Unforgivably Broken (The Broken Series Book Two) (45 page)

“Because we weren’t,” I snapped, blowing out a frustrated breath. “We fucked. That was our agreement. It was mutual lust and a love of the fact that we were doing something we knew we shouldn’t be doing. Do you know what Tish would’ve done to you if he figured out what we were up to? What he would still do to you if he ever found out?”

“You mean if I told him I fell in love with you?”

His words knocked the air from my lungs.
I fell back, hitting the counter, thankful for the space of the room between us. I stared at him, gaping. I attempted to control my facial expressions but the shock of his words left me reeling.

I watched as he sat up slowly, the whole moment made even more uncomfortable by the fact that his dick was hanging out.
“Lili—”

“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head as I held up a hand. “Don’t.”

“I shouldn’t have said that,” he backpedaled. Sliding from the table and grabbing his jeans, he pulled them on with his back to me.

“Then why did you?
” I whispered, my eyes burning. Tony was my friend, someone I cared about deeply and someone who had always looked out for me. Those words, that one sentence, changed everything. It complicated everything. “It’s Zane, Tony. I love him. I’ve loved him from the beginning and that’s not going to change. I’m sorry.”

Tony’s posture didn’t change as he stared at the door. He
nodded, his back still to me. “Yeah. I’m sorry, too.” He opened the door, leaving it wide as he walked back toward his office.

I waited
, expecting to hear his door slam but the sound didn’t come. Slowly, I cleaned and sterilized the room, trying to do anything I could to keep from having to go out and face the rest of the day here. Tony didn’t love me. I knew that. Not really. He cared about me but it wasn’t love.

The knot in my stomach from my nerves and the churning emotions wasn’t helping the nausea that I’d thought had gone away.

By the time I wandered out, Kas was finished with her client. I took a seat in her chair while she buzzed around, cleaning up.

“Everything okay?”
I asked. She seemed more flustered than normal.

“Peachy-keen,” she muttered, pausing her movements only long enough to down the coffee she’d carried in with her. She huffed, tossing the empty cup in the trashcan under
the counter.

“Right,” I said, slipping out of the chair with the intention of getting her another cup of coffee.

“Sorry. I just…” she paused, glancing around the shop to double check that we were alone. “It was coming up on time to get my birth control implant replaced so Tish and I have been
discussing
a more permanent solution.”

The way she said it told me it had been an ongoing argument. At my look of confusion, she continued. “Tish doesn’t want kids. And I’m fine with that. Kids have never been in my plans either. I got the implant before Tish and I started dating
and I knew when the time came to replace it, I would need to do something different. You know I’ve pretty much moved in with him — my lease is up at the end of the month. I guess I just hoped that he would take the permanent step instead of making me have the surgery.”

My mind was jumping all over the place but I tried to focus. “It’s time to replace it?” I asked, suddenly trying to remember how long the implant was supposed to last.

“Well, it’s been about two and half years and since I have to replace it within the next few months, it seemed like a good time to look into something different. My insurance sucks though and having my tubes tied is just not feasible right now. I’m just going to get another implant so Tish and I can revisit this fight in a few years,” she laughed but my smile was completely fake now.

Three years. The implant was good for three years. It hadn’t been that long yet, had it? I’d gotten it after I moved to Vegas.
Kas continued talking, obviously feeling better as my stomach protested the stress of my thoughts. Between that and Tony, it was too much for me. I jumped from the chair, rushing toward the small bathroom. I barely made it before the toast I’d thought would be light enough to hold down made its reappearance.

Once I was sure my stomach had nothing left, I emerged to find
Kas standing by with a bottle of water. “I thought you said you were feeling better. You need to go home. We can’t have you here if you’re sick and you know it.” I just stared at her, trying to keep my expression blank as panic clawed at me from inside. I couldn’t think the word and there was no way I could say it. Whatever Kas saw in my face had her eyes widening. She glanced down at my stomach and back.

“No,” I said firmly, heading toward the front counter.

“Are you saying there’s no chance or—”

“I’m saying shut the fuck up,
Kas. And I mean it,” I hissed under my breath as the door chimed, drawing our attention to a young couple entering the shop.

“This conversation isn’t over,”
Kas shot back before stepping forward to greet the couple.

I
reached for my phone, wanting to message Zane just to make myself feel better. Then, I remembered I’d left it in the privacy room and headed back. Grabbing it from the counter, I saw that I had three texts from Zane.

Are you sure I can’t persuade you? I’m much more fun than work.

I was kidding. You know I just miss you.

Something’s wrong with the baby. Lizzie’s at the hospital and I’m on my way there now. I’ll call you when I know more.

