Turn To Me (37 page)

“What reason could you possibly have that would make me not care, Blane?” I asked in disbelief. 

“Her father is on the House Budget Committee,” Blane said.  “I think the person behind these attacks has an agenda, more than just a twisted sense of justice.  The Defense Department is slated to get their budget cut by billions next year.  They’ve been fighting it.  If I lose this case, public opinion will turn against the military and the cuts will go through.  I suspect that Kandi is the one leaking information.  That’s the only way someone could have known all about you and she’s the only one with the motivations and connections to do it.”

His grip on me loosened.  I felt like I’d just been knocked upside the head.  Oh wait, I had.  A bubble of hysterical laughter crawled up my chest and I swallowed it down.

“If she’s behind it,” Blane continued, “then being with her would shift the focus away from you.  And if she wasn’t, whoever was would still see that you and I were no longer together, that hurting you wouldn’t affect me.  Kandi is simply a means to an end – a way to keep you safe.  That is her only value to me, especially if she’s the one who helped them target you.”

I didn’t know what to say.  My stomach rolled, and I thought I might be sick again.  I’d got it wrong, Blane hadn’t betrayed me.  But was he telling me the truth?  Could I believe him?  The doubt must have shown in my eyes because Blane cradled my face in his hands.

“Believe me, Kat.  Trust me,” he implored earnestly.  “I never wanted to hurt you.  My only motivation has been to do everything in my power to protect you.”  His eyes were intent on mine, willing me to believe him.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”  My voice came out a whisper.

“I wanted to,” he said, his brows creasing.  “I was going to, the night of the Christmas party.  But then you had to work, and you said you weren’t coming.  I knew someone was there, watching.  They had this delivered to me.”

Blane reached into his jeans pocket and produced a creased piece of paper.  I took it, opening and reading the scrawled phrases.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Bet you don’t see me,

But I can see you.

A chill ran down my spine.  At least I’d got that right.  He had been there that night, stalking Blane.  My fingers were numb as Blane gently took the paper back from me, pushing it back into his pocket.

“When you showed up, I couldn’t have scripted a more public breakup, especially knowing he was there, watching.  I hated myself for hurting you like that, but I thought it was better than the alternative.”

“Which was?”

“You being dead.”

That made me pause for a moment.  “You let me believe the worst,” I protested.

His jaw hardened.  “If you hated me because I betrayed you, it was more believable.  I'd have done anything to keep you out of danger.  Just look at what happened tonight – what nearly could have happened.”

I stiffened.  He thought he knew what was best for my life.  He had made that decision without ever consulting me.

“Then why are you telling me this now?”

“Because I nearly lost you again, Kat,” he said roughly, cradling my cheek in his palm.  “If I’d kept you close, I could have protected you.  Let me.”

Blane's hands moved behind my neck, his fingers threading through my hair.  The way he was looking at me sent a shiver down my spine and made the center of my chest ache.  I knew that feeling, and it terrified me.

With a gentleness that contradicted the strength with which he held me, Blane pressed his lips to my brow, my cheek, a soft touch near my eye, speaking softly to me between each kiss.

“I'm so sorry,” he whispered.  “Say you forgive me, Kat.  Trust me.”

His lips settled over mine with heartbreaking tenderness.

The moment his mouth touched mine, something broke inside me and I wrenched away from him.  Unprepared, he let me go.

“Blane, I can't – I don't know-”  My tongue stumbled over the words.  I wasn't sure what I was trying to say.  My mind was warring with my heart, and I didn't know what to think or feel.  I wanted to fling myself into Blane's arms and tell him all was forgiven, that of course I trusted him.  He'd proven himself worthy of my trust in so many ways.

Yet something prevented me.  As much as I wanted to, alarms were screaming inside my head that I'd be a fool to go back to him.  Seeing him with Kandi and believing he'd betrayed me had hurt me deeply.  I didn't know if I could withstand it again, and wouldn't it eventually come to that?  Why go back to Blane when another breakup would just loom on the horizon to break my heart all over again?

I had to get out of there.  I backed up a few steps, glancing around for any way out.  To my amazement and relief, I saw a car turn down the street toward us and recognized it as a taxi. 

Turning back to Blane, I shook my head.  “I'm sorry,” I said, tears clogging my throat.  “I just...I can't.”

