True Colors (2 page)

Please don’t say like you and dad. Please! I don’t want that mental image!

Thankfully she let out a sigh and continued in a quiet voice. “I don't see how you can do that unless you're with someone you love. I mean do you love Chase?”

The question stumped me. I should have been able to answer in a heartbeat, but I couldn’t. The truth was, I didn’t really know if I loved him or not. I definitely cared about him. I liked spending time with him, but our relationship so far had been more of a heady-rush. One I’d never expected. Chase Mitchell didn’t look at girls like me, but for some reason I’d caught his eye and I wasn’t about to cold shoulder this unexplained phenomenon.

“We’ve only been dating a couple of months,” I mumbled.

“Then you shouldn't be having sex with him." Her eyebrows rose so high I thought they might glide off the top of her forehead. I crossed my arms and slouched while Mom let out another big sigh.

“Caitlyn, I respect that you are now an eighteen-year-old woman and in less than six months you will be flitting off to college to live the life you choose.” She blinked and I couldn’t tell if that news relieved or saddened her. I tried not to think about it as she realigned her wedding and engagement ring, a habit she’d had forever. “I’m not telling you when you can lose your virginity and who you can lose it to. I just want you to think about it.” Her deep brown eyes were filled with parental concern. “I know you probably think I’m an old stuff. Your father’s the only man I’ve ever been with and I know views on sex are very different to what they were when I was a teenager. I just...” She sighed. “I don't ever want you to have regrets when it comes to your first time...or anytime for that matter.” She swallowed and looked all awkward again. “I mean unless you've already had your first time and this is a wasted conversation. Well, it's not totally wasted, but...”

Her hands started fluffing the back of her grey-speckled curls like they always do when she’s flustered. I cleared my throat and interrupted her.

"Mom. Still a virgin." I wanted to die. Who talks about sex with their 63-year-old mother?

She leaned her elbows on the table, looking all relieved. “Oh, so you haven't...yet?"

"No.” I frowned, and have no idea what compelled me to continue, but I did. “And we probably wouldn't have this afternoon either.”

“Really?”

I shrugged, realizing I’d just told a big fat one. If Mom hadn’t interrupted us, we totally would have.

And Mom knew it too. She dipped her head and muttered, “I’m so glad your father's not home right now.”

I couldn’t help my eye roll.

“Caity, I just want you to be thoughtful about it, that's all. I don't want to dictate who you hang out with, but you've got to admit you're changing. I sometimes worry where your friends are going to take you next. I miss the sweet, funny girl you used to be. The one who played sports all the time and had fun. The one who had principles and would never in a million years just let some random guy touch her.”

"Chase isn’t random. He’s my boyfriend.”

She made a face. I tried not to let it bug me. I liked Chase. He was hot and exciting. Mom just didn't get it.

“Look, I’m not that different. I'm just growing up. And I told you why I didn’t try out for volleyball again this year. I wanted to focus on my studies, which is what I’m doing.” That wasn’t entirely true. I probably would have gone out for the team this year if my best friend, Stella, hadn’t bitched and moaned about how it took up too much of my time. Sometimes I think she’s just jealous, because she’s such an unco, but I conceded, like I always did when it came to Stella. It was just easier that way.

I tried to hide my frown. I didn’t like to dwell on how much influence Stella often had on me.

Reaching across the table, Mom pulled me from my thoughts by gathering up the fingers of my right hand and running her thumb over my knuckles. “I know you’re growing up.” She grinned. “And I love to see it.” Her smile wavered. “Just as long as you never lose that compassionate spirit of yours, the one that was always looking out for others. All I want you to do is be who you are. People should love you without you having to change anything."

I scowled. This conversation was getting under my skin and I really didn’t like it. “Mom, what are you talking about? I'm still me."

"You have to admit that the likes of Stella...and Chase have brought out a different side to you.” I could feel my hackles rising the way they always did when she talked about my best friend. Stella and I had been tight since first grade and sure, she had changed a lot over the years, but I wasn’t just going to ditch her. I liked some of the stuff she’d gotten me into. Sure, it scared me a touch sometimes, but I’d never admit that to my mom.

