Twin Ties 2: Twin Affairs (13 page)

“You do realize I could have stopped you if I really wanted to, right? You’re strong, but not
that
strong. I was scared of being attracted to you, and what you would think of me when you found out how attracted to you I am, but it’s not like I was afraid of what you would do to me. I was into it. I thought that was pretty clear with my boner poking you in the ass. The reason I let you lead those times is because I got off on it. How you held me down, how much you wanted me that night. It was hot. We’re
not
Alek and Luka. We’re different. You never forced yourself on me, Bren, I just let you top. I wanted you to top me like that. Kinda wish you
would
force yourself on me. I really miss you, but I thought you regretted the whole thing, us hooking up.”

“No,” Brennan sighed. “The only thing I regretted was the way I went about it. I guess I was just stuck in my own head for a while, plus I agreed with Alek it was better to let you recover and give you space instead of making your injuries worse. It was easier to not be with you at all than to be really close to you but not be able to have you. Now that I see how much it upset you, if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have done it. I wouldn’t have stayed away. I miss you, too, but it’s hard to accept you’re okay already, especially when you don’t seem okay. But if you say you’re ready, I believe you.”

“Trust me, I’m ready,” Evan assured him. “Whatever you want when it comes to you and me, go for it. I like when you take control. Consider this my formal permission from now until eternity, okay?”

They each took a breath, savoring an understanding too long in coming.

“We should have talked about this earlier,” Brennan said softly, with regret.

“Ya think?”

“I have no idea why I turn into such a toppy bastard around you, or how you bring that out of me,” Brennan wondered. “It’s so weird. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to overpower like that. Every time I think about you, I want to get inside you.”

“Good. ‘Cause I want you to be there. I can’t believe Luka almost broke up with you over me.”

“He was pissed. Got all protective of you. I guess him and Alek have that whole ‘possessive’ thing in common. Maybe we were just misreading each other, too. Luka thought I was a careless jerk with you, and that never went completely away, so when he saw his chance to have you instead, he took it. Seems like he never forgave me completely.”

“No, I don’t agree with that. He’s not replacing you. He loves you more than ever, it’s just… complicated. Can you at least admit what he and I did yesterday upset you?”

“Yeah, it upset me. I’m kind of really angry, jealous, and turned on all at the same time.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Brennan said hesitantly, “You should talk to Jimmy. I think he’s been giving you as much space as he can, just like me and Alek were, but he’s still really worried. He calls me
every
day for updates on how you are, since you never take his calls.”

“He’s only worried because he suspects shit.”

“Maybe. He still deserves to know you’re okay.
Are
you okay?”

Evan laughed softly, tiredly. “I’m gettin’ there.”

Smiling gratefully, he held out an opened hand. Brennan laid his hand on top and smiled back when Evan held on tightly.

Luka answered the phone sounding startled and concerned. “Brennan? Is everything all right?”

“Yeah. Guess I’m the last person you were expecting to call, and how much does that suck?”

“Bren,” Luka sighed, sounding heartbroken.

“No. I don’t wanna get into it. I just wanted to tell you Evan wants to see you if you can stop by after work. He wouldn’t call you himself to ask, because he thinks it’d hurt my feelings, so yeah. That’s why I called. You should stop by.”

“Brennan, I am
so
sorry for hurting you. I love you so much. Please give me a chance to—” Luka started.

Brennan cut him off sharply. “
Don’t.
”

There was a deep sigh and a pause. When he next spoke, Luka’s voice was audibly strained, like he was fighting not to sound like he was crying. Brennan hoped he was. “I guess it must be bad if you’re calling. Should I try to get out early? Are you really worried about him?”

“Well, we did talk. He seems better. He had a scary look earlier. It’s gone now, but he’s still not himself. I was… yeah, okay, I was really worried this morning when he just blew off work and laid in bed for hours, but we’re cool, me and Evan. I can tell he misses you, though.”

“Uh, but… Alek… not like it can get any worse with him, but he might literally kill me if he finds me over there.”

