Unprotected (4 page)

“I found the nightmares quite comforting,” Jake said.

“We always bring out the clowns to remind Jacob that he’s just fine.” Trix filled water glasses from a large pitcher, brought over a basket of bread, and then motioned them to sit down. Amanda stood waiting to see where she was supposed to sit. Trix finally grabbed Amanda by the shoulder and said, “Why don’t you sit here, sweetie.”

“Thanks,” Amanda murmured. She took her cloth napkin and set it on her lap. Trix hovered over them, serving their tenderloin, vegetables, potatoes, and bread.

“Now I have some things to do, so you two enjoy your dinner,” and Trix escaped to her room before either of them could argue.

For the second time that day, Amanda stared at Jake, unable to find words. “She’s not going to eat with us?” she finally asked.

Jake shook his head and smiled. “Apparently not. I guess she wants this to be date night.”

Amanda let out a snort, then looked away quickly. She felt like an idiot. She kept acting like she didn’t want a date with him, when the only real problem was that she was too socially inept to know what to say. They ate quietly.

Trix must have sensed the tension because she came back out and started bustling in the kitchen again. “So Amanda … where do you live?”

She tensed at the question. Having no idea how much Jake had told her, she didn’t want to admit she lived in a trailer court on the opposite end of town. She also couldn’t lie, so she was vague. “Near the mall,” she finally said, and quickly added, “This dinner is wonderful.”

“I’m glad you like it … Maybe I’ll have a little something with you.” She brought out a plate and served herself full helpings of everything. “When my husband’s out of town I usually don’t cook. This time he’s been gone for so long I think I was happy to have the excuse.” She caught herself and was appalled. “Oh’ Jacob, I mean I wasn’t happy that you were in the hospital. Dear Lord what a thing to say.”

“Settle down, Mom. It’s fine.” Jake helped himself to another serving of pork, which his mother eyed carefully. “Are you still feeling okay, Jacob? You don’t want to make yourself sick again.”

Jacob seemed to have infinite patience for his mother, as even Amanda was starting to feel a little smothered by all her mothering. “Yes, Mom. They said it was probably something I ate, so my system should be clear of it by now. I can eat whatever I’m hungry for, and I want more of your delicious pork stuff.”

“Tenderloin, Jacob. You help yourself.” She watched him until his plate was completely full again, then she turned to Amanda. “Jacob told me you’re going to the U this fall. Do you know what you plan to study?”

Amanda chewed slowly to stall for time. This whole experience was a little intimidating, and Amanda didn’t want to admit to Trix that she was completely undecided about what to do with her life. College was just the next thing to do because she couldn’t imagine trying to hold any job other than Dairy Queen.

“I guess I want to spend a little more time looking into my options,” Amanda said.

“Undecided,” she said knowingly. “There’s nothing wrong with that, sweetheart. Don’t you apologize for it.” She ate small bites of everything, chewed fast, and swallowed with dainty sips of water. She reminded Amanda of a small, well-run machine the way she moved so efficiently.

“Um, what does your husband do?” Amanda asked, mostly to take the focus off herself.

“He’s in sales, bikes and equipment,” Trix said. “The company is located in Colorado, so he’s there for a good part of February and March to prepare for the big sales season, and then on and off the rest of the year depending on how things go. He’s home October and November almost all the time, so it seems to balance out, except that in the middle of winter I start to feel like a widow. I’m in sales too, you know, so we tend to be busy at the same times, which is nice.” Trix put another piece of pork on Amanda’s plate without asking, and served her more vegetables and bread. “I know you athletes have appetites, so don’t be shy about eating a big meal.”

Jake smiled at her, and she found herself smiling back. Amanda let out a sigh and tried to relax.

“I rented you two some movies,” Trix said, squeezing her knee. “I hope you’ll want to stick around for a while. Your mom won’t expect you back at the hospital tonight will she?”

Amanda didn’t know how much Jake had explained to Trix about her “situation.” Amanda put her head down and decided to be direct. “I think she’ll be too tired to see me tonight, but she’ll still be upset if I don’t call or something before she goes to sleep.”

“Is there anyone else who helps you?” Trix asked gently.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Amanda said quietly. “Helps us do what?”

It looked like Trix had tears in her eyes. Pity. There was always pity. Amanda looked away.

