Twin Ties 2: Twin Affairs (18 page)

“Hey, it’ll be all right. Don’t worry about your dad. He’s probably just mad at himself for missing so much.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Evan pulled on the handle. “Can I ask you something?”

“Name it.”

“Did you fuck Brennan last night?”

Luka blinked. “What does it matter? You were with Alek.”

“Just tell me. I’m curious. Did you?”

“Yes. Okay? Yes. I did. Did Alek....”

“No. But at least he didn’t pull away from me like I’m delicate or disgusting, so it’s progress. And I guess when Dad gets here you’ll just be Brennan’s boyfriend again. It’s gonna be hard enough as it is explaining Alek. Maybe it’s better that way anyhow.”

“Baby,” Luka sighed, sounding hurt.

“Don’t. Don’t call me that,” Evan snapped, his eyes damp.

“So, what? You don’t need me anymore? You’re done with me? Or maybe you’re done with Alek, too, since now you’ve gotta
explain
him.”

Too angry to respond or rise to Luka’s bait, Evan simply gave Luka a hard stare and said nothing.

Luka rubbed a hand over his face, and bit at the inside of his cheek. “I love you,” Luka told him in a small voice.

With an incensed, injured glare at Luka, Evan climbed down to the pavement and slammed the door shut.

Evan was placed on front-desk duty at work until further notice, so he had plenty of time to answer Brennan’s texts without drawing the ire of his boss, though he did resent not getting what he considered to be
real
work to do.

Brennan showed up at lunchtime with food, since Evan forgot to bring any and was unable to eat what the other guys were ordering from a local fast food place. Plus, he didn’t want to draw too much attention to himself or get more curious questions than he had to about what happened to him all those weeks ago. So, he slipped out the side door and met Brennan at the Chevy, which he drove over. They sat on the trunk with two bowls of pasta. The conversation was very minimal.

They had already acknowledged the fact that their father was coming home the next day. Beyond that, there wasn’t much else to say. When Brennan didn’t mention Luka on his own, Evan assumed Luka didn’t tell him about their fight and chose not to bring it up either.

“Maybe Alek should clear out his stuff. Just… you know,” Brennan suggested.

Evan set his jaw and said nothing.

“Where’s Charlie going to sleep?”

Evan shrugged. “The couch?”

“But you’re not going to have Alek stay over while Charlie’s home, are you?”

Staring off into space, Evan imagined what it would be like to have to sleep alone for the first time in months. A cold dread slithered through his veins, reaching outward with icy tendrils. Frustration over having so many people telling him what to do and conversely not being able to be honest about his stressful love life with anyone else was eating at him. He felt crowded in and lonely at the same time. The sense that he would have been better off if he denied all three of the people filling his heart was like a cruel, insistent whisper, infusing him with doubt. There was no denying life would be much simpler, much easier to manage if he didn’t have to justify his choices or his relationships with Brennan, Alek and Luka. At the same time, he remembered all too vividly how devoid of basic human interaction and affection his life used to be. Was it even possible that he could make the choice to willingly go back to that pathetic kind of existence? How did you deny true love just because it made your life harder?

Brennan suggested, “We could always share and give Charlie my bed. That was his room, after all.”

Evan looked around at the suggestion, astonished. “You’re kidding, right?”

“No.”

“You really think that’s a good idea?”

“Are you doubting my willpower?” Brennan smirked.

“No, I’m doubting
my
willpower,” Evan replied seriously.

Brennan smiled wider. Then his expression softened. “How much are you going to tell him?”

Evan stared down into his bowl, hunched over, and mumbled a non-committal response. “I can’t believe I don’t want him to come home. After everything that’s happened…. But now it’s just gonna fuck everything up.” He popped a noodle into his mouth. “Who knows? Maybe it’ll be for the best.”

“What do you mean?”

He shrugged.

The rest of his lunch break was spent in silence. Eating beside his brother, Evan met head-on any curious glances they got from the other mechanics and customers. Then it was back to work with a slight nod goodbye to Brennan as he climbed behind the wheel and took off.

