Totem (18 page)

              “Who is Dave again?”

              “He is the one from my communications class.”

              She rolls her eyes at me then smiles. I shrug my shoulders as I give her a smile back.

              “I can’t keep up with all of your guys.”

              She lets out a genuine Michelle laugh. Our friendship is back to normal as the worry lines of a mom leave her face. The rest of the way home Michelle gives me a lecture on all six guys she is showing interest in and what their preferences are. I place a guise pretending to listen intently while allowing my mind to wonder other places.

              “Now remember all I told you.” She warns. “There will be a pop quiz later.”

              “Yes, Ma’am.”

              I smile. If things don’t work out with Ty then I can always live vicariously through Michelle. We walk up the front steps of the dorm talking the whole way. The worries of earlier temporarily are alleviated. I wave to the desk assistant in the lobby. We walk up the stairs. Our conversation is light and fun. Michelle takes the last steps two at a time. I quietly slump my tired butt up the stairs slightly jealous of Michelle’s energy. She peeps through the window before opening the stair well door onto our floor.

              “Guess you don’t need a cell phone to talk to your man.” She states.

              I feel my hopes lifting up inside of me. With whatever energy I can muster, I run up the last few steps and out the door Michelle is holding for me. There standing in front of our door is Ty. I smile as I quickly walk up to him. These past few hours have been filled with so much disappointment that I cannot help my reaction. I throw myself into his arms burying my head in his chest as I hold back tears. With Ty, I want to lose myself completely and that even means losing control of my emotions. He holds me tenderly. He looks down seeing the tears pooling in my eyes and his body tenses a bit. He kisses my forehead. I feel so safe in his arms.

              “She was missing you something fierce in class today.” Michelle states bypassing us and using her key to open the door.

              She walks in first as Ty and I follow. I latch on to him. He takes my book bag off my shoulder and drops it to the floor. I look into his eyes. They are stern yet filled with compassion. Immediately I know something is up, but I also know that we can’t talk in front of Michelle.

              “I’m going to take a quick shower then be out of the way of you two love birds.”

              Michelle’s words make me blush. Ty shoots her one of his award winning smiles before she disappears into the bathroom. I watch Ty’s face. His gaze turns towards the floor. He is listening intently in the direction of the bathroom. There is so much I want to say. There are so many questions that he needs to answer, but it all melts away. Just his presence makes me feel safe. I keep my eyes locked on him as he continues to look at the floor. It is like he is waiting for something.

              “We need to talk.” I finally break the silence.

              “Not now.” Ty replies in a low tone. “We can talk freely about whatever you want when Michelle leaves.”

              His attention turns back to me and we lock eyes. His light brown eyes search my face longingly as his hand reaches up touching my cheek. I feel my heart beat and my breath hitch as all the energy I have left moves through my body and concentrates at the point of contact with Ty’s hand. I close my eyes to savor the feeling but all it does is bring my fatigue to the forefront of my mind. I am exhausted and with Ty here, I feel I can finally relax.

              “You’re tired.” He states.

              I nod my head. There is no disagreeing with that statement.

              “I had a rough night last night.” I reply.

              “I tried to call you but your phone was off. I also texted you this morning.”

              “Why weren’t you in class?”

              “I over slept.”

              “You slept past eleven?”

              “Yes.”

              His reply is succinct and to the point. It left no room for questioning. I open my eyes to see his stern gaze on me. There is something behind those eyes I cannot quite read. It is as if there is a sadness or pity that needs explaining. I contemplate what it means but find my body crying out for me to lie down.

              “You need to sleep.” 

              With no more words, he reaches around me and pulls my comforter down. Then he comes back to me. Effortlessly, he lifts me up lying me down in bed. Gently he pulls off my shoes then pulls the comforter over me like a parent tucking in a child. He kisses my forehead.

              “Lay with me.”

              The words exit my mouth before my tired brain could filter it. Ty flashes me an endearing smiling and my heart melts. I cannot comprehend why he has this effect on me.

              “Your bed is a bit small.”

              “Not if we’re cuddling.”

              An even more brilliant smile crosses his face. He hops into the bed with cat-like reflexes and climbs over me situating in the space between the wall and my body. He lays on top of the covers pinning me down in them. With his one hand he pulls me closer to his body. His warmth radiates through the covers between us. Relief washes over me as my worries begin to nullify. I feel safe. He kisses the back of my hair as we settle in and sleep claims me.

              “Sleep now and we will talk later.” He whispers into my ear.

              I know whatever questions I have for Ty can wait. Right now I am lost in my own little space with him. Nothing can alter this time we have together. I fear though that the answers he may give might change what will be of our future. The thought goes blank in my mind. My brain shuts off like a computer.

             
I wake up feeling refreshed.
It is those few moments where your mind has not caught up with your body. I am a blank slate. No troubled thought rests in my mind and for a brief moment, I am completely at peace. I look behind me to see Ty had fallen asleep as well. His arm is still draped over me. The expression on his face is so peaceful. My heart fills with happiness as I look at his angelic face. He is so handsome. I couldn’t bear to wake him. I glide my fingers along the length of his arm. His skin is soft and warm. Small feelings of exhilaration rise up inside me as my fingers gently trespass across Ty’s skin. I become lost in the moment.

