Toxic (Better Than You) (11 page)

             
Apparently Friday the thirteenth is a big deal in Miami, or bars in general, because tonight is absolutely slam packed. There are bodies covering every square inch of floor, arms and stomachs and backs and hips leaned up against every single space of the bar. I’ve poured more drinks in the past two hours than I have in the past five years, which is saying a lot. I was Mom’s personal bar tender.

             
Nathan is working behind the bar tonight, catering to the groups of girls in barely there bikinis even though the sun went down hours ago. The two girls and I on this side of the bar can’t help but laugh at their attempts to get his attention; so far, no one has succeeded. Even with all of their eyes on him, his eyes seem to find me every chance he gets. It sends a flurry of unease through me, makes me wonder what he sees when he looks at me. I know that it can’t be anything good and it hurts to think that I’m less than what he wants.

             
Kaitlin catches me watching him and smiles. “We should take bets. See who takes their top off first,” she says, nodding at the group of girls sitting right in front of him.

             
Georgia laughs and yells, “I bet it’s the blonde bimbo!”

             
We all stop what we’re doing and turn to watch the blonde twirl her hair and stick out her chest. Perfect timing. We laugh, drawing the attention of almost every guy in the bar. Nathan isn’t the only one with a fan group. I turn my focus back to making the sex on the beach in front of me; the thousandth one I’ve made tonight. I’ve learned that most girls don’t drink vodka out of the bottle. A hand touches my side and I suck in a breath, wincing with the contact.

             
“You okay?” a voice whisper yells into my ear.

             
“Fine!” I answer without looking at him. I’m hoping he didn’t notice the twitch when he touched me, but who am I kidding? Nathan seems to notice things that no one else does.

             
“If you need a break just let me know.”

             
“I said I’m fine!” I slam the drink down in front of the little brunette who ordered it and she glares at me when it spills on her wallet. She walks away without tipping me. That seems to happen a lot.

             
“If you don’t scare them away, they tip a lot better!”

             
Holding my breath, I count to ten. Except I only make it to eight and then I’m spun around and facing Nathan. His hand is firm on my arm, but gentle. Unwanted but desperately needed. “Tell me the truth,” he demands.

             
“Nathan, we have a bar packed full of people wanting drinks! This isn’t the time for truth or dare!” I really want to tell him everything; how Danny has been more violent than ever, how I think he may have broken a rib or two after my first night of work when I didn’t get home until almost four in the morning. But I know he doesn’t want to hear those things; no one ever does. They want to hear that everything’s fine and be on their merry way.

             
God, it’s like his eyes are burning through me. I’m so close to just spewing everything out but a shrill voice pulls Nathan’s intense gaze away from me.

             
“Nathan! Give me a hand, would ya?”

             
It’s Bridget, standing on top of the other bar across the room and waving her hands in the air like a lunatic. Even though the noise level is deafening, her voice can still be heard. It’s that annoying.

             
“This isn’t over!” Nathan shouts at me before taking off towards the fight that’s about to get ugly. I watch as he parts the crowd and, with the help of our very big bouncer Rico, pulls apart the two guys. Order is restored.

             
“Hello! Can I get a drink?” Some girl is waving her hand in my face. I have the urge to grab it and stick a fork through it, but I think that would get me fired so I settle for making her yet another sex on the beach.

             
“How do girls drink this shit?” I shout, mostly to myself. But the girl hears me and purses her lips, starts tapping her fingers on the bar and stalks off as soon as her drink is in her hand. No tip for me.

             
“You’re not very good at this!” I hear someone say. I’m about to give her a piece of my mind, but when I look up and see the familiar face, I smile instead.

             
“Yeah, well, bitches annoy me.”

             
“I guess nothing’s changed, huh?”

             
Sam’s right- nothing has changed. Except for her. It’s only been six months since I’ve seen her but she looks like a completely different person. The long, dirty blonde hair that used to cascade down her back in waves is gone, chopped off at her chin. Her skin is still pale but now it’s dull and pasty. No one would notice that or the fact that her eyes are distant, not really focusing on any one thing, except for me. I’ve seen those eyes in every state of drunk and high, but they never looked anything like they do now.

             
“I get off in a few hours. Wanna wait around?” I ask her quickly because Nathan is eyeing me from down the bar and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m slacking or because I’m actually talking to someone.

             
“Sure! Just bring me some tequila and I’m good!”

             
I laugh. Of course she still drinks tequila. I pour her a shot of the house and then get back to serving the rest of the bikini clad girls. There seems to be a never-ending stream of people and as the hours go by, I start to get more and more impatient. The hit I had before my shift is wearing off, leaving me feeling cold and out of control. I haven’t had a chance to take another. The screen on my brand new phone tells me it’s been eight hours. The longest I’ve been without a hit is nine and that’s only when I’m sleeping. Right now I’m fully conscious of the fact that I’m awake and starting to crash. I know that at any moment the shaking will start and I won’t be able to breathe. I need something, and fast.

             
“Hey, Kait! I gotta pee! Cover me for a sec?” I yell at Kaitlin, who nods her head and gives me a quick thumbs up.

             
There’s an employee bathroom at the back, but instead of going in there I go through the exit door next to it and run out to my car. I’ve only got a few minutes and as I search my car and purse, it becomes obvious that there’s nothing in either.
What do I do?

             
Sam.

             
The noise of the bar hits me like a wall as I sprint back in. Sam’s right where I left her. “Sam! I need you!”

