Twice Loved (27 page)

“Tate.”

“Yes Princess.” His words are whispered in my ear.

“Please” I beg him. I’m not sure exactly what I’m begging for at this point.

“What do you want?”

My breathing labors as Tate speaks. The sexual tension is so thick. “You. Gawd …I just want you!”

He gives me a short open mouth kissed before licking along my jawline to my ear, “I’m all yours princess.”

With that his hands begin caressing me all over. Logical thought ceases. I just feel.

***

Two days later I find myself taking off work early. I’ve been having some symptoms of a UTI and decide it’s better to be safe than sorry at my age. Who knows what can happen.

“Nothing major is wrong with you right?” Haley asks me in the teachers’ lounge as I’m preparing to leave.

“No MOM!” I laugh at her, “I think it’s a bladder infection or something.”

“Oh okay.” she has sadness shining through in her eyes.

“Have you even tried talking to him?” I ask quietly.

“No I ignore all his texts and calls and he doesn’t dare just show up at your house right now.” She answers me.

I made sure Jake didn’t show up at my house. Told him he would be removed whatever it took if he did. He wasn’t to try to see her in person without her saying it was okay. Tate actually backed me up the afternoon I said that at the garage and it surprised me a little.

“I’m out of here.”

I hit the local coffee shop which has a drink they call the icerageous which is better than anything that Starbucks would sell. I order the Irish kiss icerageous. The thought of drinking this sends me almost to the brink of an orgasm.

I happily sip on my drink as I make my way to my doctor’s office. I have about twenty-five minutes before my appointment time. I reach into my bag and pull out my new book by Lilly Rayman. A few moments of reading pleasure while I wait sounds really good. I sign in at the desk and find a chair in a quiet corner and open my book.

Time flies as I’m reading it’s not long until I hear “Ms. Madison.”

Glancing up I see the nurse in the open door. I quickly mark my place in the book and follow her into the back of the office. She gets my weight and looks at my chart. “Let’s go ahead and get a urine since you’re complaining of issues.”

I take the sealed cup and walk into the bathroom. There is nothing worse than going to the bathroom on demand. I’m thankful when it doesn’t take long and I can set the cup in the metal box. I move to the sink and wash my hands thoroughly. Once I’m ready I step into the hall. The nurse is waiting with a bright smile.

“Follow me.” she motions me on down the hall. I enter the exam room taking a seat on the table. She wraps a blood pressure cuff on my arm, sticks a thermometer in my ear. Oh the joys of visiting the doctor office.

She writes everything down in my chart and asks me a few questions then adds them to the chart as well. She smiles brightly one more time. “Doctor will be with you shortly.”

She pulls the door closed behind her and I pull my book out once again. It’s not quite as comfortable trying to read sitting on this stupid table so I give up and toss my book on the little counter with my purse. I begin looking around the room. My eyes take in all the medical stuff around. I become fascinated with a model of a heart by the sink. I wish I had cool toys like this for my classroom. Maybe I should look into buying some. I make a mental note to google it when I get home.

A knock on the door followed by it opening wide. Dr. Groom comes in a huge grin on his face.

“Hi there Lori. It seems this is going to be a short and sweet visit for us.”

“Um okay?” I ask clearly confused.

“Your specimen instantly told me what’s wrong.” he is still grinning from ear to ear. I guess I‘m not dying or he wouldn’t be smiling like the Cheshire cat. “You’re pregnant dear!”

“What the hell?” I speak softly

“I take it this was unexpected news.” Dr. Groom’s face softens with concern. “Do we need to talk?”

“Um no I’m just a little shocked.” I respond “I guess I need to make an appointment with my OB?”

“Yes dear.” his hand reaches out and pats my knee “So I take it you have a new man in your life?”

“Yea… Yes I do and I’m sorry I’m just stunned right now.” I should have taken less chances going bare with Tate and realized my eggs were not old and shriveled up.

Dr. Groom and I finish up and I walk like I’m in a fog out of his office. Assuring them I would call and make an appointment with my OB right away. Climbing into my car I feel the first tear fall. What the fuck am I going to do?

