Unintentional (3 page)

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It’s now Monday, and I still haven’t seen Mattie. The people who took Mattie in after her parents died are here now. Dan and Nancy Bailey arrived yesterday, and by the looks of them, they aren’t doing so well. They’ve lost their daughter Sarah to bloodshed and violence of her own making. She’s taken the life of an innocent man. Now they
have to give Mattie the news about the two deaths – Sarah and Jerry. I’m sure they also feel horrible about the attempt on Mattie’s life. I watch them go down the hallway toward Mattie’s hospital room clinging to each other for support. I don’t think this will go well.

I’m proven right when, after only a few minutes pass, the Baileys return to the waiting room. They’re both visibly shaken, with Nancy holding her face in her hands, crying softly. I want to reach out to her, but I’m interrupted by Jeremy.

He kneels before Nancy Bailey and takes her hands in his. I forgot Jeremy knows the Baileys. He’s trying to play the good guy. I now have one more reason to hate him. What is he trying to do anyway? Is he trying to worm his way back into her life? He should know he doesn’t have a chance. Mattie would never settle for someone like him. He can’t talk his way out of this. He can’t explain away sleeping with her best friend.

I try to subtly eavesdrop on their conversation. If he starts telling them lies, I know I’ll lose it. Scott, Mica, and Ayden have finally gone home, so there’s nothing to stop me. But I can hear Jeremy only comforting them, telling them how strong Mattie is and how she’ll be okay.

I take a deep, calming breath. I need to keep this anger under control. I don’t want to make things worse for Mattie. She doesn’t need any more drama, so I’ll just have to reel it in.

I haven’t slept in two days, and I can feel my body start to break down. I’m tired, hungry, and all I want to do is see Mattie. I’ve heard she is healing, that she’s physically doing much better, but how is she doing emotionally? I’ve considered sneaking into her room, but there’s always someone either in the waiting room or going in and out of her room.

I slink lower in my seat and put my head back against the hard, plastic chair. All my senses are sluggish. Even the harsh odors of antiseptic and stale perfume have diminished considerably, no longer bothering me. My eyes sweep the waiting room once again. The few seats with cushions have been taken. Earlier this morning, there was a four-car accident on northbound I-405. One of the cars was filled with teenagers on a joy ride after shooting up meth. I feel a combination of frustration and pity for the boy waiting by himself. His knees are shaking uncontrollably, and he has his hands stashed under each leg. The parents of the injured children stare at him with a mixture of anger and confusion, like how did he survive untouched? We all sit together,
each in our own version of hell.

My eyes close of their own accord, drifting down toward an uneasy sleep. I wake up a few minutes later to Scott shaking me, loudly asking if I’m awake.

“What the hell do you think? Man, I just fell asleep. Why are you waking me up?”

Scott grimaces and shrugs. “Sorry, I didn’t realize. I just wanted to find out how Mattie is doing.”

I can’t blame him. I chased the guys out yesterday, after they’d spent nearly twenty-four hours sitting on the world’s most uncomfortable chairs. I’ve been sending updates every few hours by text, but since my phone died, everyone’s been in the dark.

“She’s good. I haven’t seen her yet, they aren’t allowing anyone in unless their family. Luckily, I’ve been able to get some information from the nurses. They tell me she’s been up and had something to eat. They also said Mattie’s been very emotional, but she’s doing better. I hope to get in to see her today.”

Scott shakes his head. “I can’t believe all this. Do you know why this Sarah girl went bat-shit crazy on everyone?”

“Nope. I’m not asking Jeremy either. I seriously don’t
understand why he’s here. I’m sure Mattie will send him away once he gets in to see her.”

The door opens, and in walks the devil himself.

Jeremy tells everyone in the room, “Mattie isn’t ready to see anyone else today.”

I look at his face to try to detect if he’s lying. He looks me straight in the eyes, unwavering. I see a lot in his expression I don’t want to acknowledge.

There’s pain there. I can see it. I don’t want to acknowledge it though. The last thing I need or want right now is to feel bad for this guy, this jerk. He made his bed. He can’t undo his mistake.

There is one problem that keeps niggling at me though. Mattie still loves him. She won’t admit it, but I know she hasn’t been entirely successful with her efforts to pry Jeremy from her heart.

