Under the Cornerstone (25 page)

Something is wrong. I feel it in my gut.

To my surprise, she answers, “Hey.”

I take a moment to analyze the tone of her voice. Does she not realize she’s late and we’ve all been calling and texting incessantly?

I ask her, “Where you at, Noe?”

I hear the sigh even though I know she doesn’t mean for me to, “I’m at home.”

I start walking towards the door that leads to the alley, “You're over an hour late.”

She didn’t say anything for so long it makes me angry and scared.

"Noely?"

Her explanation rushes out, jumbling her words, "Yeah. I'm here. Look, I just started feeling ill all of a sudden and I hoped it would pass. It must've been what I ate today."

I reach the alley, and know instantly, she’s lying to me again.

Why would she lie to me? What’s going on? She wouldn’t miss this shit for the world. We wouldn’t be here without her.

Her voice rushes out again, “Did you hear me?”

As my mind is overtaken with thoughts of worst case scenarios, I simply give her a robotic reply, “Yeah.”

I light a cigarette and blow the smoke from my lungs. She’s lying to me again. It breaks my heart. It hurts. It cuts deep. She’s always come to me for everything. Why would she hide something from me? I break the silence by giving her enough rope to hang herself.

"What did you eat today?" I ask her.

Her voice is squeaky, "What?"

Goddammit, Noles. Why are you lying to me?

My patience wears thin, “What. Did. You. Eat. Today?"

"I..." She stutters.

"Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not."

"You're a shit liar," I say between my clenched teeth.

"That's not nice,” she says and I roll my eyes. 

"Neither is lying to one of your best friends."

"I..."

"Don't fucking do it," I warn.

"I ate Chinese."

I give her some more rope.

"You fucking did it. From where?"

"New China Wok."

I pull my phone away from my ear and almost throw it against the brick wall. I can’t believe she’s fucking lying to me. I can’t believe this shit. My chest fucking aches. I reign in my temper the best I can. "What did you order?"

She answers too quickly, "Sweet and Sour Chicken." 

"What time did you go?"

"Fuck Johnny! On my lunch break!" she yells.

Noe just yelled at me. I can’t believe she just yelled at me. I don’t think she’s ever yelled at me. The tears spring to my eyes. She’s fucking killing me.

"You eat lunch at twelve and unless New China Wok was open only for you today, they've been shut down for restorations for a week. The sign on the door says they won't open back up for another week."

I give her a minute to realize she’s been caught, and I hope in that minute, she also feels my heart breaking two blocks away.

"Why aren't you here, Noles?" I ask with a choked voice.

"I just can't make it. I'm sorry. It's killing me not to be there. Please don't be mad at me. I'm so proud of you guys. I truly am.”

Bullshit. Lies. Hurt. Pain.

I hang up on her and send the guys a text that I’m going to her apartment to check on her.

I run towards her apartment with desperation pushing adrenaline through my body. I keep the tears at bay, but the ball of emotion lodged in my throat won’t go away. I feel like I’m losing control of something I’ve controlled for fifteen years. I’m unraveling because of her lies. Lies mean I’ve lost her. I’ve lost something we had but I don’t know what that fucking is. I’ve always been her go to person. She’s always told me everything.

I stop at the entrance of her building and catch my breath. I pace back and forth in front of the steps, afraid to go inside. What if she’s realized how I really feel about her? What if she’s pushing me away because of it? Who would’ve told her? I’ve spoken very little about it throughout all these years and there are only three other human beings that know, but they wouldn’t tell her. Even if they don’t understand it, they wouldn’t tell her.

I breathe through what feels like a panic attack coming on. God, I haven’t had one of these in years. She’s always been the reason I could fight through them. She’s always brought me back from hell while she held me in her arms and encouraged me to breathe. She’d hum in my ear and run her fingers through my hair.

I sit against the wall next to the steps and put my head between my legs. I think about Noely and fight against the panic that’s threatening to consume me. I try to remember what it sounds like when she hums to me. I run my fingers through my own hair and hum to myself.

