Unexpected Chance (23 page)

Chapter 29

I needed to call Julie; I was starting to feel my
breathing accelerate.

“Hi, Aubrey!”

“Hi, Jules, I’m so glad you picked up.”

“Are you okay? You sound weird.”

“It has been a weird day. I have good news. I’ve had improvements
in my vision. They’re intermittent, but—

“Oh my God! Are you better? This is so great! What now? Can you
come home?”

“What I was going to say before you ruptured my ear drums . . .  You
know, Jules, I don’t need to add deafness to my ailments.”

“I’m sorry. I got excited.”

“I know. Anyway, I’m coming home to see a specialist, who happens
to be there. I don’t know when exactly, but hopefully it will be soon. Can I
ask you something?”

“Of course, anything, you know that.”

“Okay, but I need an honest answer. Don’t think you need to spare
my feelings, okay?”

“Yeah, geez, you know me better than that. Now spit it out.”

“How’s Alex?”

There was silence, and for a minute, I thought I’d lost her. “Julie,
are you still there?”

“Yes, I’m here. I don’t know how he is because I refuse to see
him for fear I’ll kick him in the balls.”

“Oh my God, Jules, wait, you don’t see him? Not even at the
club?”

“Nope, I don’t know when he’s there and when he isn’t. I don’t
ask. I felt bad for him in the hospital, but I still want to kick his ass. Anyway,
he pretty much has Brett and Tyler running it. Apparently, he makes his
presence known when he needs to, but he told Brett that the club . . . well . .
. that the club reminds him of you: where you met and where he lost you. He
isn’t in a good place, Aubrey. I know if I see him he’ll want to get to you
through me, so I refuse to see him. All ass-kicking aside, I know that I’d feel
sorry for his ass, and I don’t want to. He doesn’t deserve it.”

I hung my head. “I talked to him, you know. I started listening
to the music on my tablet and realized that all the songs were about Alex and
me. Not just the songs we listened to but the meanings behind them. Then I was
completely thrown when I heard his voice. He recorded himself right before ‘The
Way You Look Tonight’ played.” I sniffed and tried to stifle my cry.

“I don’t get it, why that song?”

“We danced to it at the benefit. Anyway, I was on the phone with
him when my vision started returning. I didn’t tell him, Julie. I should have.
I know I should have, but I called Chance instead.”

“Want to know why you didn’t tell him?” I didn’t answer. “I’ll
tell you why. Because you wanted to hurt him. You know as soon as he finds out
that it happened while you were talking to him and you kept your mouth shut
about it he will be devastated just as you were when he kissed Leah, who by the
way is always hanging on Tyler. I guess they’re an item now.”

“I should call him, right? I should tell him that I’m coming
home?” I felt the octave in my voice changing. “And I should tell him that I
was stupid. No, I should tell him my journal was stupid and that I fell in love
with him and apparently that was stupid. That’s what I should say, right?”

I was the one shouting now and becoming agitated.

“I thought that he loved me, and because of something I wrote,
when I hardly knew him and I couldn’t give a shit about now because I can’t see
the paper to write on, he had every right to fuck me over. Yup, that’s what I’ll
say.” I was in full blown hysterics. I thought for sure my mom was going to
burst in my room and find me having a breakdown and an anxiety attack.

“Are you done, Aubrey?”

“Yes, I’m done.” I enunciated the word “done” and started
breathing as if I were doing Yoga to try to calm myself.

“No, that isn’t what you should tell him, but you just told me a
lot.”

“Really! What is it that you think I told you?” I know I was
sounding irritated and she didn’t deserve that.

“First of all, this is me, your best friend, so table the pity
party you’re having right now and check your attitude at the Eiffel Tower. You
love him, Aubrey. You aren’t over him and he isn’t over you. I may want to kill
him for not talking to you before turning all stupid, but he’s a guy; they do
stupid shit without thinking.”

Julie exhaled and paused. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this,
but maybe you need to get past this? I understand that you were hurt, and I
don’t want to say I told you so, but I did tell you to tell him about the
journal. Yes, he should have come to you, and he should have read the whole
godforsaken thing, but he didn’t. And yes, he chose to listen to Leah and not
ask you about it.”

