Under the Lights (16 page)

She looked at Gunner for an answer. I didn't want that to sting, but it did. Guess I was jealous of her giving him attention after all.

“She'll come with me,” Gunner piped up.

It wasn't like I could push it. Gunner was having a hard time, and he wanted Willa to make him feel better. I just didn't like the idea of him hurting Willa for selfish reasons. Using her for someone to listen to and lean on but not giving anything back in return. She'd been hurt. It was obvious, and Gunner had too much emotional turmoil to help someone else with theirs.

“I'll see y'all at lunch then” was all I could say before I turned and headed back down the ladder. If she wanted him, I couldn't stop it, but I was afraid he wasn't going to want her the same way.

WILLA

I understood football and the need to win, but I didn't think Gunner really had to go to practice today. However, I wasn't going to tell him that. Not with the mood swings he was dealing with. The best I could do was listen to his rants. No advice or consoling. My just being there was all he seemed to need last night and today. So even when Brady had come to check on things, I'd stayed silent.

This wasn't my nightmare. It was Gunner's. All I was offering was my ear. And that was all he had asked for. Brady, on the other hand, he didn't trust, or he didn't want him to know. Because he'd gone beyond evading the truth;
he'd just lied to him. I wasn't sure how I had been the one he trusted with this truth. Maybe because I'd told him mine. But for whatever reason, I was going to be worthy of his trust.

Brady hadn't been surprised by the less-than-half truth he'd been told. Which only confirmed the ass Gunner's so-called father was. Brady had seen more than I had over the years. I would think Gunner would want to share with him more than me. That hadn't been the case though.

We didn't make it to school by lunch, but we did make it in time for the class right after it. The office seemed okay with our excuse, and because I was with Gunner, I think it helped my reasons. If I hadn't been, I was sure they'd have given me break detention or something.

It wasn't until we were walking to class that Gunner realized he had forgotten me yesterday. With all that had happened, I'd forgotten myself.

“Shit,” he said, stopping in his tracks and slapping his forehead. I thought he'd forgotten homework or his football jersey.

“What?” I asked.

He looked at me with a frustrated frown. “How did you get home yesterday?”

“Walked.”

“Fuck,” he muttered. “I'm sorry, Willa. Rhett checked
me out to meet with my dad, and that was so unexpected I forgot completely.”

I shrugged, because compared to his last twenty-four hours the fact I had to walk home was really no big deal at all. Especially after all he'd been through, I didn't want him feeling bad about me. If I could fix all his problems, I would. I tried not to think too deeply into that though.

“It's fine. Your day was tough, and it was good exercise for me.”

He shook his head, still clearly annoyed with himself. “I won't do it again. I swear.”

“Really it's not a big deal. I enjoyed the walk.” Which wasn't exactly true, but there was no reason to make him feel worse about it.

“Stop trying to make me feel better. Ain't going to work,” he grumbled.

I didn't have a real response to that, so I said nothing.

He walked me toward my classroom, but before we even got five doors close to it, he stopped and opened a door to a dark room, then reached for my arm and pulled me inside.

“What,” I said, confused, as the door closed behind me.

Gunner's grip released my wrist; then his hand slid up to cup my face. The light from the hallway barely gave me enough illumination to see. But I saw Gunner's face as he
leaned into me. I knew what was coming, and my stomach did a flutter of excitement just before his lips landed on mine.

Softly he brushed them back and forth over mine. The gentle touch brought a sigh from me that Gunner used as an opportunity to slip his tongue past my lips to tangle with mine. My hands found his upper arms, and I held on to him or drew him closer. I wasn't really sure with the fireworks of electricity going off in my head.

This I hadn't expected, but I didn't want it to end. The peppermint taste of his gum mingled with mine, and I leaned in closer to breathe him in. His hard chest pressed against me.

Cold air met my now damp, swollen lips. And my eyes flew open to see Gunner stepping back away from me. His eyes were on me with a surprise that I understood because I felt it too. There had been a connection there that made me want to pull closer to him. Soak him in and never let go.

