Tryst (17 page)

Talie

He had a wife.

Gavin was married.

A woman who died
.

She left him all alone.

“You were married?”

He tried to nod, but I was still gripping his hair. I released it, smoothing it back away from his face. It didn’t stay down, but spr
ang right back up into crazy pieces.

“Tell me
,” I said softly, wanting nothing more than to listen.

He shook his head and looked away. The pain he was feeling was palpable. It
lay heavy in the air. Now I understood that look I sometimes saw in his eyes, the look of someone with scars inside them.

I didn’t push him any further
. I didn’t tell him I was sorry or coo little words to try and make him feel better. My words wouldn’t help him. No one’s words would. This was something he was going to have to live with every single day for the rest of his life. Telling him I was sorry wouldn’t even come close to easing that kind of pain.

We sat there in the room with nothing but the monitor beeping steadily behind us. I ran my fingers through his sun-kissed hair
. The way it felt sliding between my fingers somehow eased the tightness in my chest.

“We were high school sweethearts,” he said after a while. I continued stroking his hair, just letting him know I was there and I heard him.

“I knew I was going to marry her from the time I was sixteen years old. She was something,” he said. The fondness in his voice made my eyes briefly close. “She hated math and loved Doritos. She was on the track team, the cross country the school had. She had these long legs that just went on for miles. They ate up the pavement with ease.”

“What was her name?” I whispered.

“Danielle.”

“It’s a beautiful name.”

He made a sound. “She hated it. Made everyone call her Dani.”

He glanced up at me, his blue eyes full of memories. “She was a tomboy.”

I smiled.

“Anyway, we went to college together
. She graduated before me and got a job as a teacher and coach of a track team. When she graduated, I asked her to marry me. She said the only reason I wanted to marry her was so she could take care of me while I suffered through my residency at the hospital.” He laughed. “But she said yes anyway, saying someone had to look after me.”

Oh my God, my heart was tearing. Literally ripping in half for him. I didn’t know how to feel this kind of pain
. I didn’t know how to help him, to make him feel better.

“You’re a doctor?” I asked, trying to hide the catch in my voice.

“I went to med school. I have the degree. I never finished my residency, though. She died right after I started.”

“Oh, Gavin.” I sighed, once again pulling my fingers through his hair.

“That day, the day she died, sometimes it replays in the back of my mind… tormenting me. Reminding me that I let her down.”

“How did you let her down?”

I wasn’t sure if he heard me or if he just needed to say it all in his way.

“I’ll never forget that day,” he said, looking off into space. I might have thought he was no longer present in the room with me because of the faraway look in his eye
s, but his hand reached out and his thick fingers wrapped around mine.

It was my turn to be his anchor.

And when Gavin began to talk, it was if I were right there in that day with him…

Gavin

The shifts at the hospital were going to kill me. I suddenly understood why half the doctors in the place were gray haired or bald. Dealing with life
—with other people’s lives—was demanding and draining. I couldn’t afford to have a tired day. I couldn’t afford to be low on energy. People depended on me. They looked to me for answers. Some of them looked to me for hope.

I never thought about that side of being a doctor. Being a doctor was always biology and chemistry, formulas and
equations. My job was to look at a disease, a mutation trying to take up residence in someone’s body, and come up with a way to get it out. To defeat it.

I never thought about the actual people these diseases were living in. I never thought about the human eyes that I would have to look into while they asked me if they were going to die.

How did a man do it? When their scientific equation, their scientific solution failed, then what? My failure could cost lives.

When I stepped into the apartment
, the aroma of rich tomato sauce wafted through the air. God, I was starving. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate something that wasn’t from a vending machine. The day before yesterday maybe?

I stepped around the corner and she was there
. I didn’t need to drink coffee. If I wanted a boost of energy, all I had to do was look at her.

“Hey, handsome
,” Dani said, turning from the stove. Her caramel-colored hair fell down her back in a thick braid. “I’m making spaghetti.”

She was dressed in a pair of black yoga pants and a loose
T-shirt. She was beautiful to me. My hands itched to touch her and my feet obeyed, suddenly forgetting they were tired and taking me over so I could wrap my arms around her from behind and nuzzle her neck, playing at her collarbone with my tongue.

“Mmm
,” she said as I pulled her earlobe between my lips.

She spun in my hold, reaching up to kiss me, the kind of kiss that melted
away days of being at the hospital. “How was school today?” I asked, pulling back but keeping her in my arms.

“Good. Track meet this Friday
…”

I kissed her again, just because I could.

“The pasta is going to boil over!” She laughed, trying to push me away. Her attempt was pathetic because she liked when I was close.

“I have a noodle for you,” I said, wagging my eyebrows at her.

“You did not just say that.” She groaned, rolling her eyes.

I released her and she went to check the pasta, but before she could go
, I pulled her back. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She swatted me with a kitchen towel. “Now go wash your hands.”

After dinner, it was my turn to do the dishes. I tossed them in the sink and poured water over them, then turned away. “Let’s go out for ice cream.”

“How can you even think about food? I am stuffed.”

“You know me.” I joked. “I’m insatiable.”

