Trust (7 page)

I went cold. It felt as if I’d suddenly been plunged into an ice bath.

After that, I only heard bits and pieces of the conversation. They’d found a girl, about my age. Another one. I didn’t hear where or how they’d found her. My guess, given Emma’s tone, was that she’d been discovered much like the other girl—Juliet.

Juliet
. It could have been me. It would have been me if—

Someone touched my arm, jarring me out of my thoughts.

I didn’t acknowledge who had touched me, or why. The only thing I knew was that I needed to get away, to escape. I scrambled from my chair and ran full speed to my room. Looking around frantically, I tried to decide where to go. The corner? No, too exposed. The closet? No. There was no door on the closet here.

Within seconds, I zeroed in on the bathroom and took off in that direction. Once inside, I climbed into the bathtub and curled into a ball behind the curtain.

At some point, I heard someone moving around in my bedroom, but eventually they went away. Tears streamed down my face as I rocked back and forth, surrounded by the cold harshness of the bathtub. I wanted Stephan. I needed him so much.

I pulled at his collar around my neck. The metal dug into my skin, causing more tears to form in my eyes. I didn’t care. It was the only part of him I had left, and I needed to feel something . . . anything of him.

Slowly, the pain began to overtake the fear, and I eased my grip on the collar. As I did, a body-racking sob shook my entire body. Memories of Stephan . . . his touch . . . his lips . . . I wanted him to wrap his arms around me and tell me it was going to be okay.

Harsh light filled the room, and I looked up, panicked. Who’d found me?

The shower curtain was gently pushed aside. Jade glanced down at me, her eyes sad. “I sent Cal into town for some food.”

I didn’t respond.

Jade sat on the edge of the tub and looked down at her hands. She seemed nervous, and it increased my anxiety even more.

“Cal told me what happened—what Emma told you.” Wiping her hands on her legs, she met my gaze. “Are you all right? I can’t imagine what you’re going through after hearing—” She paused and sighed.

The sound of our breathing seemed to echo in the small space.

“It would have been me,” I whispered.

She nodded, not attempting to sugarcoat the situation.

“I should be dead.”

“But you’re not.” Jade reached out and touched my arm. I flinched, and she dropped her hand. “You’re not dead, Anna. You’re here. Alive. And you have your whole life in front of you.”

I shook my head but didn’t comment.

Jade stood. “Do you think maybe we could go out into the living room? The couch has to be a lot more comfortable than the bathtub.” I didn’t answer. “Cal will be gone for a while. I told him I wanted Greek, so he’s driving across town to get my favorite. Come on. It’ll just be us.” She extended her arm, offering me her hand.

For several seconds, I stared. I didn’t want to move. All I wanted to do was stay hidden forever.

Looking up, I debated my options. I could stay where I was. When Cal came home, however, he wouldn’t let me stay in here. I knew he wouldn’t. The last time something like this happened, he’d threatened to pick me up out of the tub and carry me back into my bedroom if I didn’t get out on my own. He’d meant it, too, so I’d pushed myself up from the cold, hard surface and ran to my bed where I’d hidden under the covers for the rest of the night. He hadn’t been happy with my new place of refuge, but he’d let me be. I didn’t want that to happen this time.

Taking Jade’s hand, I stood. She helped me out of the bathtub before releasing me.

Following her, I cautiously made my way back into the main part of the house and into the living room. Jade took a seat on the couch.

I looked at the space next to her—even the opposite end of the couch—but it felt too exposed, so I chose the chair on the far side of the room. It was close to the wall and faced the door.

Curling my legs under me, I turned toward Jade. She frowned slightly and then smoothed out her features. I’d disappointed her by not sitting next to her, but I wasn’t ready for that. Even now, the living room felt too big. I wanted to be back in my space. Alone.

“Anna, I’m going to be honest with you. Cal’s worried, and so am I.” Jade paused and leaned her head back against the couch. She closed her eyes briefly before turning her head to the side and meeting my gaze. “Cal told me that Emma still thinks having him publicly support Stephan is a good idea. He’s willing to do it—for you—but . . . Anna, he still wants you to go talk to someone. And after today, I’m thinking that’s not a bad idea.”

I started shaking my head. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Before I knew it, Jade was kneeling down in front of me. “Hear me out, okay? Anna, you’ve closed yourself off so much since you’ve been here with us. When I first met you, you were scared, yes, but you were able to interact with us. Smile. Laugh. I know you miss Stephan, and I’m guessing you used to talk to him about things . . . what happened to you. You don’t have that now, and I think . . . I think you need someone to talk to.”

“I can’t . . .” The words died in my throat.

Jade reached out, took my hand, and squeezed. “I don’t like how Cal did it—making it a condition of him showing support for Stephan—but he doesn’t know what else to do. He sees you suffering, and he wants to help you in the only way he knows how.”

Before I could stop them, tears were streaming down my face, blurring my vision.

“I’ll go with you if you want, so you don’t have to go alone. I can talk to some of the professors . . . get a recommendation. Say you’ll at least try, Anna. Please?”

The sound of the clock ticking on the mantel measured the seconds passing as Jade waited for my answer. “You-you’ll go?”

“If you want me to, I will. Cal will, too, if that’s what you want. We just want you to get better, Anna.” She was pleading with me.

“Cal will help Stephan?”

She nodded and squeezed my hand once more.

“Okay. I-I’ll talk . . . to someone.”

Jade smiled and cautiously leaned in to give me a hug. “Thank you, Anna. I know this is hard, but we’ll make it through it. I promise.”

I returned her hug with little enthusiasm, closing my eyes and allowing a mixture of dread and hope to seep into my body. Dread—because whoever this person was I was going to talk to would want me to relive my time with Ian. Hope—because maybe all this pain would be worth it and I could save Stephan . . . just as he had saved me.