“He might, yeah. Guess you have to make the call as far as your priorities go. I made mine.”

At that, Brennan hung up and muted the phone when it started ringing seconds later.

Luka was not someone easily dissuaded from making a stupid decision just because it might turn out badly. If he had enough incentive to try, he’d go for it. It had, mostly, not steered him wrong thus far. It was what got him and Alek together, sexually-speaking, and kept the spark between them burning for so long. If it had been purely Alek’s call, they might have left off fucking each other years ago, chalking it up to an unusually bumpy journey through adolescence. Luka’s deep-seated need for affection, much more than only a strictly-brotherly relationship and casual sex with other people could ever provide, drove him on.

It was also what got him Brennan, running after him after only a glance. Luka saw something in Brennan that he craved, so he latched onto it and asked Brennan out. On their date he defied everything his body and heart was screaming for—to give in to what Brennan wanted and fool around, no strings attached—and instead followed another nonsensical impulse by saying they should wait and get to know each other first. That was a good decision, because it was probably why Luka had been with Brennan for so long. It could’ve, would’ve been a one-night stand, but it wasn’t. Luka was incredibly grateful for that and now he didn’t intend to let Brennan go, even if he had to fight to keep him.

Of course, Luka’s impulsiveness was what landed Luka and Evan in their current situation of having upset their boyfriends and brothers. Luka went for it with Evan because that was the kind of person he was—act first, following his heart, and deal with the consequences later. As bad as things seemed to be with Alek and Brennan, Luka had faith it would all turn out okay if he continued to go with his gut instinct. This was mostly because when Luka acted, he typically acted with good intentions.

Alek had some of this same quality too, but it was tempered by his slightly more substantial inherent wariness. The impulse to act foolishly was always there, and sometimes he did, when persuaded by intoxicants, whether chemical or human in nature. But the disposition of his other half, Luka, called for Alek to be more logical, more responsible, when Luka wasn’t or couldn’t. Always being together, leaning on each other to pick up the slack when one of them fell, got them through whatever tough times came their way. It had always been the way they’d survived and Luka couldn’t imagine his life working any differently in the future.

When Luka got the call from Brennan, he saw a flicker of hope not only to be around Evan and help him in some way, but also to possibly get to work things out with Brennan. It didn’t matter that Alek was angry with Luka. Temporary upset, no matter how severe, could never sever the bond connecting them. So, Luka did what was in his nature to do. He acted. He finished his shift restlessly, driving Presley crazy in the process, with one eye on the clock when both eyes should have been firmly fixed on the clients he was supposed to be training.

Luka muddled through. After a few near-miss accidents—including someone almost dropping a barbell on himself when Luka didn’t spot him as well as he should have—he tried a little harder to pay attention to his job despite his impatience. He had called out sick the previous day to be with Evan and couldn’t pull the same disappearing act two days in a row.

Finally, five o’clock rolled around. Luka ran to his truck after a lightning-fast shower and outfit change. He sped all the way to Brennan and Evan’s and was surprised to find Evan sitting outside on the front stoop, though not as surprised as Evan was to see Luka.

Luka parked in front of the house rather than in the driveway for a quicker getaway if Alek came at him with murder in his eyes. Evan was on the phone, so Luka walked up to him without saying a word. Waiting for the call to end, pacing restlessly, Luka bit at his nails and fidgeted maddeningly until Evan was finished.

“Yeah. No, I haven’t seen Jimmy recently. No. Yeah, okay, Dad. I will. Yeah, I promise. No, I know. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Sure. Don’t listen to Brennan, it’s fine. Really. Nope. Well, can’t you tell me what the surprise is now?”

Evan sighed and braced a hand against his temple. There was the briefest flash of heart-swelling relief in Evan’s eyes before he turned away, covered it up, and shut Luka out to get through the conversation with his father.

“Fine. Yeah. Okay. Talk to ya later. Me too. Bye.”

“Hang up, hang up, hang up,” Luka murmured. He bounced slightly on the balls of his feet, squelching the instinct to tackle Evan to the grass, kissing him all the way down.

