Authors: Ellen Hopkins
“I didn't want my mother
to know where I was, so I gave
Walk Straight a made-up name
and told them my parents were
dead. Eventually, though, I had
to come clean. I'm a horrible
liar and besides, the people
at Walk Straight are so good
to me, I couldn't risk them
getting in trouble on my account.”
Okay. Two: I understand this
Jerome fellow assaulted you.
What about Ruenhaven himself?
I could make something up to
implicate him. If I don't, he might
just walk. Still, I can't lie. “Not
sexually, no. But he was completely
responsible for the isolation,
and lack of water, food, and
opportunity to use the bathroom.”
When she asks how I know
that, I tell her, “Because he was
very clear that he had personally
written the Tears of Zion rule book,
and deviation meant punishment.
He straight-on informed me that
my parents sanctioned whatever
actions he saw fit to provide,
and let me know they didn't want
me to come home. They still don't.”
Okay, then. I'll type this up
into a formal complaint and
have you sign it. One last
question before I do. Why
choose to come forward now?
“Because they sent my little
sister there, too. She's only
fourteen, and doesn't deserve
to be hurt the way I was. I need
you to help me save her.”
Marlene winces, and I know
she's thinking the same thing
I have over and over for the last
eight months: How could any
parent do this to their child?
What the outcome will be,
but I leave reassured that,
at the very least, Nevada
law enforcement has Tears
of Zion on its radar. Marlene
swears that's the case. “Also,”
I add, “my counselor did some
independent research. Samuel
Ruenhaven has had charges
brought against him personally
in Idaho. That's Sarah, waiting
for me, in case you want to talk
to her. I mean, I know you'll be
thorough and all. . . .” Come on,
Eden. Don't irritate her now.
But she's not mad. In fact,
she laughs.
I promise our
investigators can dig deeper
than Sarah can, but thanks
for the heads-up. And, Eden?
I know you're worried about
your sister. We'll do everything
we can to make sure Eve's safe.
The Elko County DA is a good
friend of mine. Try not to worry.
But that's all I can do at this
point. I despise feeling helpless,
can't stand spending every day
being reactive. How do I change
that? How can I become proactive?
On the ride back to Walk Straight,
I broach the subject with Sarah.
“I believe Marlene is on my side.
But how long will it take before
we hear something from Elko?”
Sarah's sigh could sink a life
preserver. Not a good sign.
Longer
than you'll want it to, I'm afraid.
Bureaucracy, you know. One
hand has to wash the other.
It's good that Marlene knows
the DA personally. That will
help speed up the process some.
And any extra time between now
and when this thing blows open
will benefit your emancipation.
Once your parents sign the papers
and they're filed, it won't be easy
for them to change their minds.
Hopefully this stays quiet till then.
We decided emancipation
is the best way to go, for
the very reason that once a judge
agrees, no one can decide otherwise
except the court itself. Walk
Straight is instrumental to my
qualifying, as they've “hired” me,
so I have a job that includes room
and board plus necessary transportation.
But Mama and Papa have to agree.
Riling them up now could be bad.
“You mean because my mother
might decide to get even.”
That revenge trumps disowning
her demon-possessed daughter.
She seems like the type, yes.
I'm expecting the notarized
papers any day now. Once I get
them, we file the petition and
secure a hearing date. Then
we still have to serve notice
on your parents, and that's before
you even see a judge. It's not really
complicated. It just takes time.
But don't worry. We'll make it happen.
Everyone keeps saying that,
but nobody tells me how
to make myself quit. Every
facet of my life is stressful.
Thank God I've got such great
support at Walk Straight.
Without this place and these
people, especially Sarah,
where would I be living today?
Would I even be alive,
let alone have a solid chance
at a decent future? Which
brings me back to Boise and
Tears of Zion. Because if
Elko County closes it down . . .
“Question. What happens
to Eve if Father packs up
his disciples and moves on?
She'd go home, right?” Yeah,
and if she does, then what?
I'm afraid that would be up
to your parents. As I said before,
usually parents are clueless
about what actually
goes on at these facilities.
It would be very hard
to prove they knew what
went on at Tears of Zion,
and even if you could, it
wouldn't be enough to make
the state step in and take
custody of your sister. Not
unless they actually took part
in the activities, or somehow
inflicted physical abuse.
But let me ask you a question.
Are you absolutely certain
your mom and dad
do
know?
Did you talk to your mother
about it when she was here?
“She never gave me the chance.
You don't talk to my mother.
She tosses words at you,
or in my case, insults. Besides,
no way would she admit it.”
