Tough Love (9 page)

“Of course I remember. It was the beginning of the end.”

I sat down at the bar across from her and took a drink, allowing the cold liquid to cool me off.

“They did the same thing with Tavora the other night. Went to Terry and Becky’s place and explained it all. They even told her that he was supposed to move to Florida with them, but that he was going to stay here just for her.”

“Oh, dear God, what did she do? I hope she’s smarter than I was.”

Grandma Nancy nodded. “She turned to Brendan, told him how much she hates liars and broke up with him. Then she stormed out the door.”

“Wow, no wonder he looks so rough. He just lost two girlfriends in a week’s time.” I didn’t mean for it to be a joke but it was humorous to me just the same. “So what is he going to do now?”

“Still live with Terry and Becky, I guess. He’s pretty much worn out his welcome with everyone else.”

Grandma and I visited for a few more minutes, but it was getting late and I still had to walk home. I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek before walking out the door.

Walking home alone gave me a lot of time to think. I knew that I wasn’t over him, but I had gotten very good at lying to myself. It seemed like I would get to a place where I knew it was all going to be okay, and then I would see him again, or Aimee would innocently mention his name and I would be transported back to a place that hurt.

I was still so confused by everything. I wanted time to think, but the minute I walked away, I missed him. There was so much pain involved with our relationship, but that didn’t matter now. It only mattered that I loved him, and I wanted to see him again and again. I was not ready for goodbye. I found myself naively wishing that things had never changed.

The next night, I called Grandma Nancy to ask if she knew where Brendan was. I wanted him to know how I felt and that even though we weren’t going to be together, I did still want to be friends. But before I could get the question out of my mouth, she told me that he was gone.

“Gone?” I asked with surprise. “What do you mean he’s gone?”

“Terry and Becky came home from the store last night and all of his stuff was packed and gone. Brendan was nowhere to be found.”

“Where is he? I mean, he has to be somewhere, right?” There was panic in my voice as I stammered over my words.

“Florida is all I can guess.”

Of course. He was with his lovers. Brendan did the only thing he knew how to do. When everything else was falling apart, he knew that they would accept him. And so they did.

I MET THE nurse on my way back to the waiting room.

“He's sleeping,” I told her.

“That's great news, thank you Janessa.”

I stumbled back to the family. I had been with Brendan less than an hour, yet the room looked quite different. Several people had gotten pillows and blankets out and were preparing to get some rest, a sign Mom and I should go to her house and come back in the morning.

I called Nate once I had said hello to my dad and gotten settled.

“How did your day go?” I asked,

“Fine.” There was a hesitation. This was a delicate situation.

“Hey, thank you for letting me to come to Toledo. I know it wasn't easy for you to say yes,” I told him.

“You're right, it wasn't.” I could hear traces of hurt in his voice. “I don't like this, and I certainly don't understand it, but I know it's what you needed.”

“Yeah, but not every husband would have been okay with all this.”

He chuckled. “Well, I guess you’re just lucky aren't you?”

“That I am.”

We said goodnight, and I immediately went to bed. The past forty-eight hours had been exhausting. I fell asleep quickly and did not wake until the sun rose.

I STRUGGLED WITH Brendan’s decision for a long time. I knew he had made the best choice for both of us, and I could not fault him for that. But I did not understand how he could put me through all of that pain and then just leave. I thought that he owed me more than that. In hindsight, I realized he did give me more. He gave me life and, although it took a while, the chance to love again.

Very little in my life was staying the same. Brendan was gone, making my family unit solid once again. It had taken a few weeks, but the relationship between my parents and me was slowly recovering as I once again gained their trust.

School was beginning soon, but I would not return to the familiar halls of Macomber; instead, I would attend Waite High School in the morning and Libbey High School in the afternoon.

The friendship Aimee and I shared was stronger than ever. We spent every spare minute together.

Now that I was attending two schools, I had some new friends as well. We all rode the bus to Libbey in the middle of the day, which gave us time to talk and get to know each other. I was having a lot of fun and found it easy to get back into the regular high school routine. I did not miss the drama of having a boyfriend.

I was on the bus a few weeks into the school year when I saw something fly out of the corner of my eye and land on the seat next to me. It was a note from the only guy who rode our bus.