When Evan ended the call, Luka fell to his knees at Evan’s feet and scooped him up into his arms. Evan exhaled thickly, then buried his face in the side of Luka’s neck.

“God, it feels so good to hold you,” Luka moaned. He breathed in the scent of Evan, filling his lungs, holding the back of Evan’s head. “I missed you. I was really worried about you. Didn’t sleep a minute last night, so I’m kinda pumped on, like, four thermoses-worth of coffee. How are you?”

Evan let out a shaky gasp, tangling a hand in Luka’s hair.

“Ev, don’t. Please don’t cry,” Luka sighed.

Pulling back mere inches, Evan, frowning heavily, caught Luka’s lips in an urgent kiss. It broke down all the walls containing Luka’s more base impulses and Luka surged into the contact, licking past Evan’s lips, claiming his mouth. Their jaws worked as the kiss deepened. Evan gave Luka everything he had until they were both breathless.

“What are you doing here,” Evan marveled.

“Bren called me.”

“
What?
”

“He said I should come over, that you might want to see me.”

“Hell yeah, I want to see you,” Evan said, keeping hold of Luka, his blue-eyed gaze searching.

“Why, he didn’t tell you?”

“No. Wow. I can’t believe he did that. Can you stay? Please stay. Just for a while?”

“Yeah, of course I will.” He held Evan’s face in his hands, taking a moment to examine the state of him. “You look exhausted.”

Evan shook his head, glancing around at the yard, back at the house with Brennan inside, at the car driving slowly past, at the evident lack of seating.

“Let’s go sit around back,” he suggested. “There are chairs and, um….”

“Less people watching? Sure. C’mon.”

Once at the back of the house, they positioned two chairs together in a secluded spot and sat. Looking like he didn’t know what to do or say, Evan scratched restlessly over the back of his hand and asked, “You want a drink? Beer? Water?”

“No thanks. I’m good. Talk to me. How are you doing today? Be straight with me. You look like you didn’t sleep well. Is it the nightmares again?” Evan nodded, his eyes haunted and ringed with stubborn dark circles. “Which ones? The ones about the attack or the ones about being abandoned?”

“Both,” he rasped, rubbing a hand over his brow. “Worse than ever.”

“Maybe you should reconsider the sleeping pills they prescribed.”

“No way,” Evan insisted. “Too dangerous. It’s not worth it.”

“That was your dad on the phone, right? It’s good you talked to him. What’s up there?”

“Nothing, really. I’ve owed him a call for a few days now and he tried me again, so I picked up. Dad was asking me to talk to Jimmy more than I have been, and he was hinting he had some news but didn’t want to say anything yet. When I said I’d flaked on work today, he was kind of upset, and said I’m not ready to go back. He said I should wait a few more weeks, spend more time with Jimmy or at the shelter, just to get out of the house. I don’t know.”

“Well, he’s right that being at home isn’t really helping you anymore. I heard you talked to Brennan?”

“Yeah. It was kind of annoying how nice he was being. I wish he was just mad at me. It’d be simpler. Maybe he is, underneath, and he’s just mature enough to not show it. But, he’s like an angel. He just knows how to make everything okay again.”

“Good. I’m glad you guys worked it out a little. It really seems to affect you two in a major way when you’re fighting, and I hate to see either one of you miserable. How about Alek? You two talk?”

Evan shook his head, staring down at his lap. Luka took hold of Evan’s hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“He wanted to, but I fall apart around him. It’s weird. For so long I’ve been able to pretend things were okay, or at least be able to push it all down so I could get out of bed in the morning. Hell, I’ve been lying to Dad for years. I’m good at it. There’s something about Alek, though. It’s too hard to talk to him about a lot of stuff right now, but I can’t hide anything either. It’s like how I used to be with Jimmy, and it’s not just that Alek knows so much. I mean, you all know so much about me, but Alek just….” Evan let out a heavy sigh. “It’s different with him.
I’m
different with him.”