Transitions (A Thousand Words Book 1) (16 page)

“Yeah. Anyway, I was thinking about the pictures in that tabloid of you and Erika.”

Dev groaned. Those pictures made Lindsay a wreck. They should have been innocent: just the two of them singing a song. Except the background was blurred because it was a tight focus, thereby also excluding his guitar. The angle of the pictures were unfortunate too, making it look like they were either about to kiss or coming up for air. Of course he explained it to Lindsay as soon as Alec brought them to his attention. Plus he sent flowers. A lot of flowers.

“I do
not
want to talk about those pictures anymore,” Dev snapped. “We made a statement, it’s over.”

“No one’s really listening to that statement, you know.” Kenny sat down beside him. “I talked it over with Erika, then Alec, and she talked it over with Mark, her manager, now we just need you to think about this.”

A sense of foreboding crept over Dev. He closed his laptop and turned to look at his friend and colleague. More colleague than friend right now he suspected. “What?”

“Let them take pictures. Let the tabloids go crazy with rumors of you and Erika dating. We’ve denied. If they don’t want to listen, that’s on them. We’ll give them opportunities to see you together. Grab coffee – well, you don’t drink coffee, but you can have something while you buy her a coffee – and let them take a few pictures, then leave. No comment. Just stop denying it. It’s free publicity. It keeps her and you – us in the headlines.”

“Lindsay would kill me.”

“Explain it to her. She said she’d be supportive, right? It’s time for her to step up and be supportive. Lindsay’s on your arm a few weeks out of the year. This isn’t going to cut into your time with her. Rumors are starting to circulate that you’re gay, this will solve that.”

“I’m not sure I care if people think I’m gay.” Dev shook his head. Between being mislabeled and Lindsay’s reaction to this little plan, he’d take being mislabeled.

“You want guys at school hitting on you? It’s my understanding you intentionally sit with the men in your classes to get away from the women. They’re going to misread that. And it won’t dissuade the women anyway. They’ll just want to be the one who changes your mind. You’ll have both sides hitting on you.”

“Es ist meine persönliche Hölle,” Dev said under his breath. He rested his elbow on the table beside him and let his head fall into his hand.

“I don’t know what you said, but I can guess,” Kenny said. “Your German’s coming along. For better or worse.”

“Greta only talks to me in German now, it helps. And I’ve been looking at investing in a small R&D company in Bonn.”

“That’s great.” Kenny nodded. He paused for a moment. “Where’s Bonn?”

Dev looked up at him. “Near Cologne.”

“Oh. Okay.” Kenny hesitated again.

“Across the country from Berlin,” Dev added. “By Belgium.”

“Oh good, you can buy chocolate for Lindsay.”

“You uncovered my master plan.” Dev nodded. “And it’ll take a lot of chocolate to smooth this over with her.”

“Then start buying chocolate. You know what?
I’ll
buy the chocolate, just get on board with this.”

Dev sighed. Kenny wasn’t going to let it go. And it wouldn’t be forever. They
couldn’t
keep it going forever. Not to mention, when things did get more serious with Lindsay, he’d just end it.

“Just talk to her about it,” Kenny said and walked off to talk to Jess.

○ ○ ○

Lindsay’s phone rang, waking her up and making her instantly grumpy. That it was playing one of Dev’s songs didn’t help. Dev, of all people, knew she hated mornings. Besides, she only set that song as his ringtone because people expected her to, so hearing it now didn’t put her in a good mood.

“Hello?” she answered, trying to sound pleasant and awake.

“I’m sorry I woke you, baby,” Dev began. “It’s just going to be a long day and Kenny came up with a new idea and he’s pushing me for an answer.”

“I’m awake,” Lindsay said. She shook her head, then realized he couldn’t see her and stopped.

Dev laughed. “Were you five minutes ago? I doubt it. I apologize.”

“You already did. This goes on Kenny’s tab, not yours. What’s up?” Lindsay pushed herself into a sitting position and tried to pay attention.

“Remember how you said you just wanted to be supportive? I need you to listen and actually think about it before you sit back and just be supportive. This affects you too.”