I read the note over and over again, making sure that I was seeing it correctly. Slowly I turned around to see Micah beaming at me from two seats back. I returned the smile and held up one finger, letting him know that I’d get back with him in a minute. I took out a pen and wrote a note back.

I turned around and reached to give him back the piece of paper. He took it, read it and then looked up with a smile.

“So I can call you tonight then?” he asked.

“Sure. Oh, here’s my stop. I’ll talk to you later.”

My friends and I got off the bus and went inside to wait in the cafeteria as usual.

“What was that all about?” Vicki wondered.

“Yeah, I saw that little exchange, too. Spill it, girl,” joked Paige.

I pulled my chair closer to theirs even though we were the only three people in the cafeteria.

“His note said that he thinks I’m pretty and he wanted to know if I’d go out with him.”

“Oh, my gosh, what did you say?”

“That I couldn’t say yes or no right now because I don’t even know him. But I did give him my number.”

Vicki gasped while Paige held her hand up for a high-five.

“He’s supposed to call tonight,” I told them as I slapped her hand.

We talked about Micah while we ate. We all agreed that he was cute, with his collar-length, curly brown hair. He seemed really nice. The thought of having a boyfriend again was exciting, but I didn’t know if I was ready. It wasn’t just the drama that I was afraid of. There was the pain that I caused my family the last time I’d gone steady with a boy. I had learned the hard way that if my family didn’t approve, then he was not the right guy. I wanted to get to know Micah slowly and have him meet my family before I made any decisions.

Micah called that night, but I could not talk long.

“Lots of homework,” I told him. I promised that I would sit next to him on the bus the next morning so that we could continue our conversation. Before we hung up, there was one more thing he needed to know.

“Listen, before you even decide if you want to be my friend, there’s something I have to tell you.”

“Sure, what’s up?” he asked.

“I’ve only been single for a couple of months now, and it was a really bad break up. So, I want to take everything really slow because I’m not looking for much right now. I just need you to know that, okay?”

“Okay, I can live with that,” he replied. “So I’ll see you tomorrow then, right?”

“Absolutely!” I confirmed. “And I’ll save you a seat. Bye.”

I felt better after telling Micah how I felt. Not that calling Brendan and I “a bad break up” even began to cover it, but it would suffice for now; I would tell him more if we ended up being together.

Micah and I sat next to each other the rest of the week. We talked about all sorts of things, but I never felt it was the right time to tell him about Brendan. I still wasn’t sure that I was ready for another committed relationship.

Maybe if he met my family
, I thought to myself.
Maybe that will help me feel better about things.

“Would you like to come to church with me this Sunday?” I asked him on Friday afternoon. “Well, with my family, I mean.”

“That sounds fun. What time should I be there?”

“We leave the house at 9, and don’t be late because Daddy is very strict about the timing,” I explained.

Micah began riding the city bus to my house each Sunday morning, making sure he was there well before the 9 o’clock deadline. My family really liked him right away, and we became closer as the weeks went on. I was running out of reasons why we shouldn’t be an official couple.

During the last week of September, I told him I would be his girlfriend. His smile seemed to reach from ear to ear, and he kissed me, but there was no spark, no excitement. I felt a twinge in the pit of my stomach as Brendan’s face flashed across my mind. No matter how much I wanted to feel starry-eyed about Micah, Brendan still held my heart. Kissing someone else made me want to cry all over again.

I did my best to focus on this new relationship I was building, trying not to let the past cloud the new memories I was making. It wasn’t easy but by the time Halloween came around Micah and I were as any new couple should be – having fun at the football games and going to church parties. We even attended the Homecoming Dance with my friend Vicki and her boyfriend. Things were going so well, I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. And of course it did just that.

Micah and I were watching a traditional Thanksgiving Day football game when the phone rang. I hopped up and ran to the kitchen, telling the guys to keep watching the TV.

“Happy Thanksgiving.” The voice on the other end was achingly familiar. I swallowed hard.

“Hi. Happy Thanksgiving to you, too.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“I, ah, I just wanted to see if you were doing okay.”

I bit hard on my lip. I wanted to scream at him, and I wanted to cry. Instead I kept my voice steady while I answered.