Totem (26 page)

              It’s as if you two are pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly. The first time I saw the two of you together and how carefully he watches you, I knew the decision of how the relationship would turn out was not up to him. Somewhere in his mind, he has left it up to you. To me, it seems that you have never had to kiss any frogs. You are one of the lucky few who find a prince right out the gate.”

              Andrew’s words seem very true and from his heart. Although, I am sure turning into a frog is not on Ty’s totem list of accessible animals, I am sure the prince part is something he did not need to change into. To me, he is a piece of perfection that is designed for me. All his flaws in the eyes of others are little treasures that unlock his personality.

              “What if I decide yes and it still doesn’t work out?”

              Andrew shrugs and put an arm around me.

              “That’s life. It is better to have lived and known what love feels like, than to never love canceling out the reason for living. In short, guys like Ty don’t come around too often so why not try. Besides, you are already past the point of dipping a toe in. You, Miss Storm, are completely immersed.”

              It is my turn to lean on him. I let out a sigh as I think about Andrew’s words. He reasoned with my mind causing it to second guess itself in efforts to appease my heart. All I can do in this moment is keep faith in the words of a good friend.

              “How did you get so wise?”

              “My mom used to tell me I am an old soul trapped in a young body.” chuckles Andrew. “Just know one thing, Miss Storm, I will always be here to help pick up the pieces when they fall.”

              Tears begin to well up in my eyes for an all new reason as Andrew’s words move me. I quickly turn my body and wrap my arms around him.

              “Thank you.”

              My response is nothing more than a whisper as I find it hard to put into words how much Andrew means to me.

              “Anytime,” replies Andrew. “You and Michelle have become my close friends. Anything you need, just call me.”

              We sit there a while lost in each other’s warmth. It feels good to have a friend like Andrew. He does not judge me or chastise me. To him, my problems are matters of the heart. They are very much human. His job is merely just to be there. He is a true friend.

              “Now are you ready to go back down to your dorm and give me my secret make-out spot back?”

              I nod my head smiling. We stand up on the steps. I shake out the cramp that has formed in my leg while sitting. I have a lot to think about and it isn’t going to be resolved in one small talk with Andrew. We begin walking down the steps silently.

              If Andrew is right and Ty is already all in, then he would need me to push away from him if we were to be apart. I knew that it was something I was not prepared to do. If I wasn’t prepared to do it, then would the elders who were Ty’s advisors make him? My mind tumbles down the rabbit hole as we ourselves circle down the stairs. Now I need a walk more than ever. Eventually, I will be out of the solitude of the stairwell and the question still remains. Will I stay in the pool or will the water be too cold?

              I wave good bye to Andrew
as I continue down the staircase set on going for a small walk. I feel much better after his pep talk but my legs need the exercise to get the blood flowing back through them after sitting on the metal stairs. For the first time in a while, I feel more like myself. I am more in control of my thoughts and able to see my strength in my decisions. The only thing looming out of control right now is my grade on tomorrow’s biology final.

              It is very simple. If I get an A on the final, I get an A in the class. If I get a B on the final, then I get a B in the class. The difference in grades wouldn’t matter in the end, but I want to try my best even if it meant stressing out until the end. I begin to review all of my notes over in my head as I open the door that leads to the lobby. My mind is focused and I figure a leisurely walk around the campus while reciting the notes I remembered will be good for me.

              “Hey, Kimber!”

              The call comes from behind the front desk in the dorm lobby. I turn to see Darryl’s smiling face. As soon as he has my attention, he points to a few roses in a vase that sit in front of him.

              “These came for you.”

              Inquisitively, I walk toward the desk. The beautiful flowers grow even more beautiful as I approach. A ribbon ties a note around the skinny neck of the vase. My hands reach out to touch the note afraid to read it in public.

              “When did the flowers arrive?”

              “Just a few minutes ago,” replies Darryl. “I was about to call up to your room and see if you were there. Good timing.”

              I look at the three flowers set in a clear glass vase then look up at Darryl. He flashes a brilliant white smile at me before answering the phone. I collect the flowers in my hand and begin to walk away from the help desk. As I leave, I mouth the words ‘thank you’ to Darryl trying not to disturb his phone call. He acknowledges me with a wave before drawing his attention back to his work.