“One of the many things I love about you.”

I winked.

“What about the dishes,” she asked, lifting an eyebrow.

“They need to soak.”

She giggled. “Fine. Let’s go.”

It was after eight, but the traffic on the roads was moderate. Jacksonville, North Carolina, was a place that never seemed to sleep completely. Yes, the roads slowed down, but because it was such a military town with young Marines and bars everywhere, the place never truly slept.

Cold Stone closed at nine, but I wasn’t in a hurry because I knew we’d make it in time. It was a warm night, typical of the south
, and we drove with the windows down. Dani had her bare feet propped up on the dash, singing along horribly to a country song on the radio. I couldn’t help but glance at her as I drove. Long wisps of hair escaped her braid and fluttered around her head like a halo.

Maybe I should have realized that was my sign.

My sign that everything was about to change.

I should have known such an angel wouldn’t be allowed to stay on
Earth.

The car came out of nowhere. Running through the intersection, completely ignoring the red light. I saw it at the last second, reaching out and slamming my arm against her, trying to protect her even as I spun the wheel, trying to get out of the way of the speeding car.

But we didn’t make it.

The sound of shattering glass and groaning metal weren’t even loud enough to cover up her screams. I would hear those screams until I died.

When the car finally stopped, screeching to a halt on the side of the tree-lined boulevard, the sound of silence, the feeling of stillness washed over me.

In those few heartbeats
, I knew everything was about to change.

“Dani!” I yelled, grappling with the seat belt, trying to get free. Her non-responsive behavior scared me
, and I began to struggle harder.

Finally
, it let me free and I dropped onto my side, ignoring the cutting glass and shouts from people running to help. I saw her lying in the seat beside me, hunched over with a single rivulet of blood running down her temple.

“Dani, baby,” I said, reaching for her, wrapping my hand around her arm.

Behind me someone opened the driver’s side door. “Are you okay?” someone yelled.

“Call 9-1-1!” I screamed.

The door on Dani’s side was wrenched free. Hands appeared and lifted her out. I scrambled through the wreckage to free myself and drop beside her on the pavement. The scent of burning rubber and spilled gasoline filled the air. The sound of people talking, of people crying, pressed in around us. The distant sound of sirens headed in our direction was like a beacon of hope on a hopeless night.

“Dani,” I said, “
open your eyes.”

In the dark
, her lashes fluttered. Brown eyes looked up, unfocused and confused.

“Hey,” I smiled
. Relief like no other poured through my body, making my hands tremble. “Hey, babe. Thank God.”

“Gavin?” she asked, her voice weak.

“Shh,” I told her, brushing away the hair from her face. “There was an accident. Help is on its way.”

Then I remembered I was a doctor. I could help her now.

I clicked into clinic mode, assessing her injuries, feeling for a pulse. She was hurt, hurt badly. It seemed like she had some internal bleeding and her breathing didn’t sound right. I was afraid she had a punctured lung.

“Where’s the ambulance!” I yelled over my shoulder.

No one offered me an answer.

It was dark out here, so dark. How was I supposed to make a diagnosis in the dark with no medical supplies, not even so much as a napkin to wipe her blood?

I palmed her cheek and gently turned her head in my direction. “Listen to me, Dani. Help is coming. Everything is going to be okay.”

She smiled at the sound of my voice. But she didn’t open her eyes.

“Stay with me, baby. I love you.”

“I love you
, too,” she whispered.

And then she died.

That was the last smile I would ever see on her face. The last words I would ever hear her speak. She died there on the pavement on the side of the road littered with debris and strangers. The ambulance pulled up minutes after she died. Too late.

Too fucking late.

Talie

My face was wet with tears.
My hand had long ago fallen away from his hair and into my lap. Gavin still held my other hand, never once breaking contact the entire time he spoke.

What he’d been through was horrible. Something no one should ever have to live. To watch the person you loved most in this world die on the side of a road while you stood by helpless was cruel.

I understood why he said he was emotionally unavailable. I understood all those times he pushed me away. All those times when I thought we were getting closer, when he was letting me in only to have a door slam closed.

He lost the only woman he’d ever loved. A woman who was supposed to be by his side forever. She didn’t cheat on him or lie. She didn’t wake up one day and decide he wasn’t who she wanted. She was taken from him. Stolen by the worst kind of death.

And since that day, his life had been at a standstill. His life had never been the same.

What did you say when someone told you the story of how they were robbed of forever? What did you say when the man you loved sat broken and sorrowful
right in front of you?

There wasn’t anything I could ever say.

Gently, I tugged my hand free of his and carefully slid over, turning on my side to face him. Gavin lifted his head, his bloodshot eyes watching me. I lifted the covers of the little hospital bed, inviting him closer.

He didn’t even hesitate. He stood and kicked off his shoes and slid right in next to me. The bed was small and he took up most the space, but I didn’t care. When he held
out his arm, I settled against him, laying my cheek on his chest.

I could hear the beat of his heart, the steady rhythm just below his ribs.

I tucked my arm around him, ignoring all the protests of my body. Everything that I had been through this last month seemed like nothing compared to what he’d survived.