I frowned at the screen, considering whether or not to call him but not wanting to overstep or interfere. What was the protocol in this situation? I read his words again, surprised at the genuine concern I felt for all three of them. I hated Lizzie, without a doubt, but I was scared for her, for all of them. The tiny part of me that had wished she didn’t have that connection to Zane was nonexistent in the face of her possibly losing the baby.

I couldn’t think that way. I wouldn’t. It would kill Zane to lose the baby
and I didn’t want him to have to go through that.

Movement from the corner of my eye made me turn my head. Tony
was leaving his office and heading toward his station, which meant he had to pass by me where I sat at the desk. He paused, his eyes dropping down my body and widening. I followed his gaze, realizing for the first time that while I had been lost in my thoughts of Zane, Lizzie, and their baby, my left hand had somehow come to rest protectively over my abdomen. Tony’s eyes flicked back to mine and I dropped both my hand and my gaze. I could feel the flush creeping into my face. Was it embarrassment? Shame?

“Everything okay?”
He asked, sounding genuinely concerned. “You don’t look so great.”

I stared at him, noticing that while he still had tightness around his eyes, he was putting what happened behind us.
At least, for the moment.

“Something’s wrong with Lizzie and the baby. They’re at the hospital,” I answered, wanting to be truthful.

He glanced down at my stomach again and though I saw the question in his eyes when he looked at me again, I pretended I didn’t. It wasn’t one I could answer anyway. “Do you need to go?”

“No. I’ll stay for now until I hear more. Hopefully it’s just a false alarm.”

He nodded, taking one last look at my stomach before heading toward his station. I glanced toward Kas who was busy at the drawing table with the couple who had come in earlier. Looking at my phone one more time, I typed out a message to Zane.

Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly. Don’t panic. I’m sure it’s all going to be okay.

Driving home from the hospital, I finally allowed the emotions I’d been holding back in front of her to flood in. Anger, devastation, guilt, and if I was being honest with myself, relief. I hadn’t wanted to have that tie to Lizzie but I loved the child I never got the chance to meet. Even without proof, it was mine.

If I’d thought the judge giving Lizzie a chance to keep Conner by staying clean would work, she proved me wrong today. The blood work showed that she’d gotten high within the last twenty-four hours and the doctors believe that contributed to the miscarriage. This would be the final piece I’d need to get custody of Conner
, but the cost of the victory was the life of another child. Possibly
my
other child.

I’d texted
Lili, told her what happened, and let her know I was staying with Lizzie until she was released. Luckily, Lizzie was going to stay with her mom now. It took a weight off me. I sighed as I realized what a total asshole thought that was. I should want to stay and take care of the woman who had just lost a child but I had no desire to coddle her. I was done playing nice with Lizzie.

Pulling into the garage, I saw the time and realized Conner was most likely already in bed. I wasn’t sure what
Lili had told him and the guilt crept in once again. I should’ve come home to spend time with him. This was usually our afternoon together, since it was my day off. Other than the soft sound of the TV in our bedroom, the house was quiet when I entered. I figured Lili would wait up for me.

I froze at the doorway, unable to keep from smiling at the sight. Conner was curled up on my side of the bed
, sound asleep with his blanket. And Lili, who was just recovering from being sick, had fallen asleep sitting up beside him. I worried for a moment that maybe Conner had caught whatever Lili had but if he were sick, Lili would’ve called me. While the hollow spot in my heart still ached, this sight made me remember that I had so much to be thankful for.

Walking over to
Lili’s side first, I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. She started, her eyes popping open and a timid smile lighting up her face before the memory of the evening clearly caught up to her. Her smile fell and I covered her mouth with my fingers before she could speak. She was going to apologize, I could see it in her eyes, but I didn’t want to talk about it. Not yet.

“I’m
gonna take Conner to bed,” I whispered, pressing my lips to hers before moving back to the other side of the bed. I lifted Conner, surprised at how much heavier he felt every time I had to pick him up. I knew the day would come when he would be too big for this so I intended to enjoy every moment of it.

After
tucking him in and making sure he was still sound asleep, I headed back to the bedroom. Lili was sitting up on the bed now, rubbing her eyes in what looked like an attempt to wake up. It was only then that I realized what was playing on the TV.

“Star Wars?”
I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Her smile was innocent. “What? Someone has to teach him the ways of the Rebellion.”

Laughing, I held out a hand for her. She took it, letting me pull her to her feet. “Well, I won’t stand in the way of that education.”

“Glad to hear it.” She lifted to her toes, tilting her chin up to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tighter against me.

“Come shower with me,” I mumbled, the words barely making it out as we kissed. I felt her stiffen in my grip and I leaned back, trying to see her face. Her expression was cautious.

“I… uh… already showered.”

I raised my eyebrow at the blatant lie.