It takes about five minutes to get myself together, and then I stand up and get inside to the elevator.

I beat on her door when I reach it and yell, "Open the fucking door, Noely!"

She answers, "Stop shouting!"

She throws the door open and the first thing I notice is her hair is dolled up, and her face is caked with makeup. She’s obviously thrown a hat on over hair she spent time curling. She looks like the bodies I’ve seen at wakes. That’s how much makeup she has on. Fury rips through me when I see her busted lip. Food. Poisoning. Does. Not. Give. You. A. Busted. Lip.

"What's wrong with your lip?" I ask her between clenched teeth.

She evades my question by lying again and turns around to walk further into the apartment, "Nothing.  Why aren't you at your party?"

Another lie! I slam the door behind me once I step inside. Somebody hurt her. She’s lying to cover for someone who hurt her. Why wouldn’t she come to me with this? I’m going to kill somebody.

"Noely!" I yell at her and try to keep my shit together.

"What?" She turns around and yells at me.

This shit ends now. I cover the space between us and grab her arm to haul her to the bathroom but her face scrunches in pain and the slightest whimper escapes from her lips. I drop her arm with shock. Now, I’m hurting her.

Fuck!

I stare at her beautiful face, that doesn’t seem quite like hers right now. I throw the hat off her head to uncover how much time she put into doing her hair. I hope it’s enough for her to tell me what fucking happened. She doesn’t do anything but stare back at me, so, I grab her by the hand and haul her into the bathroom.

Please don’t let me find what I think I’m going to find. Please don’t be right. Please don’t let me find out someone hurt her again. I promised her when we were kids that I wouldn’t let this happen again. If this happened again, it means I didn’t protect her. I wasn’t around when she needed me.

Fuck!

"Why are you being such an asshole?" she asks as I drag her behind me. 

"You lied to me. You never lie to me. You want to pull some shit over on the twins? Go right ahead, but you've never lied to me

I can barely hold the emotion back. I’m falling apart. I’m scared to know. I wet a cloth under her sink and raise it to her face. I swipe gently down her cheek and find exactly what I feared I’d find. She tries to push me away and escape the bathroom, but I grab her under arms and set her on the vanity. I step between her legs to box her in from escaping from me.

I look down into her blue doe eyes and let it take me to a calmer place before I do or say something I’ll regret for the rest of my life, "It's too late now, Noe baby. Sit there while I take all this shit off. Don't you dare fight me on this."

She pushes against me anyway, as I look down at the black and blue hues that grace her cheek bone.

How could someone do this to her of all people? The violent, sadistic thoughts that run through my head scare me. I grew up in Brooklyn. I’ve fought. I’ve been pushed around and had to fight back, but I’ve never had the urges I have at this moment. I’m close to seeing red. I have to reel myself in before I scare her more.

She continues to fight against me and yells, "Let me go!"

She’s bordering on hysterics. This isn’t my Noely. Somebody hurt my Noles and now she’s afraid for even me to touch her. How did I let this happen to her?

I wrap my arms around her and whisper in her ear, "Tell me what happened.”

"It's none of your damn business!"

I remove her from my chest and grip her shoulders as I look down at her face, "You're wrong. If it has to do with you, it’s always my damn business.”

She turns her head and whispers, "Go back to your party.”

I try to speak, but choke on my words. How could she think I’d leave her when she needs me? How could she think that I’d be at a fucking bar when someone just put their hands on her?

I’m able to speak on my second try, "That's not where I want to be.”

She laughs as though she doesn’t believe me, "Right. Johnny fucking Rome never turns down a party, especially one thrown in his honor."

Her words hurt. They cut me fucking deep.

She pushes me away and walks into her room. I use her departure to get my shit together. I place my hands on her vanity and lean forward. I focus on my breathing and close my eyes.

She doesn’t need you to have a panic attack. She needs you to take care of her. Breathe, man.

I get it together after several minutes and pick up my phone to call Jimmy.

He answers on the third ring, “She okay?”

