Totem (10 page)

              “We promised him we would stop at a gay bar,” I state. It was a tiny fib but I wanted to get the point across.

              “Well, call him over,” replies Paul. “He can do a round of shots with us.”

              I nod my head. Andrew is not one to turn down a free shot. I get up from the table to go find him. I find him leaning against a wall talking to a cute guy. Leave it to Andrew to find the cute guys that are unattainable to females.

              “Hey,” I break up their closeness. “The two guys we are with want you to go take a shot with us.”

              A smile crosses Andrew’s face at the word shot. He leans in and talks to his new cute guy before following me back to the table. I look at Andrew inquisitively.

              “Who was that?” I ask

              “He’s the guy I’ve been cruising in the dorms. He came out with a few of his girlfriends for the night and ended up here too. Small world, huh?”

              I’m sure there is more to the story than Andrew is letting on, but I drop the subject as we approach the guys. There, lined out in the middle is a row of tequila shots. On a napkin to one side are some lemons wedges and salt packets.

              “Tequila ok?” asks Taylor as we approach.

              “Tequila is great!” Exclaims Andrew.

              I sit down. All five of us prep for a tequila shot. Salt on hand and lemon wedge in the same hand, we pick up our glasses and cheers. I lick the salt then take a shot. Tequila will never be my first choice in shots. I can feel my lips pucker in disgust as the vial liquid goes down my throat. I immediately stick the lemon wedge in my mouth. I suck the lemon until the taste is nullified. Andrew sticks around a while as our conversation becomes livelier with the introduction of more alcohol. I can feel my body begin to spin a bit as I lighten up and begin talking more freely. Eventually Andrew slips away back to his guy leaving Michelle and I with the two men.

              “Well, I think we better go find Andrew to take him to his gay bar,” I state signaling to Michelle that it is time to go.

              “No,” protests a smiling Taylor. “Don’t leave yet.”

              “I’m afraid we have to. The night is getting late and we still have one more spot to hit unless you two want to go with us?”

              Taylor and Paul shoot apprehensive looks at each other. With Paul just getting back out on the night scene, a gay bar seems a bit much. They finally smile and acquiesce to letting us leave without much more of a fight. All four of us stand up. Michelle writes down her number on a napkin for Taylor as I go around the table to give Paul a hug.

              “Paul, let me tell you something,” I feel my courage coming from the alcohol as my word filter leaves me. “Your ex-wife is an idiot for letting you get away, but you know what? Her loss is the world’s gain. Promise me, you will have all the fun you can!”

              With my final juvenile words, I give Paul a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It felt like hugging a close family member. I pull away to catch a surprised look on Paul’s face. He rubs his cheek where my kiss landed as a huge smile crosses his lips.

              “Yes, Ma’am,” replies Paul. “I promise.”

              Michelle and I exchange men. I give Taylor a hug thanking him for the drinks and telling him to take care of his dad. Michelle gives Paul a hug. We wave good bye one last time before ducking into the crowd to find Andrew. I walk away amazed. In a city like New Orleans, you will find friendship in strangers that lasts only the duration of the night. I will probably never see these two men again but for a brief moment, our worlds connected and became one. We found a common space among the masses to share a small fraction of life together. I smile at my mind’s philosophical view point. All I can do is hope my act of kindness causes a ripple effect with Paul and he will choose to live a full life.

              “Daniel is texting me,” yells Michelle over the loud music.

              “Do you want to see him?” I ask.

              “Yea,” she replies. “He is downtown somewhere on Bourbon Street tonight for his friend’s birthday.”

              I look at Michelle. Her face is conflicted. I pull her into the ladies room quickly so we can talk at a normal volume and I can use the restroom. I run into the bathroom stall. As I take care of business I continue our conversation.

              “Michelle,” I begin as Ty’s words flash back in my memory. “I really don’t think he was ignoring you on purpose this past week. He just had a lot on his plate. So if you think you want us to go find him, then we should. Andrew probably won’t mind.”