“What?”

“Kenny has an idea. I originally said no, and I don’t think you’re going to go for it, but he wanted me to run it by you –”

Lindsay felt her temperature rise. “So Kenny doesn’t think you can make your own decisions?” She thought of the purple vibrator named ‘Puggy’ in her nightstand drawer. Lindsay was confident Dev could not only make but stand by his decisions.

“It’s not that,” Dev disagreed.

“Then what? I’m your keeper? He hates me but somehow thinks you can’t make a move without me? How does that add up?”

“Lin, it’s not that –”

“Dev, it’s not up to me. Whatever this is, it’s
your
decision,” Lindsay explained. And Kenny should be pushing for it to be that way, not encouraging Dev to check with her on everything. What was going on here?

“It affects you. Us. Our relationship,” Dev said.

“So he’s getting involved in our relationship? Whatever. Fine. Me aside, what would you have said?” Lindsay asked.

Dev hesitated. “Originally I said no. Then Kenny made a good point. I don’t want to do it, and if you don’t want me to I won’t –”

“But you will if I don’t veto it,” Lindsay finished for him.

“I suppose that’s fair to say,” Dev agreed. He sounded stressed. Damn Kenny!

“Then do it,” Lindsay said. If Dev would have done it, then he should do it.

“Not until you listen to what his crazy idea is,” he said, an edge of whining to his voice now. She sighed.

“Dev, if it’s from Kenny, it’s about the band. That’s none of my business and –”

“He wants me to date Erika Atlas,” Dev said, interrupting her.

Lindsay paused. She couldn’t have heard that right. Well – Kenny – maybe she did hear it right. Except Kenny would know better than to
really
step between her and Dev. Wouldn’t he? She took a deep breath. “What?” Lindsay asked.

“I’m sorry to just throw that at you, it’s just that you wouldn’t listen. And not date her, not really. Those pictures . . . no one believed the statement that there’s nothing going on. Kenny wants, and Erika agreed, and the managers are on board with it – they want to stop denying it, that’s all. Let the tabloids and celebrity spy mags have their way. Gossip to their hearts’ content. To help them along, I’ll be seen in public every so often with Erika. Nothing like with you – no kissing or anything, just meeting for lunch or something, I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Kenny said coffee, but I don’t drink coffee unless it’s half sugar and cream and I’m not about to let anyone see that. It seems stupid to meet for a Diet Coke. I mean, at least make a meal of it. Then they can take a picture and it’s free publicity for her and us.”

“So you’re dating me, and her.” Lindsay wanted to kill him for the groupie paternity suit, this . . . she had no idea what she wanted to do to him for this. But Kenny was right, she already came out vocally, repeatedly and publicly, that she’d be the supportive girlfriend. It wasn’t like anyone was really taking Dev’s picture with her.

If she said no, Kenny could accuse her of being insecure and holding him back. Although, personally, Lindsay was leaning toward ‘no’ for simple good taste. She understood Kenny’s attraction to the idea: marketing plus he got to force Dev to see another woman.

That last bit wouldn’t work as planned. Lindsay listened to Dev rant and watched sweat break out on his brow when Erika dropped in on them on tour just to get that video. In a studio, it was easy to wipe away the excess moisture. On a stage, it was easy to explain it as heat from the lights. At a coffee shop or restaurant? Dev couldn’t break out in a sweat around Erika and still sell it that he was dating her. But he wasn’t comfortable enough around her to do anything else.

Lindsay smiled. This wouldn’t last. Besides, whispers were floating out there that Dev was gay and this would put a stop to it. Temporarily. Eventually, someone would catch on that it’s a hoax and cry foul. Then Kenny would
want
her to step up and publicly be Dev’s girlfriend because she
could
touch and kiss him.

“Honey, I’m fine. I’m not happy. Why would I be? But it’ll be good for the band and that’s good for you. I won’t stand in your way. Don’t let her interfere with school though when you take her for coffee or lunch or whatever. School’s important,” Lindsay said with a smile.

“Really?” Dev asked. He sounded relieved.

