and into his lungs.

I try to pull
myself up in the bed again, my hands hurting even more than they were last
night. “Oh, Fuck.” I cry out as my right arm gives way and I fall to the
mattress, smacking my head on the bar at the side of the bed as I go down.
“Fuckity, fuck, fuck ,fuck, ooohh fuck.” My head hurts, my hands repeatedly
rubbing at the area to sooth the pain.

Leighton’s body
jumps up fast, his hands coming out to wipe the sleep from his eyes so he can
see. “What’s wrong, Abbi? What’s wrong baby?” he asks me, the word baby making
happy tears fill my eyes. The desperation in his voice is somewhat
heart-warming.

He still cares
for me, I know he does.

“You’re here.” I
say wiping the leaking water that has escaped my ducts and is now trailing down
my face. He stands from his chair, walking to me. His own eyes are puffy and
full of unshed tears. It breaks my heart all over again, the pain he is
suffering because of me and my choices and actions.  It is cutting me open and
leaving me to bleed.

He stands before
me, his frame towering over my horizontal one. “Leighton,” I choke through the
sob, unable to finish my sentence.

“Shhh, it’s okay
baby.” He climbs onto the bed with me, pulling me to his side, his scent
soothing me instantly.

“I'm sorry,
Leighton, so, so sorry.” I continue to cry, every ounce of pain, regret and
disgust I hold for myself, escaping through my tears. I don't know how I am to
ever make this up to him, to take away the pain I know I have caused him. How
was I ever going to mend his broken heart so he can love me once again?

“Shhh, baby, it’s
going to be okay. God I’m so sorry, Abbi. I should have been there for you, not
pushing you away. God, please forgive me.” He begs me, causing me to sit myself
up, regardless of the pain searing through my hand.

“No, Leighton,
No. Don't you bloody well dare, you do not apologise. God you stupid bloody
man. Fuck, this my entire fault, everything. You have to understand that,
Leighton. You,” I point to his chest, the hardness hurting my fingertip, “have
done nothing wrong, nothing at all.” I try to stop the damn breaking, I really
do, but I fail miserably as the flood gates open.

“Oh, Abigail, baby
please. I don't know how to make this better for you.” He sounds so desperate
and broken.

He pulls my
shaking, crying body to his hard one and cries with me. His tears soak my head
as he cradles it to his chest. He repeatedly kisses the top of my hair, his
lips soft but firm against my skin.

A few minutes
pass and I force my body to calm down and stop shaking. I breathe through the
hiccups as my lungs try to refill.

“Come on, Abbi.
Come on baby, it’s all going to be okay, we’re going to be fine. Be strong for
me, sweetie. God if I only I had known how bad your addiction was, I would
never have reacted the way I did, I would have been a little more rational. I need
you, Abbi, we both need you so much baby.” By ‘we’, he means Mellissa and him.
He is such an amazing father, I know for a fact these past three days my little
girl would have been so loved and cherished.

“Where is she?”
I miss her tiny body so much, that scent you can only get from a baby.

“Antonio has
her, he has taken her home to sleep. He came here from ours when he heard.”

“Why did he have
Melissa? Where were you?” I ask him, not like it is any of my business, but I
am intrigued.

“We’ll talk
later, Abigail. We both need to be a hundred per cent honest with one another
so we can start fresh.” He strokes my wet hair from my face and then kisses my
reddened nose. God, why did such small gestures make my insides melt and turn
to mush?

“I know,
Leighton. I need so much help.” I admit for the first time, knowing know how
bad it is. “I can't wait, I need to tell you. I need to get this out of me now
before it completely absorbs me and there isn’t any Abbi left. I need to
confront these demons and lay them to rest or cremate the fuckers.” I take a
ridiculous amount of breaths to calm myself, before telling Leighton the entire
story about Phillip and me. Even thinking about his name makes me want to
heave.

I need to tell
him how long this addiction has gone on for, and how bad it has gotten. The
fact that I can't go more than a few hours before popping more pills. I need to
tell him that I had given a man oral tonight just to get a fix, which
consequently led to me taking too much ketamine and turning myself into a
fucking lunatic, busting my hands in the process.

Yes, I have
remembered every single, disgusting detail of last night, every image refusing
to leave my brain, permanently etched into my temporal lobe.

“You don't have
to, Abbi. We can wait till you’re better.” He continues to sooth me in the way
I love, his fingers of one hand playing with my hair, his lips brushing against
my forehead, while his fingers of his other hand link in with mine. I feel at
home again, even with all this bullshit still lying just beneath the surface, I
feel safe again.

“I need to,
Leighton. I am not going to get better until I get this all out. It will not
leave me alone. I need you to know why I did what I did. You can make your mind
up after that.”

He stands from
my side of the bed and sits at the end, facing me. He crosses his legs like a
child in an assembly at school. “Okay, I'm ready.” I can see the apprehension
in his eyes, he doesn’t want to know. Who does? No man wanted to hear why their
fiancée fucked another man, why they are addicted to a stupid pill, controlled
by it.

“Okay. It
happened the day after Antonio was shot. I saw how much it affected everyone,
you were distraught, my best friend hysterical thinking she was going to lose
her brother, Antonio looking so fucking weak I thought he would never get back
to himself. That shot that had taken him out, not only hurt him, it killed a
tiny piece of all of us. I was sick and tired of looking over my shoulder,
wondering if you would ever come home. Waiting for a knock at the door to tell
me you’d  been murdered. I had had enough of it, Leighton. That was my last
straw.” I gulp down my fear of his rejection. I don't want him to walk away,
right now, I need him more than I ever have. “Anyway, I found a number in the
telephone directory to the Blackmans, so I rung Phillip up and asked to meet
with him. I was willing to do anything to get him away from us, get him off
your back. I arranged to meet him at his place of work. When I got there, my
anxiety was through the roof, so bad I couldn’t breathe. I took some of my
tablets to calm myself down, to help me see it through, they made me feel
fucking high, Leighton, made me so mixed up that I didn’t know which way was up
or down. I know it’s no excuse for what happened, but the look you saw on my
face through that video, that wasn’t how I truly felt that was the tablets
screwing with me.”