Chapter Thirty-One

Tears stream down my face, I’m furiously wiping them away as I drive down the road. If I was smart I would pull over and get myself under control. However, I am on a mission and I won’t stop until I get there. I make a few turns until I pull up in front of the cemetery. Ugly sobs still wrack my body. I’m sure if anyone is around to see me they would probably be scared or call the looney bin to come get me with a straight jacket. I pull as close to Steve’s grave as I can. I turn the car off slamming the door I get out and begin jogging toward my husband.

I fall to my knees on his grave. The words on the tombstone etched in my memory just as they are the stone. I miss him so much. I need him still in my life. He’s the one I want to turn to while I am like this way. I can’t face Tate yet. My kids are too young for this burden. Haley well she has her own shit going on and I’m not sure she would understand my feelings if she tried. I can’t even understand what is going through my head.

I sob over and over. My nose feels as if it is going to explode it’s so stopped up right now.

“Steve… why… why did you leave me?” sobbing I reach out and touch the tombstone looking for some sort of comfort. Some type of contact with my husband. “I don’t know what to do. You would have helped me figure this out. I’m so alone.”

My words trail off as a fresh round of tears pour forth. How does one person have so many damn tears in them anyway?

I have no idea to do what to do with the news that I got today. Do I tell Tate? Do I keep it to myself? What am I am going to do? This was the last thing I ever planned on happening. Why did it happen? There has to be a reason right? Or is this punishment for loving two men at the same time?

“Steve I really wish you were here to talk to me. You always were able to calm my freak outs.” I fall on my butt. I wipe my snotty nose on my shirt sleeve. I don’t care anymore. I’m a mess and no sense in pretending otherwise. I begin plucking at a blade of grass. Drawing my knees up against my chest I rest my chin on top of them. I sigh.

This isn’t the end of the world. I’ve done this a couple times before of course I was a bit younger than I am now. It doesn’t matter I’ll be able to get through it all. I just take it one day at a time. That’s all I can do. It’s all any of us can do.

“Mom?” Olivia’s voice calls across the air. I turn my head behind me and see my daughter rushing up behind me. “Hey… are you okay?” she looks at me her steps falter a little as she gets close.

Sniff “I’m fine… or I will be.” I pat the grass “sit. I’ve been talking to your dad”

“We’ve been worried about you. You been gone for four hours mom.”

I look at her. “Oh… I’m sorry guess I lost track of time. How’d you find me?”

She miles softly, “You weren’t home, with Tate, or Haley… this was a logical place.”

I wrap my arm around her shoulders pulling her into me for a side hug.

“Baby I need you to keep a secret for me for a little while. I need time.”

“Mom what’s going on?” panic crosses her face.

It’s nothing horrible I just need to get used to the idea and I trust you to help me come up with a cover story for today.”

“Um okay…” poor Olivia looks unsure. I know I’m asking a lot of her but she is my daughter and I trust her with this news.

“I’m pregnant”

“Holy shit!” I chuckle at her outburst. “I want to ask how it happened but I know how it happens but mom really?” I laugh then a good belly laugh. My daughter’s words bring me amusement.

“Yea now you see why I’m here talking to your dad.”

“Umm yes, holy shit mom? It better be another girl.” she giggles “Hell I don’t care what you have. Is this going to be safe at your age?” her amusement gone, tone serious.

“I’m sure there will be lots of risks to consider but the doctor seems to think I’m healthy and shouldn’t have too many problems and women are having babies later and later in life.”

We sit there silently. Her head is now resting on my shoulder. My arm still around her.

“I have to figure out how to tell Tate.” I sigh loudly “Fuck Luann and her pregnancy!”

“He will probably be happy your pregnant mom.”

“Maybe.” my hand rubs her arm as I speak “But the timing sucks ass.”

Chuckling she says “Yea it does… it really does.” She pulls her phone out and sends off a quick text. “I sent a message to Noah, that I was with you and you are okay so Tate will stop pacing the house like a madman.”

I shake my head at her words. Tate is so strange. He acts so tough and like he doesn’t need me but as soon as he thinks I’m not there he freaks out. I wonder so often what it must have been like for him growing up. It makes him do the stupidest things. He acts like he doesn’t need me and then my instinct is to pull away. If I pull away he flips a switch and pulls me back in. Sometimes it felt like an intense game of tug of war. Except the rope was my emotions. I can’t keep playing that game with him.

