Trust (45 page)

Jade arrived to take me to see Dr. Perkins. It was my last meeting for two weeks since she was taking next week off. She said I could always call her service in case of an emergency, and they could track her down.

“How have you been this week, Anna?”

It was the same question Dr. Perkins asked me every week. Usually I responded by telling her I was fine, but today I decided that I wanted her help. That was what she was for, right? “Frustrated.”

She scribbled something down on her notepad. “What has you frustrated?”

“Christmas. I don’t know what to get Stephan.”

“Ah, yes. Sometimes finding gifts for those in our lives can be hard. I find that men especially can be difficult to buy for.”

“That’s what everyone keeps telling me, but it doesn’t help me figure out what to get him. It has to be special.”

Dr. Perkins set her pen and paper down and leaned forward resting her elbows on her knees. “Does he have any hobbies? Something he likes to do in his free time?”

“Yes, but he has lots of books and movies.”

“Okay. Well, is there anything else he likes besides books and movies?”

It took me a minute, but suddenly a lightbulb went off in my head. Although it wasn’t really a gift exactly, I knew it was something he wanted, and he’d been putting off doing it because he was unsure of my reaction. I’d need some help, though, to pull it off.

“You’re smiling. You must have thought of something.”

“I did.”

Dr. Perkins sat back in her chair. “It’s good to see you happy, Anna.”

“Stephan makes me happy.”

“I can see that.”

We’d talked about Stephan a lot since he came with me the day before Thanksgiving. Dr. Perkins hadn’t pressed the issue about my sexual relationship with Stephan, but I knew she was still worried. I’d become good at reading people during my time with Ian, and I knew she was holding her opinion on the subject back. Every time we talked about my relationship with Stephan in any depth, she would bite the inside of her cheek. It was barely noticeable, but after a few times, I’d picked up on the subtle reaction.

She picked her pad of paper back up. “So now that we’ve solved that little dilemma, what else has been going on in your life this week?”

I glanced down and started to pick at my jeans before I told myself to stop it. Stephan had noticed some loose threads in my jeans and asked me about it. When I’d told him, he’d given me that look that said he wasn’t happy. I had to at least try not to ruin any more of my clothes due to my fidgeting.

Pressing my palms flat against my legs, I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Emma—my lawyer—she came by to see me Saturday.”

“And what did she have to say?”

“They . . . Agent Marco and the prosecutor . . . wanted more details on some things I said in my statement.”

“I imagine that was stressful for you.”

I nodded. “I don’t think I could have gotten through it if Stephan wasn’t there.” Pausing, I took another deep breath. “Emma thought so, too. She said I should talk to you . . . see if you could help me prepare for the trial.”

Dr. Perkins didn’t answer me right away, and when she did, her voice had taken on a sympathetic tone. “Anna, I wish there was something I could say or do that would make this easier for you, but I don’t think there is. We’ve talked some already about breathing techniques and having something you can touch to ground you to reality so that you can pull yourself back from a flashback. Those are all things you can use, but in the end there’s no way to know how you’re going to react until you’re up on the stand.”

“I know. I don’t know what Emma was hoping you could do. You can’t even help me decide what to do about John—”

“Wait. John? Your father?”

I nodded.

“Anna, what’s going on with your father? Did something happen you didn’t tell me?”

Shrugging, I squirmed in my seat. It felt as if I were being scolded. I’d meant to bring it up last week, but we’d started talking about other things, and there was no time. “He wants to see me.”

“I see. And do you want to see him?”

I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them. “I don’t know. I mean, why does he want to see me? Why now?”

“I don’t have the answer to that, Anna. No one does but him.”

“I know.”

Dr. Perkins was quiet for several minutes. “What’s the best memory you have from when you were living with your father?”

That was easy. “Watching football. Especially if his team was winning. He was always in a good mood then.”

She nodded and asked me to go into specifics, which I did. Not every moment at John’s house was horrible, but most of it was. The bad had easily outweighed the good.

Before I knew it, Dr. Perkins glanced over at the clock. “Anna, I want you to do something for me before the next time we meet. I want you to write down a list of pros and cons of going to see your father. Make sure not to leave anything out. It needs to be a comprehensive list. You don’t have to show it to anyone—not even to me. This is for you, so you can say anything you want on it. Including calling him nasty names if you want to.”

She winked at me, and I laughed.

“Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” She smiled. “Our time is up today, and remember, I won’t see you again until after the New Year. Try not to let all this dampen your holiday. You’re strong, and you’ll get through this.”

I held her gaze. “That’s what Stephan says.”

Jade was waiting for me when I walked out of Dr. Perkins’s office. I waved good-bye to Monica as Jade and I left.

It was snowing when we walked outside, so by the time we reached Jade’s car, we were both damp and cold. She started the car and then grabbed a blanket out of the backseat that she used to cover us both. “Just until the car heats up. It’s freezing out there. That wind rips right through you.”

I huddled under the blanket but didn’t comment.

“How was therapy?”

“Okay.”

“Just okay?”

I nodded.

“Is that your way of telling me you don’t want to talk about it?”

“I’m just anxious. I need to get home and make some phone calls.”

That got her attention. “Phone calls?”

“I finally figured out what I’m getting Stephan for Christmas, but I need some help.”

“Anything I can do?”

I thought about that for a minute. “Can you take me to a store?”

She froze. “You want me to take you to a store?”

“Yes.”

“With people?”

I nodded.

“Um. Okay. What store did you want to go to?”