Sarah shrugs.
Probably not.
But you never know, and I'm
big on communication, if
for no other reason than to
let the bad thoughts escape.
I've got around an hour
to kill before Andrew
is supposed to arrive.
I spend it helping Sarah
file paperwork. Earning
my paycheck, and letting
the bad thoughts escape
through mindless office
activity. I can hardly believe,
after this long, I'll see
my Andrew in just a short
while, and I keep watching
the time.
Click. Click. Click.
The hands of the old-fashioned
wall clock barely move at all,
then suddenly it's twelve
thirty, the appointed time.
But no Andrew.
Click. Click.
Twelve forty-five.
Click.
One o'clock. He's not coming.
I keep working, pushing
back tears. 1:10. 1:20.
And suddenly there's a male
voice outside the office.
The door opens, and . . .
At each other for several long
seconds. Oh my God. It's him.
It's really him. “Andrew.”
He opens his arms, and I'm in
them, and he picks me up,
spins me round and round
until my head is spinning, too.
Now he stops, looks down
into my eyes.
My beautiful
Eden. I finally caught you.
Our kiss is tentative at first,
and not just because he's wearing
a beard, but then it's like our lips
remember, and no amount of
facial hair can interfere with
this connection. It's sweet. And
passionate. And soaked in love.
It lasts for a very long time, until
finally I have to say, “Oh, Andrew,
I love you. Don't let go of me.”
He keeps his arms wrapped
tightly around me.
I'll never
let you go again. Can this
really be you? I thought I'd lost
you forever.
Tears fill his eyes.
I can't bear to pull away.
I lay my ear against his chest,
listen to his heartbeat, which
sparks delicious memories of lying
together under the Boise sky.
That scene fades into another,
out on his ranch, inhaling alfalfa
green while we made love for
the firstâand onlyâtime.
And that makes me think of Mama.
I extract myself from his arms,
reach up to touch the hair curling
softly around his chin. “You
grew a beard. I like it. Makes
you look so Idaho rancher.”
He smiles and his eyes glisten.
That's what I am, ma'am. Or, I
should say, miss. Have to remember
polite talk. I spend an awful lot
of time alone. Not anymore, though.
“Oh, Andrew, there's so much
to talk about. Some of it's good,
some I'm scared to tell you. But
I'm strong enough with you here.”
It's a three-hour conversation.
Just don't happen, no
matter how important
they are.
You
keep putting them offâ
let's talk tomorrow, Cody,
or next week or next yearâ
because, think as hard
as you're able, you
don't
have the right words
to launch them. Or,
you withhold pertinent
facts because you don't
know
how the person across
the table might react.
But sometimes,
despite everything,
what
must be conveyed erupts
from your mouth
like a geyser you dare
not cap, and once that
happens, there's nothing left
to say.
Transferring myself from bed
to wheelchair and back into bed again.
The first few times were pretty damn
lame. Without Federico on my ass
to show me the ropes, I never
would have figured out the trick,
which has to do with weight shift
and lean, and compensating for what
my legs have lost with the strength
of my arms and core. Both were in
miserable shape until I decided I'm not
going to lie around grieving for the rest
of my life. Screw that. So I asked
for weights I could use in bed, and I'm
looking forward to time in the gym.
Tomorrow I move over to the rehab
hospital, where I'll work my butt off
every day, gaining what I can. If I wind
up back in Kansas, something I'm real
determined not to let happen, I want
to be the strongest wheelchair jockey
around, in case I need to kick some
farmer's ass for hitting on Mom or
something. I mean I could always use
a gun instead. But where's the challenge
in that? The game would be two viable
limbs conquering four. Not great odds,
but that's where the bluffâplaying
the disabled cardâcomes in. Once
a gambler, always a gambler, I guess.
I'd probably be a better gambler
in the sticks, too, playing poker with
country boys. In Vegas, everyone knows
the rules of the game. Just, please God,
if there is a You, don't let me go back
to Kansas. “Hey, Jack. You up there?”
I hiss out loud. “Could you please put
in a good word for me? And if you
happen to be looking down, check this out.”
I pull the wheelchair over, very close,
angle it so I don't have to push up
over the wheel. Lean forward, scoot
my butt back, which puts my weight
forward. Feet flat on the floor, arms
close to my sides. Grab the bed frame
with one hand, the chair with the other,
and lift . . . The wheelchair rolls back
and in one sudden motion, fuck! I find
myself on the floor.
Did someone forget
to put on the brakes?
Federico sweeps
into the room.
How many times have
I told you to do that first? It's the most
important part. Oh, well. Why not