Totem (9 page)

              I can feel myself getting more comfortable with Ty. Freely I let my eyes wander across his perfect body as he concentrates on driving. With no top, the sun filters through the truck. The light dances across him and I feel my breath hitch as my thoughts delve deep inside me pulling out unwanted lust. One thing that Ty can never find out is his effect on me especially right now. Maybe one day but now, all I can do is keep the fantasy in my mind.  I look over at the man who captures my attention. He keeps his eyes intently on the road. I melt at the optimistic prospect of a future with him. A smile creeps upon Ty’s face and he shoots me a glance.

              “What are you looking at?” asks Ty

              You! I think. I bring my glance forward and feel the blush creeping upon my cheeks as I eject all the thoughts I previously had out of my mind. I think of words to say. Then I settle on an up in the air comment.

              “I’m just admiring the view,” I reply.

              He shoots me a sideways smile as I achieve the effect I am going for. Within a few short minutes, we pull up to the dorms. My heart begins to race as Ty puts the car in park and heads over to the other side to let me out. I had a little less than thirty minutes to take a shower and be sitting in my 2:00 pm class, but that is the farthest thing out of mind right now. Right now, I am thinking of the man in front of me and how to say good bye. He opens the door and I hop out of the car grabbing my bag as I go. Ty takes my free hand causing my eyes to meet his as I step out letting him close the door behind me.

              “Thank you for lunch,” he states.

              He kisses the back of my hand causing electricity to ignite and pass through me where his lips caress my skin. I close my eyes to feel the electricity.

              “So I will see you in class on Tuesday?”

              I smile and nod my head. As he lets go of my hand, I turn and walk in to the dorms slightly let down that he did not ask for my number or for a date this weekend, but then I thought about his comment pertaining to Daniel. How guys live in the now and don’t always think about the future. Maybe it is an insight to Ty. Either way I will be thankful for the little time we spent together. I will also be thankful for the kiss that lingers on my hand. My heart begins to beat faster as I think about the electricity I felt coursing through us in that brief connection.

              Ty must have felt it too.

              I look at my phone. The time reads 1:35 pm. The haze of lunch flies away as panic rushes through my body. It is going to take me 10 minutes to go to class and I still need to take a shower. I run up the stairs thinking no more of my very casual date and completely about not being late to class.

             
Tonight is the first
night I dreamed of Ty. In my dream, I walk on to a beach. The sun shines bright on the sand causing the ground around me to sparkle like tiny diamonds. I look across the sapphire blue water. The sound of the ocean drifts across the sand and into my soul sending it into a perpetual peace. The wind rushes off the ocean fluttering around my skin. I close my eyes and imagine Ty driving in his bronco with his beautiful black hair whipping around his russet skin. When I open my eyes, there he is standing in front of me.

              His light brown chocolate eyes pierce deep into mine. The time spent gazing at him in class must have paid off for my mind perfectly etches every inch of Ty’s face. He appears just as handsome in my dreams as he is in real life. Dream Ty smiles at me as he walks closer. My lips part to give my quickening heart more breath. He grabs my hand and brings it up kissing the back as he did in real life earlier today. I can see visible sparks as his lips touch my skin.

              “Kimber.”

              My name rolls off his lips with urgency as he moves in pressing his body against mine. My arms wrap around his neck while his hug my waste. We move in slow motion as the world around us begins to speed up. The atmosphere ebbs and purple clouds draw in surrounding us. The wind picks up.

              Slower and slower we move and faster the world around us flows. Our lips grow closer together as if attracted by imaginary magnets. Finally lip brushes lip sending sparks between us and electricity pulsates through my body. In my dream I watch the sparks. They are not coming from our bodies. I notice they come from the clouds above. Lightning flashes hitting the ground beside us yet I am not afraid. The cracked ripples lap my skin surging through our bodies. I should have felt pain. Ty and I should have been burned by the intensity of the electricity but we weren’t. Instead, I felt warmth. It felt like small kisses all over my body.