              I take the stairs at record pace anxious to be in the comfort of my room. The note sways in reaction to my movement as I bounce up the steps. This could only be from one person. I know who it had to be and my heart begins to race. I draw out my keys from my pocket as I use my hip to open up the stair door to my hallway. Quickly I move down the hall to my dorm room pushing the keys into the dead bolt and turning them as quick as I can. I fling open the door and quickly close it behind me. The running sound of water comes from the bathroom signaling that Michelle or one of our suite mates must be in there. As Michelle’s suitcase still lies open, I can only assume that it is her. Feeling slightly relieved that I have some time alone to open the card; I sit the flowers on my desk and plop into the seat in front of them.

              I take one more deep breath then reach for the card. I open the card and before I can even read the note, I see who it is signed by and my heart leaps. There in structured cursive are two letters that I crave to see more than any other. Slowly, I begin to read over the rest of the letter.

                          
 
Sorry I have been absent

                            All will come to be known after the break

                            Merry Christmas to my light

                                                                                    Ty

              The note is simple. It was so open-ended but one thing is for sure, Andrew is correct. Ty is mine in any way he can be. It is up to me how deep I am going to be in his life. I stare at the note willing it to give me more details than it reads. The effort is useless and I am left to decide what to do on my own.

              I know the answer is simple so I send Ty a text. His note told me all will be revealed after break. I need to trust him to keep his word. I need to let him know that our relationship can continue. Most of all, I need the patience to give him the time he needs to do whatever it is so a simple text is the best I can do for him and for my own personal sanity.

            
 
Received the flowers. They are beautiful.

              C ya after break. Merry Christmas! – Kimber

              It is sweet, simple and to the point. I sit staring at the beautiful flowers. It’s a shame that I can only enjoy them for a few days. On Saturday I will be on a plane on my way to my grandparent’s house in Pennsylvania. My family will join me as we share in Christmas with all the relatives. Then I will road trip down with my Mom, Dad, and my little sister Andrea to our house in Birmingham. There I will visit with them. There is so much for me to do and so much quality time to spend with my family that I know I can put Ty and our relationship on the back burner.

              I push the flowers to the corner of my desk closest to my bed. I want the sweet aroma to drift up to me as I fall asleep tonight. I admire the flowers for a few more minutes before pulling out my notes again. I hear Michelle push open the door from the bathroom.

              “Pretty flowers.” She comments.

              “They are from Ty.” I respond.

              “So I guess it isn’t over.”

              “I guess not.”

              This time I turn and give Michelle a genuine Kimber smile. For the first time in weeks, I feel at ease. I feel my hope rise and I cannot help but look forward to what next semester holds but, to get there, I have to finish this semester. Michelle, lulled by my change in mood, shoots me back one of her famous smiles before getting dressed. I draw my attention back to my notes and begin studying with a new found spirit. Inside me grows the discipline that only comes from being in a happy place.

              Four weeks passed by too quickly
with the family. An incredible Christmas followed by an extended family get together and a New Year’s Eve party at a family friend’s house filled the beginning of my winter break. The last week of the break went by the slowest. My sister and I were able to spend lots of quality time together. It was fun but eventually she grew tired of me, electing instead to hang out with the friends she made at her new school. Middle school was in full swing after the holidays and I was left to my own devices for entertaining myself. My mom and I would go shopping and bake dinner together. It was great spending time with my family, but I was ready to come back down to New Orleans.

              I was even more excited to see my roommate, Michelle, roll up as soon as I walked out of the baggage claim area at the Louis Armstrong airport.

              “Kimber!” Michelle yells out of her rolled down window.

              “Hey!” I shout back my chest bursting with joy.

              Michelle gets out and gives me the biggest hug I have ever received from a four foot eleven little girl. She quickly lets go and pops the trunk as cops look at us wearily. One day the airport security will calm down. I load the bags into her car. Nine eleven was a tragic time, but I miss getting through metal detectors in less than fifteen minutes. We hop in the car and speed off back to the dorms our small home that I so achingly missed.

              “So when we get home, the first thing you should do is start up your car. I barely used mine when home and it took me a while to get it started yesterday to drive back here.”

              “Really?”

              “Really,” replies Michelle. “So, I have one more thing to tell you. I feel though, if I tell you, that you won’t go start your car right away.”

              I can hear the mischief in her voice. I look over at Michelle who is smiling from ear to ear. I know she has something good to tell me, but is drawing it out as long as she can.

              “What is it Michelle?” I pretend to be uninterested.

              Michelle catches on immediately. Fall semester brought us close together and we know what to expect from each other.

              “Well, I think I will wait for you to start your car first.” states Michelle.

              “Ugh.”