“Kathleen, wait-”

He reached for me, but I was already in the street, flagging down the slow moving taxi.  To my relief, it abruptly stopped and I climbed in.

“Go!  Drive!” I ordered before collapsing back against the cold vinyl.  The driver obeyed, stepping on the gas.  I stared out the window, refusing to look back at Blane.

“K-k-kathleen?”

My head jerked up.  “Frankie?”

“Yeah.”

What a stroke of luck!  Something of which I'd had precious little lately.  He'd seemed to turn up when I needed him most.

“I'm glad you were around, Frankie,” I said, giving him the address for The Drop.

“M-me t-t-too,” he stuttered.  “Wasn't th-th-that you're b-boyfriend?”

“Not anymore,” I said, roughly scrubbing my wet cheek with the back of my hand.

“I'm s-s-sorry.”

Yeah, me, too.

When I got to work, I borrowed some clothes from Tish.  We were still on slutty Santa duty so even though Kade had managed to destroy my costume, I was ever so fortunate Romeo had more to replace it.  I made myself as presentable as I could before clocking in, tossing my blood-encrusted jeans in the trash.

Tish eyed me as I stocked the bar.

“You all right?” she asked. 

I smiled tightly.  “Massive headache,” I explained.  “That’s all.”

“Want some medicine?”

“Thanks,” I said gratefully, accepting two pain killers she dug out of her purse.

I worked on autopilot, unable to shake the feeling that I’d made a mistake, that I’d made the wrong decision with Blane.  The instinct for self-preservation was strong, but maybe the heartache was worth the time we’d have together.  God knows, the time I'd been with Blane had been some of the best in my life.  I missed him.

“Hi there, beautiful.”

I looked up, shaken out of my inner musings to see Ryan sliding onto a stool at the bar.  I smiled back.

“Hi,” I replied.  He looked good, wearing jeans and a cream colored cable-knit sweater that fit snugly over his broad shoulders.  The color contrasted nicely with his tan skin and dark hair.

“You look surprised to see me,” Ryan said.  I popped the top off a bottle of beer and placed it in front of him.  His hand curled around it.  “I came by Friday, but the guy bartending said you'd left early, but that you would be here tonight.”

“Yeah, I had a...family emergency,” I explained.

“Everything all right?”

I nodded, wondering if he knew about Stacey being murdered.  The words were on the tip of my tongue, but something held me back and I didn’t say anything.

“How was your day?” he asked.

There was nothing about my day I could tell him, so I was deliberately vague.  “The usual.  Cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping,” I hedged.  “You?”

“I took care of some business,” he replied.  “Boring stuff.”

“Working on the weekend?”

“Not all of us can be the idle wealthy,” he teased.

I laughed.  “Yeah, that’s me,” I said wryly.  “Money to burn.”

We chatted for a little while, me taking breaks to fill orders, but overall we weren’t very busy for a Sunday night.

“Have you reconsidered my offer?” Ryan asked after he’d finished his second beer.

“Which would be...?”

“Dinner,” Ryan said.  “Tomorrow night.  Are you free?”

I thought about it.  There was really no reason to say no.  Blane and I were through.  I didn’t dare think of Kade.  Going out with Ryan sounded suddenly appealing.  He seemed nice, had a steady job, good-looking, funny, and carried none of the drama with which my life had lately been overwhelmed. 

“Sure,” I said.  “That sounds nice.”

“No more boyfriend?”

My smile was forced.  “Not anymore.”

“Great!  Pick you up at 8?”

I agreed, jotting my address down on a napkin and giving it to him.

“I don’t suppose I could convince you to wear that tomorrow night, could I?” he asked, motioning to my outfit with a mischievous grin.  “I’ve been picturing you wearing that all day,” he continued. 

I blushed.  “Maybe if you’re lucky,” I flirted.

“Luck has nothing to do with it,” Ryan said, his lips curving in a slow smile.  “See you tomorrow.”  He tossed some money down on the bar, shrugged into his coat and left.

I sagged against the bar once Ryan had gone.  I was exhausted and my head still ached.  Glancing at the clock, I saw there was only an hour left before we could close.  Thank God.  It was taking everything I had just to stay on my feet.

“No offense, Kathleen,” Tish said, dropping off a couple trays on the bar.  “But you look like hell.  What’s going on?”

