Tough Love (4 page)

When we pulled up to my house, I collected my things, got out of the car, and slammed the door behind me. Aimee followed.

There was no way I could go to my house and face my parents, not after what had happened. I went with Aimee to her family’s apartment. The familiar scent of cigarettes and hairspray filled my nose and replaced what I could not forget.

Aimee took my hand and led me to the spare bedroom. She pulled back the covers, helped me sit down and took my flip-flops. She covered me up and kissed my forehead. The last thing I remember before I fell asleep was her voice telling me it was all going to be okay.

The next morning, I woke up very confused. The previous night seemed like a dream–-no, a nightmare-–and I was not sure if I had woken up yet. I shuffled my way to the kitchen where Aimee had some coffee ready.

“Good morning,” Aimee said softly. “I know you aren’t a big coffee drinker, but I thought you might want some today.”

I nodded and sat down, still exhausted. “I need to tell my mom what happened,” I said as Aimee poured me something to drink. I was crying again. “I need to tell her so that we can protect those two little girls.”

“The only way to protect them is by pressing charges. Are you sure that’s what you want to do? It might be painful for you.”

I shook my head vigorously. “I don’t care. It will be more painful if he does something awful against his daughters. This has to stop before one of them gets hurt.”

Aimee reached for my hand. “Okay, then. I’m with you. Let’s get dressed and go tell Mom.”

Hand-in-hand, we walked across the street and into my house. My dad was at work, but Mom was in the kitchen making breakfast for my brothers.

“Wow, you guys are home early,” Mom said as she turned around. I saw the color drain from her face as she realized there were tears spilling from my eyes. “What happened?”

She ran and embraced me. I hugged her back with my right arm; my left hand was still holding onto Aimee. I broke into uncontrollable sobs. My body was shaking. I couldn’t breathe. When it became obvious to Aimee that I was not able to form words, she answered.

“Mr. Hines did something to Janessa.” I felt Aimee’s other hand move to wipe silent tears from her own face. “He molested her. He kissed her on the lips and he touched her breasts while she was sleeping.”

Aimee took a deep breath before she continued. “And she’s pretty sure that he jacked-off and wiped ...”

Aimee could not finish, but finishing was not necessary. Mom understood.

My mom took my face in both of her hands, and I could see her eyes searching mine.

“Are you okay?” I saw the shock and pain in her wide eyes.

More sobbing. I nodded.

“Oh, thank God,” Mom said as she drew me back into her hold. “Janessa, did he...did he do more than touch you? Are you hurt in any way?” She looked at me as though searching for any obvious sign of harm.

I shook my head.

We sat down and I explained everything: how things had started, and how things had ended. How Mrs. Hines had known.

“I want to press charges. I need to know that those little girls are going to be safe. I can’t just sit around and do nothing – I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“If you’re sure, honey, then that’s what we will do. As soon as Daddy gets home from work, we’ll go to the Wood County Sheriff.”

I nodded my approval and started to get up, but Mom was still holding my right hand. I looked at her.

“Janessa, I want you to know that I’m very proud of you. Most people just keep these horrible things a secret. I’m so glad that you trusted me enough to come and tell me.” She began to cry all over again, clutching my hand. “I wish you didn’t have to go through this.”

I leaned over to give her one last hug before I went to take a shower. The scalding hot water should have been enough to make me feel clean again, but it didn’t. I climbed out of the shower, grabbed a towel and wiped away the steam that had collected on the mirror. My skin was red and splotchy, as if Satan himself had left obscene imprints. I brushed my hair, walked to my bedroom and curled up on my bed. I felt burning tears on my cheeks, but did nothing about them; I did not have the strength to get up for a tissue and closing my eyes didn’t help. It only made the images more clear. I needed something else to concentrate on, something that would help my mind focus on anything but the events that had occurred.

I began to rock.

I ROLLED OVER for what seemed like the thousandth time that night. Nate was still up, but it wasn’t the light in the den that kept me awake. I was remembering my relationship with Brendan, replaying each memory. I thought about what I’d learned in therapy and how everything tied in together.

After the molestation, I was numb. My parents did their best to remind me I had done the right thing, but the trauma left a lasting impression. It was hard for me to exhibit anything other than mistrust and suspicion when it came to men who weren’t my dad or brothers. But then Brendan came along and made me feel again. I was smart and pretty when we were together. I became wanted, needed. And when he touched me, I felt sexy, something I’d never felt before.

The emotions I had throughout the various stages of court were safe with Brendan as well. He was the first person I spoke to after giving my testimony to the grand jury; without judgment, he listened and understood. And when we got word that Mr. Hines had pled guilty, Brendan was the first one I hugged.

Nate shifted his chair on the hardwood floor, jarring me out the memories for the time being. The alarm clock was showing 12:47.

“I’ve got to get some sleep,” I whispered to myself, closing my eyes and remembering the night Brendan and I began.

“I’M PRETTY EXCITED about the recital tonight,” I told Aimee.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be a blast. The girls have worked really hard.”

After school, we changed our clothes and refreshed our make-up. We were all set to take the bus to the recital hall, and Grandma Nancy was going to bring us home. Once there, Aimee and I found seats in the center of the auditorium.

