Unintentional (18 page)

Although it’s been hard working long distance and being away from the band—specifically Cade—something really great happened along the way. Through our many Skype sessions and text messages, the beginning of a good, solid friendship with Cade has sprung to life.

I love Skype. It’s good to see Cade’s smiling face almost every day. Sometimes, we spend hours catching up. Usually, we dedicate the first twenty minutes talking about band business, and after, it slowly creeps into personal territory.

Cade is so easy to talk to. I’ve been able to share with him things I haven’t told anyone, including Sophie. The first time it happened, I was so shocked I didn’t sleep the entire night. I tossed and turned, trying to figure out what happened. Why did I trust Cade so much with my stories, my secrets? Usually, I tell Sophie everything, except for a few things that are so deep, so painful, I keep them to myself.

Those unwanted memories have been locked inside until recently. For some reason, I’ve been able to spill my painful secrets to Cade without fear of judgment. It’s not that I think Sophie will judge me, but she’ll want to talk it to death. Sometimes, it just feels good to get it out there, deal with it, and move on. He’s just like that. He takes everything in stride. In return, he’s been very forthcoming about his history, why he felt closed off for so many years. Cade has had two serious relationships, and both ended badly. He seems to be at peace with it. He tells me he’s accepted that the relationship he had with Mattie wasn’t meant to be. I don’t know how he remains so optimistic. I wish I were more like him.

It’s nice to know, through all of this, we’ll be friends at the very least. I’ve come to grips with the fact I want more, but the timing
isn’t right – yet.

Sophie has been doing a good job staying away from Scott and Ayden. I think she’s respecting me by not doing her usual “love em and leave em,” knowing it has been so hard for me to stay away from Cade. Also, there seems to be a serious dynamic that has started to rev up. If it keeps going in this direction, it won’t be good. Scott and Ayden are good friends. They aren’t as close as Scott and Cade, but they’ve always had a good-natured working relationship.

Lately, it’s been a little strained between them. Even though Sophie hasn’t shown any interest in either one, they still seem to be posturing for her attention. Sophie and I have spent many nights giggling about which attention-getting scenario they’ll get themselves into next. The last time we went to watch Hard Reign play, Scott “accidentally” dropped his beer down his shirt. So, of course, it had to come off. The entire time, his gaze didn’t leave Sophie. She waved and winked at him, which sent Scott off into more exhibitionist behavior. “Oops,” he said and proceeded to spill more on to himself, so he had to remove his pants, leaving only boxers. Of course, the women in the room were oh so appreciative of the show.

Sophie laughed again and looked away, right into Ayden’s
eyes. That was not a good idea, because Ayden has this hot, bad boy thing going on. He’s just the type of guy Sophie’s been drawn to in the past. Ayden continued to stare at her, undressing her with his eyes; even I was uncomfortable. I think Ayden won that round, even though Scott was practically naked. Poor Scott. He might be too “good” which is exactly what Sophie needs.

I use the term “good” lightly though. Scott is still a little wild, and I’m sure he’s had his share of drunken, disorderly behavior, but I think he’s just too together for Sophie. She seems to gravitate toward the dark, angsty types. The types she can try to fix.

Sophie and I have talked about this before. We know we’re both sabotaging ourselves romantically, but we can’t seem to shake loose from old patterns. I can see it now, Sophie and I, age ninety, in our rocking chairs with fifty cats around us.

∗∗∗

We’re finally back in Seattle. I don’t want to admit to myself that I’m excited to see Cade, but…I’m excited to see Cade. I smile to myself as I think about him.

Sophie notices my expression and asks, “What has you looking so happy?”

“Me?” I question.

“It couldn’t be because we’re seeing the boys tonight, could it?” She knows it is.

I look at her innocently. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Uh huh, sure, Laurel.” She gives me a sly smile. “Well, I’ll admit it. I’m so excited to see the band again!” She starts dancing around to prove her point.

“Aren’t you a little nervous about tonight? Do you think they’ll be upset we’re surprising them?” My brow knits together. We’re dropping in because this will be their last live performance for at least a couple months. Their recording sessions will start soon, so this will be our last opportunity to see them before the craziness begins. When their CD drops, I expect all hell to break loose, in a good way, of course.

Sophie laughs. “Sure, Laurel, they’ll just hate seeing us.” She’s her usual sarcastic self.