              It was something so unusual. The dream was something so powerful. Yet, even with unreal energy surging through us on a mystical tropical beach, it felt right. It is not real but at that moment in my mind, it is. Finally the loud crack of thunder comes. The earth shattering boom radiates through my body causing me to jump out of my bed and my dream to come to an abrupt end.

              I jerk awake sitting straight up. My heart races and a thin film of sweat cases my body. A flash comes from outside. Rain is falling. I watch little speckles beginning to stick on the window. Whatever is happening externally reflected in my dream. Lightning fills the sky. Then a loud boom vibrates the cinder block walls. I look over to Michelle who is fast asleep.

              Feeling groggy and parched, I hop out of my bed and grab a bottle of water. I take a sip as I walk over to the window and look down at the courtyard. Rain begins to fill in puddles spilling over into the grass. Across the way on the other building is something peculiar.  There sitting in the rain is a large dark raven. It looks up at me as if envious of my dry little space inside.  There he sits with soaked feathers looking at me as I look at him. Why would an animal not seek shelter in this torrential downpour? Is he real or am I imaging him?

              Either way, my dreams of Ty are real in my mind and I cannot stop thinking about it.  The electricity that coursed through my body, his lips on mine, and our embrace are all what I really want from Ty. Half-jokingly, I wave at the raven then walk back to my bed. I hop back into my covers thinking of the fictional kiss. Could Ty ever like me like that? I did not know. Either way, I drift off to sleep reliving the dream over and over again.

             
I was feeling on top of the world
. Classes were going great. Michelle and I had fallen into a workout schedule. Then on top of it, I went out to eat on two different occasions with two different guys within one week. I wanted more of Ty, but I was happy with the small step we did take.

              My joy was only briefly halted by Michelle. Here I was perfectly happy with my dating success while she was unsure of where she stood with Daniel. After my brief lecture during our class, she perked up. She even got back into her flirtatious attitude at the gym today, but I could tell she was still bothered by something. After the gym, we got subs for dinner then headed back to the dorm for showers. Now, I sit on my desk chair watching television as Michelle takes the first shower. Bored with waiting, I decide to walk down stairs to the college convenient store in our dorm lobby.

              I peruse the shelves for something some-what healthy. I quickly find the updated food area and grab a cup of carrots, broccoli and celery with ranch dipping sauce. It includes the ranch, but I very rarely use it. I grab a few more waters for my fridge and check out. As I pull out my student card to use, I hear the familiar voice of Andrew from across the lobby.

              “Hey, Boo!” exclaims my neighbor Andrew.

              “Hey,” I call back as I bag my purchases. “Are you heading upstairs?”

              “Yea,” replies Andrew. “Where’s your partner in crime?”

              “Michelle is upstairs taking a shower.” I respond.

              We walk upstairs together as Andrew talks the whole way. I unlock the door and Andrew doesn’t even stop to ask if he can come in. He just walks in. I smile. He has become such a fixture in our room in only a few short weeks.

              “So what are you doing tonight?” Asks Andrew

              “We are going out and partying TOGETHER.”

              I turn and see a determined Michelle in a towel dripping wet. She smiles over at Andrew as she walks to her wardrobe. There is a spring in her step as she begins going through her clothes.

              “Ok, Miss bossy,” I joke. “Where are we going?”

              “Bourbon Street,” replies Michelle. “We have been here two weeks and we have yet hit up Bourbon Street.”

              “Will we be able to get drinks there?” I ask.

              “Honey, I got a fake,” chimes Andrew.

              “There we go,” replies Michelle. “Now take a shower then get dressed and don’t wear nice shoes.”

              “Yes, Ma’am.” I respond marching off to the bathroom.

             
After a few cruises around
the French quarter, we were finally able to find a parking spot on a side street. The parking spot is one of those prime and almost lottery winning spots off the streets between Bourbon and the Mississippi River. Of course, you can always pay to park but we opted to cruise around in the spirit of true college kid fashion looking for what was free. I topple out of the back seat of Andrew’s old Honda stepping onto the cracked sidewalk. Michelle, who sat up front next to Andrew, hops out with a big smile on her face.