Chapter 6

Brianna

Cal pulled up in front of a small brown building. It had been two weeks
since Jade had gotten me to agree to talk to someone. She’d spoken with the head of the university’s psychology department—she’d taken a psych class during her sophomore year as an elective thinking it would help her relate to her future clients better. They’d given her a handful of names, but only two were women.

Jade had spent three hours with me as we searched the Internet for anything we could find on the two psychiatrists. They were both known for their work with trauma patients. The one we’d settled on, however, had written her dissertation on the effects of human trafficking on its victims.

Her name was Candice Perkins. She was forty-six years old, according to her profile, married, with two children. The picture on her website showed a woman with a big smile and kind eyes. I only hoped that once I met her, I would like her.

Opening the back door, Jade waited for me to step out onto the sidewalk. I did so reluctantly. Even though I’d agreed to this, I wanted to beg Cal to take me back to the house. The only thing keeping me from doing just that was the bargain Cal and I had made. I would meet with this woman, or someone like her, for at least the rest of the year, and in return, Cal would make a public showing of his support for Stephan.

Jade felt four months of therapy was a lot to ask me to commit to considering we didn’t know how I would react. I understood. If I said I wasn’t scared, I’d be lying. What Jade didn’t understand, however, was that I doubted this woman could hurt me any more than Ian had. I’d survived that, and I’d survive this, too.

Taking a deep breath, I edged closer to Jade. She took my hand and squeezed it.

“I’ll meet you guys inside once I find a place to park.” Jade nodded to Cal, and he pulled away from the curb.

“Come on. Let’s get inside. Maybe that will make you feel more comfortable.”

I walked beside Jade into the building, but nothing would take away the nauseous feeling in my stomach.

The lobby was generic, much like any other waiting area I’d seen when I was younger. It reminded me most of Dr. Chandler’s office. He’d been my mom’s oncologist, and she’d seen him every month. The only difference was that his office had a painting along one wall of a girl playing in a field of wild flowers. This office had paintings, but they were more abstract. I preferred the wildflowers.

When the door behind me opened, I jerked away from Jade and backed up several steps before realizing it was Cal. He’d been trying to be better about not scaring me, but most of the time it wasn’t his fault. Cal was a big guy. He was taller than Stephan. His arms were also twice the size of Stephan’s. I knew it was because of Cal’s job—it was a lot more physically demanding than Stephan’s—but fear was fear. One thing Stephan had taught me was that while I couldn’t control
what
I was afraid of, I could control how I reacted to it. I was trying to be better, but it was difficult when all my instincts told me to run in the opposite direction.

Cal stopped several feet in front of me, his brow furrowed. “You ready, Anna?”

“Yes.”

He nodded and led us down a short hallway until we came to a door at the very end marked
Dr. Candice Perkins
in fancy lettering. Without pausing, Cal opened it and stepped inside.

This room was different from the lobby we were in moments before. The walls here had color, and the furniture looked newer and more welcoming. It reminded me of a beach, for some reason.

Jade led me over to a set of chairs in the corner, while Cal went to talk to the lady behind the desk. “Brianna Reeves here to see Dr. Perkins.”

“Has she been here before?”

“No. This is her first visit.”

“Okay, then. I’m going to need her to fill out some paperwork.”

She handed him a clipboard and a pen. He took it and walked back toward us.

Instead of handing the paperwork to me, he thumbed through it himself. “Most of this is insurance stuff.” He seemed to be talking to himself and not expecting Jade or me to answer.

Placing several sheets of papers off to the side, he handed the clipboard to me. I took the pen he offered and looked down at the forms. There were only two left after he’d sifted through them. One wanted general information—my name, age, address. The other asked about my medical history.

I filled the papers out as best I could and then gave them back to Cal. He walked them back to the receptionist and returned to sit beside me. For some reason, the fact that Jade and Cal were flanking me allowed me to breathe easier. I knew, despite all the ways he made me nervous, Cal would protect me if anyone tried to hurt me.

Less than five minutes later, a door to our left opened, and Dr. Candice Perkins appeared. She was shorter than I’d thought she would be, maybe five two, and her hair was lighter than what it had seemed in her picture. It almost had a reddish tint to it.

“Brianna?” She looked straight at me.

I glanced at the door, then back at her.

“Would you like your friends to come back with you? I don’t mind. I want you to be comfortable.”

Jade squeezed my hand to get my attention. I looked over at her. “It’s up to you, Anna.”

“Please.”

Cal and Jade stood, and so did I.

Dr. Perkins’s office was much as the waiting room outside had been. It was full of soft colors that reminded me of water and sand. She motioned for us to take a seat on a large couch along the wall.

“Hello.” She smiled as she took a seat across from us.

Jade and Cal remained silent on either side of me, and it made me feel self-conscious. I knew I was here to talk to Dr. Perkins, but I didn’t like having everyone focused solely on me. Glancing down, I started picking at the fabric on my jeans. “Hello.”

“I heard your friend call you Anna. Do you prefer Anna or Brianna?”

“Anna’s fine.”

Another smile. “Anna it is, then. It’s nice to meet you. You can call me Candice.”

I nodded but didn’t comment.

“Maybe we should start by having you introducing your friends.”

“This is Cal.” I motioned toward my left first, then my right. “And this is his girlfriend, Jade.”

“Have you known Cal and Jade for a while?”

“Cal and I . . . we grew up together.”

“Sounds like you’ve been friends for a while, then.”

“O-our fa—”

Jade gripped my hand, trying to comfort me. I saw Cal open and close his fist reflexively. He wanted to comfort me, too, but he knew how I’d react if he tried to touch me.