Unavoidable Chance (19 page)

No, no, no, no. Please don’t be a huge rip. Please, please, please be small and unnoticeable.

There’s no turning back now, the damage has already been done, or at least started. I open the drawer all the way and see a three-inch long rip in the very center of the paper.

Shit.

I start to put it back exactly like I remember, when the one word written on the eight and a half by eleven piece of paper that’s folded in half catches my eye.

Scarlett.

Now I know for a fact this is definitely not meant for my eyes. But what if this is bad, like, I mean, really bad? What if he wrote to his deceased wife that he’s in this new relationship and it’s just terrible and nothing can ever compare to her? And he doesn’t know how to get out of it and end it.

No, put it back, Jax has never done anything to make me think that way. What is wrong with my brain? Someone needs to examine it. I’m being incredibly stupid; it’s none of my business. I’m so freaking nosey!

The water is still running in the shower, and I just can’t help myself. If I don’t read it, I may never sleep again for the rest of my life. My nosiness wins. I open the paper and see his scrawling handwriting in a long letter to his wife. I flip to the second page and read the last line, Love, Jax.

The tears have already started to form in my eyes again. I flip back to the first page and start to read with a huge lump in my throat.

Scarlett,

It’s strange that I’m writing this letter to you. I have so many emotions running around in my head, and it just seems like old familiar times when I used to write you letters while I was in PJ School. So here it goes.

I want to tell you, first, what an amazing woman you were. It was never easy living the military life. I know it wasn’t. Yet, you stood by me every step of the way. You encouraged me, you gave me strength, and you were my rock. You were my never ending-strength.

You were an amazing mother to our two beautiful daughters. When I look into their eyes, I still see yours smiling back at me. You will forever live through the eyes of our daughters. You gave me the gift of love and you gave the gift of life, through our children.

You were smart, and funny, and always knew how to reach me when my mind traveled to a land far away, to a place where war and heartache live on in my dreams. You always made me pinky promise to come back to you and to our family with a smile on my face. That was never hard. The instant my eyes met with yours and with our daughters, everything else faded away and became insignificant.

I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me. I can’t help but think if I was with you, and not thousands of miles away, I could have saved you. I know things happen for a reason, but every time I think about that, I come up empty. There was no reason to take you away, to take you away from me, and more importantly, from our daughters.

I knew the first moment I laid eyes on you that you were the one for me. I felt it in my heart. I felt it in my soul. You were the other half of my soul that completed my empty heart.

I knew the moment you were gone, too. Even being so far away, the loss was gut-wrenching, and the world that I knew became dark and colorless. My Scarlett was gone, and with you, all of my heart and soul. You will forever live in my heart and in our daughters’ eyes. Our memories are deep scars written in my heart. I love you to the ends of the world and into the next, I pinky promise. Like your name suggests, in scarlet ink your name will forever be tattooed on my heart, never forgotten. Everyone told me time heals all. I always wanted to grab them around the throat and suffocate them. Maybe then they would feel an ounce of what I was feeling, then they would know that what they were saying to me was impossible. Over time, though, they were right, the wounds have healed, but the scars and the memories will always remain. Your name is still and will forever be a scar written on my heart.

I’ve met someone. Her name is Ava. From the first moment I met her, she brought the color back into my life. She can never replace you or the love that we shared, and she can never replace the mother our girls lost. But what Ava and I share is love. I love Ava with all my heart and soul. What better gift to give our girls than the gifts she has to offer them. I will never let them forget you, and I know she won’t either.

Ava’s heart is full of love and joy, and I know she loves me and our girls. In your final resting place, you share a neighbor, her dad. I couldn’t imagine a better person to keep you company. Their family is amazing and I know they will welcome our girls into their homes and hearts like they are their own flesh and blood. Our girls are truly blessed to have been brought into this world by you and the love that we shared.

I know if you were still here, you and Ava would be the best of friends. I can see the two of you hanging out at the mall, talking, getting your nails done and shopping.

