Trust Me (Beggar's Choice #2) (7 page)

We’re all famished so silence
reigns for a bit while we all dig in. However, once we’ve settled our initial
hunger, talk starts up again and inevitably piss taking starts. Tonight it’s
Bram’s turn. He’s recently done an underwear shoot for a brand of designer
underwear and the billboards have started to go up around London. The boys have
taken to calling him Marky Mark to Mick’s palpable delight. “So I was on the
bus,” he says loudly. “Just minding my own business when what should slide past
but Bram’s gigantic package.” Charlie and Seth laugh out loud, Bram groans and
buries his head in his hands, and Lucy exclaims and starts digging in her bag.
She finally emerges, triumphantly clutching a copy of Marie Claire.

“He’s in here,” she squeals
leafing frantically through the pages until she finally brandishes it in
triumph, and to Bram’s palpable discomfort. All the girls instantly gather
around and silence falls for a second.

“Wow,” I say faintly and Viv
gives one of her massive cackles.

“You can say that again,” she
murmurs as we all stare at him lying moodily with his arms crossed over a
tight, golden torso. Our gazes fall to the underwear and as one we sigh.

“Is that photo shopped?” Mabe
asks, bringing it closer to her eyes.

“Oi women,” Charlie shouts from
the bottom of the table. “I am hereby ordering you all, and in particular my
wife, to move away from that magazine and stop objectifying Marky Mark. Stop
looking at his crotch at once.”

Sid laughs out loud, snorting
beer down his nose which makes Lucy squeal in disgust. ”Yes he’s very
sensitive. Stop treating him like a sexual object. He has got a brain you
know.”

“Yes,” I say, pointing to the
photo. “But from the look of it Sid, that’s down his underwear too.”

Everyone collapses at that and
Bram covers his face groaning. When he emerges he’s got his cool back because
his customary piss taking smile is back. “Nell love, any time you want to check
out my brain all you’ve got to do is stick your hands down my pants and grab a
hold of my mammoth …” His words are stopped by Sid throwing a massive piece of
lemon chicken at him and everyone howls again.

Finally, when we have our
composure back Lucy turns meditatively to Sid who instantly looks slightly
panicked. “Well if Bram looks like this Marky Mark person.” Sid opens his mouth
to explain that he doesn’t actually look like him and it’s a joke, but then
obviously gives up because Lucy is hard to shift when she’s set on something.
Undaunted she carries on. “If he looks like him then you must know that you
really, really look like that actor from the film ‘Lucky Number Slevin’.”

“Stanley Tucci?” Seth asks tongue
in cheek and dodges another flying piece of chicken from Sid.

“No, silly,” Lucy says seriously.
“The actor – oh what was his name?”

“Josh Hartnett,” I offer because
I’ve noticed this before. He’s does look a bit like him, only scruffier and
with longer hair. Lucy nods eagerly.

“I love that film.”

“Me too,” I say and the other
girls agree.

“That towel …,” sighs Mabe and we
look at each other and start laughing.

“That deserved an Oscar all on
its own,” I gasp.

“Mmm,” mutters Viv pretending to
lick Sid’s cheek which is slightly red. He pushes her off and promptly sticks
his middle finger up at her.

“Never mind Pretty Boy Two,” Mick
exclaims. “What about Pretty Boy One? Come on Marky give us the money shot.
Let’s see you suck in your cheeks.” He laughs when Bram does his best Blue
Steel expression. “No, no, no. Not
those
cheeks, let’s see you do it
with your down below ones.” Laughter explodes as does most of the carton of
sweet and sour chicken over Mick’s head.

Finally, Charlie calls us to
order by rising to his feet and holding his bottle of beer up. “I just want to
say thank you to everyone sitting here tonight,” he says seriously. “You’ve all
worked incredibly hard and we couldn’t have chosen a better or more professional
group of people to come with us on this tour. It’s going to be a hard few
months but I think you’ve all got enough compassion and patience to be living
in close confines with Bram and not murder him.” At this everyone laughs and
Bram gets up and makes a very theatrical bow. “But seriously now,” he
continues. “Beggars Choice has always been a family, it’s just that nowadays
that family is a lot bigger and we couldn’t be happier with that. Always
remember that we chose you to come with us and that makes you part of it.” He
exchanges a warm glance with Mabe who is still standing near me, and the heat
and love in it make me wistful. No one has ever looked at me like that. My
attention shifts when Charlie raises his bottle again. “So let’s have a great
tour, and always remember that what happens on tour?”

