Trusting Jay: (A Chicago Suits Romance) (Loving Jay Book 1) (4 page)

I
found Jay under a tree
, with a picnic blanket spread out and loaded with all sorts of food.  It’s good he'd dressed casually, as I had worn jeans and a loose fitting turquoise top.  My breath caught when he jumped up to say hello.  I’d only seen him in suits, and I’d thought he looked good in them, but in his fitted jeans and tight t-shirt he looked unbelievable.  Like he’d stepped off the pages of a magazine.

“Abbie, you look beautiful as always. More beautiful than Rita Hayworth.”  I blushed as he leaned towards me and pecked my cheek.

“Jay, this spread looks delicious.” I surveyed the huge amount of food he’d laid out on a picnic blanket.

“Champagne?” he asked, pulling a bottle from a cool pack.

“Definitely.”  I took the flute he’d poured.

“To a second date,” he said.

Man, I really didn’t want a relationship, but his company was so comfortable.  I smiled, and we chinked glasses.  The bubbles fizz in my mouth as I surveyed the vast quantity of food he’d brought.  I zeroed in on some quail’s eggs, they’re so tiny. What’s a quail anyway?  It was all very upscale, especially for an unemployed man.

“It must have been a real pain to get all this here on the bus.”

“I took a taxi.”

“That must have cost a fortune, you shouldn’t have.”

“Don’t.”  His voice was firm.

“Sorry.” He was so touchy about money.

We sat in the sun for hours.  Though we finished off the bottle of champagne and had started on a second, most of the food sat untouched.  Not because it was bad, simply because we were only two people and there was enough food for a party.

As the afternoon went on, we moved closer and closer together until I ended up lying with my head in his lap.  Looking up at the sky, wishing I was face down in his crotch.  But it was nice.  He stroked my arms and played with my hair and I would happily have stayed there all afternoon.

Jay’s phone beeped, and he looked at the screen and sighed. He looked at me, resigned.

“Does this mean our second date is over?” I asked.

Jay bundled up the remains of our picnic. “I’m afraid it does.  I just got an urgent call and I have to rush off.” My heart sank.  So much for getting him into bed.

“Do you need help to get it all home?”

His brow creased.  “I was just going to throw it out.  Unless you want it.”

“Throw it away?  There’s enough food here to eat for the week!”

“Would you like it?  You should take it.”

“I couldn’t.”

“Yes, take it, I’ll help you carry it to your place.”

Was this an opportunity to get him into bed?  “Okay, as long as you help me carry it all.”

* * *

W
e trudged
the ten minutes to my condo, and he followed me through the door and into the elevator.  I could barely breathe with excitement of having him in my home.  Now to get him into my bedroom.  My god, I’m behaving like a horny teenager but that didn’t stop me from watching his ass in those tight jeans as he exited the elevator.  Shit, he caught me ogling him.

I cleared my throat.  “This is me here,” I said unlocking my front door.

He followed me through to my tiny kitchen and put two bags of food on the counter.

“Why do you have jeans duct taped to your wall?” he asked.

My cheeks burned with embarrassment, I should have thought about the jeans before I let him in.  “They’re some added motivation to lose weight.”

His eyes raked over me, “You don’t need to lose any weight Abbie, you’re perfect.”

Jay closed the distance between us and pulled me tight to him.  I looked up, and our lips connected with hunger.  I allowed my hands to run up his muscular back and down his strong arms.  His hands pressed over me, gently skimming my shoulders and back before we broke apart for air.  I looked up into his deep brown eyes and went back in for more.

Our kiss was shorter this time, but just as passionate.

He pulled away, “Sorry Beautiful, I would love to stay, trust me.”  I closed my eyes, this wasn’t happening.  Couldn’t be happening.  His fingers brushed over my eyebrows and alongside my eyes.  “Believe me,” he said kissing my hair, “I have no choice.”

I looked away to hide my disappointment.  Unfortunately I looked straight at the jeans taped to my wall and another layer of self hatred piled on me.  There was no chance of me speaking without crying.  And if there’s one thing I don’t do in front of a virtual stranger, it’s cry.  That could wait until he left.  I forced myself to look back at him and nodded my head.

He held my cheeks between his palms, “I will make this up to you, I promise.  How about tomorrow?”

My eyes widened.  “Tomorrow?”

“Yes, I’ll swing by here and pick you up.  Noon again?”

“Um, sure.”

As the door shut behind Jay, I slapped my forehead.  Sure?  Three days in a row was not a sure.  Three days in a row was a run fast and far away from this man who clearly wanted a relationship when I didn’t.  I wanted his body, not his company.

I plunked myself down on the sofa and grabbed the remote.  He’s swinging by here to pick me up?  On what, his bicycle?  It didn’t matter, I’d have to cancel.  I think.

“
W
hat do
you mean you cancelled on him?  And by text!” Jenny shouted into the phone.  Her raised voice drew my attention away from the muted movie I’d put on after Jay had left.