I’m ready to move on to the next chapter in my life. I’ll always love you, and I promise to be the best dad to our girls. Rest in peace, my love.

Love,

Jax

As I finish the letter, the water in the bathroom shuts off. I look over the flowing handwriting one last time, and then I see it. Splashes of my tears are mixing with the ink on the paper. But as I look closer, they aren’t all wet, some are dry. Jax was crying when he wrote this letter.

I put it back exactly how I found it, then curl back up in Jax’s bed. Jax climbs in behind me, looks at my face and sees it still full of tears. But it isn’t from what he thinks. He wraps me in his arms, and then kisses me on the shoulder.

Jax

I felt Ava moving around and awake more than an hour ago. I know she’s anxious about today.

“Why don’t you get in the shower, I’ll make us some coffee and some breakfast,” I say with a squeeze.

“I’m not hungry,” she whispers.

“You didn’t eat dinner last night, I’ll cook you something small,” I insist.

“No, thank you,” she replies.

“How about if I come to court today with you,” I try.

She turns around; her face is filled with worry, but changes to relief. She looks into my eyes and says, “You’d do that for me?”

“Silly girl, don’t you know, I’d do anything for you. I love you.” Tears form in the creases of her eyes. She launches herself in my arms, then kisses me. Her leg rubs between my thighs, and her hand travels down my chest to my dick. She takes me in her hand, then slowly descends down my body. Her hot, perfect, pink lips wrap around my dick and suck hard. I fist the sheets in my hands as her mouth travels up and down at a toe-curling pace. She removes her mouth with a pop then licks from tip to base, then deep between my balls. She gently takes one in her mouth and gently sucks in and out. She travels up with her tongue, then sinks all the way down until I hit the back of her throat. Her hand moves with her lips up my length, then back down. She hums in the back of her throat, sending me over the edge. I come in her mouth with her sweet name on my lips.

I flip her over and lick up the inside of her thigh, then hit home and suck her little nub until she writhes under my touch. Before she can go over the edge, I remove my lips and root myself deep inside her. She moans and begs for me to take her harder. This is a side of Ava that I don’t often see. It’s reserved only for me in our bedroom, where she relinquishes all control, where she likes me to take control.

Pounding in and out, I feel her insides convulse around me as she sits up and pulls me to her. She breathes hard as her hold tightens around me. Once we’re done, I get off the bed.

“Get in the shower, babe. I’ll make coffee, and then we can go,” I say, giving her another kiss.

I pull on a pair of sweats, then head downstairs to start the coffee. I hear the water turn on upstairs, then back off again, just as I finish pouring coffee into mugs. I take two cups upstairs and set hers on the counter next to the sink. I lean against the counter, take a sip of my coffee and watch as she dries herself with the towel. She gives me a devilish smirk as she dries her breasts. She’s toying with me, and I’d set her ass on the counter and eat her until she begged me to stop, but I know she’d be late if I did that. Maybe tonight. I walk into the closet and pull out a pair of dress pants, a dress shirt, and a tie, and lay them on the bed.

Ava walks out of the bathroom dressed in her favorite yellow shirt, pure sunshine. I think about the day that I spilled coffee all over it. We’ve come so far together since that day.

She sits on the bed next to me with her heels in her hand. She lifts her knee and starts to put her shoe on. I take her shoes from her, kneel on the floor in front of her and put her shoes on just like I did before, just like I can see doing for her every day for the rest of my life. It will just take her some time see that bigger picture, but like I’ve told her, I’ll give her time.

We don’t have time to eat breakfast. She grabs her briefcase and I help her into the H3 and drive to her office.

“I’ll only be a few minutes. I just need to grab a few things, I’ll be right down,” she says.