              She bounces in place with excitement. I smile back at her and then look down the street towards Bourbon. It is a few blocks away. Effervescent lights filter through the dimly lit side streets all the way to where we stand. People pass by in groups. Some of the members walk around freely holding on to mixed drinks and beer. Their necks adorned with beads and some of their faces are blocked by feathered masks. No matter what attire they chose, all of them have huge smiles on their faces. New Orleans is Disneyworld for adults. It is a place that caters to them. My excitement begins to build up even more at the anticipation of taking my first step on to this historical and infamous street.

              “Y’all ready?” asks Andrew as he locks his car.

              “Heck yea!” I respond.

              “What do you two boo’s want to do first?” asks Andrew

              “Walk Bourbon Street with alcohol in my hand!” Exclaims Michelle

              Michelle grabs my arm. Together we take the first step walking down the street towards the ambient flashing lights. The street calls to us like sirens calling the poor sailors into the ocean. For years I have seen on television the famous street. A year ago, all I could do was imagine what it would be like. Now I am here walking closer and closer to an experience that everyone should have once in their life. We are the moths drawn to the surreal flame. Music from different bars and shops travel on the wind and I can hear it for the very first time as we cross the last street onto the final block. My eyes grow wide. Images of people in front of me begin to grow larger and become more defined.

              Finally we step into the middle of Bourbon Street. I look down as far as my eyes let me. The neon lights with flashing bulbs mix with the flowing motion of the crowd. The music pounds rhythms I feel in my chest. Each club fighting to have theirs heard. Men hold signs listing drink specials as they talk to people in the street enticing them to step into their bar. I watch the scene in front of me in haze clouded amazement as I still hold on to Michelle’s arm. My mind glazes over. No longer did I feel part of this world. The daze didn’t go away either as Andrew hands me and Michelle each a hand grenade signaling us to drink. I take a sip. The sweet juice hits my lips reminding me of some off flavor of Jolly Ranchers. The taste is unique but in every which way it is as pleasant as any sugary drink can be.

              Onward we walk down the crowded street determined to make one lap up and down the street. Every once in a while Michelle and I would get stopped by drunks wanting to flirt with us. It was all in good fun. We would smile then walk on leaving the guy behind us as we advanced on hoping to experience all that Bourbon has to offer. My eyes darted back and forth across the street while we maneuvered around the crowds. Daiquiri shops and clubs of all kinds pass by us as we continue walking. I stop our small group so I could briefly watch a stripper in kinky lingerie. She was supposed to entice men to come in, but stood looking bored while texting on her phone instead. The bored stripper on the crowded street made me laugh. We did a full lap on Bourbon before finishing our drinks and settling on a bar to go into.

              We stand outside the bar getting our cards out. In front of us is a man dressed in black. He has a straight face as he stares out over the street. I become nervous as the thought that he might not let us in comes to mind. Andrew assures me otherwise. He says being two young, cute girls has its perks. I pull out my identification and step forward. With a flirty smile, I hand the doorman my ID which states I am only eighteen. He looks over it sternly then looks at me. I make my smile more brilliant as a knot of nervous energy settles in my stomach. He scrutinizes the card one last time before handing it back to me. Relief washes over as I take the step up through the French double doors and into the dark night life in front of me. I wait off to the side for Michelle and Andrew. As soon as all three of us are in, I begin to walk further into the bar and off to find a dance floor.

              My footsteps lead me to a beautiful court yard. A water fountain twinkles red and blue. Further back against the wall of the courtyard is a stage. Lights shoot up from the platform skimming over the crowd as a DJ spins music off to the side.  Everywhere, there are people. Some find their way to the dance floor. Others sit amongst each other talking. Andrew steps away to the bar for another drink. I decide to grab Michelle and head to the dance floor. It is on the way to dance that we have our first experience with New Orleans tourists.

              I can feel Michelle stop as her hand leaves mine. I look back and she is talking to a young cute guy. Beside him is a much older gentleman. I walk back to listen to the conversation.

              “So what’s your name?” asks the young guy to Michelle.

              “Michelle,” she replies with a smile.

              “Nice to meet you,” he replies. “I’m Taylor.”

              Michelle smiles and nods her head. They begin to have a lively conversation about New Orleans. The conversation spans many topics as what should have only taken a couple minutes dives into ten. Andrew pops back up with a drink in his hand and stands beside me.