I felt complete.

I was an idiot.

Because just as I thought all of this, Gunner opened the door and left me there. Alone in the dark.

Running off after kissing wasn't a good sign. It was exactly what I'd done to Brady. Was this my payback? The universe showing me how this feels? Because if this was
how Brady felt, I owed him a much bigger apology. This feeling wasn't one I wanted to repeat. Ever again. Kissing Brady had been nice. Kissing Gunner had rocked my world.

•  •  •

It was Brady who met me by my locker at the end of the day. “Gunner asked if I could give you a ride home. He had something he needed to do before practice.”

His something to do was avoid me. That hurt. A lot.

I nodded and swallowed the lump now forming in my throat. “Okay, thanks. I can walk if you need to get to practice.”

He shook his head. “No. I've got plenty time.”

I doubted he had plenty time, but I couldn't argue because my stomach was in knots. I just wanted to get home. Back to my bedroom. Alone. Where I should have stayed instead of opening up and forming friendships again. Especially with Gunner Lawton.

“You okay?” Brady asked, and I lifted my gaze to meet his. I couldn't tell him what was wrong with me.

“I'm good,” I said, forcing a smile.

He didn't look convinced. We walked outside toward his truck with some small talk, and just before we got to his truck, I turned and looked at him.

“Brady,” I said, needing his attention.

He glanced over at me. “Yeah?”

“I'm sorry about running off after you kissed me. That was rude and I . . .” Pausing, I wasn't sure what my excuse for it was, but I had to say something. “I just wasn't expecting it, and because we're friends it scared me.”

A slow smile touched his lips. “That's okay. Next time though I won't let you run.”

There wouldn't be a next time. I knew that because my heart wasn't in it with Brady. He was a childhood crush and a friend. Nothing more. I knew now what the real thing felt like, and what I'd felt for Brady wasn't the real thing.

GUNNER

I sat in my truck after practice for thirty minutes, staring at the clock. Ms. Ames had said I could come to her house again tonight, but I wasn't sure I could face Willa. Not after that kiss. Jesus! That kiss was more than I'd expected. It was terrifying, and I had enough shit in my life right now. I wasn't prepared for the impact of one simple kiss. My head and heart were not ready for Willa Ames. She scared the hell out of me.

I was going to Brady's. I'd send him to get Willa in the morning or some shit like that. I needed space from her. It was a dick move, but she had messed with my head. That didn't fit into my world right now. I had family lies and
dirty money and a mother who I never wanted to lay eyes on again.

Willa had been through her own hell, and I wasn't what she needed. Brady was what she needed. Good ole stable Brady. And I knew he wanted her. That plan sounded like a winner to me. Brady could be her strong shoulder to lean on, and I could go on about my life living through my own mess. No need to add hers to it.

After convincing myself I would be fine if Brady went after Willa, I cranked the truck and headed to the Higgens' house. Coralee would have cookies and milk. That sounded pretty damn good about now.

Blaring the music as loud as it would go helped drown out my thoughts. Especially thoughts about Willa. She didn't fit into my world right now. Probably never would. I needed the Kimmies and Serenas of this world. Not the Willas. They were too much. They wanted too much. They needed too much. All of which Brady was good at giving. I had never been that guy, and I never would be. Probably because of my breeding. Hell, I was my grandfather's son. How fucked up was that?

When I was a kid, I daydreamed about having Brady's life. His family. I wanted that. It was a fantasy, of course, because that kind of life didn't live within the Lawton world. We were all pretending. It was what we were trained early to do. Act as if things were perfect.

Well fuck all that. It wasn't perfect, and my life sucked. I wasn't pretending like being a Lawton was a good thing. I wasn't conforming to this bullshit life.

Brady's truck was in his drive, and so was West's. He was here for Maggie. They were together all the time. It verged on annoying. No, it was completely annoying.