I elbow her. “I hope you’re right—oops, I mean wrong.” My brain feels scattered with thoughts of seeing Cade again.

We’ve left our hotel and are headed through Seattle to the
Emerald City Nightclub. I try to calm my mind, which is, unfortunately, directing my heart to race and the butterflies to do their crazy fluttering thing. I take a breath and repeat to myself,
mind/body, mind/body
. I make a mental note to get back into yoga.

We find parking and make our way into the packed nightclub. It’s 10:00 pm, and they’re in full swing. The guys know they won’t be singing live for a while, and I can tell they’re making the most of it. They’re singing one of Cade’s original songs, one of my personal favorites. I try to catch Cade’s eye, but he’s too busy making the girls before him scream. I laugh to myself. This type of thing never threatens me or makes me feel jealous. First, I don’t have any rights to him. We’re friends, well, friends with chemistry. Also, I know this is what they need to do as a band. They need to engage with their audience, drive them wild. And oh boy, do they ever.

Cade and I have talked about the fanatical girls who come to hear them play every night, vying for his attention. He’s a typical rocker in all the ways rockers are, except for one difference. He isn’t interested in the type of girls who throw themselves at someone just because they sing in a band. The groupies, the hanger-ons, the…well, there are lots of other names, but he isn’t interested.

He told me he wants someone “real” and has never taken any girl up on any offer, whether it be a phone number or hotel key. When I asked him about it once, he scrunched up his nose and shook his head. I had to laugh, because he looked like a little boy. In a lot of ways, he seems like a boy to me. Maybe not a little boy, but he has a child-like exuberance that is infectious. He loves any and all games— card and sports, he is the first to laugh at any joke—good or bad, and he loves any and all practical jokes.

Currently, Scott and Cade have a contest going, who can one up the other to the point of humiliation. Last month, while they were in Portland, Oregon performing, Scott pulled the biggest prank ever on Cade. Scott placed a huge plastic alligator in the bathtub in Cade’s room before he came back from their performance. He also rigged a video camera to catch Cade’s reaction, and oh, what a reaction it was! There were two funny parts of this practical joke. First, Cade screamed. He actually screamed. Apparently, Cade made the mistake of telling Scott of a family outing in Okefenokee, Georgia when he was fifteen. Wanting to sleep in, he refused to leave the tent when his family left to run errands. About an hour later, he heard a rustling sound and peered out from the thin lining of the tent. Eight feet down
the dock was the largest alligator known to man, according to Cade anyway. He crept out of the tent, ran to the outhouse, and spent four hours hiding from the creature. It left him with a deep-seated fear of alligators, setting himself up for the biggest—some would say cruelest—practical joke ever. The other part was genius. Scott put the video on YouTube, and it has almost fifty thousand hits. Cade isn’t so happy about it, but the PR for the band is priceless.

As a result, Cade has been plotting his revenge. He’s asked me for ideas, but there’s no way I’m getting in the middle of this battle. It’s fun though, hearing about possible scenarios where Scott gets his comeuppance. I made Cade promise I would be there to see whatever he dreamed up. He laughed and said he’d make sure I didn’t miss it.

I have a smile on my face as I relive some of my conversations with Cade. Just when I think he’s about to turn my way, I see a girl jump up on the stage. And not just any girl. This could possibly be the most drop-dead gorgeous girl I’ve ever seen. Cade’s eyes zoom in on her, and his smile is overwhelming. I stand and stare as he gives her a huge hug. Why does she have to be so pretty? This could be nothing, although, it bothers me she doesn’t look like one of the groupie girls I’ve grown accustomed to. If she looked a little more like the usual
girls that surround him, I think this situation wouldn’t make me so nervous. This girl looks like a runway model. Runway models aren’t groupies. They don’t need to be. I’m swearing in my head again.

Why am I so upset? I’ve told Cade I’m not ready for a relationship. Did I expect him not to have a girlfriend? Yes, I think I did, as irrational as that sounds.

Suddenly, I realize he’s probably had a girlfriend all along. The thought stops me cold. I think about our daily talks, how close we’ve become. Was I wrong? Were we just becoming closer friends? Oh, no, I’m starting to remember the conversations. He never mentioned a girlfriend, but I never asked. I’m so incredibly stupid. I stand, staring at them. He’s looking into her eyes with his hands on her face, with his smile reaching from ear to ear. He’s gazing into her eyes, excitedly talking to her. This isn’t just a casual girlfriend. He loves her.