It was now my turn for my bright blue eyes to grow dark with disapproval. My mom grinned, no doubt trying to ensure the conversation didn’t get explosive. “I’m not saying you're a bad person or anything, I just don't want you to forget who you are at the core."

I swallowed back my anger. I hated conflict, no matter who it was with. Taking a little breath, I forced a smile over my lips. “Mom, you raised me right. I know who I am, okay?"

"Yeah." She sighed again, looking totally unconvinced.

Much to my relief, my phone dinged with a text message. I fished it out of my back pocket and unlocked the screen.

Just heard from Chase. Need a rescue? Tell your mom shopping with the girls. I have a plan.

I cleared my throat. “So Stella and the girls are going shopping tonight. Can I go?"

I’m sure twenty years ago, when she’d been dealing with Seth, Layla, Holly and Toby - my older siblings - she would have made them stay home, but she either no longer had the energy or she knew it was easier to keep in her kids’ good books. I didn’t care what the reason was, I loved seeing that little shrug and nod. “Just be home by 10."

"Mom, it's Friday night."

"Okay, 11."

"Thirty?" I tipped my head, giving her that look I’d been perfecting over the years. Holly taught it to me. We called it the mother-softener.

She rolled her eyes. “Not one minute more.”

I jumped up with a smile, the rest of my dinner forgotten.

“Caitlyn.” Mom’s voice stopped me. “Just remember what we talked about, okay? I want you to really think about it.”

The serious look on her face made my reply sincere. “I will, Mom.”

And finally her brown eyes lit with a soft smile. “Have fun, sweetie.”

Chapter 2

I knew I probably should consider what Mom had said. Did I really want Chase to be my first? I knew for a fact I wasn’t going to be his first. If I was entirely honest, I would probably end up being another notch on his belt. Technically I should be running for the hills. But I really wanted to have sex. I wanted to know what it felt like...and I wanted to do it with someone I liked. And I really did like Chase...and he liked me. We'd been having fun together. He made me feel alive and adventurous. I liked that feeling.

I ran my hands through my long curls and ruffled the ends. Flicking them over my shoulder, I adjusted the ring on my forefinger and scuffed my high black sandals on the path outside our house. Stella was always late. Ugh. But I wanted to wait outside, rather than loiter in my room. I was scared Mom would come up, having thought of something else to add to her little speech. I knew I shouldn’t mind it. I guess it was nice to be cared for...but it really bugged me when that care rang with a truth I didn’t want to hear.

I patted the back pocket of my pale denim, skinny jeans, checking that my phone and money were still there. I knew I should go back in and get a handbag like every other girl in the world, but I really hated them. They were just another thing for me to leave somewhere and I couldn’t be bothered with the way they always slipped off my shoulder. Holly gave me a bag for my birthday last year that kind of went across my middle and sat against my butt. I should drag that out and actually start using it.

I was toying with the idea of running back inside to find it when I heard a car coming down the road. I craned my neck to see if it was Stella’s VW Beetle, but no, it was the car that always took my breath away. Not because I’m a car chick or anything, but because the guy who drove it...my next door neighbor, Eric...was like the most beautiful human being ever created.

I’m not just making that up. I mean he was hot and then some. Like movie star hot. When he moved in six months ago, I swear I couldn’t speak for like a day. I’d never seen anyone like him.

Eric swerved into his driveway and quickly cut the engine. I tried not to look, but couldn’t help stealing a few furtive glimpses as he got out of his black Jeep
shirtless
and reached for the surfboard attached to the roll bars. His straight hair was wet, droplets hanging from the long ends before dripping onto his shoulders. I watched one droplet glide over his hard chest and perfect abs.

Yeah, I know I sound like a total perv. I mean I had a boyfriend! But Eric.
Le sigh
. He would be my secret crush forever.