I hadn't brought an overnight bag, but I figured I could use Brady's crap. Wear his clothes. I wasn't going to that house, and Ms. Ames would have brought my things to her house, but I couldn't go there, either. I should have called her so she wouldn't worry, but the fear that Willa might answer kept me from it. Maybe later I'd call. If Willa answered, I'd just ask to speak to Ms. Ames. Act like nothing happened.

We all knew I was the crown prince of pretending.

•  •  •

Brady's mom, Coralee, answered the door. She was the mother I never had.

“Well, Gunner, it's good to see you. Come on in. I just took the others some snacks. Chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven.”

Just what I wanted to hear.

“Thanks, Mrs. Higgens,” I said, and she patted my back in her maternal way as I walked past her, towering over her by at least seven inches.

“They're in the den about to watch last week's game, again,” she added with an amused sigh.

We often watched our games from the past week over and over to improve on things we messed up and perfect things that were working. That would help get my mind off things. I loved this house.

“Okay,” I replied, then headed to the den, where I could hear Brady's voice rising as it did when he got excited about a play.

“I'm not saying it's bad. I'm saying if we take it in closer and tighten it, then we could demolish the Trojans on Friday night” was Brady's argument when I walked into the room.

“And I'm saying it looks as tight as we can get it,” West replied, sounding annoyed.

“Could y'all just eat the cookies and stop arguing over this?” Maggie piped up.

“I'll eat the cookies quietly,” I added to the conversation, and all three pairs of eyes swung to me.

“Gunner, good, you're here. Listen—watch this play and tell that hardhead it can be tightened up and we can pull in Nash for the snap.” Brady looked passionate and fired up. That was why he was going to an SEC college and making a career out of the game. He saw what everyone else didn't.

“Can I have cookies first? Your momma said they're still warm.”

Maggie laughed, and Brady rolled his eyes. “We have a game to win Friday night, and you are worried about cookies.”

I nodded. “Yes, I am.”

Maggie pointed to the table where Coralee had left a large tray of cookies, some small sandwiches, and a bowl of barbecue chips. I made my way over to it and got three cookies for good measure and poured myself a glass of milk out of the bottle she had sitting in ice. Coralee Higgens was like Martha Freaking Stewart.

Brady sighed dramatically and dropped down onto the leather chair behind him. “I give up,” he groaned.

“Does that mean we can watch an episode of
Fuller House
?” Maggie asked in a tone that wasn't serious. She was teasing her cousin.

“What the hell is
Fuller House
?” Brady asked as I walked over to sit in the other empty chair.

“
Full House
all grown up,” Maggie explained.

“
Full House
, that show from like the eighties or something?”

Maggie nodded. “Yep.”

That just got another irritated groan from Brady.

“He's focused on winning. It makes him moody,” West
told Maggie as he held her hand in his. I'd call him a pussy, but the dude had lost his dad recently and Maggie had helped keep him together.

“You seen Willa this afternoon?” Brady asked as he turned his attention to me.

I did not want to talk about Willa. I shrugged. “Nope. Haven't seen her since we got to school.”

Brady frowned. “She seemed upset after school. I was wondering if she'd said anything to you. She promised me she was fine, but she wasn't. I wonder if the crap she's dealing with from her home is bothering her.”

Guilt. It ate through me like a painful stab in the chest. She was upset over the kiss and my leaving her. I did that. Not what she'd dealt with at home but what I'd done to her. I was a jerk. She knew that now.

I wanted to be all she needed, but I couldn't be. I was too broken myself. I didn't trust myself with something as precious as Willa's heart. I'd been a screw-up my entire life. Acting out for attention and getting the wrong kind. Willa needed more than me. I wanted her to have the best. I wasn't even a tenth of what she deserved.

“She seemed fine to me today” was all I said. “Let's see that play, and I'll give you my opinion,” I said, changing the subject off me and Willa. I didn't need Brady thinking anything happened. He'd just make me feel worse. Besides,
she needed him, and he didn't need to be thinking about her kissing me.