Trust Me (Beggar's Choice #2) (24 page)

“I will tell you but let’s get
out of this fucking lift eh?”

We walk down the corridor side by
side not talking but there’s a connection zinging between us like normal. He’s
juggling the bags and he turns slightly towards me. “Get the card out of my
pocket babe will you. My hands are full.”

I smirk at him as I slide my hand
inside the front pocket of his jeans and deliberately run my fingers down the
shape of his cock. It stiffens instantly and he groans under his breath. “I
thought you were ill,” he mutters in a low voice, and then his breath catches
as my fingers grow bolder. “Fuck,” he moans leaning against the wall by his
door as my hand moves up and down his now fully erect length, rubbing
deliberately over the head in the way that I’ve learned makes him crazy. “I
swear you have magic fingers,” he says, his lips twisted into a snarl, and then
he arches his hips sharply into my hand. “Oh God, keep doing that Nell, so
fucking good.”

I give him one last rub finishing
with a last sharp twist to the end which makes him cry out loudly in the silent
corridor, and then I remove my hand showing him the card I’m now holding.
“Abracadabra!” I laugh, and he growls at me.

“Get that fucking door open Nell.
Your arse is mine for the rest of the night.” I laugh out loud feeling that mix
of joy and sexual heat that has become my normal around him, and then I moan as
he pushes his cock against me. “”Now,” he says darkly.

“Okay okay, Jesus,” I giggle and
then pause. “Hang on that’s funny.”

“What’s funny?”

“The door’s already open – look,”
and I point to the fact that it’s ajar and then I push it fully open, but
before I can go in he’s in front of me, dropping the bags and pushing me behind
him protectively.

“Stay there,” he says firmly. “If
I shout for you to run, go and get someone okay?”

“Hang on.” I’m frightened now for
some reason. I don’t want him facing something on his own. “Why don’t we both
go and get someone.”

He scoffs. “What, run off
screaming like a girl and have it just be some randy groupie who’s got into my
bed. The lads will never let me forget it.”

“That’s happened?” I ask faintly,
and he grins.

“Of course it has. The groupie
part though, not the screaming like a girl. D’oh!”

“Don’t be sexist and don’t Homer
Simpson me Sid,” I mutter, but before I can say anything else he puts me to one
side and walks into the room.

There’s silence for a second and
I strain to see around his back when he stops dead, but I can’t see anything
and then I hear him shout, “What the
fuck
have you done?” and I push
open the door. He turns to me quickly. “No Nell, don’t come in here sweetheart.
Stay outside.” However, it’s too late and I’m already in.

At first I don’t see anything
unusual, but as I move towards Sid he turns to me stiltedly, his hands
outstretched for me, and it’s then that I realise that I’m stepping on
something that’s crunching. He moves towards me quickly. “No Nelly, go out
please,” but it’s too late because my gaze drops to the floor and I realise
that I’m standing amongst shards of wood. It isn’t until I see the open case
with its flash of faded blue velvet and the remains of a peg box, that I
realise what I’m standing in, and that the keening noise I can now hear is
coming from me.

“No, no,” I cry out, falling to
my knees and frantically trying to gather the pieces together which I know at
once is futile. The violin, which is the only thing that I have left of Sam, is
smashed beyond repair on the floor of Sid’s hotel room. Then he’s on me trying
to pull me to my feet and I allow him to do it, still holding some strings in
my hand. He hugs me tight saying something that I can’t understand. “Why?” I
say to him, holding out the strings as if he hasn’t noticed what’s happened,
and then I catch a flash of orange from the room, and peering round him I see
Leah sitting on his bed looking searchingly at both of us as if she’s at the
theatre. “
You
!” I say dumbly and she gets to her feet almost nervously
but with a hard glitter about her as if she’s somehow triumphant. “Why would
you do this?” I feel as if I’m drifting far away as she laughs.

“You stupid little bitch,” she says
in her elegant, cut glass accent. “You tried to take him away from me. Now you
know what happens when someone fucking tries to steal from me, especially a
dirty little tramp like you.”

Sid turns to her, still trying to
hold me tight. “Why did you do this Leah?” He sounds almost broken hearted, but
then he’s perhaps one of the few people I know that would grieve the
destruction of such a beautiful instrument.

“Weren’t you listening darling. I
just said that this dirty whore has been trying to come between us. You need to
get rid of her my love and quickly or we might have a problem.”

At the back of my mind I notice
that she looks almost skeletal compared to when I saw her last. She’s pale and
sweaty and her hair looks dirty with a lot of blonde roots showing. She’s also
swaying slightly and keeps scratching at her arms. When her fingers come away I
see blood on the nails and I feel Sid wince and I know that he’s noticed it
too. “Leah stop this,” he says gently, but unfortunately my numbness wears off
and I feel rage course through me.

“You fucking cunt,” I scream and
try to get to her, my only intention being to hit her, to hurt her in some way
so that she can recognise what she’s done to me with this awful act of
vandalism. However, I’m bought up short when Sid grabs me.

