True Control 4.2 (14 page)

Chapter 39 HIM

Her little slap stings for a second. She holds her hand though like it hurt her more. I let go of her and gently pull her hands apart, keeping my eyes locked on hers. I kiss her palm and press it against my cheek.

“You can kick and scream and fight me all you want, Lucy. But I’m through waiting to have what I want.” I grin again. “I want you.”

She tries to bolt again, pulling her hand away and moving back. I grab her and twist us around, pushing her on to the desk. I’m gentle though. I put my knee in between her legs, keeping myself off of her stomach, pressing only her upper body into the desk. Holding her hands down.

“I
want
you, Lucy. I
know
you want me. I can feel it. I can see it. I can taste it.” I kiss her again. She’s still resisting a little, but she moans too. “And I
will
have you. You
will
belong to me.”

“No. Stop. This is all wrong.”  Her tears choke her words and she tries to push against my hands. I just grin, not moving. I bend down and kiss her neck; she tilts her head back against the wood for a moment, exposing more for me. But just as quickly, she shakes her head and pushes against my hands again.

“This isn’t wrong, Lucy. We’re right together.” I growl my words softly, biting her ear to keep her head from moving, brushing her neck with my stubbled chin. Her nipples answer nicely.

“You shouldn’t be doing this, Jake. Please…” But there’s not much strength in her words, her breathing is too fast.

I kiss her again and she responds a little better, opening her lips quickly. But the next second, she’s still trying to push against me. “I should’ve done this a long time ago.”

This apparently was the wrong this to say. She increases her pushing, her eyes flashing with anger. “No. This
is
wrong. I can’t do this to Max. Get off me, Jake!” She’s trying with all her might to push me, I let up just a little so she doesn’t hurt herself.

“Max isn’t here, Lucy.
I
am. And I won’t take no for an answer.” I run my tongue up the side of her neck and grab her ear between my teeth again, not letting go as I whisper, “Not when I can feel you saying yes.” I kiss her cheek gently.

But she twists her head around, glaring at me. “What? Are you going to rape me, Jake? Rape your brother’s wife?”

“I will if I have to…” I grin at her shocked reaction, “but I don’t think I’ll have to.”

She bucks and squirms, against my grip, but she’s no match, hardly moving me. Actually only getting me harder. When she stops finally, “And you’re no one’s wife…Max is dead, girl, it’s time you get that through your head.”

She screams. A primal, outraged, from the gut scream and this time when she bucks, she moves me. She moves the desk. I slam her arms down harder on it to get her to stop. She digs her nails into my hands. I don’t let go, I just let her scream until she wears herself out. It doesn’t take long. She dissolves into tears for a longer stretch. Tossing her head side to side, hiding under curls, her whole body rocking against me. I wait this out too.

I want to kiss her, to stop her tears with gentleness. But I know that’s not what she needs. And it’s not all I want to do.

“That’s enough, girl. Stop crying.” I laugh at her little sniffle in response to my command. How she manages to make it sound defiant and angry. But she stops. She doesn’t look at me though. She looks at my mouth. Watches my lips as I talk to her.

“Your life didn’t end just because Max’s did. I know how he felt about you. That you belonged to him. I know you think that the only way to keep him in your heart is to close it off to me. That he’d want it that way.” She raises her eyes briefly to mine. I’ve got her number.

I laugh at her and she lowers her eyes again. “He wanted you to be happy, Lucy. If
he
couldn’t make you happy for the rest of your life, I know...” Dammit. I take a deep breath. “I
know
he’d never forgive me if I didn’t try.”

She looks at me again, tears stuck in place, magnifying the red and blue. I want to taste her tears. I want to cause her tears not from this emotional pain, but from my hands. I
want
to take her by force.

But I only take her mouth again. I slam my lips against hers, shoving her head hard against the wood, crushing and clutching her fingers in mine. Her little cry and gasp are lost to my breaths. I don’t wait for her lips to open to me, I pry them open with my tongue. I explore every part of her mouth, biting her lips, biting her tongue, choking her with mine. I pull away and lower my forehead onto her chest. I want to take all of her this way.