“Sure. I love you for all of you. She only knows a tiny bit of you. Kenny just doesn’t get that. Say hi for me.” Lindsay smiled at the poster of A Thousand Words behind her door. She hoped Kenny had a stroke when this backfired on him.

Starting school again that fall was stressful for Dev. Lindsay turned eighteen in October. Dev would be twenty the following April, not long after their third anniversary. He knew her expectations were changing and didn’t know what to do about it.

Dev considered who he had to turn to with his anxiety over Lindsay turning eighteen. He talked to Bryan already. Finding middle ground was a good answer. Letting her lead him a little outside of his comfort zone was frightening, but then it would be. Baby steps. He didn’t feel like he could go back to Bryan again. Bryan was busy with his own things and Dev didn’t want Brenda mad at him.

Dr. Braithewait was an obvious choice. He had to see her weekly anyway to keep Flynn off his back. Except Dev rarely talked about his relationship with Lindsay. She only came up when Braithewait found her fingerprints in something they were discussing.

Lindsay was going to come up again in conversation, Dev thought. His eyes flickered from his keyboard to the terrarium on his dresser. A juvenile green python sat coiled on a branch, possibly asleep. The snake was so young it still had bits of yellow mottled through its bright green scales. Lindsay gave him the snake last Christmas, an action that left Dev in bemused surprise. The snake couldn’t accompany him back to school at the time, but Tim moved him over the summer so he was here at school with Dev now. Sophie was relieved. She
hated
it that the snake ate mice and refused to set foot in Jess and Kenny’s apartment over the garage the entire time it was there.

Lindsay hated snakes too but Dev was still having nightmares about them, courtesy of losing his mom’s best friend, Nicholas, two years ago to a rattlesnake bite. Lindsay reasoned Dev used to love snakes, and baby anythings pulled at the heart, so this would help him with his phobia.

Dev didn’t point out that a baby snake failed to pull at
her
heart. She pet it briefly, but only because he pressured her to. He didn’t want to mention that, as phobias went, being mildly jittery about snakes was something he could live with. Dev just accepted her gift as it was intended: she loved him and wanted to help him.

The problem was: Monty, as Lindsay named him, didn’t invoke a fear response in Dev. He was only nervous about
venomous
snakes. Bryan pointed out Nicholas’s death was irrelevant in this case. A fear of venomous snakes wasn’t a phobia so much as good sense.

Dev watched the snake sit still on the branch and sighed. Dr. Braithewait would be amused by Lindsay’s approach to his phobia. Would she be as amused to learn he supported abstinence and she was a nymphomaniac struggling to suppress her urges because of him? He doubted it. She’d dive right into that one as a major issue to be discussed, and Dev didn’t really want to discuss it. Then she’d want to talk about the bigger issue that he’d been holding back in their sessions by not mentioning that choice tidbit earlier.

He had to tell Braithewait about Monty showing him it wasn’t all snakes he feared. Maybe Lindsay was onto something. He could force the issue and get a rattlesnake.

Dev looked up the requirements for getting a venomous snake, confident there were hoops to jump through. More than a few, it appeared. They didn’t issue a permit to keep a venomous snake as a pet in Massachusetts. Dev sat back and considered the problem.

How bad did he want to do this? Bad enough to be a breeder? He could probably get a permit for that. Yes. It didn’t have to be long term, but for now, he felt he needed to do this. Kenny was going to kill him if this ever got out, Dev realized. He’d have to be careful.

Putting off the permit issue, Dev looked for breeders of venomous snakes. He’d find one and buy out half the business. Then he’d have a reason to have a permit plus someone to show him the ropes.

Glancing at the clock on the screen, Dev decided he didn’t have time for this. But he wanted it, and he should be allowed a little free time to do what he wanted. Besides, it needed to be done. Who knew what Lindsay would come up with next in an effort to be helpful?

And that brought his wandering mind full circle: what to do about Lindsay. He could just give in. Dev wanted to on some level, but the thought made him feel guilty for betraying his mother. Besides, he hated the thought that Flynn was right. And Jess and Kenny. It was a matter of principle and pride now.