“No, don’t Nell,” he mutters.
“Don’t hurt her.”

“
What
?” I ask in disbelief
and utter hurt. “You’re defending her?” I can’t believe this and a part of me
is saying
look who he really loves Nell.

“I’m not defending her,” he says
sharply, but he’s drowned out by her laughter which is definitely hysterical.

“Of course he’s defending me, you
stupid tart. He’ll
always
defend me. You’ve warmed his bed for a few
weeks - I was there for
years
darling. How can someone who looks like
you
ever
keep him? He’s just choosing from the safe side of the street
at the moment, trying to be a good boy, but that won’t last long. I know things
about him that you never will. I know things about him that he wouldn’t let
anyone else
ever
know – what he really likes. You’ll never know what
presses his buzzer in bed because vanilla girls like you won’t ever be enough
for him. You’ll bore him in a few weeks. I was enough for him for years and
you’ll never take that away from us.”

“I’ll never take what exactly?” I
scream. I’m furious at her and him and it boils over. “How can I be jealous of
the fucking toxic mess that was the two of you? I may be warming his bed but
I’ve never gone out and scored for him. I’ve never put my own needs over him.
I’m not you, frantically trying to get him back on the drugs so that he’s back
in the gutter with you again. I would rather die than hurt him and all I want
is for him to be happy. You can
never
say that because the only person’s
happiness that concerns you is your own.”

There’s silence for a second and
my words seem to echo round the room, but then she screeches and comes flying
at me, her nails out and aiming for my face. I don’t think I even move because
my body seems to be in shock so I just stand there looking at her dumbly, but I
don’t have to move because Sid turns me out of her reach putting himself in her
way. There’s a thud and his body jerks and then she screams.

“No darling I’ve hurt you,” and I
pull myself away from his tight hold.

“What’s she done?” I ask
frantically, pulling his face up to me and I wince and tears flood my eyes.
“Sweetheart,” I say brokenly at the sight of the four deep scratches on the
side of his face which are bleeding heavily. For a second his blue eyes stare
into mine and they widen as if he’s suddenly had an epiphany, but then he
shoves me to one side where I fall on the floor, and I hear another thud as he
takes the punch that Leah was clearly aiming at me.

There’s sudden movement at the
door and Charlie and unbelievably Vanessa are there. “What the fuck is going
on?” he shouts taking in the scene in front of his eyes with one quick glance.
He walks quickly over to me, pulling me gently up from the floor. “Alright
sweetheart?” he asks, but his eyes are flickering to the couple at the foot of
the bed.

I look at Vanessa bitterly.
“Happy now?” I’ve just worked out how Leah came to be here.

She twists her hands together.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers. “It’s just that she’s my friend. She’s always
been my friend, and when I knew that you were together I thought she needed to
know.”

There’s a shriek and we turn.
Leah has twined her arms around Sid. “Darling we were always going to be
together. It’s meant to be – you always told me that. Whatever happened we were
going to be together in the end. We’re always going to get our happy ending.”

Sid is trying to move her hands
from his neck, his expression tight and desperate. “No, we’re not Leah,” he
says in a low voice. I can see how he’s trying not to hurt her, but also how
uncomfortable she’s making him. I know Charlie can too because he looks one
second away from physically intervening, but he’s letting Sid deal with this
which I hope is one step towards the brothers going back to normal. “Leah, no,”
resists Sid and she’s visibly shaking now her nose running, while he looks at
her with horrified disgust showing on his face.

“We are. Don’t deny it. It’s
always been us. We’ve just taken some wrong turns, that’s all.”

I think it’s this that snaps his
control because he grabs her shoulders and forces her away from him, revulsion
and something dark written clearly on his face. “There hasn’t been an
us
for fucking years,” he roars. “A wrong fucking turn you call it, you stupid
bitch. What a fucking wrong turn it was.” She winces and he laughs. “Yeah, you
remember it Leah. You remember that night. You know why there’s no
us
anymore. There’s been no
us
since I collapsed OD’ing.” Leah raises her
hand to caress his face but he knocks it away. “You remember that night,” he
shouts. “I do. I remember lying on that fucking floor shaking and fucking
vomiting blood, with my heart racing so fast I felt like it was going to burst
out of my chest. I was so
cold
and what did you do Leah? What did you
do?” She’s crying now but he carries on remorselessly, and I know what’s coming
and judging from Charlie’s face of thunder so does he. “I asked you to call the
ambulance do you remember Leah? I said
baby please get someone because I
think I’m fucking dying
. What did you do Leah?” She raises her face,
defiance and misery written over it. ”What did you do Leah?” he roars and I
look up to see Seth in the doorway.

“I had to go,” Leah says and
Charlie exclaims in disgust and walks away, his hands running through his hair
frantically. “I had to Sid. You understand darling. I’d have been cut off
without a penny if it had got in the press that I was with you when you
overdosed on drugs.”