But I know that I’ll enjoy it more, taking her one piece at a time. I lift my head up and put my finger over her swollen lips. Pressing them hard against her teeth. She’s panting. “Your lips are mine now.” She nods, blinking the tears down into her hair. “Say it.” I cup her cheek and feel the cold path of her tears against her hot skin.

“My lips are yours…” Almost no sound, just her beautiful mouth forming the words I’ve longed to hear.

“Good.” I let her go and walk around to the other side of my desk again. I watch her slowly get up and move her skirt down, run her hands through her hair.

She doesn’t look at me again, only reaches slowly for her bag and moves slowly towards the door. I wait till she has it open before saying anything more. “Lucy.” She turns, but still doesn’t look up all the way. “Cancel that date. Tell him you’re taken.”

She whispers, but I can just hear, “Yes, Sir.”

Chapter 39 HER

I’m shaky walking to the elevator. Luckily no one is around. No one heard me screaming. No one heard him.

I lean against the wall of the elevator, holding my mouth. I can still feel where he bit my lip. My tongue keeps seeking out the spot, wanting more of him.

Jeff gives me a concerned frown. I must look a mess. “You ok?” I nod and his hand is gentle as he opens the door and helps me inside.

I want to cry or laugh or both. I’m wrecked. Fragmented. Mental looney right now.

I try to hold onto what he said, not how he made me feel. I can’t help crossing my legs in frustration though.

I said yes to a date, not because I thought I was ready for one. I’ve been horny as hell, but I know nothing would’ve happened with a stranger. I didn’t even want anything to happen. It was just a step. That was all. A step into the world of the living. That was all I thought I was ready for.

Jake isn’t a stranger though. He’s family.

Ok, I’ve wanted him…like I wanted Max. I’ve responded to him like I responded to Max. I put my hands over my face, hiding my emotions from Jeff again. From myself.

I can’t face this. All this. The feelings of guilt, desire, anger…love.

I take a deep breath and look out the window to continue hiding most of my face. So I can face the truths. I want Jake. I want him to want me. To possess and dominate me. To order me around. To do whatever he pleases just like he just did.

But he’s not Max. I don’t know that I can be like that with anyone again. I can’t face giving all of myself to someone again. Not even Jake.

Chapter 40 HIM

I haven’t been in the office all day. Probably a good thing. I’ve had a hard enough time concentrating on anything besides our dinner tonight.

I’ve worked from home. On my home and projects. Mitch has been running back and forth. I’ve kept tabs on Lucy this way pretty easily. I half expected her not to come in today. I thought she might try to avoid me after yesterday. I’m glad that she didn’t.

I smile to myself. I wouldn’t have let her, but I’m glad that I won’t have to resort to that.

I hear the buzzer from downstairs and glance at the clock in my kitchen. Good girl, right on time. I hit the intercom, “Come on up. Elevator’s working now.”

I open the front door. But I don’t hear the elevator running. My buzzer sounds again. I roll my eyes. “Yes?”

“I’m not coming in. I know you told Jeff to bring me here, but I’ve already text him to come right back. I’m going home.”

“He won’t be coming back, Lucy. I told him that I’ll be getting you home tonight.” I wait for her to swallow that news. It’s a lie. “Now. Get your ass inside and up here.” I buzz her in again, holding down the button longer this time. I’m already texting Jeff not to return. He replies back with a smile only. I roll my eyes again.

I can hear the elevator running this time.

I stand at the door waiting for her. When the doors open, I’m a little surprised. She looks great. But different.

It’s her outfit. A dark blue silky V-neck top that shows off a lot more cleavage than I’ve seen from her before, but it isn’t too much. And dark jeans. I smile watching her legs move, her toes peeking out of high-heeled sandals.

She stops in front of me, but she’s not smiling. “I only came up to wait for a cab.”

I hesitate for a moment. Deciding. I’d planned to start over. To try for the gentleness I was originally planning. But seeing her like this. Hair full and bouncy. Chin and eyes all set defiant and on edge. Her clothes obviously meant to piss me off. I can’t help myself. The road of best intentions, right?!