             
She looks at my hand on her arm, into my eyes, and follows me without question. It may have been a while since I’ve seen her, but she knows me well enough to know that I’m crashing. Just before I enter the hall leading to the employee bathroom, with Sam in tow, I catch Nathan’s eyes. They burn into me, threaten to rip me open and leak the truth, but I look away. The need for what Sam will undoubtedly have is stronger than the way Nathan makes me feel. I lead her to the employee bathroom, shut the door and lock it.

             
“I usually bring enough for another hit halfway through my shift but I must have forgotten it and I can pay you back-”

             
“Lo, it’s fine. You’ve spotted me lots of times. But this is all I have..” she trails off, pulling a little baggie out of her purse.

             
“Coke, Sam?”

             
She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s Brody’s. Do you want some or not?”

             
I bite my lip, thinking. There isn’t much time to decide, though, and I can feel the tremors in my hands and knees. The bar won’t be closing for another two hours and I won’t be leaving for at least another three. “Do you have cash on you?”

             
She nods her head and digs through her purse again. Wipes the water off of the counter, sets up a line. Looks at me expectantly as she holds out the dollar. After it’s rolled up, I put it to the entrance of my left nostril, plug the other, bend down, inhale. The sensation is a lot like snorting roxies, but I know immediately that the high won’t be the same. I’ve never done coke before, but I don’t tell that to Sam. Instead, I say thank you, give her a quick hug and run back out to my station at the bar. Kaitlin sees me and moves back to her side.

After a few minutes, the shaking hasn’t stopped. If anything, it’s gotten worse. And then my heart starts to beat wildly. And then I feel like running through the streets, waving my hands in the air. I’m on overload, hyper drive, pouring drinks and talking and smiling like I actually enjoy what I do.
Nathan catches my eyes and I smile at him. His brows furrow in confusion and he smiles back hesitantly, but I hardly even notice. My focus is on doing my job and doing it well.

It feels like the rest of the night passes in the blink of an eye, yet I’ve made more money than I have since I started working here almost one month ago. My feet don’t hurt, my side isn’t aching. I’m ready to keep going. Sam strolls over to the now empty bar as I’m wiping down the surfaces.

“God, Sam,” I whisper. “That stuff is amazing.”

She smiles knowingly. “I know. I only do it on the weekends but it’s like being a superhero, right?”

I laugh loudly. “Yeah, just without the flying part or the superpowers part, but besides that.”

“
Speaking of weekends,” she says, drawing out the word
weekends
. “There’s this party at one of Brody’s friend’s house tomorrow. Would you wanna come?”

“I don’t think I can, Sam.”

“Oh, come on! It’ll be so much fun, and when’s the last time we partied together?” She bats her eyelashes and sticks out her bottom lip. “Pretty please?”

I bite the inside of my cheek. “I guess I could come after my shift. I’m first cut so I shouldn’t be here too late.”

It’s a bad idea to go to a party. Danny would flip his shit if he knew, but I’m supposed to be working and I can tell him that I have a long shift. Maybe it’ll work. Maybe I’ll be able to drink and dance and have fun like Sam and I used to before Danny was in the picture.

“Danny can never know,” I demand, looking at her straight in the eyes.

She drags a finger across her chest. “Cross my heart.”

“Uh, Lo?”
Nathan calls from the end of the bar.

Sam
’s eyes drift over him, a surprised smile playing at her lips. “I know him. Who is he?” she whispers.

“Sorry, Nathan, I’m just saying bye to my friend.” To Sam, I say, “That’s my boss and you have to go before I get fired and don’t have an excuse to come to your
party. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that, she walks away, throwing a wink over her shoulder in my direction. At least I hope it was in my direction.
I get back to wiping counters and collecting glasses, disgusted at the mess people leave behind. Kaitlin turns the radio up and starts singing at the top of her lungs, while Georgia, Bridget and Ashley dance along. I can’t help but laugh. When I’m here, it’s like I’m a different person. Especially tonight. I feel like I could conquer the world.

Right after I take out the trash, of course. Since I’m the newbie, I get stuck with Friday trash duties. For my first trip, I grab the two bags behind my side of the bar and head down the same hallway I took earlier in the night. From previous garbage trips, I know that the bags are heavy but they don’t feel like it tonight. Maybe I
do
have superpowers. The thought makes me laugh. I push the door open with my back and plunge into the humid Miami air. As I’m trying to get them into the dumpster, I hear the back door open and I roll my eyes. It’s probably one of the girls come to watch me try to haul the bags over this huge fence.

“Doesn’t it get old, guys?” I ask without turning around. I’ve almost got the first bag over, proud of myself for making it this far, when strong hands grab it from me and toss it
in like it’s nothing. Now I’m annoyed. I turn around quickly and shove my hands on my hips. “What the hell, Nathan! I almost had it.”

“What’s going on with you tonight?”

I suck in a deep breath, try to keep my eyes from shifting away from his intense stare. “What are you talking about?”

“You were talking to people. And smiling.”

“So you think there has to be something going on, because I was talking and smiling?”

He takes a step back, runs his hands through his shaggy blonde hair. “That’s not what I meant. And that,” he points to my side. “What’s up with that?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Honestly.” I go to walk past him but his arm shoots out and wraps around my waist, rooting me to the ground. Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, I wouldn’t be able to go anywhere. He’s applying just enough pressure to remind me of the broken ribs I might have, but not enough to aggravate them.

“Does your boyfriend hit you, Lo?” It’s said so softly, his breath fanning over my ear as we stand hip to hip. Again I find myself wanting to tell him the truth, to lay my cards out and see if he folds.
His voice stirs something inside of me, something that scares me and excites me and makes me wonder if I can tell him the truth. But I can’t. Nothing can be changed, anyways.