Authors: Maria Hammarblad
Alex thought, “Aaaah,” and had at that moment a better idea of why she was upset than she did.
Cupping her cheeks in his hands, he looked deeply into her eyes. “That is wonderful news, my love. Everything is going to be just fine.”
*****
Jenny told herself if a thing like this happened in spite of all their precautions, maybe it was supposed to happen. She wasn’t moody and sick just because of some bad lettuce, and as much as she loved her husband she should be happy to have his child. Shouldn’t she? The thought of getting rid of it churned through her mind while waiting for the days to pass, but the thought of killing the little life growing in her was almost as frightening as keeping it.
Alex’s reassurances that everything would be alright helped. She didn’t believe him at first, but weeks rolled by and he still seemed honestly happy. She let his good mood rub off on her. He would never let anything happen to her or the child, and even if it might be unfair to keep him as a shield between her and the evils of the world, she knew he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Time passed quickly, and Jenny’s stomach grew. Christmas passed, and New Year’s, and the year she predicted to be the most eventful and interesting ever turned out to be just that. Her life was completely different than a year earlier, and she was happier than she could ever have expected.
As winter once again turned into spring, Jenny was huge. She hadn’t gained all that much weight, but thought she looked like an elephant. She had to stop working in March when her back no longer agreed with her sitting in front of the computer.
She knew Alex worried, and he would hardly let her out of his sight. She had problems making him go to work, and as much as she loved him, his over-protectiveness tested her patience. She often muttered she was pregnant, not made of glass. Some days she thought he kept calling just to check she wasn’t having a baby or anything when he wasn’t watching. It was funny and cute, and extremely irritating in the long run.
*****
The baby arrived in the first days of May. Alex seemed the epitome of calm during the long drive to the hospital, while checking in, and when following her to the room. The nurses and midwives were used to men fainting and needing more attention than the mothers, but he kept his cool and told them, “This isn’t the first baby I’ve delivered. In my past I’ve had to be able to do all sorts of things.”
Jenny groaned and squeezed his arm during a particularly bad contraction, and he paled and added, “Though, this is the first that is my own.”
Getting the baby out was both difficult and painful, but as far as childbirths go, fairly easy. It was a girl.
Alex was his most charming self, and Jenny thought all the nurses wanted to follow him home. One of them whispered to her, “He’s really great.”
She wasn’t in the mood to hear other women admire her husband, so she snapped, “Yes, he is. And you can’t have him.”
The nurse giggled, “I know, but still, where did you find him? That accent is just…”
Jenny imagined devilish horns of jealousy growing out of her head. “Go to Russia. That’s where I found him, and I’m sure there are more of them.”
Alex turned out to be a good father, just as he was a good husband, and they raised a strong little girl. Jenny suggested the name “Lindsay,” and he had neither objections nor suggestions; he just said he didn’t want her to have a Russian name.
Part Two
Chapter Eighteen
They were lucky parents; Lindsey was clever and easy to handle. She had her moments of tears and temper, but they were rare, and Alex loved her so much his heart might burst. Their life was happy and peaceful, and it was difficult to remember an evil world lurked outside. Alex didn’t forget, not for one single second, but he saw no reason to bring it up.
During the years following Lindsey’s birth there were times when he had to disappear for a couple of days at a time on orders from the men who still lingered at the outmost corner of their existence. The times were few and the missions easy. They wanted to pull his strings every now and then, just to remind him not to get too comfortable.
One day, he answered the phone and heard one of those voices from the past, one he hoped never to hear again. He listened and answered, “Yes. I understand.”
Jenny watched him from the other side of the kitchen, and when he eventually hung up he reached out for her. No matter what might happen, he must never forget the feeling of holding her and the smell of her hair. “I must go. No matter what happens, remember I love you.”
As much as he tried to hide his feelings, the words had a ring of finality, and she shuddered. At least she didn’t plead with him to stay, leaving was difficult enough as it was.
“You take care of yourself, you hear. You have to come back to us.”