My heart singed and my brain clenched at Julie’s words. “I know I
should have said something, but I didn’t, and as I said, I can be stupid. I
still don’t think I can forgive him, and even if I do, I’ll never forget it. I
have to go, Jules. I’m having dinner with Chance, and I need to get ready.”

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Chance. Do you like him?
Is that why you can’t forgive Alex, because it might ruin things for you and
Chance?”

I’d never thought about it like that. “I don’t know. He reminds
me of the good parts of Alex, everything I fell in love with, and tonight I’m
going to tell him that I’m leaving. It’s just weird. I care about him a lot,
and I think that if I wasn’t so hurt I could fall for him. I just don’t want
to. I want to be on my own, especially if this surgery doesn’t work. That way I
won’t be a burden. And if it does work, then I need to stand on my own before I
can even think about anyone else.” I paused and tried to calm my breathing. “Thank
you. I love you for your honesty, even though it could use a little tact.”

“I know. I’ll work on that.” She laughed. “I’m happy for you,
Aubrey. Think about what I said though, okay? Guys like Alex Logan don’t come along
every day. You may be taking a bigger risk by not forgiving him.”

“Okay.” I understood but didn’t agree with everything that Julie
said. Feeling brave, I dialed Alex’s number.

It rang three times. I didn’t think he was going to answer; then I
heard that voice.

“Hi.” He sounded off.

“Are you okay? You sound weird.”

“No, I’m not okay; I have a lot on my mind.” He sounded as if he were
moving around a lot, more than pacing, but not running. His breathing was
ragged. Was he with someone? That thought sickened me, which should have told
me a lot about where my feelings for him stood.

“Oh, okay, well, I won’t keep you. I just thought you should know
that I’ll be coming home soon. My vision started coming back, and my doctor has
a colleague who performs a procedure that could help me regain my sight, and he
happens to be in New York at NYU.”

“That’s great, Aubrey.” He didn’t sound that excited, but a
little relieved maybe? “When did your vision come back? Was all at once?”

“No, it was a little at a time and then . . . When I was on the
phone with you, it was the most vivid that it had ever been. I’m sorry I didn’t
say anything. I was in shock.”

“I’m just happy that your sight is improving and that you’ll be
coming home. I miss you. I miss my friend and my lover. Please let me be that
again. I want to be by your side through this. I want to be with you, eyesight
or not. I told you before that I’ll show you the world through my eyes. We’ll
see things together.” I heard him sniff as if he were crying. “Please, Aubrey, I
am so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am. I need you. I can’t lose you; I
can’t lose us. We’ve lost so much time already. I’ll prove to you how much you
mean to me and how much I love you. Just give me a chance. You need to give us
a chance. I’m not asking you to forget. Just forgive me.”

He was pleading with me, and it really broke my heart. It felt as
if it were now shredded.

I wiped the tears from my face. “Alex, I can’t do this right now.
I don’t know if I ever can. I refuse to be a burden to anyone. I know you’ll
tell me that you’ll take care of me, and I appreciate all that you want to do
for me, but you broke my heart.” I moved the phone away from my ear so he
wouldn’t hear me sobbing. I had to collect myself to get through my next
sentence. My voice cracked. “Please move on. I want you to be happy. I have to
go now.”

I hung up and felt sick. My head and my heart were all over the
place. I needed to regroup and go to Chance’s for dinner. Maybe he was my chance
to move on.

Frank drove me to Chance’s apartment and told me to call him when
I was ready to go home. I hated that I had to use my walking stick. It was an
accessory I could do without. “Can you walk me to the door, Frank? I hate using
this thing.”

He cleared his throat. “Of course, Miss Aubrey.” He took my arm
and led me to the door. “Shall I ring the buzzer?”

I straightened my dress and felt my hair to make sure it was in
place. “Please.”

Chance opened the door, and Frank walked away after Chance thanked
him. He guided me inside, holding my hand, and closed the door behind me. His
place smelled heavenly. Had he been cooking all day or were we going to be
having take-out? I was about to ask, when he spoke first.

