Ugly Beautiful (7 page)

'I'm sorry Jason, I didn't mean...' she continued nervously, but was quickly cut off by Jason's next outburst.

'Look. I don't mean to be an insensitive prick here, but I'm going to be. I'm not comfortable talking to a complete bloody stranger about my dead fucking parents okay, I'm sorry. And that's the end of it.'

Jason stood up.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Please… Sit back down Jason, please.'

Jason was about to storm away from the tree when he turned back to face the woman.

'You know, I should be the one asking you all the fucking questions here. Like just who the hell are you and where the fuck did you come from?'

'I'm sorry Jason. Those questions, they…they just came to me out of nowhere. And I was feeling so relaxed and happy that I just felt it was okay for me to ask them. It was like I was almost remembering something from my own past, my own parents even.' The young woman seemed lost for words all of a sudden. She struggled with what to say or do next. '…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, I'm truly sorry.' she finally blurted. Jason scratched his rough two day stubble and ran his fingers through his hair.

'Look. I'm gonna head back to the cottage okay and clear my fucking head for a bit, Jesus Christ! Just stay here for a while and get yourself some fresh air or something all right.'

Jason turned and walked in the direction of the cottage. The young woman fell silent watching him leave. Jason half turned to face her again. He was about to say something, an apology perhaps, but his self pride and stubborn anger completely overwhelmed his emotions. So he turned away again and continued on his way. The young woman remained sitting upright. She tried to take in everything that had just happened and come to some new understanding about the whole situation and conversation. She tried desperately to figure out in her foggy head exactly where it had all went wrong. What did she say to upset him so much? What was the exact thing that had set him off? At the same time she continued to watch Jason fade away, back down the hillside. As soon as he'd disappeared from her sight she laid back down underneath the small oak tree, alone again, with her old hazy thoughts and no her newer thoughts of turmoil.

Jason made his way down the hill and towards the cottage. He entered the front door and stormed into his bedroom, slamming the door shut and laying down upon his bed. He tried to rationalise his recent aggressive behaviour. He took a few deep breaths, shaking his head while staring obliviously up at the ceiling. He glanced over at the old photograph of the young newly wed couple resting upon the small bedside cabinet. The picture was of Jason's deceased parents during a happier period in their lives. A peaceful time before their brutal troubles and their doomed relationship spiralled wildly and tragically out of control. But the sheer emotional pain and memory of the loss of his mother and the recent slaughter of his own father was just too much for him to focus on and think about anymore. The sole reason for his sudden change in mood. So he turned his head away from the picture and faced up towards the ceiling. After a minute or so of deep, calm breaths, he closed his eyes and let himself drift away into a calm and surprisingly trouble free sleep.

***

Two hours later Jason awoke with cleaner thoughts and a clearer, happier state of mind. He got up from his bed and made his way towards the young woman's bedroom. The door was closed so he knocked three times. There was no answer. Maybe she was still on the hill? Or maybe she'd just upped and left because of his recent angry attitude towards her and was now wandering helplessly through the lonely highlands looking for some glimpse or trace of her forgotten identity. A small glimpse of her lost thoughts, memories and past and a faint sparkling clue to who she really was.

Jason entered the woman's bed room, surprised to see her lying on the bed. Her body was turned away from him as she lay facing the far wall.

'Are you awake?' whispered Jason. There was no answer so he turned to leave, but she moved and turned her body around to face him.

'I'm awake.'

Jason turned back to the woman, yet choosing to come no further inside the room and remain beside the door.

'I'm sorry about what I said up on the hill.' she continued. 'My mind's still racing in all kinds of crazy directions trying to adjust to these new surroundings and new information. It's like one moment I want to ask a million questions and the next, I don't want to ask anything at all.'

'It's okay.' Jason reassured her. 'I should be the one apologising to you.' He paused, almost in anguish 'It's just, it's just a difficult subject for me that's all. My parents, my life. It's something that I'm not too comfortable talking about... to anyone. Even myself.'

The woman nodded, understanding him completely. Jason turned to leave then turned quickly back again like he'd forgotten something.

'You know, this might sound a little bit strange coming from me right now but... I think I'd feel a lot more at ease if I could just call you something, you know.' said Jason with an embarrassed smirk.

'You mean like a name?'

'Yeah, like a name.' said Jason grinning slyly. 'Nothing too rude of course. Just a plain and simple old name, that's all.'

'Okay.' The woman said feeling more at ease. 'What would you like to call me?'

Jason paused. He'd clearly been thinking about this for some time, well, ever since their little frank conversation on top of the hill. Since then it had been festering at the back of his mind, yet he did not wish to just blurt it out, when, in actuality, that was what he did exactly.

'How about... How about Haley?'

The woman fell silent. She restrained herself from asking the question burning upon the very tip of her tongue. 'Why Haley? Was this your mother's name? Grandmother? Or an old lover perhaps? A daughter even? Or maybe someone close to you who you painfully lost once upon a time.' Those were the thoughts that continued to cycle away deep inside the woman's head, but she bit her tongue. There would be a time and place for more questions later.

'Haley.' She smiled, still biting her tongue. 'Okay, Haley it is.'

The two held each others stare. Damn, she really was beautiful Jason thought and it was eating him up inside. Then he read Haley's burning curiosity glazing in her eyes, burning all over her body language about the name.