She’ll always have a past with him, but the one thing that comforts me whenever I look at him is knowing Mattie will never go back. He may love her, but she’ll never take him back.

It’s one of the things I love most about Mattie; she’s fierce in her convictions. She would never settle for a man who cheated. It’s that simple. I let out the breath I’d been holding.

Jeremy won’t be leaving with the girl. Mattie and I have just started, but I know we’ll have a great future together, filled with laughter, love, music, and someday, maybe even children.

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I never thought I’d be able to fall asleep sitting up in a plastic chair. But that’s exactly what I’ve done. Awakening to every muscle aching, along with my head, I stretch, trying to work out the kinks. I’ve been at the hospital now for three very long days. I don’t mind though. I want to make sure, that when Mattie needs me, I’ll be there for her.

It’s 6:00am, and the room is empty. My hands unconsciously rub my eyes as I take in my surroundings. I wonder why hospitals always have a fish tank in the waiting room. I look closer and see the token “Nemo” darting around the fake greenery, rocks, and house that apparently are supposed to be calming.

It’s not working. The muted colors and the beige and tan furniture are also not doing the trick. I just wish I could shake this feeling of dread. Mattie is just fine, they’ve told me numerous times. Nevertheless, until I see her myself, I won’t be able to relax.

A friendly nurse with the nametag Becca approaches me, “It’s Cade, right?”

I nod.

She smiles. “Follow me. Mattie would like to see you.”

I don’t think, I just pop up out of my seat. “Lead the way!”

I’m so excited to see her. I want to hold her and tell her everything is going to be okay. I know I can help her get over all this, the violence and the death. Jeremy.

As I enter the room I notice two things. One, she looks lovely, even in this sterile environment. She’s wearing a print hospital gown, hair tied back, her face scrubbed clean. My heart ratchets up a notch as I take her in. Even with the yellow bruises covering the right side of her face, she looks beautiful. The second thing I notice is her eyes are red, and tear-stained. I approach carefully, not knowing what to expect.

“Hey.” I know my greeting is lame, but I’m totally without words as I look at her. Relief spreads through me as I take her in. She’s alive, that’s all that matters.

I need to get a hold of myself. My self-control is waning. All I want to do is take her in my arms and tell her how I feel. I almost lost
her.

I approach her hospital bed slowly. I don’t want to pounce on her like my body and mind are telling me to do. I want to hold her so much, my arms are aching.

I ask, “Can I sit on the side of your bed?”

Her warm eyes welcome me as she responds. “Sure, have a seat.”

She gives a little pat next to her. I sit down beside her as she starts to tell me a story.

A story I do not want to hear. Please God, no. Please let this be a nightmare.

Jeremy did not cheat on Mattie. Sarah drugged him and set the whole thing up. As soon as the words leave Mattie’s mouth, I know what this means.

I can feel my body deflate as I lie next to her on the now cold hospital bed. Did I somehow feel or know this was going to happen? Is this why I’ve been filled with a sense of foreboding?

I close my eyes, trying to shut out the words. A dull, yet painful ache starts creeping up my spine, radiating out to every cell in my body. As the minutes tick by, the feelings become more intense.

My breath catches in my throat as a stream of unwanted emotions rush through me

The torrent of loss and agony storms through my mind, while I desperately hold onto denial, the only thing I have left. Who am I kidding? I’ve lost her. Dread and sadness are pulling me under, making it difficult to breathe

If Jeremy didn’t cheat on Mattie, I know, without a doubt, she’ll be returning to him. Jeremy will have Mattie back. My stomach roils as I contemplate that bastard having her. It’s irrational, I know, but I’ve despised that guy from the get go.

I want to leave, but I just can’t. My body feels like lead as I stroke her hair, catching her tears as they fall. She knows how I feel. I know she loves me, but she has a history with Jeremy. She loves him more. I’ve known this all along.

Damn, I’m so stupid. But could I really help it? As I gaze at her, probably for the last time, I know I don’t have a chance. I love everything about her, her smile, her laugh, her beauty – but not just the exterior beauty. It’s the person she is.

Hell, I probably fell in love with her the first weekend we met at the cabin in Verlot.

I need to get away. I can’t be next to her like this. It’s too painful.