“It’s too much, I don’t want to lead him on.  Make him think he’s in a relationship when I don’t view it that way.”

“But.”

“There’s no but Jenny. I keep telling you, I am not ready.  I only went out with him for the sex.”

“And how’s that working out for you?”

“Not very well,” I huffed.

“Then you should go out with him again.”

“I don’t think I’m going to.  He’s a really amazing guy, and I’d hate to hurt him in any way.”

“Listen to yourself, you just called him amazing! Why wouldn’t you want to see him?  Take it slow, see where things lead.  It’s not going to kill you.”

“It’s not going to kill me, but it might hurt me.”

“You can’t go through life avoiding situations that might get you hurt, you’ll miss out on the best bits of being alive!”  I wish she’d drop the matter, I’m getting tired of hearing it.

“The best bits being?”

“Sex, for starters.”

“Okay, you’ve got me there.  But I’m not ready for more than sex.”

“You are ready, you’re just scared is all.  Go on, phone him and invite him over for dinner.  That way, when the eating’s done you’re only two steps from your bedroom.”

“Are you calling my place small?”  She always liked to point out how tiny it was.

“Well this time it’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“I knew it!”

“It doesn’t matter.  Your place is bijoux, and that’s fine because it’s yours, you own it all by yourself.”  Her comment made me roll my eyes, even though she couldn’t see me.

“Well, I might not much longer, the mortgage payments are so hard to meet on my own.”

“Are you being serious?”

“Yes,” I said, embarrassed.  I’d never admitted it to anyone else before.

“Honey, I had no idea.  You should have told me, shared the stress.”

“It was fine until I lost Matt’s rent.  I thought I could cover it with my new job, but bills keep piling up.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll find a way to make it work.”

“Jenny, I’m an accountant.  I’ve run the numbers every which way.  At first I thought I could make do by living on pasta but it’s just not fun.”

“You made the right decision kicking Matt out.  We’ll figure out a way to manage your mortgage.”

“I’ve already blown through all my savings, there is no way.  I’m telling you.”

“You’re so negative.  There’s always a way.  I’m going to talk to my friend Marla, she’s a headhunter.  We’ll find you a new job.”

She was trying to be helpful, but I’d had enough of the conversation.  She could try all she wanted, I couldn’t see a way out aside from selling and getting something else.  Not smaller, because that would be impossible.  I’d have to go for something in another part of town, and end my dream of city center living.

Of course, moving further away would mean I couldn’t walk to work, so I’d also have to buy a car.  Pay for that, insurance, gas and maintenance.  Which was more money I didn’t have.  Perhaps I could be like Jay and take the bus.

* * *

M
y weight hit
the bed hard.  I was physically and mentally exhausted from my day, and all the champagne didn’t help either.  As my eyes shut, my phoned beeped.

I
f you enjoy
his company then go enjoy it.

S
he was
nothing if not persistent.  She knew damn well what Matt did to me.  How did she expect me to get involved with someone?  I texted her back

T
he last thing
I’m going to do is take this as anything serious.  Jay’s fun to hang around with but he doesn’t have a job FFS.  I don’t need another deadbeat boyfriend in my life

* * *

A
t noon on Sunday
, I thought of what might have happened if I hadn’t cancelled on Jay.  I could’ve been wrapped in his arms right now.  Embraced in his big, strong, powerful, muscular, good smelling arms.  I looked down at my crotch.  My poor, neglected, want to be wanton crotch.

There had been more passion in that kiss than in all the kisses I’d shared with Matt over our entire six year relationship.  I wanted more of it.  I wanted to take it further, physically.  Would Jay accept me as a fuck buddy?  Doubtful, but maybe Jenny is right, I guess it couldn’t hurt to try.

I poured myself a large glass of wine (it was technically after lunch even though I’d only been up for two hours), and pulled a tub of cookie dough ice cream from the freezer.  As I shut the freezer door I came face to face with the jeans.  Talk about being torn.  In the end I compromised and took a small bowl from the cupboard and put a measly two scoops in it.  Ice cream and wine, now that’s my kind of lunch.

Another glass of wine and another scoop of ice cream later, I picked up my phone but couldn’t bring myself to call Jay.  I opened my messages.

R
eally sorry I
had to cancel today, can I make it up to you with dinner at my house on Friday?  Maybe we can take up where we left off.

M
y thumb hit
send before my brain had the chance to chicken out.  I threw my phone onto the sofa and downed the rest of my wine with a shaking hand.  

My phone beeped moments after it hit the cushion, and my heart leapt.

S
ounds good
, but I can’t do this week.  How about a week from Saturday? J

A
nything
as long as you do me, Jay.  I wonder how he’d react if I sent him a text like that?  Maybe I should text him a shot of my tits.  No, that idea is so far beyond my reality it isn’t even funny.  But then, so is having a man like Jay interested in me.  And I canceled on him!  I am an idiot!

W
orks for me
, see you at 6

I
didn’t want
to wait until eight.  Hell, I hoped to be undressed by that time.