              “Yea,” states Michelle on the other side of the bathroom door. “I would like to. I just don’t want to ruin the evening.”

              “There is no way you could ruin this evening.” I state as I flush the toilet and step out of the stall heading towards the sink. “It has been a ton of fun already. Besides, it is like one in the morning right now. There is not much left of the night for me.”

              Michelle nods her head. She smiles up at me at the prospect of going to Daniel. I smile back. All I want is for Michelle to be happy.

              “Let’s go find Andrew.” I say.

              We leave the bathroom on the prowl looking for a relatively tall handsome guy who is probably hanging with the same guy I saw him with earlier. I shoot him a text stating we are looking for him, but in this crowd, it is hard to find anyone. Out of the corner of my eye I notice a glowing light coming from the darkness. I see Andrew lift his cell phone up to his face no doubt reading the text I just sent him. The guy I saw earlier mills around Andrew staring at him with a coy smile. I grab Michelle’s hand and find a path through the crowd. I tap Andrew on the shoulder and he whips around with a smile. Words being pointless as the music pounds around us, I signal towards the door. He understands. I turn and begin to make my way back through the crowd towards the front while still holding on to Michelle’s hand. Following Andrew is his new guy pal.

              We step outside into the heat of the New Orleans air. Even at 1:00 am, the street is still filled with people. I turn around to see Andrew’s guy in the lights of Bourbon. Immediately I recognize him. I did not know his name, but I did know he lives in the dorms.

              “Hi,” I wave at him with a smile before turning to Andrew.

              “Michelle wants to go find Daniel. He is somewhere on Bourbon Street.”

              Andrew rolls his eyes. I can tell he doesn’t want to, but if I know him like I think I do, he won’t say no. I wait for an answer.

              “All right,” he says. “Lead the way Michelle.”

              I did not need to ask to know that his little friend is coming with us. I look at Michelle who points in the direction we need to go. We begin walking. I wonder what people are thinking as Michelle and I walk hand in hand followed by Andrew and his new guy doing the same. We take a turn off Bourbon Street and find an Irish pub steps away. Immediately we spot Daniel through the glass windows. He hops out of his seat as Michelle waves at him.

              “Hey,” greets Daniel.

              He nods his head at all of us before leaning in and giving Michelle a kiss on the lips. Michelle smiles at his romantic gesture. I can see all the worries of this past week flush away as hope for her future replaces it. As the two of them begin small talk, I survey the bar. It is literally a hole in the wall fitted between two shops. It is like they had extra space they didn’t know what to do with so they put a bar there. The crowd is a bit rougher than Bourbon. Men with gnarly beards wearing biker like t-shirts stare out at us. Immediately I know this would not be a place that Andrew and his friend would be walking into. I look at the two of them. Andrew is smiling but they are no longer holding hands. An invisible line has been drawn and this is not an acceptable place for Andrew to show emotion towards another man. I bite my lip as I think about how unfair it seems, but then again, I am sure there are many places in the world where it is unacceptable for anyone to show emotion.

              “Sorry about the scene,” apologizes Daniel. “I am hanging out with some high school friends. They are a bit different than my college friends.”

              He shrugs his shoulders apologetically at the group.  Then he continues talking.

              “We can go somewhere else if you like?”

              I wait for Andrew to respond. I want to see what he is comfortable with. He thinks for a moment and then looks at his new guy friend.

              “I am actually getting tired,” replies Andrew. “I was thinking about heading back to campus. That is if everyone is ready.”

              Out of the corner of my eye, I see Michelle shoulder’s drop in defeat. I am conflicted. I can always stay out with Michelle and we could catch a cab home, but I am tired and ready for sleep. I stand there pondering what would be best.

              “Michelle and Kimber could stay out with me. I could give them a ride if you want to go back,” replies Daniel.

              Michelle looks up at Daniel. It is her knight in shining armor to the rescue. I cannot help but smile. She looks at me secretly willing me to say yes. However, fatigue is draining my body. The tequila shots are affecting me quick.