I sagged in my seat, feeling the weight of what I wanted to do. How was I going to pull all this off? Christmas was only four days away. “Somewhere that sells fountains. The ones people put on their desks or in their offices.”

As understanding hit, Jade got a huge smile on her face. She gathered the blanket that was covering us and threw it into the backseat. “I know the perfect place.”

An hour later, I entered the condo and rushed straight into my bedroom to hide Stephan’s gift. It had taken only five minutes for me to find the fountain I wanted to get. It was fairly simple, but it was exactly what I’d wanted. It had three levels. The one at the top was the smallest, with each consecutive level a little wider than the one above it. The rock the fountain was made of reminded me of Stephan’s rock behind his aunt and uncle’s house. It was almost perfect, but I wanted one other thing to go with it.

Stephan was due home in less than twenty minutes, so I knew I had to hurry. Using my cell phone, I dialed Diane’s number. She’d given it to me when we’d gone shopping in case for some reason we’d gotten separated.

She answered on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Diane? It’s Brianna.”

“Brianna? Is everything all right?”

I felt bad for frightening her. “Yes. Everything’s good. I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

“Of course. What did you need?”

I explained to her what I was looking for and why. She squealed with excitement. “Oh, that’s perfect! He’s going to love it.”

“Do you think so?”

“I know so. You put a lot of thought into this, and Stephan is the type of man that will appreciate it.”

“I hope so.”

Diane made a dismissive sound. “Now, do you want me to bring it over to you sometime before Christmas, or do you want to wait and add it when you get here?”

“Can I give the fountain to you to keep until Christmas? I’m afraid he’ll see it ahead of time. Plus, I have no way to wrap it up for him.”

“Of course. I’ll stop by Monday and pick it up. No worries.”

“Thank you.”

After saying good-bye to Diane, telling her I needed to go start dinner, I quickly made my final phone call. When he picked up, I swallowed, nervous. My hands were sweating, but I knew I had to do this. For Stephan.

“Hello? Logan? It’s . . . it’s Brianna. I need your help with something.”

Chapter 38

Brianna

On Monday morning I was a bundle of nerves. Even though I knew
Stephan couldn’t be here with me, I wanted him nonetheless. He could calm me like no one else. As it was, I was standing in the kitchen pulling apart the remains of a bagel while waiting for Lily and Logan to arrive. Diane had already come and gone first thing. I was glad to get that marked off my to-do list at least.

The whole weekend was stressful, and Stephan noticed how on edge I was. He thought it was because of the upcoming trial and John. I was anxious about that, yes, but that wasn’t what had me on pins and needles.

Stephan tried to distract me with everything from putting up a small Christmas tree that he dug out of the back of his closet to baking dozens of cookies. I had no idea what we would do with the cookies. There were way too many of them to eat all on our own. Mom and I used to deliver them to the neighbors, but I couldn’t see Stephan going to the other floors and presenting them to the residents. We barely saw anyone else who lived in the building, let alone knew who they were.

I glanced over at the stacked containers full of cookies sitting on the counter, and before I could stop myself, I reached over and grabbed one. Removing the lid, the smell of sugary goodness floated up to my nostrils. I reached in and took a cookie, stuffing it into my mouth unceremoniously.

It would figure that right as my mouth was full of cookie the security panel would come to life, letting me know Lily and Logan had arrived. I could see them walking briskly toward the door, and there was no way I was going to be able to finish chewing and swallowing before they rang the doorbell. Running over to the trash, I promptly spit out the cookie, rinsed my mouth out with a drink of water, and rushed to answer the door.

Flinging the door open, I faced Lily and Logan. After a second, their relaxed expressions turned into ones of concern. “Are you all right, Brianna?”

I nodded but didn’t move. The initial rush of answering the door slowly faded, and I felt unease take its place. Logan wasn’t acting aggressively at the moment, but it didn’t matter. He was a male, and an alpha male at that. The whole reason why I’d asked if Lily could come, too, was that I didn’t think I could handle being alone with Logan—even if he was Stephan’s best friend.

“Can we come in?”

At Lily’s question, I jarred myself into action. “Yes.”

As soon as they were inside and the door was shut behind them, Logan took charge, and I felt myself shrink a little. “He’s gone?”

“Yes.”

Logan must have realized how his tone had been perceived, and he softened it. “Are you sure you want to do this, Brianna? It’s going to mean having a handful of strange men going in and out of the condo for most of the day.”

I wrapped my arms around my waist as if that, somehow, would protect me. “I’m sure. I want to do this for Stephan.”

He nodded. “All right. I’m going to go finalize things with Tom at the front desk so he knows what’s going on. Why don’t you and Lily get what you need and take off for your appointment. Lily can call me when you’re on your way back, and I’ll make sure the guys stay out of sight until you’re back in the condo. I’ll handle things here—that way you don’t have to be involved or around people you don’t know.” Without waiting for me to respond, he walked toward the door.

“Logan?”

“Yes?” He stopped and looked back over his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

He smiled. “No thanks needed. I’ll be back in about a half hour.”

Lily took hold of my hand and marched me to my room. Without a word, she packed a small bag for me and hoisted it over her shoulder. “Your appointment with Julie is in twenty minutes.”

For the next hour and a half, Lily sat beside me as Julie waxed all the unwanted hair from my body. I knew how much Stephan liked it when I was bare. He hadn’t said anything since I’d moved back in with him, but I knew it was something he desired. It was something I could give him.