I look over at Sophie. Her expression mirrors mine. We’re both shocked.

“Okay, I’m out of here.” I turn to leave.

Sophie runs up to my side. “I’m with you girl. I don’t want to wait around here and listen to that jerk sing anymore.”

“Sophie, no, stay. I know you love listening to them play.
Don’t mind me. I knew this would happen at some point. It’s probably good it happened now, before anything serious began. I don’t have any hold over him. He’s free to date and have a girlfriend.” I motion over to the stage. “I’m just surprised. I thought he’d at least tell me.”

Sophie’s face drops. “I’ve been talking to Scott and Ayden, and they haven’t said a word.” She stops suddenly.

“Is that right?” I smile at her admission. She looks up at the sky, pretending the last few sentences didn’t happen.

“It’s okay. Have you decided which one you like yet?” I ask.

She turns and hugs me tight. “Oh, Laurel, I can’t. I have feelings for them both in such incredibly different ways.”

I look at her skeptically.

“I’ve kept my promise to you. I haven’t touched either one, so no worries there.”

“Well, we’re almost done with the important parts, so when or if you decide on either of them, you have my blessing.”

Sophie takes my hand and holds it. “I’m so sorry about Cade. I know you keep insisting you don’t have feelings for him other than friendship, but I know you better. I can’t imagine why everyone kept it such a big secret. I think it would have helped you. You’ve spent the
last seven months trying to resist your attraction to him, talking yourself out of liking him, and here he was, off with some girlfriend. That’s not fair. You weren’t playing on the same field. You put your life on hold, and he’s off gallivanting around. Oh, I’m so mad right now.”

“Don’t be. I’m just angry at myself. I should have seen this coming. Let’s pretend this didn’t happen, okay? We’ll carry on as the professionals that we are. I can do this, Sophie. I’ve been disappointed before, so I can handle this.” I think I’m trying to convince both of us.

Sophie’s eyes water as she takes my hand, and we head out to the parking garage and out of this horrible nightmare.

∗∗∗

That was quick. The long wait these past months was worth it. I watched Laurel’s face closely as she hurried from the nightclub. She’s devastated. It worked. The plan my father told me was too elaborate worked. I can’t wait to call him. For once, I was right. There won’t be the usual disappointed look on dad’s face when I see him again. This plan has taken longer than expected, but the payoff will be huge. Now I can move in when the time is right, and it’s getting close. No one makes a fool of me. I’m smarter than all of them.

Chapter 18

Cade

I don’t want Laurel as my friend. I want more. I’m in love with her, and I’ve know it for a long time. She doesn’t know how I feel yet. I need to take things very slowly. Laurel is like one of those wild mustangs running free through the White Mountain range in Nevada. She’s skittish, cautious. But she’s worth it. She’s worth everything. It’s important I don’t rush things with her. She’ll run off and never come back.

I think back to the time when my feelings for Laurel shifted. I had all but given up after she told me to back off when I called her from that bar. I don’t even remember the name of the bar, but I sure remember what she said. “You need to drop this.” I was going to. I had every intention of doing so, but Skype got in the way. Skype allows you to hear the words, but also see the emotion. Laurel wants to be safe, but I knew that already. What I didn’t know was why she values the safety of a generic relationship so much. It unfolded slowly through many conversations, escaping her unconsciously. I was able to
piece together all the little clues she revealed through her words and her expressive face. We’ve talked about everything – happy times, sad times, even the embarrassing moments growing up. It was through one of those conversations where I learned so much about Laurel, why she needs to be safe.

I had just shared a story of when I was ten and hadn’t finished my homework for the upcoming school day. My plan was to miss the bus, so I pretended I couldn’t find my socks, books, etc. My mom had to work, so I knew she wouldn’t have time to drive me. Problem solved. I’d get an extra day to finish up. Unfortunately, my mom had other ideas. She ran outside, flagged down the bus so it stopped right in front of our house. She grabbed my books, papers, socks, and shoes, put them in my arms, and pushed me out the door. At ten, we were about the same height, so everyone on the bus was an audience to our tussle at the front door. I was trying to get back in. She was pushing me out. I finally gave in, humiliated, and stepped off the porch onto the morning grass. That’s when things went from bad to worse.