I grab her arms quickly and pick her up; she squeals. I turn quickly and put her down and against the wall with a little shove. Her eyes are wide with shock, but she’s recovering fast. I stop anymore nonsense she might try by closing the door and standing in front of it. “You’re not leaving until you’ve had dinner. So you might as well make yourself comfortable.”

She narrows her eyes, but finally moves more into the loft. “And if you did call a cab, you better cancel it right now. Because if I have to go downstairs to get rid of one, your ass will be very sore when I get back up here, girl.”

She reluctantly pulls out her phone and texts something. “Good. Now come sit down. We have a few things to discuss before eating.”

I watch her walk over to my sofa. Her ass looks great. “I’ve never seen you in jeans before.”

She turns with a wicked smile, “That’s because
Max
, your brother, wouldn’t let me wear pants. Does it bother you?”

So that’s her game. She thinks mentioning him, his rules will throw me. That I’ll back down and give up trying. That I’ll think about him more than her. Sorry, brother, but she’s here. You’re not. And I want her for myself now.

I grin, I believe Max would’ve wanted it this way. He didn’t really want anyone to have Lucy of course. But he knew her. Loved her. He would know she needs to give her love and to be loved in return. She’s only happiest when she can really give herself freely. And she’ll only give herself to me. I’m very sure of that.

“I think you look sexy.” Her little wicked smile falters, I only grin more. “Maybe a little too sexy for the office. But I like it.”

She sits down, with a little pouty frown that she quickly tries to hide. “So you don’t think girls should only wear skirts or dresses, just like
Max
and Ron?”

I’ll give her an A for effort. “Nope. I told you before that I thought Max had too many rules and didn’t let you make enough decisions for yourself.” I sit next to her, handing her a glass of milk. She frowns at this too, but takes it. “I’ll of course tell you if I don’t like something that you wear. Or if I don’t think it’s appropriate. And in those cases, you’ll of course change.” I like how red her face gets. So easy to push her buttons.

“You just said you like a girl to make her own decisions.” She’s trying for bratty, but I can hear the real question in her voice.

“Lucy, this is what I want to talk to you about.” I cut the crap. As fun as it is to see her squirm like this, I know we have to have a serious talk about everything. To clear the air about what
I
want and what she needs.

Chapter 40 HER

I made Laura go shopping with me instead of dinner yesterday. I made her help me pick out these jeans and top. She was surprised that I wasn’t shopping for maternity clothes. And that I was looking for tight and revealing. This was never really my taste. But I didn’t tell her why.

And this isn’t overly tight or revealing. My belly wouldn’t fit in anything too tight right now. I look down at the amount of cleavage popping out of this shirt though and want to cover up. I had a sweater on in the office all day, but I’m not going to tell him that.

I planned to flaunt my independence in his face. To show him that I’m not his puppy, not Max’s puppy anymore either! I knew my plan was in trouble the moment I saw the look on his face at the door. I could see how turned on he was by how I looked.

It wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. I know he’s not exactly like Max. I haven’t been able to put my finger on what’s different though. That I’ve had more freedom around him maybe? And more indecision. I don’t know exactly what Jake wants or thinks. It’s frustrating.

“I want to be clear with you, Lucy. I don’t want there to be any doubt in your mind.” I only nod. He looks soft, but determined. He takes my hand in both of his. I like how warm and strong his hands are. There’s little calluses on his palms, from working to fix this place up. “I’m not Max. I won’t ever be Max.”

I try to pull my hand away, but he keeps it locked in his, “I know that!” I’m getting upset again. I know I was the one to bring Max up, but I really don’t want to talk about him, not like this. Holding hands with Jake.

“Don’t interrupt me again, girl. I’ll let you know when it’s your turn to speak.” See right there. Different. Max probably would’ve slapped me or turned me over his knee for talking back. I only nod. I’m pulled between this urge to push him, to see how far I
could
push him and this need to see how different he really is.