I walk her inside the building and wait in the lobby. I see Gus across the room and he gives me a big thumbs up. Ava comes back down and we head to the courthouse. I’ve seen Ava work before, but I think I was in shock because it was for Quinn. When she walks into the courtroom she shifts to this strong confident professional. She commands respect and I can see why she’s such a good lawyer. Her firm would be crazy if they didn’t want to make her a partner.

The judge walks in and the bailiff says, “All rise.” The courtroom stands, then the judge takes her seat. She makes a brief statement, then dismisses the jury. The judge stands, the courtroom stands, and that’s it. Ava walks over to me and takes my hand.

“Let’s go wait in the hallway for a bit,” she says.

I squeeze her hand and we exit the room together. We sit on a bench just outside the courtroom in the hallway. Ava’s stomach growls and she immediately grabs it.

“Sorry,” she says.

“I put a Pop Tart in your briefcase this morning. Eat it, it’ll help,” I tell her. She has a look of surprise on her face and I love that she didn’t expect me to feed her Pop Tarts.

She inhales the Pop Tart, then looks at her watch. Just as she’s about to say something, the door opens and the clerk comes out and says, “They’ve reached a verdict.”

“That’s not good. It’s only been twenty minutes,” she says. We enter the courtroom and she takes her place. The courtroom is crowded and I have to take a seat two rows directly behind her. I wish I could hold her hand and comfort her. I love how when I see her mind crowd with her thoughts that I can hold her hand and instantly they all vanish.

“All rise,” the bailiff says.

I know how important this case is for her and that this is the case that makes or breaks her chances at making partner. All her dreams and goals rest on one jury’s decision. She clenches her hands into fists behind her back, the judge takes her seat and everyone sits down.

“Has the jury reached a verdict,” she asks the foreperson.

“Yes, we have, Your Honor,” he says as he stands.

The foreperson passes a piece of paper to the bailiff then he hands it to the judge. She unfolds the paper and reads the finding. Her face is stoic and gives nothing away. There’s no indication as to the verdict.

The bailiff hands the paper back to the foreperson.

“On the case of the people versus Flannery, how do you find the defendant?” she asks.

“We the people, find the defendant, not guilty.”

A loud woman’s agonizing scream rings out in the courtroom behind me demanding my attention. As I look at her grief stricken face, a man sitting next to her stands in slow motion, it’s the man who Ava had pointed out to me as the father of the murder victim. Out of the corner of my eye, I see what looks like a gun. It’s not your typical black or silver gun. It’s white and looks like it’s made out of plastic. He pushes his way to the center of the aisle, then up one row, parallel to me, and then he starts firing at the defendant. The defendant falls to the ground with a jerk and the familiar sound of a bullet ripping through flesh rips through my ears. Then the gunman fires off several other rounds hitting other people in the courtroom. I push people out of my way, some I pick up with one hand and hurl them over into the next row. He gets off several more rounds before I fly through the air and tackle him to the ground. His gun flies forward landing on the ground and slides over by the jury box as his head bounces off the ground, with me lying on top of him.

Several officers have entered the courtroom, one has secured his weapon as another pulls out handcuffs. I twist the man’s arms behind his back and he slaps on the handcuffs.

The courtroom is in chaos. Several people are screaming while others are in the fetal position scared out of their minds. Some are lying on the ground shot and in shock. I immediately scan the room for Ava, but I don’t see her. The room falls silent and all I can hear is my own breathing in my chest. The defendant is on the ground bleeding; his lawyer is kneeling by his side holding her suit jacket to his chest. The judge was tackled by the bailiff; I saw a bullet fired in her direction and it clipped her in the arm. I see several people around the courtroom who took a bullet, but I still don’t see Ava anywhere.

Then I see one of her shoes. I’d know that fucking shoe anywhere. It’s the same shoe I personally put on her foot this morning after I made love to her. I see a hand, palm up, resting on the ground next to the judge’s bench. Then I see her signature yellow silk blouse, her lucky shirt, but I can only see the left sleeve and her shoulder. The rest of her body is hidden on the side of the bench.