“I guess we should head back to the house.” I say while I release Olivia and she stands brushing dirt off her backside “Should we grab food while we are out?”

“Yea I’ll stop and get it.” she gives me a look I don’t quite understand “You should go to the house and talk to Tate.”

“Olivia…” I start

“No I get why you want a couple of days, but mom give Tate a chance. Stop prejudging his reactions.”

Um wow. I think my daughter just put me in my place. She’s not wrong. I’m assuming what Tate will do or say. I’m so scared of losing him. Messing things up with him. Why does it bother me so much? I never waffled like this with Steve. With Steve I always knew where I stood. I knew Steve loved me that his love was real. Tate on the other hand had me questioning everything. Was it my own preconceived ideas that were the real problem? Was Tate normal and I the one who had issues? Tears threaten again. I blink them away. Oh the hormonal overload is going to be the death of me.

I give Olivia my debit card and tell her to go grab us a bunch of Chinese and bring it back to the house I would meet her there. As Olivia walks away I turn back to my husband’s grave.

“We did well with that one.” I smile softly “I can do this again. I’ll give Tate a chance to be the best dad he can. He’s done good with his own and our two.” I blink away a few more tears. “Steve I love you so much and I miss you every day but I know it’s okay to move on with Tate now.” I swipe the droplets running down my cheek. “Thank you for this last gift to me. Thank you for loving me so selflessly. Thank you for being my best friend. I love you!” I kiss my hand and reach out and touch his stone. My hand lingers and I look up to the heavens and smile as the sun sets in the sky.

I turn and walk back to my car. I know I’ll be back to talk to Steve but today for the first time in a long time a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I finally recognize its okay for me to be with Tate that I need to stop looking for ways to avoid being with him. I need to embrace my second love. I need to love him but most importantly I need to let him love me.

Walking to my front door, I stop momentarily my hand on the handle. I take a deep breath before I push open the door.

“Where the fuck have you been?” Tate greets me on the other side. His face is frantic.

“I… well... I… umm… went to visit Steve.” I mumble out.

Tate’s body visibly reacts. I see Noah and Haley’s heads dart back into the kitchen. Like they hadn’t just been listening.

“Oh.” Tate just stands there, his gaze locked on me.

“I’m sorry I worried you.” I reach out placing my hand on his forearm. His other arms swoops around my waist pulling me into him tight.

“You scared the shit out of me. You didn’t answer texts or calls and we had no clue where you went.” I faintly make out what sounds like him inhaling my hair. Weirdo.

“I’m sorry.” I try to pull back but he doesn’t release me. “I need to talk to you.” he lets me go then. Panic in his eyes. “Let’s go out back.” I lead him through the kitchen past Noah and Haley who are sitting at the bar working on something that looks like homework for Noah. I smile as both of them look up at us. I just keep moving forward with Tate out the back door.

He immediately lights a cigarette. I groan. The smell makes me want to throw up all of a sudden. Another sign I’m pregnant. I did this with both Olivia and Noah as well. I swallow a couple times before stepping back from Tate.

“Um so…”

“Spit it out already Lori.”

“I’m pregnant asshole!” oh yea way to go… great tact I showed just blurting that out.

He stands there, eyes wide. Stunned would be best word to describe him. His mouth moves but he doesn’t make a sound. I’m not sure what to think or say or do at this point. I wait for him to say or do something.

His lips twitch. They start to curve up, “Princess…” he throws his smoke down, stepping toward me. “Are you for real?”

“Y..… Yes!” I stammer. Arms encircle me I’m lifted off the ground and twirled around “going to throw up…” it’s the only thing I can say at that moment. The twirling stops immediately but he still holds me in his arms. “Put me down.” I say quietly. He slowly lowers me until my feet touch the ground.

“This is the best news I’ve had in a long time!” Tate says to me.

“You aren’t upset?”

“Why would I be upset? I knocked up the woman I love!” he is grinning. I roll my eyes at him.

“I don’t know with the shit with LuAnn. I wasn’t sure how you would feel about this news.” I admit honestly.