“I do understand.” There’s only
sadness in his voice now. “The last thing that I remember thinking as you
walked away from me without even picking up the phone, is that you never loved
me. I’d have done
anything
for you Leah. Anything you asked of me.” He
looks hard at her. “I did do anything you asked of me, do you remember? Well
look at how that panned out.” She raises trembling hands to her face and with
the force of a blow I realise who got who to take drugs for the first time.
Suddenly he looks incredibly weary. “You need to go,” he says quietly. “I don’t
love you anymore because I know that I wasted it on you. I gave you something
that I’ll probably never be able to give to anyone else, and you never counted
it as important at all.” I can’t help but wince at that as his words cut me
deep, and I see Seth look at me. Leah’s crying quietly now, mascara making
black rivers down her cheeks and Vanessa goes to her. “Please get some help
Leah,” Sid finishes and she looks at him hopefully.

“For you?”

“No. I don’t care anymore.” It’s
harsh and we all wince but she needs to hear it from him. For a long minute
they stare at each other, and even I can see the connection arcing between
them. It speaks of their many years of being together and all the things that
they’ve seen and done together, and it hurts me deep inside in a place that
knows we will never have this history. Then suddenly she gives a shuddering
sigh and turns away like a lost child to Vanessa who clucks softly and leads
her out of the room.

Before they get to the door Leah
stops and turns to Sid who is staring stoically at her. “I’m sorry Sid,” she
says in a low voice. “I’m so sorry for everything that I did. I just need you
to know that I
do
love you. I always have. Don’t think that anything
that happened was anything to do with you. I made my decision and I want you to
know that I’ve regretted it every day since, because I lost you and that’s the
worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He looks at her unblinking for a
while and then sighs. “Just get some help Leah. You can’t keep doing this to
you or me anymore.”

The two of them exchange one last
look and then she bows her head in acquiescence and lets Vanessa and Seth lead
her out of the room. Charlie moves immediately over to Sid, but I slowly edge
my way down to sit on the floor because I’m suddenly so tired that I can’t stay
upright any longer. I just need to rest but then I catch a glint out of my eye.
Leaning forward I see the iridescent, sparkling colour of one of Sam’s guitar
picks. I pick it up feeling the cold hardness of it, and suddenly with the loss
of the violin it’s almost like the night I lost him again, and I feel hot,
salty tears tracking down my cheeks. I hear an exclamation and then Sid’s next
to me, drawing me into his hard strength. “Oh, baby,” he says softly. “I’m so
fucking sorry. This is all my fault.”

“It’s no one’s fault.” Charlie
says it before I can. “Well it is
someone’s
fault, but as she’s a
druggie I’m afraid that society will tell us that we should try to forgive
her.” I can’t help but let out a snort of laughter at his mock pious tone, but
then I give up and nestle into Sid and just drift. I can hear them discussing
the violin and I hear Charlie saying that he’ll sort it out, and then I hear
him on the phone requesting another room, but I drift until Sid stirs, at which
I cling to him.

“It’s alright love. We’re going
to get out of here alright? We’ve got another room.” He stands up and then
bending down he picks me up, cradling my body to his chest. Instead of
protesting I just snuggle into his neck. All I can really focus on is the
guitar pick and I stare at it, turning it over and over in my fingers while I
distantly note him taking me out of the room.

Then we’re in another room and
he’s lowering me to sit on a settee. I grumble inaudibly but he just strokes my
hair. “I won’t be a second. I’m just going to run us a bath love.” I nod and stay
there, dreamlessly cocooned in my cloud. It only seems like seconds later that
he comes back and carries me into the bathroom which I distantly note smells
beautifully of lemon.

He strips me efficiently and then
himself, and then lifts me easily into a claw foot bath, before settling me on
his lap with my back cradled by his smooth, hard chest. We lie for I don’t know
how long while he strokes my hair back and washes me with a sponge, while he
mutters nonsensical words of comfort and I play with the guitar pick. Finally
he touches my restless fingers lightly. “What have you got there love?” he asks
softly and my cloud breaks up a bit. I hold it up.

“It’s one of Sam’s picks,” I say
quietly. “It must have got in the case by mistake and I never knew.” He touches
it gently and I twist to look at him. His hair and face are damp and he’s so
gut wrenchingly beautiful that it hurts. “He had loads of them,” I offer and he
nods. He’s a guitarist so he has loads too, they’re always scattered all over
his hotel rooms in pretty, multi-coloured piles. He runs his hand down my cheek
tenderly.

“Will you tell me about him?” he
asks softly.

“I don’t want to think about that
night,” I protest, and he demurs immediately.

“I don’t mean for you to tell me
about his death lovey. That’s all you see at the moment. I want to know about
him.
Tell me about his life. What did he like? What was his favourite colour?”

I consider. “That’s such a girly
question Sid.”