His hazel green eyes caught my stare and I quickly turned away before I could see his disapproving frown. That was the only problem about my sexy next-door neighbor. Friendliness was not his strong suit. I mean he was polite and everything. We'd said a few hellos, but the one time I’d had enough courage to give him one of my flirty smiles, he responded with a closed mouth grin, you know the
so obviously forced
kind? Like he pitied my effort or something. It was so humiliating and I still haven't forgiven Stella for forcing me into it. She'd been standing there nudging me until I'd twirled my hair and used a cutesy voice that was so not my style. "Hi Eric." Ugh! I could still hear the way I sounded. Cringeville! Stella had laughed her ass off over that one, but she'd insisted she wasn't being mean (I knew she liked Eric too, so I had to question her motives), she was just trying to teach me the art of flirting. She'd done me a favor I guess. I'd scored Chase, so I couldn't complain.

My eyes crept back to Eric. I don’t know why he didn’t like me and I probably shouldn’t have cared. But there was something so compelling about the guy.

“Eric!” His little half-sister Lacey squealed out of the house and ran for him. He leaned the surfboard against his jeep and picked her up, throwing her in the air as if she were a football and not a ten-year-old child.

She wrapped her arms and legs around him with a giggle. I could hear him laughing as well.

See! Eric was nice!

“Hey, Caitlyn!” Lacey waved over Eric’s shoulder. I lifted my hand with a grin as Eric swivelled to face me. I thought he was about to smile, his expression softened with what I thought was friendliness, but then the sound of Stella’s Beetle approaching stole his grin. We all knew it was Stella because One Direction was blasting from her stereo.

Eric popped Lacey onto the ground and herded her towards the house. Knowing it would be my last chance for the day, I kept my eyes on him as he tucked his surfboard under one arm and grabbed his weekend bag from the passenger seat. I loved the shape his muscles made when they were bearing weight.

Man, I was pathetic.

Stella’s car horn forced me to turn away. I ran up the path and jumped into the passenger side, turning down the music. Stella didn’t even notice. Her eyes were fixated on Eric as he walked up his front steps.

"I'm so coming over tomorrow."

"Why?" I knew why, but asked anyway.

"Look how long their grass is. Eric’s home for the weekend. There's going to be some bare-chested lawn mowing going on tomorrow and I'm not going to miss it."

I chuckled. Eric was a freshman at UCLA and didn’t live at home anymore. Luckily for us, he was around a lot on the weekends and Stella always kept an eye on the lawn. I will never forget the day we first noticed him mowing. I swear we both swooned like groupies. It was ridiculous.

"Here's your fake ID."

I looked at the plastic card in Stella’s hand and swallowed. "I don't remember ordering one."

"Well, I knew you'd chicken out, so I went ahead and got one for you.” Her perfectly plucked eyebrows wiggled and two dimples appeared on her flawless cheeks.

I smiled at her expectant green gaze, trying to look enthusiastic as I took the card from her. I had to remind myself that this was why I loved Stella, she made me do things I'd never have the courage to do on my own.

“Martha Woodgrove. Really?”

She giggled, her cheeky expression lighting with glee. “Take what you can get, sweetness.” She pulled on the wheel, spinning the car back around. “You owe me a hundred bucks by the way.”

"Thanks." I think. I tapped the card against my thumbnail, trying to look grateful. “So where are we really going?”

Stella smoothed down her shiny, blonde hair with a deft hand. “Well, Chase and I thought we should take you somewhere where you can forget about your parental woes...so we’re going clubbing.”

“Clubbing." I tried not to grimace.

“Yeah. It’ll be fun.”

I pushed a smile over my lips, not my genuine one, but the wide toothy smile I used when I was trying to make other people happy. I hated dancing. I mean I didn’t mind if it was all choreographed and we were all doing the same thing, but that awkward shuffling on a crowded dance floor to thumping loud music, was so not my style. There was no way I was going to say anything though. Stella and Chase were looking out for me. I nodded and turned up the music so conversation would cease. I didn’t want Stella asking details about my mother’s lecture. She already thought my mom was an old fuddy-duddy. Besides I was too stressed about the dancing to waffle my way through a conversation where Stella came out feeling on top and my mother wasn’t dragged through the mud completely.