Leighton’s face
is sad, his eyes down and his lips in a frown. I lean forward and stroke his leg,
to let him know I love him.

“So, I went to
his building and behind the fucking desk sat Kalina, the stupid whore. I know
it’s irrelevant to the story, but she makes me so angry.” I can feel my fury
rising. If there is one person on this planet I want to unload my glock in to,
it’s her. “She saw me through to his office and left us alone. I spoke with him
a few minutes, told him I wanted him gone, out of our lives for good. I told
him that I was willing to do anything unless it harmed our baby. He told me to,”
I breathe out, fighting my nerves to say the next words, “he told me to suck
his dick, so I did. I didn’t want to, believe me Leighton, I never wanted to do
that to you.” I start to cry, silent tears trickling my face. I try to conceal
my face from him, hiding it behind my hands in shame. It isn’t his
responsibility to calm me right now, I have done this to myself, so I have to
deal with this myself. I sniffle and wipe away the snot and tears with a tissue
from the side.

“I fucked him,
Leighton.” I tell him straight, no hiding the truth or lying, just pure and
utter honesty. That is the only way we are going to get past this. I begin to
sob loudly, feeling dirty and disgusting. Telling my (was) fiancé that I have
been with another man when I am supposed to be faithful to him is something I
never wish on anyone. I can’t control the animalistic cries that leave my
mouth; they are inhuman and downright scary in sound. I want to rip my own skin
off to remove the filth lying there. The memory of his hands on me, touching
and feeling me makes my sounds come out worse.

I begin to
shake, my body’s way of coping. I can feel the need for more medication
hitting, hard. The pain I have been in for the past two days; the sickness,
convulsions, migraine and fatigue of the withdrawals has taken its toll on my
body. I am well past ready for some tranquilisers. Why I thought I would buy
drugs from a person in a club is beyond me. How fucking desperate am I, to risk
killing myself for a quick fix.

Leighton is at
my side in an instant, holding me and rocking me back and forth. He keeps
telling me it is okay, that he is there now. Nothing bad is ever going to
happen to me. I know, though, if it did, if something horrendous occurred, it
would be because I deserved it, because I was a horrible poisonous human being.

“I know, baby, I
know what happened. You don't need to tell me. Thank you for the truth. It
hurts, I’m not going to lie, it hurts so god damn much, but I understand now. I
wish you had spoken to me first. We were so tight, Abbi, we talked about
everything, Baby.” I nod into his chest, my tears staining and drowning his
shirt.

“I know we were.
I feel so fucking shitty about it. I wish I had listened to you and let you
deal with it.”

“You are a
fighter, Abigail; you were born to fight for your freedom. I get why you did
it, shit, I would have done so as well if I felt as trapped and frightened as
you obviously were, but you have to trust me, trust that I will do everything
in my power to keep you safe and from any harm. You have to understand I know
what I’m doing, Abbi.” He lifts my head and wipes my tears away. “Abigail, look
at me.” He commands me, my eyes automatically snapping to him, his dominant
tone grabbing my attention straight away. “Good girl. Now listen to me very
carefully.”

“Leigh...” I try
to speak but his eyes focus in on me further, causing me to sink back into
myself.

“Zip it,
Abigail. Lips sealed until I say you can answer. I talk you listen.
Understand?” he is very serious and that is making me so fucking hot that I
should be committed. I should not be feeling this way, all wet and warm like
this, I have been so selfish and hurtful. “Phillip, he is dead and buried, he
is behind us. We cannot change what has happened, but we can forget it and move
on. The problem we do need to deal with now is you and this fucking addiction
you have. I will not let you near our daughter in the state you got into last
night. Do you understand that, Abigail?” he asks me, the way he says my name
has me clenching my inner muscles to stop the juices in my pussy from escaping
and embarrassing me at such a serious time.  I have seen his dominant side
before, I have begged for it in fact, but now, this is a completely new level
and Jesus Christ I am fucking liking it.

“You will listen
to everything I tell you from now on, Abbi, you will do as your god damn told
or I will spank that arse so fucking hard you won't be able to forget,
sweetheart. Do I make myself clear?” Fuck, I hiss between my teeth just about
ready to explode. My body aches so much; the pressure inside so intense any
slight friction against my clit is bound to set me off.

“I said. Do. I.
Make. Myself. Clear, Abigail?” he accentuated each and every single word, his
deep gruff tone sending shivers through and all over my heated body.

“Perfectly.” I
squeak out as I hold my thighs together, desperate to put my hand there and rub
away the internal itch for an orgasm.

“Now, Abbi, I
want you to come home, back to me and our daughter. You will not be touching
those tablets ever again, you will not even think about it. There are other
ways I can help you alleviate the tension and anxiety, much more effective and
less harmful ways, but you have to trust me. You have to communicate with me. I
believe this can make us stronger, Angel, but I need you with me, as one. We
can't keep any secrets from now on, okay?” he asks me. I am curious as to his
methods of calming me, I am intrigued and so fucking horny at the idea of him
doing anything with me. I’d agree to sign my soul over to the fucking devil for
a quick taste.