Undefeated (Unexpected Book 5) (35 page)

“That’s all you have?” I question after hearing her plan, a plan that included a few phone calls and some crazy scheduling. “There’s no magic involved.”

“But it’ll speed up things, trust us,” AJ smiles, touching Mason’s hand. “We’ll be there Friday morning.”

I rise from my seat, leaving the room with a lot of information to digest, but before I step out AJ calls me back, “Welcome home, Porter.”

T
he house is quiet. Finn isn’t touching his guitar anymore. Harper isn’t talking much these days. The three of us go through the motions, surviving day and night. Molly decided that California was a great place to visit with her friend, Rhonda. She has found out that there’s more sun, less rain and a lot of activities. After only a few days out there, she’s thinking about relocating to San Diego. She offered me the chance to move with her. She said it’s affordable, close to the water, and I could find a better job than being a florist. The decision to move out of Portland will come with the new school year.

Harper has to finish this school year before I can drop another bomb. We’re moving out and moving . . . I don’t know where to go anymore to make things better for us. The morning after Porter left, she ran down the stairs looking for him. She blames me for his departure and she hates me; she hates him. Now, now we’re fighting for survival again.

With Porter’s departure, there’s an empty spot in our hearts. Mine is missing two different men, heartbroken by two different loves and not being able to find a way to move into a place where it can beat again. With Molly out of town, I can’t go to see my therapist. How am I supposed to reconnect my heart with my head again? Move on from the stage of grief and depression and learn to accept all the changes—including new friendships and happiness.

As I turn the corner, I spot the preschool. Poor Finn sits on the steps with his teacher waiting for me to pick him up. I’m late again. The last parent to drag her ass to pick her kid up. But what can I say? Getting off at one and having to pick him up at one gets complicated. I steal a few minutes from my work and just pray that I make it before one fifteen. This isn’t any different from when Leo died. I’d forget to pick up Harper and receive a call from the teacher reminding me that I had slacked off again.

“Mrs. Brooke,” she greets me as I reach them. “Can you try to arrive on time tomorrow? I have a class coming in fifteen minutes.”

I nod because there’s no use reminding her that I work until one, my aunt is out of town and maybe she can be a little more patient with me.

“We have the meeting on Friday, at noon,” his teacher reminds me. Yet, another clue that maybe I should get my act together. “You have to be here.”

“If I finish my homework, can I email Porter?” Harper is bargaining for her computer privileges. I punished her without any electronics; she can’t use my phone, the television, or the computer. After the way she behaved at school, I doubt I’m going to let her turn on the microwave. Some boy called Porter a junkie and Harper punched him in the face. I can’t tell her that, in fact, Porter is—or was a junkie. That’s something I’m not sure how to handle. There’s no book to give you an answer for that.

So, Your Neighbor is an Ex-Junkie: How to Tell Your Children

“I’m not sure if you should email Porter, Harp.” I decide to pull the plug. Maybe this long distance relationship between my kid and him is unhealthy. What if he never comes back? “He’s busy with his new job.”

“But he promised,” she spats, throwing her notebook. “You’re lying; he promised he’d have time for me. That whenever I need him he’ll drop everything for me. He’s not dad. He’s not dead,” she shouts. She shouts from the top of her lungs and starts crying.

“Harper,” I whisper lost. What can I tell my kid? I don’t want to break her heart; I don’t want to keep the illusion that Porter is part of us. Is it an illusion? “Baby, I don’t know if Porter has time for us.”

“He loves us. He can be my dad. It’s all your fault!” she screams, running away toward the entrance door. “I hate you. I hate you.”

With that last I hate you, she takes off leaving the front door wide open. Shit. Where is she going? I grab my phone, charging after her, only to find her in the arms of the man I just told her would never be coming back here. Never. Just by looking at him hugging my frustrating, loving little girl, I’m reminded of how much I shouldn’t miss him; of how much my heart shouldn’t beat for him. And how this man has my stomach twisted into a knot, knot I forget is there as long as I don’t think of him.

“Found someone who belongs to you close to the sidewalk.” Porter approaches me with a cautious smile. Harper is clinging onto him and Finn runs out of the house and latches on to his leg like a tick. “Everything okay here?” He squats and picks up Finn with his free arm.