              “Do you think you two could go without me?” I ask. “I am really tired and I think I will just catch a ride back to the dorms with Andrew.”

              I glance at Andrew. He nods his head. Michelle seems to be on the edge of a cliff ready to jump off as the excitement builds up in her expressing itself through her smile. Secretly, this is what she wanted. To be alone with Daniel even if it meant having to hang out in an Irish pub turned biker bar with some of his high school friends. I shoot her a ‘you’re welcome’ look before turning my attention to Daniel. I take a step forward toward him as my face gets serious.

              “Now you’re going to take care of her right?” I ask

              He is a bit taken back by my forwardness. I can feel him shrink a little under my intense scrutiny. He pauses then nods his head in agreement.

              “Yes, Ma’am,” he responds courteously.

              I give him one more stern look before relieving my gaze. I whip my phone open and take down his number just in case I need to check up on them later. Then, just to be on the safe side, I call him while standing there to make sure he gets my number. I give Michelle a hug before departing with Andrew and his newly acquired man.

              We walk away from Bourbon Street and onto the side streets leading towards the Mississippi. The crowds have thinned out. Now the only people we see are the stragglers. Some of them sing loudly fueled by alcohol. Others walk quietly as they retreat into the night. I take a deep whiff of the air. The winds must have shifted as the smell of the brackish Mississippi ascends upon the city. Fog rolls off in the distance blurring out the street lamps. The gentle light filtering through the fog reminds me of a child’s night light and I am all too aware of my tired body. I let out a sigh. Andrew’s car is clear across the French quarter and walking seems a daunting task that I am reluctant to complete.

              The task is made even more difficult by the company I keep. Andrew is giddy. It is a side of him I haven’t yet seen. I look back at him and his friend holding hands. Every so often, they disappear in a crevice of a building no doubt sneaking kisses. The walk to them is nothing more than a form of foreplay. I shudder as my mind thinks about things it has not been introduced to yet. I am barely getting used to seeing boys and girls making out freely in public. I walk forward allowing as much space in between me and the two love birds as I felt comfortable with. I wait patiently as they disappear into the side of the building then pop back out.

              Eventually my patience runs thin as I walk further and further ahead of them. Slowly, I place one foot in front of the other moving slower than a snail as I wait for them to catch up. I am beginning to become annoyed with Andrew. When I am a block ahead of them, I stop and wait. When they pop out I start walking again. I pass a small alley. I glance down it to catch a couple locked in a tender embrace in the shadows. A tall slender man with jet black hair has his back to me and his arms wrapped around a woman with brown flowing hair. Her face is hidden as they share an intimate embrace.

              Is everyone finding dark corners to make out in? Jeez! I think to myself a bit frustrated.

              Quickly I pass the alley giving the couple their privacy and look back. Andrew is nowhere to be seen but I can hear his laugh. Patiently I wait for him to pop back out and begin walking. It is then that I hear it. The sound of pain comes out of the alley way I had just passed. The woman’s voice sounds urgent to cry out yet too weak to be loud. My heart begins to race as my mind thinks of what I should do. I look around for anyone, but I am alone on the street. The only other people are the two sets of couples hiding in the shadows, but one of them sounds all wrong. I hear another small cry that causes my heart to stop.

              A voice of reason rises up in my head fighting my emotions. It could be my imagination getting away from me, but for some reason I know this to be false. My mind struggles with what to do in this situation. I know I cannot cower away. I cannot leave and do nothing. If the woman really is in danger and I find out later from a sad news story, then I will be haunted by guilt. Within a few seconds I muster as much courage as I can willing my weak knees to bare weight as I move forward. I walk back to the alley and look down it. My heart drops as I see the look of pain on the woman’s face and a man latching on to her. Her eyes find mine pleading for help. In the alley, I find a pipe beside the garbage. Without thinking I grab the three foot piece of metal out of the pile of waste and bang it against the trash can.