I get up, but I still can’t leave the room, so I move to the window. I stare at the Seattle skyline for what seems like hours. I’m rooted to the floor, unable to leave. I know, when I go, that’s it. Mattie, or the dream of Mattie, will be gone forever.

I can feel part of my soul shattering – the pieces flying off, scattering into some empty void. My hopes and dreams for a life with Mattie have flown off with those pieces. I know I’ll never get them back. I’ll never get her back.

I continue to stay firmly planted, looking out the rain splattered window, yet seeing nothing. Finally, I decide it’s time to go. I remember suddenly our “Questions” game at the cabin. I told her I had never experienced heartbreak. I came close once in college, and it was enough to make me cautious. Now, here it is, smacking me right upside the head.

As I approach her bed, I notice Mattie furiously wiping away her tears. I reach out and take both of her hands. “Remember the first day we met?” Mattie silently nods.

“Remember the question you asked me? You asked if I’d ever
had my heart broken and I told you no. I’d like to change my answer.” I kiss both her hands. Mattie silently shakes her head no, not wanting to think she’s caused me pain.

Somehow, I make my way out the door, only to find Jeremy sitting there, staring at me from the waiting room. Shit. Now I really want to punch him. Looking at him intently, I notice he’s not gloating.

Well, that’s something. I make a decision then turn and walk in his direction. I sit in the chair directly in front of him. Jeremy sits up; his body language tells me he’s wary, cautious.

He should be. I still want to flatten him out on the floor. Instead, I tell him how I feel about Mattie. It’s hard, but I think he understands. I end the conversation with, “If you ever do anything to hurt her, ever, I will hunt you down and make you pay. And I will do it with pleasure. You got that?”

He nods, showing me he understands. He replies, “You have yourself a deal.”

I offer him my hand and we shake. I never thought that would happen.

Chapter 2

Laurel

August

I like my life as a music agent most of the time. Today, not so much. I’ve flown into SeaTac from my home base in LA, waited for two hours while they tried to locate my luggage, only to be informed politely it was lost. They’re searching in Boise, Idaho for some reason. I tried to explain I didn’t have a layover in Boise, but the manager gave me a pseudo-sympathetic look and went back to his computer.

I’m in Seattle. Well, almost. We still have a twenty minute drive to get to the downtown hotel where we’re staying. I look over at my assistant, Sophie, to make sure she’s hanging in there. She’s one of those people who think, every time she gets on a plane, she is undoubtedly experiencing her last moments on earth. She believes the plane most definitely is going to go down in a ball of flames. Sophie will repeat this in my ear in breathless terror numerous times throughout the flight. I still bring her, though, by the end of each flight, each of us is traumatized in a different way.

Once we’re out of the “deathtrap” and subsequent luggage debacle, we hail a taxi and make our way north. I’ve never been to Seattle before. It’s a surprise considering all the musical talent that has come out of this city. We arrive at our hotel and start to unpack. This will be a quick trip. My mission is to check out the band, Hard Reign, I’ve been hearing so much about. It’s commonly known they’ve been resistant to sign with an agent yet. I’m hoping tonight I can be the one to change their minds.

I really like Seattle, at least so far. The colors are rich, the air is fresh, and the natural beauty is abundant. But it’s the water that is most captivating. You can’t escape it; it’s around every corner and over every hill. And it isn’t just the Puget Sound either. It’s the lakes and rivers, streams and waterfalls. Before I leave town, I plan to hop on one of the ferries and make my way across the sound to one of the islands I’ve been hearing so much about.

First, I’ll have to see how tonight goes. I’ve heard it said the lead singer is the resistant one. It’s puzzling because I’ve researched him. He doesn’t have a wife or family to tie him down. I wonder what’s holding him back. I plan to watch and listen tonight. My mission will be to find out if they’re any good. If I like them, it’s my
job to convince the band to sign with me. I’ve flown up, risking life and limb according to Sophie, to accomplish this, so I’m hoping my trip will be worthwhile.

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Sophie and I arrive at the Emerald City Night Club early ‘ around 8:00 pm. I want to scope things out and watch the band interact before they begin to play. I make my way to the back corner bar and order a glass of white wine for me and a Dirty Mother for Sophie. I can’t believe she still has me order that drink for her. In college, it wasn’t so bad. But now? It’s embarrassing.