“I will try. And you must do the same.”
He went to kiss Lindsay goodbye, told her to be good and obey Mommy, and hurried to disappear out the front door. If he didn’t go at once, he wouldn’t be able to do it at all. When he drove away, he watched the house disappear in the rear view mirror. It looked like something from a dream. Maybe the rest of the world was crazy, and this was the last place on Earth where peace and harmony still ruled.
He made one stop on the way, to rent a car under one of his false identities. The driver’s license and credit card said Sven Andersen, a good enough name, but he found it difficult to sound Norwegian. He had been too old when he learned English to be able to speak it convincingly with any other accent than his own.
When he reached the airport, there was a blond man with a briefcase, gray slacks, and a tan sports jacket, just like the voice on the phone said. He didn’t expect anything less; the KGB had at one time been the most successful intelligence agency in the world, and not much had changed. It wasn’t difficult to follow the man without being seen, and luck was on his side. Making contact became easy when Mr. Briefcase stopped for a drink; they knew everything there was to know about him. Alex joined the man, made sure his shirt was poorly buttoned in a casual way, bought drinks for both of them, and pretended a completely different form of interest. The man’s name turned out to be Martin, and Alex claimed his was Peter.
He ran a hand over the other man’s arm and bent over to brush a lock of his hair away. Hopefully, no one he knew would see him. Even though he could explain, he was quite sure he didn’t want to hear the words, “Did you really leave me here alone to go pick up a guy in a bar?” from his wife’s lips.
It wasn’t difficult. He could be very charming when he wanted to, and after accidentally showing off his well-toned muscles and flashing a smile, making the other man invite him to the hotel was quite easy. Alex smiled warmly, bent over close, and confided, “We don’t need a taxi. I have a car just outside.”
Said car was of course conveniently parked in a dark corner of the garage, where the security cameras had a dead spot. Safe in the underground darkness, far from prying eyes, the man in the passenger seat bent over to get a kiss. Alex humored him to get close enough. A second later, Martin didn’t want anything at all. He slumped on the seat with a broken neck, held up only by his seatbelt, and Alex picked the lock on the briefcase.
He browsed through the documents and cursed quietly. He hoped it would be nothing, hoped he would be able to phone in a report and go home. Martin’s death already weighed down his soul, and he wondered how much more of this he’d be able to live with. It was a moot point. He pulled Jenny into all this, and his duty was to keep her safe.
After propping the man next to him up a little to make him look less dead, he pulled on a baseball cap and sunglasses and drove off to get rid of the body. Two hours later, he was on a plane to Chicago.
Chapter Nineteen
Jenny was certain she was going crazy. Her husband left so quickly and sounded so strange, and had such a tormented look in his eyes. A million or so different scenarios flashed through her mind, and they all ended with disaster. She had to pretend to be happy for Lindsay’s sake, and at work she pretended Alex was home with the flu.
She was worried sick, and her imagination screamed he might be wounded or dead. Surely, she would never see him again. Maybe she’d have to spend the rest of her life alone, raising their daughter alone, and she didn’t think she would be able to cope with it. He couldn’t contact her even if he was okay, she knew this, but it didn’t change the urge to break down and cry hysterically.
A part of her realized she acted like a machine, but she couldn’t help herself. Trying to keep herself occupied she vacuumed the house seven times before Lindsay had enough of it and shouted, “Mommy, that’s enough,
stop
!” Every time the phone made any kind of sound she threw herself on it, just in case it was a message from him.
After all this gruesome waiting, she still wasn’t ready when the front door eventually opened. When she heard his footsteps, she ran into the hallway, squealed, and threw herself into his arms. Alex looked pale and haggard, but held her tight. When Lindsay came running, he hauled her up in his arms too.
*****
Alex hesitated for a long time before going home, and knew he wouldn’t have returned if he hadn’t promised Jenny to come back. It was a promise he couldn’t break. He loathed himself intensely and couldn’t meet their eyes. Not even being home helped him shake the feeling of being dead inside.