'It's just a name that's all.' said Jason smiling. 'Someone I knew once upon a time. You just, you just remind me of that person in small, little ways, that's all.'

'Well I'm honoured. Thank you Jason.' replied Haley, sounding truly grateful. Jason turned away for the third and last time and left the bedroom.

***

Jason turned on the large set of hot and cold brass bath taps on top of the large cast iron bath. As the water splashed and spurted out, blasting water into the cold iron bathtub, Jason looked in upon Haley who deep in sleep once again.

'Jesus Christ this girl can sleep for bloody Scotland.'

Inside the bathroom Jason undressed before dunking himself into the steaming warm tub. He edged his entire body underneath the roasting water and laid back with an overwhelmingly relaxed pleasure. The late Spring air was still a little humid throughout the cottage so Jason had left the bathroom door wide open, letting a gentle breeze filter in through the steamy air.

Jason closed his eyes, thinking hard. Thoughts that were a lot more clouded since the arrival of Haley into his life. What to do with her once he left this place in a day or two? Should he just leave her here in the cottage or should he take her with him and kick her arse out at the first village, town or city they came to? Or what if the police finally caught up with him? Or Brad and the gang even? Shit, he didn't even get in touch with Gary before he left. But what would have been the point? Gary couldn't help him or protect him from any of this. Plus, did he really consider Gary as that good a friend? Yes, they were supposed to be best friends, but he felt more like a part friend, part business colleague these days and then with his drug habit and erratic violent tendencies, he was gradually beginning to believe that Gary was someone who should be kept at arms length. As for Brad and all the other gang member hounds who sat beneath his father's throne, fighting for his scraps and answering to his every need and beckoned call. Surely they'd be secretly thanking Jason right about now for taking the old tyrant bastard out of the equation. In fact, Jason had no doubt at all that at that very moment in time there was some kind of gangland power struggle and feud setting itself in motion for his father's turf, even as he lay in that bathtub.

The police and local politicians would be silently congratulating Jason too, he believed, for his cold blooded actions against his father... but Sandra, Jesus Christ, his stunning, dead, stripper wife. She had her faults, everyone does. But did she really deserve such a violent and cold blooded end? Could a man be blamed for retaliating to the call of humiliation, betrayal and revenge, all of them bombarded upon his soul in a matter of seconds. And then his mind wandered to the one thing he had been desperately trying to avoid thinking about ever since he'd left Edinburgh, that forever unborn child of his, or whoever he/she belonged too... ARRRGGGGH! Jason screamed inside. It made him sick to his core to finally realise and admit to himself that he'd ended that poor child's life and without even a second thought about the consequences of his fateful actions in that moment of rage, hate and fear. Even if the child wasn't his it was still an innocent life in all of this. Holy shit, what had he done? What had he done? What had he done?'

Jason's eyes remained shut. Through the dim light of the steamy bathroom, a darkened figure emerged lurking in the hallway, right outside the wide open bathroom door. Jason, sensing a presence and disturbed from his thoughts of sorrow and regret, opened his eyes and turned his gaze towards the doorway where he glanced the dark and eerie figure peering in at him. Jason was startled, his heart skipped a beat, as he stared intensely through the thick fog of steam in utter disbelief at seeing the ghostly figure. The wet hairs on the back of his neck and all over his soaked body pricked chillingly up on a knifes edge as he pondered whether to yell out or just immediately out of the bath tub with the surge of adrenaline flowing through his veins. They had come for him. Was this the end then? They had found him already and much sooner than he'd expected, even though he was fairly certain that nobody knew about this place. He guessed the Police or Brad would have their ways, somehow.

After a long silent stand off, Jason's fear that some ghostly intruder should be inside his home and that he'd finally been found, evaporated immediately from his mind. The initial shock turned to a feeling of great relief. Jason shook his head and rubbed his eyes breathing calmly again. He recognised the figure standing outside the bathroom doorway to be none other than Haley.

'Jesus Christ Haley. You fucking scared the living shit out of me. What the hell's going on? Is something wrong? What is it? Jesus Christ! What a fright.'

Haley remained chillingly silent. An emotionless gaze covered her face as she stared with an icy glare directly at him through the steamy air.

'Haley? Are you okay? Speak to me for Christ sake.'

Haley eventually turned away from the bathroom door and walked eerily back into the darkness of the corridor from where she came, out of Jason's eye line.

'Haley!' Jason yelled. Quickly he exited the bathtub, grabbing a nearby towel to roughly dry himself down. He rushed towards Haley's bedroom and abruptly entered without even knocking. Haley, to Jason's utter astonishment, was right back inside her bed and sleeping soundly again. Jason took a moment to gather both himself and his wild, racing, confused thoughts. He gazed around the dark bedroom waiting for some sensible answer to come to him about the bizarre and weird event which had just taken place in his bathroom. As he relaxed and calmed himself down, he satisfied his frantic thoughts with a self made revelation that Haley may just in fact be some kind of sleep walker. There was no other rational explanation for it. So his mind accepted it… for now.

CHAPTER eight

The next morning Haley quietly entered the living room and sat down at the dining room table beside the front window. Once seated she turned her attention towards the scenery behind the glass, staring obliviously out at the newly formed dark grey clouds that were painted all over the morning sky. It was a big change from the crystal clear blue skies of the previous day. Breaking her concentration Jason entered the living room from the kitchen. He looked cheerful.

'Hey Sleepy head. How's it going this morning?'