              I roll my eyes. She smiles. I know that is the reaction she was looking for. We pull up to the stop light which turns on to campus and into the parking lot beside the dorms. I see my old cougar as we pull up and park beside it.

              “You’re lucky I brought my keys home with me.” I state to Michelle hopping out of her car. “I was afraid of losing them through all my holiday travels.”

              I pull the keys out of my purse and stick them into the driver’s side door.

              “The lock still works.” I jest.

              I hop into the driver’s seat and place the keys in the ignition. I turn and get some clicks, but the engine does not turn on. I try again. Still the engine does not start. I am not really worried. Unlike most cars, my car does not warn you that the headlights are on when you park your car and hop out. I learned to check the hard way on numerous occasions. Often I would forget to turn off the headlights and hop out of my car to go to soccer practice only to come back to find the battery dead. My dad, partially as a joke and partially for my own safety, gave me a pair of jumper cables as a Christmas gift in high school one year. It turned out to be a very good investment. I keep them in the trunk of my car. If my car doesn’t start, I know I can always pop the hood and have Michelle give me a boost.

I sigh and resolve to try one more time. The third time, I get some powerful clicks. Then, the engine revs to life. A big smile crosses my face and I look over at Michelle in triumph. Seeing her car is no longer needed, she turns it off. I roll down my window (in case I accidentally lock the door) and hop out of my car leaving the engine running.

“I’m going to let the battery charge some before I turn it off.” I state.

I open up Michelle’s trunk and grab my luggage. I close the trunk. The locks click and the familiar beep of Michelle’s car alarm sounds as I extend the handles on my suit cases.

“You can head upstairs if you want. I will only be a few more minutes.”

“Nah,” replies Michelle. “I’ll wait. Plus I want to be there to see the surprise on your face as you open the door.”

I am getting eager. Obviously, this is something that I am not expecting and it is something that Michelle is in on. Maybe it’s from Ty.

“Is it from Ty?” I ask.

Michelle’s smile grows larger as a glint appears in her eye.

“Maybe.” She replies.

Upon hearing this, I cannot wait any longer. The only word I got from Ty this whole break was thee flowers during finals week and a text wishing me a happy New Year. I craved any attention he could give me and knowing it is upstairs makes me want it even more. Quickly, I open my car door, roll up my window and turn off the car. The battery is charged enough. Even if it wasn’t, I am going to pretend it is and deal with consequences later.

“I’m ready.” I state to Michelle as I lock my door and hurry to the side door of Bienville Hall. The glass doors slide open and I bolt to the elevator with bags rolling behind me. Michelle presses the up button as I impatiently wait for the elevator to come.

“So how was your Christmas break?”

“I can’t complain too much.” replies Michelle. “Texas is Texas.”

“So big and full of cows?” I ask jokingly.

“Yep and men in cowboy hats and boots.”

It is funny this little girl came out of a state so big.

“How is your family?”

“They are good.” replies Michelle. “Nate is growing so quickly. He has been taller than me for the past year, but now he is a foot taller than me. I have a feeling I am going to be the shortest kid in my family.”

“There is nothing wrong with that.” I reply. “I am sure my little sister is going to be taller than me. She’s almost my height right now.”

The elevator dings as the doors fly open. We pile in as if there is no time to spare. I press the second floor button. I usually would have just taken the stairs, but I had my luggage with me.

The doors open and I step out.  Michelle already has her keys out and ready to open the door to our room. She races in front of me as I wheel the two big suitcases. Michelle unlocks the door pushing it open with an over flourished bow to let me in. There on my desk and book stand are flowers! Not just any flowers, but white long stem lilies. It has to be Ty. I told him my favorite flowers are lilies. The vase on my desk has another envelope attached to it like the one I received before winter break. I drag my bags into the middle of the room and walk over to the note.

“This is amazing!”

“I know.” replies Michelle. “You are a lucky woman.”

I grab the envelope and open it. Inside is Ty’s distinctive writing:

             
Kimber,

                            60 lilies for the 60 days that passed since I last saw you.              Let’s not make it 61. Meet me at my house tonight at 6 pm.

-
         
Ty

This beat out the last bouquet a hundred fold. My heart is racing and I feel myself smiling a big goofy smile.

              “Well,” Michelle begins. “What does the note say?”

              I hand her the note. Like always when emotion overcomes me, I am at a loss for words and anything that I would have said would sound silly. I am walking on clouds. My world is fuzzy with so much happiness. It is as if I am in a dream. My mind is trying to bring my heart back to reality, but this causes questions to arise.