Brennan drove over to pick Evan up from work and, after much grumbling, Evan got into the car. Once they were home, Evan busied himself about the house. He cleaned furiously like it could somehow remove the stain of what he’d done with his own twin brother in those rooms while his father had been away. Quiet and withdrawn, Evan let Brennan help him, but didn’t indulge in conversation.

At one point, Evan was standing by the sink in the kitchen, staring out into the backyard, wearing a strained expression and waiting for the minutes to tick by, getting him closer and closer to being with Alek again—
and Luka
, his mind whispered. Brennan came up behind him, resting his chin on Evan’s right shoulder. Sighing, Evan relaxed, leaning back into the solidity of Brennan’s chest. Some of the weight slipped from his shoulders. For a moment, everything was good… until he looked up to see Jimmy through the window, walking up to the back door.

Evan untangled himself from Brennan, cursing bitterly, resenting how Jimmy’s appearance was denying Evan greatly needed comfort which Brennan was offering up willingly, unasked. He opened the door before Jimmy could knock. Tired of having people complicate or disrupt the increasingly rare good moments, Evan hugged himself, his expression cold and unwelcoming, and said, “Why are you here, Jimmy?”

Jimmy looked at him with clear hurt and some amazement at Evan’s attitude, and Evan instantly regretted lashing out at him. Jimmy’s gaze flicked sideways as Brennan moved into view, resting a hand on Evan’s shoulder right on the spot where his chin had just been. It was an innocent gesture but there was a hint of possessiveness in its familiarity. Evan felt the connection spark like it was electric. He didn’t know what to do.

“Evan,” Jimmy sighed. “I’m sorry if I somehow offended you during our talk. It’s just that you mean a lot to me and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I miss getting to see you. The last thing I want is to push you farther away.”

“Nothing bad has happened to me,” Evan argued lamely. “Besides, you know, the obvious. I miss you too. It’s just, there’s been a lot going on.”

Evan wanted to ask Jimmy what he’d been saying to Charlie. He assumed it was tidbits of information gleaned from Jimmy that had provoked the accusatory tone in Charlie’s voice when he spoke to Evan. Conversely, Evan also very much did
not
want to know how much his father was aware of. Ignorance was bliss when the truth could be damning, so he said nothing.

There was a pang of regret too because of how much Evan did miss Jimmy as well—both his friendship and guidance. Without Jimmy there to confide in, all of Evan’s secrets had been building up inside, festering. As he became more worried, more uncertain of his choices, the idea of sharing some of that and getting feedback from a friend was something he yearned for. Being with Jimmy had always meant freedom. With Jimmy, Evan could be who he was and say what he wanted, without judgment. All of that had changed now, unfortunately so. Now, Evan couldn’t say anything to Jimmy without risking everything.

Seeming smaller and more worn-down than Evan was used to seeing him, Jimmy shifted restlessly just beyond the doorway. Combing his fingers back through his tousled hair, Jimmy said, “I know you have work tomorrow and that the time Charlie’s plane gets in is still up in the air, so I don’t want you to worry about picking him up from the airport. I’ll handle it and keep you posted.”

“Thanks.”

Jimmy looked up at Evan, then Brennan and took a half-step backward. “I won’t keep you, but… can I make one suggestion? You’re free to ignore it, but, Evan, I hope you feel like I’ve given you some good advice over the years. Brennan, we don’t know each other as well as I’d like, but you do strike me as a good guy who knows how to make a tough call in a difficult situation. Be honest with him—your dad. That’s all. He’s not the enemy. He cares about you. Both of you.”

“Fine. Yeah. Sure,” Evan replied, thinking,
Yeah right. Not likely to happen.

“And I’ll always be here for you if you want to talk, Evan. Whenever you’re ready. You too, Brennan. No matter what.”

“Yep,” Evan muttered.

“Thanks,” Brennan nodded.

Jimmy walked away. Evan swung the door shut. Falling back against Brennan, Evan groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. It was going to be a long couple of weeks.