              “What’s going on?” he asks leaning into me with a smile so the two strangers would not know what we were talking about.

              “This guy stopped us while we were walking and Michelle began talking to him,” I reply.

              Andrew gives me a look. I shrug and smile.

              “They seem harmless enough,” I say.

              “Oh sure, they all seem harmless.” Laughs Andrew. “They should be fine. However, you are not going to get any free drinks with a guy by your side. I’m going to go peruse the place for a while. I’ll check back in a few.”

              Andrew leaves my side as he walks around the bar. I take a step forward bringing my attention back to the two guys in front of us. Michelle has taken a seat beside the new guy and is talking freely with him. I sit down next to her keeping my distance between both of the men. It is not that they seem to be a threat, I just didn’t know them. I smile at the older gentlemen as he looks over at me.

              “So what’s your name sweetie?” He grins as he asks this question.

              “My name is Kimber,” I reply. “What’s your name?”

              “I’m Paul.” He replies offering a hand to shake.

              “Nice to meet you,” I say with a smile. “So what brings you to New Orleans Paul?”

              “My son,” he replies pointing at the guy Michelle is talking to. Taylor lifts up his face and smiles broadly.

              “My dad just became a free agent. Him and my mom got a divorce and I figured New Orleans would be a great place for this new bachelor.”

              I smile. The gesture is sweet, but I couldn’t help to feel a little sad for the man in front of me. Perhaps it is me being young and naïve, but I always thought marriage would be forever when people decide to do it. It is a commitment that you are making. It is a promise to love that individual throughout the years. Of course, life never works out the way one plans. I look at Paul. A tinge of sadness is in his eyes. He smiles and I can see the hope in his grin. Here is a man thrown back out into the world alone with outdated techniques for getting women. I am well aware that I will never date him, but something inside of me wants to help. I smile back at him. All I can think to do is treat him like any of my guy friends who broke up with someone. I reach across the table and place my hand on top of his.

              “It’s her loss,” I reply. “Let me buy you a drink.”

              The gesture throws Paul completely off. His eyes widen in shock as he looks at someone half his age wanting to buy him a drink. An excited smile rises up across his face as he shakes his head no.

              “Absolutely not,” he replies. “Michelle tells me you two are in college. Now it has been a long time since my college days, but two things I remember. First, I was broke all the time. Second, never let a pretty girl buy you a drink. I got this round. Now what do you two want?”

              Michelle and I shoot off orders for a rum punch as the man signals for a waitress. I glance at Taylor. He has a huge smile on his face. I watch as he watches his dad order a round of drinks. Even in the most unusual situations, you can still find the love between a father and son. Taylor’s gesture to rebuild his dad’s confidence is very endearing. I cannot help but to swoon at this simple yet complex act of rebuilding a broken man using nothing but the love of a son. Michelle shoots me a smile. She leans and speaks low to me as our two new acquaintances talk.

              “Are you ok with us hanging with these guys for a little while? I think Taylor is really cute.”

              “Absolutely,” I reply. “They are nice and seem charming.”

              Michelle looks at me funny. I smile back at her. I did not want to say anything negative for fear that they might hear. Plus I didn’t think Paul’s shattered self-image from his divorce could take it. I smile back at him and begin a new conversation. Our drinks came and, in what seems like no time, we are finished with them. It is fun getting to know these guys. I learned that Paul was forty nine years old. That is well over double my age of eighteen. The two of them live in Tennessee. Paul owns a construction business where his son helps manage it. We sit there for almost an hour talking about our lives. Like any proud father, there was also an embarrassing story of Taylor growing up. I look back and forth at the two men. There is still the bond of father and son, but there is also a friendship that has risen. It is very endearing and for a split second, I miss my family.

              “A round of shots,” states Taylor.

              “We do have to go get back to our friend eventually,” I comment.

              “Is he a boyfriend?” asks Paul

              “No,” I laugh. “I’m not his type.”

              Michelle laughs at my comment. The two men look at each other confused. Why does it seem like that thought never crosses straight guy’s minds?