“You look beautiful. That dress is amazing.” He lifted my hand up
to his lips and kissed it. He held his lips there longer than usual, and I felt
goose bumps starting to form on my arm. Oddly enough, I felt my nipples harden
under my lace bra. I quickly pulled my hand away.

“Thank you. Speaking of amazing, what’s been going on here? Have
you been cooking or running around the apartment with takeout so the scent
permeates the air?”

“Ha-ha, you’re a funny lady, Aubrey Ryan.
I’ll
have you know that I’ve been cooking all afternoon for you.”

“And, Chef Love, what are we having?” I was going to have fun
with him now.

“You’re full of it today, aren’t you? Well, we’re having Beef Wellington,
asparagus, citrus salad, and new potatoes.”

“Wow! Well, it smells divine. I can’t believe you did all this.”

“You’ve had quite the week. I figured you deserved it.”

What had I done to deserve Chance? We sat at the table, which
didn’t feel very big since I could feel Chance’s leg touching mine. I could
faintly see a glow, and I could feel gentle warmth on my face. “Are there
candles on the table?”

“Yes! Can you see them? Can you see me?” He sounded so excited or
maybe nervous. I noticed his accent wasn’t as strong as it had been. Maybe I was
rubbing off on him.

I wished I could see him. “No, I just see a little glow and I can
feel the heat. That probably sounds ridiculous because they are probably taper
candles and they don’t expel heat, but my senses are on overload. What’s that
other smell? Are there flowers on the table?”

I hadn’t noticed the smell before I sat down. I smelled orchids. I
tried to get my head back to Chance.

“Speaking of senses, I forgot to turn on some music. Would that
be okay with you?”

“Yes, of course, but before you do, I wanted to talk to you about
something.”

“Okay, but let’s eat. I don’t want this to get cold and then have
it not rest on your palette correctly. I want you to experience my awesome
cooking skills.”

“Okay, well I wouldn’t want that to happen, so I’ll talk between
bites.” I was going to continue when he chimed in.

“Your plate is directly in front of you. Your beef is at six
o’clock, the salad at eleven, and the potatoes at two.”

He was so amazing. I loved that he thought to tell me that. “You’re
wonderful. Thank you for describing that to me.” I tried again. “I need to tell
you something.”

“You can tell me anything.”

I took a cleansing breath. “I went to Dr. Beaumont’s office today,
and he told me that my MRI scan showed improvement but there is still fluid in
my brain and it may be preventing me from regaining either partial or my entire
vision.”

The next part I just needed to blurt out. I swallowed the most
delicious piece of beef and said, “I’m going to New York to have the procedure
performed. I don’t know when I’m leaving or how long I’ll be there, but I think
I want to move back regardless of the outcome. It’s my home, and I miss it and
my friends.” I didn’t tell him I’d spoken to Alex and that my feelings
regarding him were all over the place.

Silence. That’s what came next. I set my fork down. I was
finished eating.

After what felt like forever, he spoke, “I think it’s wonderful
that you have this opportunity that could possibly correct your vision. Are you
done with your meal?” I heard his chair legs scrape against the tile floor and felt
the table shift, so I assumed he stood up.

“Yes, thank you. It was delicious. Can I help you clean up?”

What was I thinking? Of course I couldn’t. I hated not being able
to do mundane tasks.

“No, you relax; I’m just going to set the plates aside.”

I could hear him moving around the kitchen. Was he upset that I
was leaving?

“Would you visit me in New York? I’ve loved the time I’ve spent
with you. You’re the best friend I have here, and I would love for my friends
at home to meet you. I’d like them to meet the man who saved my life in more
ways than one. You’ve made me laugh when I felt like crying, you’ve described
clouds to me and read to me because I couldn’t see to do it myself, and you’ve
taken care of me.” I’d never realized it until I said it out loud, but he’d done
all the things Alex told me he wanted to do. “You’re someone I care for . . . deeply.”

I heard him moving closer and could see his shadow. He was tall.

“Sit with me so we can talk.”

He took my hands in his and pulled me from the chair. My chest
touched his and I froze. He turned me around and guided me to his sofa. I could
feel the carpeting under my shoes, and then my knee gently grazed what felt
like leather.

Still holding my hands, he said, “Have a seat; the sofa is right
behind you.”