“Ends up in the papers,” we all
echo, and laugh and chug our beers.

***

Less than twelve hours later we
are standing in the wings waiting to go on stage. I’m wearing a pair of little
black shorts with a sparkly, loose, grey, sleeveless shirt which falls off one
shoulder continuously showing off my lilac, lace bra. My legs are bare, with
just some instant tan on them, and as I rejected Vanessa’s offer of some killer
heels which would have landed me on my face within five minutes, my outfit has
been completed with my trusty biker boots. My hair has been cut into a sharper,
long, wavy bob and it’s now a dark red with toffee coloured highlights courtesy
of a visit to the hairdressers this morning. I feel good and I felt even better
when I met Sid on the stairs. He didn’t say anything but the long scorching
glance that he gave me more than made up for the lack of words.

For the English leg of the tour
the boys decided to go out and find local bands that they liked and offer them
the chance to open for them, and the current one is just finishing. They’ve
played a high energy set and the boys are obviously impressed with them. Their
music is incredibly catchy and slightly 80’s sounding with a strong electronic
beat, and while we’ve been waiting Bram has entertained himself by whirling me
around until I’m dizzy and protesting. He’s full of energy with obviously no
outlet so I humour him, although Sid is starting to get antsy. When Bram bangs
into him for the third time he finally snaps and snatches me off him. “Enough,”
he says sharply. “You’re behaving like a fucking kid and you’ll end up hurting
Nell.” I see Charlie look up sharply from where he’s standing leaning against
the wall looking out on stage. Not wanting any bad vibes I immediately protest.

“It’s alright Sid we were just
having a laugh.” However, he obviously takes umbrage at that and pushes me
towards Bram.

“Okay then have at her,” he says
sharply and walks off.

I stare after him, worried and
hurt. I’ve never known him to be so sharp before, and then a warm arm hugs me
close and Seth says gently, “Ignore him babe. He’s just wired up and Bram and
he are always winding each other up.”

“Really?” I ask hopefully.

“Oh yeah,” he says and Charlie
comes over with a nod and a smile.

“We’ve had to pull them off each
other more times than I can count before a gig.”

“Oh that’s okay then,” I sigh
relieved.

Charlie still looks worried
though. “I’m just going to check on him,” he mutters and walks off.

Seth catches my eye. “It’s
nothing to do with you. Charlie’s just worried about Sid because over the last
few tours he was normally wasted by this point.”

“Does he think that he’ll
relapse?”

“His heart tells him no but I
think his brain thinks differently.” He catches my look. “I know Sid babe and I
really think this is it for him, but Charlie has to learn to be his brother
again, not his drug counsellor.”

“It’s not that easy,” I say
defensively.

He looks at me closely. “No I
know it’s not, but the brothers have got to learn to trust each other again.
Charlie is going to have to get used to Sid as he is now, and Sid’s got to drop
that guilt he’s carrying around and learn to start living again.”

“Oh, no pressure then.” I’m
trying to lighten him up and he laughs and hugs me.

“You’re good for him Nell,” he
says in my ear.

“Who?” I ask confused but he
moves away as Charlie and Sid return and doesn’t answer.

Sid makes his way somewhat
diffidently towards me. “Sorry,” he says into my ear and his warm breath makes
me shiver slightly.

“For what?” I ask, genuinely
confused.

“Pushing you at Bram and telling
him to have at you,” he mutters, scratching his eyebrow in embarrassment.

“Oh, that’s okay, although it’s a
fate worse than death,” I say teasingly, wanting him to lighten up.

He smiles but then it drops.
“Still I shouldn’t have lost my temper.” My top chooses that moment to descend
down my shoulder and his breath stutters for a second. Almost in slow motion he
raises his hand and tugs it back up, his fingers trailing fire down my arm. I
shudder and he looks at me fully for the first time tonight and his eyes seem
on fire. A clang behind us as one of the roadies drops something brings us
abruptly out of the moment and my top drops again.

“Bloody thing.” I push it up
again, trying to distract him from the fact that my nipples are most definitely
standing to attention.

He’s silent for a second and when
he speaks his voice is so thick I think that he might have noticed after all.
“Remind me to give Vanessa a bonus. That top is something else.”