              Like a mist creeping off the water, the events from last night begins to slowly roll back into my mind clouding out this perfect moment. My attacker’s words linger in my head as I look down at my hero. There are so many questions I need to ask Ty but I fear their answers. With a sigh, I look over to the clock on my desk. My body jerks up as the time registers in my mind. It is 2:30 and I am already thirty minutes late to my class. My heart is racing. I have not missed a college class yet and my natural reaction is to panic. Even if I get ready now and rush to class, it will be halfway done. There is no point. I had unintentionally played hooky. I know I was contemplating skipping, but it is a different feeling when you do not mean to do it. Perhaps my subconscious thought it was doing me a favor. Ty begins to stir behind me. I feel his arm that still rests on me flex as he stretches. He wraps it tighter around me pulling me back towards him.

              “Everything ok?” asks Ty

              “Yes, I just realized I slept through half my class. I am missing it now as we speak.”

              “You can miss one class.” He says as he leans over sleepily and kisses my cheek.

              I turn my body so that I am facing him. His sleepy eyes search my face longingly as his hands wrap tighter around me. I search his face willing my mind to believe what my senses feel. Ty is so attractive and I cannot believe he is cuddling with me in my bed. He leans in and gives me a tender kiss sending my heart racing even more. Warmth fills me as my body registers Ty’s kiss. I never want this feeling to get old.

              Each touch is still new. Each kiss still holds meaning. I savor his slow kisses all too aware of the questions looming. I do not want the answers. I do not want my image of my perfect guy to be shattered. I give him a kiss delaying the inevitable and driving off my questions one moment longer.

              Perhaps it will be good to shatter the image. In my mind, Ty is the perfect guy for me with no flaws, but in all actuality that is not what I want. No one is perfect. I am not perfect and in the end, I want the infinite love of somebody who loves me for my flaws and all. I want to love an imperfect person. For we are all imperfect people and for two faltered people to create a perfect love is the sweetest thing the world has ever seen. Nothing else compares. I take a deep breath as Ty lands one more exemplary kiss on my lips before pulling away.

              Will his kisses still be perfect? I think as I prepare myself to speak.

              “Ty,” I begin hesitantly. “We need to talk.”

              “I know.”

              His eyes lock on mine. My courage falters. A part of me did not want to know the answers to my questions. All I want to do is get lost in his embrace. I want to shut out the world around us and exist in this pure sweet moment wrapped in his arms, but that isn’t the real world. The real world is filled with school, tests, uncertainty, and above all a vampire that wants me dead. Any future we have relies on answers. I open my mouth to speak. Before words can come out, Ty stops them with kisses and I am all too aware that we are lying together in a bed. Our first time in a bed seems to have an effect on Ty whose lips find mine urgently. His hands roam across the contours of my body. I close my eyes savoring the messages each body part he touches sends me as I return his kiss with even more passionate kisses of my own. My hands find his hair first as they caress through the long strands slowly wondering down towards his chest. His chest is strong and muscular leaving it hard to the touch. I move further down hoping to claim the bare skin revealed by his shirt rising up. I grab his hips and free my leg from the blanket to wrap around him as my hand begins to explore the touch of his skin without clothing. My fingers move across his stomach tracing the top of his boxers. His body jumps in response. Ty lets out a laugh through his teeth.

              “That tickles.” He states then goes back to kissing me.

              The kisses become more frantic. His hands wonder to my shorts. He frames my butt and pulls me closer to him and I feel our hips touching. The shear act takes me by surprise and an involuntary moan rises from my lips and into his kiss.

              All too quickly, the kisses stop. I open my eyes to see Ty staring back at me. My cheeks flush slightly embarrassed by my all too forward sexuality. I flash him an awkward smile and bury my head in his chest. I hear a low chuckle as I feel his chest move and he is caressing my hair. Lulled by his lighthearted response, I nuzzle him for a few more minutes allowing time for my hormones to get back in check. As soon as I regain composure, I look up into his eyes. They are smoldering as he looks down at me with an animal like urge that I have never seen from him before. I want to pursue it. Like a lioness in a position to catch her prey, I wanted to pounce. Immediately I decide against it. I am in control of myself now and a few minutes of pursuing pleasure means all hope of getting the answers I so desperately need will be lost.

              “Who was the man who attacked me?” I blurt out.

              I know Ty knows what I am talking about. I watch as the fire in his eyes disappears. He lets out a sigh. His eyes wander up towards the ceiling.

              “I know you know who he is or even what he is. He told me he was a vampire.”

              Ty looks back at me. His eyes searching mine looking for what, I have no idea.

              “What do you think he is?” Ty asks.

              “A vampire,” I respond hesitantly. It still seems hard to believe as I say it.

              “He is a vampire.” Ty replies.

              His answer is so straight forward that it sounds cold. A chill rises up my spine. I thought he would deny it. I thought he would make up some excuse to explain away the eyes and the teeth. I thought he would give me some lie for the way the attacker moves, but all I got was the truth. I did not know if I wanted the truth.

              “He has been watching you for a while now.”

              My heart quickens as fear bubbles up inside me. More questions begin to come to mind. How did Ty know the vampire is watching me?

              “Do you trust me?”

              “What?”

              “Do you trust me?” His question becoming more authoritative the second time he says it.

              “Yes.” I reply.

              I knew it to be true the second that one word left my lips. I did not need time to think about my response or mull over the countless possibilities my mind has to offer. I know I trust him. Ty kisses my forehead then locks his eyes on mine. His gaze is so intense that I cannot look away.

              “I will never let anyone hurt you. You have to know that. Even when I am not with you, know that you are absolutely safe. You do not need to worry when I do not answer my phone. You just need to know and trust that you will be safe.”