Well, Dev thought with a long sigh, he had time. No, Thanksgiving was coming up. She’d be eighteen and he’d be home, so not that much time.

Pushing the unwelcome thought aside, Dev tried to concentrate on his homework. He’d deal with the snake and Lindsay later.

○ ○ ○

Lindsay was beside herself. Dev was coming home. Of course it was Thanksgiving, and his agreement with Flynn was that he’d come back for holidays and breaks. Lindsay even skipped class and visited Flynn while Sophie was at school to verify that deal was still in effect.

He wasn’t fooled for a minute. Flynn sat her down and reminded her of Dev’s ridiculously conservative stance on sex. He fished for any sign Dev was reconsidering relaxing his position, and Lindsay couldn’t offer anything beyond his willingness to allow their make-out sessions. Dev always slammed on the breaks when her hands wandered or she tried to press herself against him just a little more.

Flynn wished her luck and even promised to run interference with Kenny and Jess if she could lure his stepson into his room behind a closed door. Although he made her promise not to push too hard. Flynn seemed to think Dev might have a panic attack if she did a strip tease or gave him a lap dance unless he was already on board with the plan.

She left Dev’s stepfather feeling like he’d backed her into a corner. Flynn just cared about Dev, Lindsay knew that, but she didn’t see him as the kindred spirit she used to.

If Lindsay thought talking to Flynn was hard, it was nothing to when her father called her into his study. Lindsay had no idea what he wanted, but her mother standing beside him with her ‘psychologist face’ on reminded her it was a minefield to navigate their plans when they teamed up.

“Hi, Dad, you wanted to see me?” Lindsay entered the study with a smile. Not that the cheerfully innocent act would last, assuming it still worked at all. On her mom, certainly not; but it still worked sometimes on her dad.

“Lindsay, you’re eighteen and an adult now,” Jack began. “I can’t reasonably interfere in your life, only offer guidance. You’re a smart girl and we can see you’re excited for Dev to come home for Thanksgiving. However, I’d like to remind you that whatever ties you and Dev have that keeps him close, he’s not exactly . . .” he wavered.

“Your father wants to say Devin’s not like you, honey,” Sabrina picked up where Jack faltered. “I know what you’re thinking is going to happen. You’re eighteen, he’s nineteen I believe.”

Lindsay nodded. “He turns twenty April 22nd.”

“Okay, you’re both adults, but you have different ideologies. Honey, you know that,” Sabrina said.

“I know.” Lindsay hesitated. Did she really want to tell them how important this was to her? No.

“It’s been hard for you, hasn’t it?” Jack asked.

Damn, he was in observant-lawyer mode, Lindsay thought and nodded in response.

“Dev and I talked about you and your relationship before the depositions on the paternity suit. I think it was a little awkward for him, with me being your father. But I was also his lawyer, and it helped me find the missing pieces to kill that claim he was sleeping with fans.”

“How?” Lindsay asked, fishing for time more than information. They
were
interfering, and they couldn’t possibly be saying what she thought.

“Well, to start with, as his girlfriend, you were able to give me a picture of Dev’s behavior and mannerisms that the plaintiff, Gloria Fincher, couldn’t. If she’d spent any time talking to Dev, she would have seen some of that. Also, even in your chaste relationship, you could provide physical descriptions she couldn’t. If she slept with him, she should have been able to at least describe what you did.”

“Dev said you pushed her about his birthmark,” Lindsay said, “but he doesn’t have one.”

Jack smiled. “Gloria didn’t know that. That I asked implied he did. She broke down and confessed when it appeared there was something she clearly should have known and didn’t. He does have a small mole on his chest, that gave me some latitude.

“Now, stop changing the subject. You want a more intimate relationship with Dev.” Her father looked at her sternly, but Lindsay refused to wilt under that gaze like Becky always did.

“I need this, Daddy. I’ve been dying these last couple of years and he only sees part of it. I need him,” Lindsay pleaded. She cursed the tears starting to fall. It wouldn’t help them see her as an adult, although they punctuated her desperation.