Once he made himself free from his girls, he went to the bar and poured himself a large glass of vodka. Jenny followed him. She stood in the doorway, holding Lindsay in her arms. “Rough time, love? I’ll be down in a minute, I’ll put her to bed.”
He sighed. “No. Let me do it. Please.”
Jenny smiled at Lindsay, “You want Daddy to take you to bed?”
The little girl giggled and nodded, and he took her gently from Jenny’s arms. Feeling her weight made him want to cry, both with relief that she was still there and safe, and with shame over what he had done. Lindsey rested her head against him and stated, “I missed you, Daddy. Mom was crazy when you were away.”
He muttered, “Mom was crazy? You should have seen you dad.”
Trying to act normal was even harder than he expected it to be. “I missed you too. You have no idea.”
*****
Jenny curled up in the living room sofa with her feet under her. She wanted to follow her husband and daughter, but her instincts told her to leave them alone. She heard them brush Lindsay’s teeth, and she heard Alex read a story. It took a while before he came downstairs again. Their daughter was better therapy than anything; he looked a little better.
After kissing her cheek absent-mindedly, he went over to the bar to pick up his glass. He brought both that and the bottle with him to the sofa, and took a seat close to her. She leaned her head on his shoulder. “You’re a good father.”
He made a grimace and shook his head. “I’m not a good anything. But there’s no reason she should have to watch her dad drink himself stupid.”
“Don’t say that. You’re a wonderful husband and a wonderful father, and I’m lucky to have you in my life.”
His attempt to laugh could come from a horror movie. “You say that now.”
He gulped his drink down and refilled the glass.
“Is there something you want to tell me?”
It didn’t take a lot of effort to figure out something had happened to him. Alex grimaced at the alcohol, cursing it quietly in Russian, and shook his head. “No… Or yes, but I can’t.”
Jenny lifted an eyebrow. Were people listening in on them? As always, he guessed what she was thinking. “No, that’s not it. I don’t want you to despise me.”
Changing the subject might be a good idea. “I missed you so much. I’m glad you’re home.”
It was an understatement; she more than missed him, and was more than glad he was back. He buried his face in her hair. “I’ve missed you too.”
Keeping the conversation on harmless, neutral subjects seemed prudent. “How about getting me a drink too, handsome?”
He nodded a couple of times and ran a hand over her shoulder. “Of course. What do you want, my precious darling?”
She loved when he called her that, and she didn’t care what he brought her. She just said it to keep his mind off whatever was bothering him. “Eh, whatever. Gimme a scotch.”
He went over to the bar and returned a minute later with a glass with golden liquid and a couple of ice cubes. She pretended everything was normal, and patted the sofa next to her, urging him to sit back down. He did, and wrapped his arms around her, making her want to purr like a contented cat. Snuggling closer, she took the remote and turned on the TV.
They sat like that for a few minutes, and Jenny hoped everything would be okay. He kissed the side of her head, and she mumbled, “I love you.” He didn’t answer, but he gave her a little squeeze.
Eventually, the news came on, and the headline was disturbing. A senator’s house burned to the ground just outside Chicago a day earlier, with both the senator himself and his family in it. The reporter said the police identified four of the bodies as the senator and his family, but the fifth still remained a mystery.
They showed pictures of the charred ruins and Jenny shuddered. It was much too easy to imagine being trapped in a blazing inferno, without anywhere to run, and the fear and pain as the flames came closer. She heard the smoke might render a person unconscious before the actual flames reached them, but either way, it seemed like a horrendous way to die. She feared fire almost religiously. Nori sometimes joked and said she must have been burned at the stake in a previous life. It could happen again.
The news anchor read from his teleprompter, making a suitably upset expression as he reported, “Authorities think the fire started upstairs, but the cause is still unknown. Mrs. Price and the couple’s daughters appear to have been in the middle of the inferno, and it seems to have spread from the master bedroom.”