He takes a deep breath and starts again. “I’m not going to dictate every part of your life, every minute by minute.” He puts his hand on my cheek and rubs down my neck, following down my arm to our hands again. “I don’t think that’s what you need to be my good girl, Lucy.” I shiver from his touch and his words. “I’ll have plenty of rules, sure. And lots of consequences. But I’ll expect you to make a lot of decisions on your own. And if I disapprove of any, I’ll give you fair warning.”

“You’re talking…” I realize I’d interrupted him, so I stop. Puppy!

But he nods and smiles, “Go on.”

“Jake…you’re talking like we’re already together…like everything’s already decided…”

He grins again, “It is. I told you last night. You belong to me.”

I open my mouth a few times to answer, but I’m not sure what to say. He laughs and I get angry again at this. “Stop laughing at me! I don’t like it when you do that!”

He only laughs harder for a moment, before trying to swallow back any more, he finally ends with a big crooked smile again. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh at you. But you’re just so damn cute when you try to be something you’re not!” He pulls me forward and kisses me, but just a light kiss. “You’re not in charge, Lucy. You never will be. So don’t try to act all independent and strong-willed with me anymore. I’ll bend you over for a good spanking if you try it again tonight.”

“I’m not
trying
for anything…except to make you understand how I feel!”

“So tell me then.” But he gives me a stern look, “But lower your voice or you’ll be sitting on a stool in the corner and getting a good time out along with that spanking.”

I blink at this image. Max always just got angry, ballistic angry sometimes. He’d make me recite rules facing the wall. But the image of being treated like such a child by Jake…I’m shaken by this.

He didn’t say it with anger either. I’m not even sure he is angry right now. I don’t know how to respond to this. To him. I don’t know what he really wants from me.

“You’re confusing me…I don’t know what you want. I always knew exactly what…” I can’t finish. I can’t bring Max up again.

He shakes his head. “I know what I want with you, Lucy. And I want to be clear about it. No confusion.” He stops though and lets go of my hand. He takes a big drink of his beer before turning back to me. “I know what you had with Max. I don’t want that. Not
exactly
that. Shit. This is harder to put into words, to explain…” He takes a deep breath while looking up at his ceiling.

“I’ll give you an example. Maybe that’s the easiest way to explain it.” He stares at me again and I only nod. “If I tell you the sky is beige. I’d expect you to argue with me, right?” I nod, laughing a little at his choice of example.  “But you wouldn’t have argued with Max if he said it, would you?” His voice takes on a deep edge, full of emotion.

I shake my head. As ridiculous as his example is, I know it’s true. I wouldn’t have argued with anything Max ever said or did. No matter how minor or major. I knew I’d be punished.

“I expect you to respect me. To obey me.” His voice is so low it’s almost a whispered growl. “I won’t accept
any
disrespect or back talk from you. But I
will
allow you to speak your mind with me.” He grins, “Not in public…but privately, with me…we can discuss anything.”

I nod. Again, a little startled and shaken by the differences…and similarities. I frown with a pouty smile, “So I can’t argue with you about the sky being beige around other people?” I’m being sarcastic, pushing him just a little.

He grins, “Sure you can. I’ll know that you’re asking me to give you a spanking with other people watching if you do.” He laughs at my shocked reaction. “Give it a try, girl, if you think I won’t do it.”

I just lower my eyes at this image. He’s relaxed and laughing, but I can hear the edge in his voice too. He
would
punish me in front of other people. The thought makes my head spin. And my pussy wet.

He lifts my chin to look in his eyes again. “And if tell you to change your clothes, I’ll expect no arguments. If I tell you a decision is final, then no arguments. If it’s a rule, no arguments. But I don’t want you to be so scared of me that you don’t ever discuss anything with me. I won’t be ruled by my anger, Lucy, and neither will you. Do you understand now how I want it to be with us?”

I nod, tears in my eyes. “I think so…”

He smiles again and pulls me forward for a deeper kiss. I melt against him, pulling with my lips, searching for more of him with my tongue. “You want to be my good girl, don’t you?”

I nod again, tears falling freely down my face now, “Yes, Jake.”