“I understand, at least as far as I’m able, honey. I’m not speaking to you as his lawyer, but as your father. I’m fond of Dev, I think he’s good for you. The problem is, Dev may not be ready. You’ve been struggling, I assume. You say you need him to give in to you. He may need you to respect his decision.

“Given that you can’t force him to accept your plans for him this weekend, I suggest a more casual approach. Go ahead and ask him, but if you push, you may push him away. Dev has a tendency to retreat. I can see him running and leaving you with only phone calls and video dates. Can’t you?”

“Be honest with yourself,” Sabrina said. “Don’t think of Dev as you want him to be, think of how he is.”

Lindsay nodded unhappily.

“What’s he going to do, Lindsay?” Jack pushed.

“Message received,” Lindsay said. “I’ve led him this far, but I won’t let him play ostrich with me anymore. He needs to see what it’s costing me. I’m not going to guilt him into caving, don’t worry. But if he wants to make the decision to keep me waiting, he’s going to have all the facts.” Lindsay turned around and walked out before they could respond.

Back in her room, Lindsay considered what was ahead of her. She initially glossed over the seducing Dev part of her plan, just taking it for granted he’d be like other reluctant interests she’d had in the past. Dev knew her though, he wasn’t going to be the same. He was resistant and forewarned. In fact, he probably knew what was on her mind just as sure as her parents did.

Lindsay wondered how Dev felt about it.

The following Wednesday night, Dev knocked on her door.

“Dev!” Lindsay squealed and threw her arms around his neck. She felt ridiculous for the squeal of happiness, but Dev seemed to like it. He laughed and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her off the ground and kissing her lightly on the cheek.

“Missed you,” Dev said, setting her lightly back on her feet.

Lindsay kissed him softly. “Missed you too. I didn’t expect you tonight.” Taking his hand, she led him downstairs to the family room. It was empty. Becky apparently decided to let Lindsay have some privacy instead of hanging around and chatting code. She’d have to remember to thank her. Dev sat on the sofa and Lindsay snuggled on his lap.

“Yeah. Flew in, the guys picked me up so we got our hellos out of the way. Only Jess had water balloons this time. He threw one and a security guard confiscated the rest. It was pretty funny. I figured I’d come over here and spend a little time with you.”

Dev kissed her gently, Lindsay responded and increased the passion just a little. She was pretty sure he suspected what she wanted, and she’d been worrying about it for a couple of weeks. Maybe Dev decided he was okay with this. She elicited promising physical reactions from him in the past, just before he backed away.

Sliding a hand down across his chest, Lindsay pressed her breasts against him. Shortly after this was when Dev usually called it off. Lindsay almost screamed when Dev broke the kiss and took her wayward hand in his.

“Lin, I love you. You know that,” Dev whispered.

“But you’re not going to give me another birthday present,” she sighed.

“Want some chocolate?” He laughed. He sent her roses again for her birthday, eighteen dozen of them. They filled the house and her room, the smell was amazing. Dev also sent a small box with a pink diamond cut into a heart. A ring. It matched the necklace, earrings, and bracelet he’d already given her, but she didn’t expect a ring. There wasn’t an explanation, just a birthday card. Lindsay wasn’t exactly sure how much to read into it, but took it as a good sign overall.

“No, thank you.” She leaned over to kiss him again, just a delicate, glancing brush of her lips against his. He usually froze on kisses like that, like they somehow touched him deeper than the passionate ones did.

Dev stopped laughing. He watched her with those big green eyes she loved so much.

“I know what you want, Lin,” he said softly. A hand reached up to brush her hair away from her face.

“And?”

“I can’t.”

Lindsay nodded. “Can’t. Not that you aren’t ready, or you don’t want to; you can’t?”

Dev sighed. “Baby, I do want to. It’s hard for me, I can’t image what it’s like for you. And every time we get close, I feel Mom watching me. I should be overcome with passion and love, instead it’s guilt.”

Lindsay thought about that. Tonight was a no-go, that was for sure. He admitted it was hard for him and gave an indication he knew it was harder for her. That was a start. Christmas wasn’t far, she could lay the groundwork now.