“Yeah. She… uh, she’s not feeling well. I’m going to stay and take care of her,” I lie and feel like shit for doing it.

I should be telling Jimmy fucking Crawford exactly what happened so we can find the asshole that did this to her.

After I hang up the phone, I stand in her doorway and look at her form in the bed. I take another deep breath and walk to the opposite side of her bed. I kick my shoes off and crawl under the covers. I reach under the covers for her and feel naked skin touch my fingertips. My hands freeze as my dick twitches.

Shit.

I breathe deeply once more and wrap my arm around her bare stomach and then pull her to my chest. I snuggle her close like I did when we were kids. I hold her tightly so she feels safe. It always made her feel safe when we were kids.

"I'm sorry I yelled," I whisper into her ear.

"You're an asshole.”

"Sometimes. I'm not mad at you, but nobody puts their hands on you like that. I told you that a long time ago."

And I failed to protect you again.

We’re both silent as she’s consumed by her own thoughts. The guilt settles deep in my chest and threatens to tear me open at any moment.

"I didn’t want anyone to know,” she whispers.

I’d never let anyone get away with this, Noe.

"Too late for that."

"That’s not your decision to make."

How could you hide this from me? How could you lie to me? I’ve always been yours.

"I made it, Noles."

"Well, those times are coming to an end. You guys will be on tour. It's time I live my own life,” she tells me.  

Her words cut deeply once again. Does she think that she won’t hold her place as Queen of Blood Feather when we’re on tour? Does she think we won’t drop everything for her at a moment’s notice? The thought that she thinks she’s so forgettable and disposable pisses me off.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I seethe. When she doesn’t answer, I flip her over to face me and demand, "Answer me.”

"I'm tired,” she answers. “I don’t want anyone else to know, Johnny. You made it your business, but not a word to anyone else.”

I push the covers back and scoop her up in my arms. I’ve got to get this shit off her face so it doesn’t get infected. I can’t stand to see her beautiful face hidden under all this makeup. I set her on the vanity once again and use a warm cloth to wipe the makeup from her face. I use what she has to disinfect the wounds and apply antibiotic ointment to each open gash. I have to ignore her nearly naked body, since she’s only wearing a bra and panties.

“Noe,” I whisper down to her.

She looks like she’s lost in another world.

“Noely, baby, I’ve got to take pictures in case you decide to press charges,” I say softly.

She doesn’t reply so I give her a moment for my words to sink in. I have no idea if she actually hears me, but I take out my phone and document every bruise and wound on her body. They cover her face, arms, neck, and ribs. She even has a large one forming on her upper thigh where it looks like someone kicked her.

The light shines on her ribs in an odd angle that I’m concerned for a moment that part of her rib is protruding. I rub my fingertip slightly over the area to ensure all her bones are intact and sigh in relief that they are. She turns her head away from me and looks at the wall to her right.

I realize that the reason she’s so angry towards me is because she’s ashamed. She thinks this is her fault. She thinks she somehow deserves this.

Where did I go so fucking wrong? I treated her like fucking royalty all of her life. I was always close by and me and the guys always made sure she knew she was the best fucking woman in Brooklyn.

“You deserve better than this, Noely. You deserve so much fucking more," I tell her and gently pull her chin up until I'm looking into those big blue eyes. 

Her lip quivers and my heart breaks in two.

"This stays between us,” she pleads.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Her big blue eyes tear up and her quivering lip throws me into a fight between looking at those eyes or her pouty lips. Even with the bruises and busted lip, she’s beautiful. I swallow and then I lose my mind, because I lean down and kiss her. I hold her face in my hands as I brush my lips against hers.

To my surprise, she doesn’t pull away. Instead, she leans in and any willpower I’ve built over fifteen years vanishes in that instant. I’m scared to hurt her, but I have this overwhelming need to show her how much she’s really worth. How fucking precious she is, and how much she deserves to have from a man. My tongue touches her lips and she opens up to me. My dick goes rock hard in that moment.

She wants this? Does she know how I feel about her? Has she always known? Or, has she felt this way for the last fifteen years too?