I sighed.  “Having trouble sleeping, that’s all.”

“Did Blane try to explain away his date with that chick?” she asked.  I recalled how Tish had been privy to the “fake” breakup with Blane here in the bar.

“Yeah,” I said, Blane’s explanation of why he’d been with Kandi echoing in my ears.

“Did you believe him?”

I slowly nodded.  “Yes, but I still told him it was over.”  Even to my own ears, I sounded miserable.

Tish squeezed my hand sympathetically.  “Breakups are hard.  If you love him, you could always give him another shot.”

“But...” I began, “but what if he does it again?  What if I trust him, and he breaks my heart again?”

Tish studied me.  “He might.  But he might not.  It’s a risk only you can decide to take.”

I had no answer.  Confusion, fear, and self-doubt held me back.  My feelings must have shown on my face for Tish leaned forward and gave me a quick hug.

“It’ll be all right,” she said, tucking my hair behind my ear.  “Just call him.”

I forced a smile.  I doubted Blane would want to hear from me after I’d rejected his apology and rejected him.

I was just finishing prep work for the next day when Kade walked in the door.

“I see you didn’t listen to me,” he said derisively, looking me up and down.  “You’re going to catch pneumonia wearing hardly any clothes in the middle of winter.”

“If only I could be so lucky,” I shot back.  Compared to being shot or blown up, pneumonia sounded like a vacation.

“Brought you an early Christmas present,” he said, tossing something at me.  Reflexively, I caught it.  Bewildered, I stared at the set of keys in my hand, then up at him.

“Well, I’m certainly not going to chauffeur you all over town,” he snorted, reaching across the bar to grab a bottle of beer.  He twisted the cap off and took a swig.

“You...got me a car?”  I could hardly form the words, certain I was wrong, but not knowing what else to think.

“Thought you could use a little Christmas cheer,” he dismissed, taking another drink.  “Consider it an advance on your salary and a tax deduction for the firm.”

I was stunned, my jaw hanging open.  The keys bit into my palm as I clutched them in my fist.  Kade watched my reaction, even as he pretended nonchalance, his fingers casually holding the neck of the beer bottle.

“Kade,” I began, “I don’t know what to say-”

“Thank you is customary,” he said dryly, his lips twisting in an almost smile. 

“Thank you,” I said.  “But I can’t accept this.  It’s too much.”  I regretfully held the keys back out to him.

“Please,” he scoffed, not taking the keys.  “It’s not like I bought it for you.”  He took a swig of his beer.

My brows lifted in an unspoken question.

“The firm bought it,” he said with a shrug.  “An investigator has to have wheels.  It’s a company car.”

I hesitated.  If it was a company car, then that wouldn’t be so bad.  That would be nice, actually, having someone else take care of the insurance payments and taxes.

“Are you sure?” I wavered in indecision, the offer tempting me.

“You really think I’d just go buy you a car?” he asked derisively.

Well, when he put it like that....

I came around the bar and put my arms around him for a hug.  I must have surprised him because he was stiff for a moment before awkwardly hugging me back.  “Thank you, Kade.  This is a huge load off my mind.”

Kade pulled back so he could look at me.  “No problem,” he said.  “And if you’d like to thank me further, I could give you a few ideas, several of which prominently feature those shoes you wore last night.”

I flushed and stepped away, giving him a smack on the arm as I did so.  “Drink your beer,” I told him, crossing back behind the bar. 

I dug inside my purse, pulling out the cell phone I hadn’t been able to get into because of the pass code.  I handed it to Kade.

“I took this cell phone from Adriana’s hotel room,” I explained.  “But it has a code on it.  I thought you might be able to break it.”

“No problem,” he said, pocketing the phone.  “I was able to trace the phone calls made to Freeman.”

“Who called him?” I asked.

“Someone with a lot of resources,” he said.  “Government resources.”

My eyebrows shot up.  “Blane said he thought that might be the case, that the Defense Department budget is supposed to be cut by billions next year.”

“Yep,” Kade confirmed.  “Always follow the money, princess.  Nine times out of ten, it’s all about the cash.”

“And the tenth time?”  I teased.

“The tenth time is personal,” he shot back, his lips twisting in a smirk.  “Everyone knows that.”