“Hey, there’s Grandma,” Aimee exclaimed. “Wanna go say hi?”

“Nah, I’ll stay here and save our seats. Tell her I said hello. I’ll talk to her later.”

“Suit yourself,” Aimee said with a shrug.

It wasn’t until she walked away that I saw him. He was staring at me with a sly smile across his handsome face. He looked different, but I would have recognized his eyes anywhere. Brendan was sauntering my way.

I looked down, trying to avoid his gaze. Each time I glanced up, he was a step closer, still taking me in, looking hungry. I dropped my eyes again, knowing that I was prolonging the inevitable. At some point, whether my heart was ready or not, I would have to look at him.

“Hey, beautiful.”

I raised my eyes before my head came all the way up. Brendan was standing among the row of seats in front of me with his back to the stage. His hair was a bit shorter than the last time I had seen him. He was also dressed in a more respectable fashion: jeans and a button-up shirt. The one thing that hadn’t changed was the way his eyes seemed to take in every inch of me.

“Are you talking to me?” I asked, looking around.

“I don’t see anything else beautiful around here, do you?”

I gulped.

“So, Mom said that you guys need a ride home?” he continued.

“Umm, yeah, actually we do.”

“Okay, then, I’ll see you after the show,” Brendan said as the lights flickered to signal us to take our seats. He winked at me before walking away.

Aimee took her place beside me. “What did he want?” she asked with disgust.

“Huh? Oh, nothing really.” I was still in a daze when the lights went down.

When the recital was over, we met up with the family in the parking lot and made our way to the van. Brendan fell in step with me.

“Hey, Janessa, can I come over tomorrow?”

Despite hearing my own name come from his lips, I couldn’t believe Brendan was talking to me. Maybe he did want to spend time with me. Maybe he did think I was beautiful.

“Yeah, I guess you could come over. Do you remember where the house is?”

Brendan nodded, smiling. “Of course I do. It’s where I saw you for the first time. I could never forget that.”

Aimee and I sat in the third row of the van so we’d have a chance to talk.

“I can’t believe how amazing he looks.”

Aimee turned her body to face me. “Are you nuts, girl? You deserve so much better than him. Don’t you remember what I told you?”

I rolled my eyes at her in the darkness, having no intention of heeding her advice.

The emotions I was feeling surrounded me in a whirlwind of excitement and longing. I could not wait to see Brendan again. I hardly slept that night, anticipation keeping me wide awake.

I thought about our encounter the night before. Brendan had changed so much in just a couple of years. And what was the reason for that change? The rumors Aimee had told me about... were they actually true? If so, why would he show any interest in me?

To avoid any extra drama, I decided not to tell my folks about him just yet. Besides, I had no idea where this was going to lead. Maybe we’d just have this one date and then I could go back to life as a normal fifteen year old.

When morning came, I grabbed a book and a blanket and went outside. It was humid but breezy, a sure sign of a storm yet to come. I had been completely absorbed in my book for twenty minutes when I heard a whistle coming from my left.

“Hey there, pretty lady. Did you know you’re even more dazzling in the sunshine?”

My smile must have been welcoming because he joined me on the blanket. I sat up on my knees.

“Hey, yourself. Glad you found the house okay.”

“Told you I would,” he affirmed with a wink.

Thank God I was already sitting because I would have fainted. His deep brown eyes were astonishing. We had spent only five minutes together, and I could already feel the defeat. Something about him had sucked me in the first time our eyes met; that same something kept me coming back. I remembered what Billy had said: Brendan usually got what he wanted.

“So, you’re here. Now what?” I asked him.

“Can we just hang out and talk? I’d love to know more about you. Let’s play 20 Questions and get to know each other better. I’ll go first. What’s your middle name?”

“Ann--with no ‘e’.”

“Janessa Ann,” he said with a nod, as if he were contemplating something. “When’s your birthday?”

“August 8th. I’ll be 16 this year.”

“Sixteen. Really? Sweet sixteen and never been kissed?”

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far. I have been kissed.”

“Not by me you haven’t.” Another wink.

Oh my God, was he trying to kill me?

The game continued until it was my turn to ask him twenty questions. I asked him all the typical questions, including several that he asked me, and some that weren’t so typical. I longed to know the truth about him, about the rumors. Several times, I pushed this desire back until I finally realized that it would never form itself on my lips.

“One last question,” I confessed as I leaned into him a bit.

“Anything.”

“Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” he whispered as he took my face into his hands and brushed his lips against mine with the slightest of pressure. It was over quickly but stirred a craving inside me that would not be ignored.

“Let’s get something to eat,” he said with a smile that continued to electrify me. He stood and held out his hand to help me up.

In the kitchen, I pulled out bologna and cheese. He nodded when I showed it to him, so I started assembling the sandwiches.

“So, if you’re fifteen, then you’re a junior, right?”

“Yep, as soon as the new school year begins,” I said as I licked some mayonnaise off my finger. I finished making both sandwiches, told Brendan to grab the chips from on top of the fridge and led him back outside.

We settled on the blanket and continued with small talk while we ate.

“You and Aimee are really good friends, huh?” He swallowed a bite of sandwich.