Alek got home minutes later. After dropping his keys and messenger bag inside his and Evan’s bedroom, he made his way into the kitchen where Brennan and Evan were lingering by the back door, following Jimmy’s departure. Instantly, Evan turned and went to him, sinking into Alek’s arms. Burying his face against Alek’s chest, Evan inhaled deeply of the faded scent of his cologne and aftershave, overlaying his natural scent. Alek wrapped a hand loosely around the back of Evan’s neck, his thumb brushing through the short hair at the nape. Closeness soothed some of the turmoil.

“How was work?” Alek asked, with an echo of that fearful tone to his voice, probably imagining Evan in pain, putting himself through hell for what Alek saw as no good reason. “How are you feeling? Did you have any trouble?”

“It was fine.” With embarrassment, he admitted, “They put me on desk duty.”

“Oh, good,” Alek said, sounding relieved.

“Yeah, real good,” Evan murmured sullenly, hearing the implied,
I told you so
, which went unsaid. “I could have handled the work, you know.”

“Ev, it’s not a race. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”

“Clearly, I do!”

“Please don’t argue,” Brennan sighed. “Please?”

The three of them ate a sedate, quiet dinner together. Luka called Brennan to say he was working a double shift to make up for lost hours, so they knew not to expect him. Brennan filled Alek in on what was happening with Charlie and Jimmy, since Evan didn’t want to talk about it.

“I tried to convince him maybe you should clear out to avoid an argument,” Brennan said.

“No,” Evan retorted stubbornly. “Dad knows something. I’d bet money Jimmy told him about you, Alek, so it doesn’t matter. But, hell, I’m not gonna hide our relationship from Dad anyway. I’ll own up to it.”

“He might not be crazy about me sleeping with you under his roof while he’s in the next room,” Alek said gently.

“It’s your room, too!”

“Evan,” Alek sighed.

“I’ve been hiding shit from him my whole life, and now, when I finally want to be honest about all of it, you guys are telling me not to? Do you know how fucking aggravating that is?”

“We’re just saying there’s a difference between being honest and being… tasteful. It’s not a big deal for me to stay at my old place for a little while.”

“It is to me!” Evan shouted. “I don’t want you to leave!”

Dropping his fork, Alek stood, moving around the table to Evan.

“Damn it, c’mere,” Alek said. He sank to his knees beside Evan, reaching out to drag the pad of his thumb over Evan’s damp eyelashes. He asked softly, his voice low, “What have I promised you?”

“That you won’t leave me,” Evan rasped. “But you
are
.”

“I’m just going to give your dad some respectful space. I’ll still see you every day. I’ll make sure of it.”

“But I don’t want to sleep without you. I haven’t been able to sleep without you since the hospital. Why do you think I wake up so early now? You’re not here in the mornings so I’m up. I’m always up.”

“If it’s that bad, you can always come and stay with me.”

“Yeah?” Evan asked hopefully.

“Yeah.” Meeting Brennan’s gaze over Evan’s shoulder, Alek said, “Bren will be with you here. He won’t let you be alone. Will you, Bren?”

“Promise,” Brennan nodded.

“I didn’t want to say anything yet, but maybe now’s a good time. I’ve been saving up some money, and looking at apartment listings. I know this is your home, Evan, and I would never make you leave it if you didn’t want to. But, if you were interested, maybe we can get a place of our own—all four of us. Someplace open, like a loft, so we didn’t have to separate into two bedrooms every night. The three of us could cover the rent while Brennan goes to school. You wouldn’t be answerable to Jimmy or your father anymore. You wouldn’t be constantly reminded that we’re in your dad’s house.” Alek watched Evan’s face for his reaction. Evan stared hard at Alek, his initial response too big to be conveyed. “What do you think?”

“What do I think? I think you’re amazing,” Evan breathed. “You would do that? You really want that?”

“Yeah, I want that,” Alek smiled. His gaze shifted to Brennan. “What do you say, Bren?”