I shiver. “It’s lovely but it’s
going to be irritating the shit out of me within an hour.”

He smirks and I almost moan
because that cocky player look is so not him now but still unbearably hot. “An hour
eh? I’ll just have to enjoy it for that time. Shame you’re so cold though.”

I gasp and automatically raise my
hands to cover my breasts but it’s too late and he wanders off laughing.

After that time seems to pass in
a blur and before I know it the openers have finished and Sid’s mate is doing
our intro. We get into a huddle as we listen to Matt working the crowd up to a
fever pitch. “Are we ready?” Charlie shouts and we all nod seriously. “Have a
good one out there,” he continues. “We sound fucking great, let’s make them
think so too.” We all nod and hug and I have to say wow to being in the centre
of a massive Beggar’s Choice hug. Five, fine bodies all close and surrounding
me – yes I know my job is hard.

We break away and Seth, Adam and
Charlie make their way round the other side of the stage as they’ll enter from
the right while we do it from the left. I move to the side ready to let Sid and
Bram through first and while Bram passes with a smile and accepts his guitar
from a roadie, Sid pauses and grabs my arm gently. I feel a wave of heat race
through me at his touch on my bare skin and shudder and his eyes seem to darken
when he feels it. “Are you okay?” he asks, bending into me so tightly that it’s
like the whole of the backstage with all its hustle and bustle disappears and
leaves us here alone. I reach up and squeeze his hand.

“I’m fine,” I say simply. I know
he worries about everyone but he really needn’t with me because I was born to
do this. I’ve never suffered from stage fright unlike a lot of musicians.
Instead I usually feel calmer yet more alive out there than at any other time
in my life.

He relaxes visibly. “Okay then
I’m right there if you need me.”

I’m so touched by this because he
must have a lot on his mind. I’ve heard other musicians who’ve got clean say
how frightening it is to go back on the stage for the first time because it’s
so different without the cloud of euphoria which cushions you from everything.
On impulse I reach out and grab his arm. “The same for me,” I say earnestly, and
he looks puzzled. “I’m right there if you need me as well.” His eyes soften and
he opens his mouth to say something but we’re interrupted by a wall of noise
that seems to lift the roof and Bram mutters ‘Showtime’ letting us know that
Seth, Adam and Charlie have already strolled onto the stage.

“Let’s go then.” Sid claps his
hands together and grins widely and I blink because at this point he looks
utterly beautiful. Then I snap back and follow him onto the stage blinking as
we emerge from the gloom of backstage. The old theatre looks so different now,
like an old lady dressed for a wedding, and there’s a palpable air of fever
pitch excitement. Sid and Bram stroll on dressed simply in jeans and old band
t-shirts as girls scream at them the noise deafening, and who can blame them
because the men move like big cats, their muscles shifting fluidly as they
clasp their guitars and strap them on. However, while Bram flirts his way over
the stage engaging the girls in the front row who scream even louder, Sid is more
serious, fiddling with his guitar until he’s settled and only then when he’s
comfortable does he look up and all of a sudden I see his stage persona emerge.
He smiles lazily out at the fans and even his body changes, becoming loose
limbed and easy. He strolls over to Charlie who I realise has been shooting him
sidelong looks all along and shouts something in his ear and Charlie visibly
relaxes as do I.

Gathering myself I stroll to my
microphone which is positioned next to Sid and to the right of Charlie. Bram
takes the left with Adam, and Seth is behind us all on a raised platform, idly
tossing his drumsticks about and grinning at the screams. Originally I’d been
placed next to Bram on the other side but Sid had shifted me at the rehearsals
without a word of explanation and there I stayed. 

The noise is now so loud with
screaming and cheering that it deafens me and sends what seems like a depth
charge inside me. I always knew that I missed it, but being out here now I know
that I definitely and utterly missed it – the lights, the noise, the energy
surrounding us, you never forget it and it’s lain dormant inside me all these
years waiting to be released again. Some men on the front row start cheering
when they see me and a couple shout some obscene suggestions. It’s nothing that
I haven’t heard a million times before, but Sid’s relaxed posture stiffens
instantly and he throws them some threatening looks like I’m a nun for God’s
sake. Bram laughs and I shake my head and then Charlie uncoils himself and reaches
for his microphone.