“Hi.” I cover my mouth, holding back tears and nod. Because nothing is okay, except he’s here and everything feels lighter.

“Dinner?” He questions, I look at my watch and hang my head. I’ve been so busy with Harper’s homework and behavior that I forgot to start dinner. “Where’s Molly?”

“San Diego, visiting friends with Rhonda,” I respond, “Someone gifted her a round-trip ticket and she took off.” I try to fake a smile, but I can’t. Harper’s behavior has me raging from the inside. I feel helpless.

“Sorry, I didn’t think about . . .” He shrugs. “Can I make it up to you? We can go for dinner wherever you guys want to go.”

As I’m about to shake my head, Harper’s sob convinces me to accept. Maybe Porter is here to say goodbye, tell us that he’s found the life he missed and that he’s done with us. Is that what’s best for us? Maybe because fighting the dreams that I’m in his arms are draining. His absence is making my heart feel numb and my soul weak. And like magic, his presence takes the anxiety away, the loneliness. The void his absence created dissipates.

The battle begins. The fucking internal battle between the lost love of my late husband and the absence of a man who . . . I don’t know how to describe him. Each morning I search for Leo in bed, but I miss Porter at breakfast, during the middle of the day, dinner time, and at nights. Playing his songs over and over on Spotify doesn’t cut it. It’s not the same as having him playing his guitar right next to me and singing me whatever song he’d decided to perform that night.

“Go and put on your shoes, Harper,” I order her, as I look at the entire picture. She had left without her rain boots or a jacket “We’ll talk about this issue later, just because we’re heading for dinner doesn’t mean it’s forgotten.”

Porter sets her down. “He came back,” she fumes, stomping her bare feet. “He loves us.”

“Can I ask?” I shake my head at his question. “Something I can do to help?”

“We’ll talk later,” I tell him without getting into any specifics. The last thing I want is for Harper to hear us talking about his presence.

“Okay,” he says, walking by me and planting a kiss on my lips before turning his attention to Finn. “Let’s get you ready, buddy. I’m taking you guys to celebrate.”

Fuck, I missed him.

“Are you okay?”

“I . . .” I shake my head. “No. Not tonight. Maybe we can talk about it another day. But thank you for dinner. They had fun.”

“My pleasure,” he smiles at me, extending his hand, and taking mine. “And you?”

“I enjoyed it too,” I say, biting back the rest of the words I want to say, like I missed you. Because maybe, maybe he’s here to say goodbye. Or maybe that’s what I want him to do. Finish what we never started, because my heart couldn’t take another loss. Once again, I’m confused as hell. “I missed you.”

He hugs me with his strong arms, whispering in my ear, “I missed you too, babe. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Pressing myself closer to him, I shake my head. Talking about Harper will bring up my own thoughts and maybe his new life. Tonight I only want to enjoy a little piece of heaven. A little piece of him. “I’d rather not.”

“No worries, it doesn’t matter right now.” He releases me and grabs his jacket while looking around the house. “I came to spend some time with you guys and give you a heads up about tomorrow. Chris, one of my foster dads, is coming over along with AJ and Thea. They want to help with Finn, but only if you allow it.”

Walking closer, I study him, allowing myself to actually look at him for the first time since he arrived. His hair is longer, his eyes softer, and he’s thinner. Did he lose weight? I find his eyes. My heart flutters as his soft brown eyes radiate that tenderness that makes me feel safe. “What’s bothering you, Mac?”

“I have a meeting tomorrow with the school about my punctuality and Finn’s behavior. Virginia threatened to come next week to check on the kids.”

“Oh, baby. You’re supposed to call me when things like that happen.” His hand reaches for mine, as he chews on his lip for a second. “We’ll be here tomorrow morning. Thea and Chris are counselors. AJ studied early childhood and speech pathology. I can’t remember all her degrees, but she knows her shit. They’re family and Finn will be in great hands—loving hands. Once we have a plan, we can go to the meeting and show them what a kick-ass mother you are. As for Virginia—she can’t touch you, Mac. I have the money to hire the best attorney, but I hope it doesn’t come to that.”