              “How did he know I would be back today? How did he get all the flowers up here?” I ask these questions out loud.

              “Guilty!” Michelle exclaims as she raises a hand. “Ty and I were talking through aim.”

              “How did you get his aim screen name?” I ask. I didn’t even know that he had one. I didn’t know superhuman beings would have alter-alter egos, but as soon as I thought that, I knew how silly it sounded.

              “He gave it to me when you were in the bathroom getting ready for one of your dates. As far as the flowers getting up here, well…I also helped him with that. I knew what time you were getting in. He dropped them off a few hours ago before I left to pick you up from the airport.”

              “This is one of the sweetest things a guy has ever done for me!” I exclaim looking around the room. “Thank you Michelle for helping.”

              Michelle smiles clearly pleased. In my book, it is well earned.  One thing I feel guys never understand is a girl’s need for flowers. They can mean so many different things. If you were fighting, they are a way to say you’re sorry. They can also mean ‘I love you’ or ‘Hey, I am thinking of you’. Whatever they are used for, there is one undeniable and simple fact that they will always bring a smile to a woman’s face and warmth to her heart. Men should never underestimate the power of flowers. Surprise flowers are always the best. I am very happy Michelle helped orchestrate this with Ty.

              Although I have not seen Ty in well over a month, he is always on my mind. Judging from the flowers, it is the same for him. Perhaps tonight will bring closure to the questions left unanswered that day on the beach last semester. I look down at the note again. Immediately my heart begins to sink. My eyes dart to my alarm clock by my bed. The time reads 5:25.

              “Crap!” I exclaim as I throw the card on the table. “It’s already 5:25! I am supposed to be there at 6!”

              Immediately I throw my two suitcases on my bed and open them up. My heart is racing as I begin throwing things haphazardly around. I somehow need to take a shower (planes make me feel gross), find the perfect outfit, do my hair and makeup and be at Ty’s house by 6:00.  I salvage through my messy suitcase. I brought all my good clothes home and figured this suitcase would have what I needed to wear. Rummaging around, I resolve to take a shower first and do my makeup.

              My frenzy becomes amusing to Michelle who hops in her bed and decides to watch the action going on. Throwing off my clothes, I grab a towel and dart for the shower. One good thing about the dorms is that hot water comes on almost instantaneously. A couple seconds later, hair pinned up, I am in the shower scrubbing down.

              A minute later I am out and running to my suitcase to grab my makeup kit drying my body on the way. There is no time to do anything dramatic. So I keep it light. I put on the foundation and immediately add blush. Then I add the white base above my eyes before applying layered brown Mac eye shadow. Finishing the final touches on my eyes, I thicken and curl my lashes with the mascara brush.

              “What time is it?”

              “5:40 pm!” Michelle replies. “I don’t think you are going to make it!”

              There is no time for lip liner so I opt for just lip gloss. A low buff color will draw attention away from my lips and to my eyes. Out of all the features on my face, I always loved my eyes. I thank my mom’s side of the family for that. A quick toss of the hair and a few spritz of hairspray to keep my hair parted to the side and out of the bathroom I run. Now comes the hard part; deciding what to wear. I begin throwing clothes all over the bed again.

              “I’ll clean it up later.” I say to Michelle, but know it is more directed towards me than anything.

              Outfits and combinations of what to wear flutter through my head as I pass over different articles of clothing. I pick up a sweater dress and hold it up to my towel wrapped body in front of the mirror.

              “Too plain.” chimes in Michelle.

              “What if I pair it with high boots?”

              “The black ones?”

              “Yea,” I reply.

              “No. You need something that will pop.”

              I throw the dress back on the bed into the discard pile and begin rummaging through my suitcase again.

              “What about that black skirt with that long sleeve red shirt?” Michelle asks. “If you pair it with those black ankle high boots it’d be pretty cute.”

              “Yea, but is it sexy enough?”

              Michelle lets out a laugh at my comment.

              “What about that French Connection dress you got on sale? You know which one I am talking about. It’s the one that reminds me of a dress from ‘Sex and the City’. That one should be sexy enough.”

              “Yea,” I reply. That dress definitely crossed my mind. “You don’t think that it is too dressy? I was thinking of saving it for a special occasion.”

              Michelle lets out one of her familiar giggles that I have come to love.

              “This IS a special occasion. A guy buys you lilies then surprises you with a date at his house. There is no other time than now to wear it.”