We
lay there a long time, neither of us uttering a word. Just being close to him was comfort enough. I said a prayer while I lay there. I said a prayer for Dani, that she found peace in the afterlife. And I said a prayer for Gavin, that somehow, someway he would eventually find peace too.

“Gavin?” I said after a while.

“Hmm?” He turned his head toward me. His lips brushed my forehead.

“What happened next?”

“I quit my residency. I didn’t think I deserved to be a doctor anymore. I wasn’t sure it was for me.”

“But why?”

“I couldn’t save her. When the going got tough and I was in that situation that had to be acted upon, I failed. I failed to save the life of my own wife. I let her down. I let her die.”

Such guilt to carry around. Such a heavy weight.

“You did everything you could,” I said, propping my chin on my hand and looking up at him.

“It wasn’t enough.”

I wasn’t going to argue with him, not about this, not about something that clearly caused him so much pain.

But for the record, he was wrong.

“Then what happened?”

“I got a big settlement from the driver’s insurance. I tried to turn it down. They sent it anyway. I don’t know why they thought I would want that blood money. It felt wrong to take it. Like I was somehow benefiting from her death.”

“What did you do?”

“I bought the beach house on Topsail and gave the rest to charity.”

“And you’ve been there ever since.”

“Yeah.”

“How long have you been there, Gavin?”
How long have you been grieving alone?

“Almost two years.”

“She wasn’t the only one who died in that accident. You died too,” I said.

“Why did I get to live instead of her?” he whispered, agony in his tone.

“I don’t know,” I replied, honestly. “But I honestly think there was a reason. There is a reason for everything.” I thought of the baby that I carried inside me. His reason for living… He had to live so he had something to leave behind.

“It should have been me.”

“Dani wouldn’t want you to carry around this much pain and guilt.”

He shifted, wrapping me in both his arms. His hold was strong, and it hurt just a little, but I didn’t say a word. Minutes later
, I felt his lips on my forehead, pressing a gentle kiss to my hairline.

“Gavin?” I whispered.

“Yeah?” he whispered back.

“You saved me. You pulled me out of the car and you saved me.”

“I couldn’t watch you die on the side of the road.”

That’s why he drove me here himself. It’s why he sat vigil beside my bed. He had to make sure I didn’t die
. He had to make sure he wasn’t responsible for another death.

How horrible it must have been for him watching my car veer off the road. But he was still here. He hadn’t run away.

“You know I’m going to be okay.”

“I know.”

“You don’t have to stay here,” I pressed. I didn’t want him to leave, but I wasn’t his obligation. “I know this must be hard for you. You can go home.”

“I can’t go home.”

Probably not. My accident was too sharp of a reminder of what happened to Dani. Going home to an empty house would likely cause him to overthink. He couldn’t be alone right now. I understood that.

“Well, you are a lot warmer than these pathetic rags they call blankets
,” I said, unable to stop myself from snuggling just a little bit closer.

His chuckle was warm and genuine
. It fused together a little bit of the fracture that opened in my chest when he told me about his past. “Glad I can be of service.”

“Claire thinks Stitch is totally hot
,” I said, trying to keep things light.

He laughed. “
Her and every other woman in the South.”

“I prefer blonds.” The words slipped right out before I could snatch them back. The last thing I wanted to do was say something that would make him push me away again.

“Be sure and tell him that,” Gavin replied, not bothered by the comment at all. “Maybe it will deflate some of his big head.”

“Have you known him a long time?”
Just from the fondness in his tone, I knew they were friends.

“We went to med school together.”
He cleared his throat. “He was here the night Dani was brought into the morgue.”

I was glad at least someone had been here for him that night.

“He was the one who called that day, on my deck.”

“Really?” I said, remembering the name
, but not bothering to say so.

“The hospital has been holding a spot for me to come back, to finish up my residency. They’re getting tired of waiting. I had a meeting here that day so we could talk about.”

I remembered the way he was dressed the day he walked in on Blake and me. He likely just arrived home from the meeting. “Are you coming back to work?”

“I don’t know
,” he said, his voice drifting far away again.

In that moment
, I felt like I was holding on to a long string… and he was the kite attached to the end of it. Sometimes the wind wouldn’t blow that heavily, and I was able to reel him in. Get him close. But then the wind would pick up and start pulling at the corners of the kite and lift it back up into the sky so it floated farther and farther away.

“You know a doctor should know better than to live off snack cakes.”
I teased.

He made a rude sound. “Nothing comes between a man and his snack cakes.”

I smiled, but it quickly turned into a yawn.

“You should get some rest, sweetheart.”
Damn if he didn’t punctuate those words by pressing his lips against my hairline.

I didn’t want to go to sleep. I wanted to stay in this moment with him. I knew he might not be here when I woke up.

But he was too warm and too comfortable. My eyes began closing, taking longer and longer to reopen. I tried to tell myself to fight it, to stay awake. In this moment, the wind had died down. He was close. So close.

My last thought before I succumbed to slumber was to wonder how long until the wind started to blowing again, how long until he was yanked back into the sky.