Trix gave Amanda a watery smile. “I was wondering if anyone helps you take care of your mom, but I can see she’s in very competent hands with you looking out for her all by yourself.” Trix rubbed Amanda’s back and then jumped up with their plates. “I hope you both saved room for pie!”

When they were both stuffed to the point of nausea, they tried to take their dessert plates to the kitchen, but Trix shooed them off. “Go check out those movies, you two.”

They both ambled off to the basement. Jake went to use the bathroom, so Amanda went to the TV and noticed that Trix had rented no less than seven movies. She had found something in just about every genre, including a musical, drama, thriller, and three romantic comedies.
Subtle
, Amanda thought. Amanda popped the thriller into the DVD, and then realized that she couldn’t figure out how to run the TV with all the remote controls and different boxes. She sat on the corner of the couch and waited for Jake to return.

Several minutes passed, and Trix came down the stairs. “He’s been in the bathroom a long time,” she announced. She went to the bathroom door. “Jacob, honey, are you sick again?”

Amanda could hear him respond quietly.

“Are you sure sweetie?”

“I’M FINE, BEATRICE. Go away.”

Trix turned to Amanda with a weak smile. “Obviously he wants me to back off.” She wrapped her arms around her shoulders, hugged herself and shuddered. “It’s hell having a sick child, Amanda. You can just never completely convince yourself that everything will be okay. You watch the tiniest things. He was eighteen years old and I was practically wiping his nose for him because he was so exhausted from all the treatments.” Amanda knew what she meant. Her mother weighed less than a hundred pounds, but Amanda used to panic whenever her mother complained of being cold because it was one of the first things that happened every time before she went to the hospital.

There was a flush, and Jacob walked out of the bathroom. Amanda and Trix both turned to look at him.

“I had to take a dump, Mom. I managed all by myself, and it looks like I’m going to live one more day.” It looked like he was finally irritated with her.

Trix nodded and looked down. She went to the thermostat and spent a moment adjusting it. “It’s chilly down here. I just want you to be comfortable.” She glanced at Amanda and said, “Enjoy your movies, kids.”

Jacob put his head down and sighed with his hands on his hips. “Just a second,” he said, following his mother upstairs. Amanda could hear her sniffle, and Jake talking quietly to her. He was back in less than a minute.

“I’m done with my little scene, Amanda. There will be no more ‘poor mom’ stuff tonight!” Trix shouted down the stairs. “You two want popcorn?”

“Mother!”

“Okay, I’m done. I’m going to bed. Good night, you two.”

Amanda settled into the corner of the couch comfortably. It was big and deep, and Amanda told herself not to fall asleep, as she easily could after a big meal and a long day. Jake threw her a blanket and turned the lights down. The TV was huge, and there were speakers all over the room.

“I have to say that with all my mom’s overbearing mothering, she knows how to spoil a late-adolescent boy. This home theater system is the best.” Jake was pushing buttons on different speakers and boxes to get the sound right. Amanda couldn’t tell what the difference was after he monkeyed with it for a while, but he seemed to think it was much better. He grabbed a pillow off the couch and sat on the floor, his back against the couch.

Amanda couldn’t remember the last time she felt so comfortable.

* * *

Contacts sticking to her eyelids.

Ouch.

Amanda sat up in the dark and tried to figure out where she was. She had a pillow from someone’s bed under her, and she was covered with two blankets. It was very dark, but she could see two digital clocks blinking 12:00 p.m. and several red lights from electronic equipment.

Jake’s house. His basement. She had fallen asleep on the couch. Amanda had no idea what time it was, but it felt and looked like the middle of the night. She got up quietly and looked around. The door to Jake’s room was open, and he was asleep in his bed. Suddenly a clock chimed upstairs, and Amanda counted the chimes and found it was 5:00 a.m.

Amanda found the bathroom and a small cup. Luckily, Jake also wore contacts, so she put hers into the cup and added some of his saline. She swished her mouth with water and scrubbed her teeth with some toothpaste on her finger.

Quietly turning the bathroom light back off, she padded back to the couch, sat down and tried to figure out what to do. She had spent the night at Jake’s house, on his couch. There was no one at home waiting for her. No real home to go to. Her mother was in the hospital, and the memory of the previous day came back to her, which began in the middle of last night in Jake’s hospital room. She had known him for just over twenty-four hours and now she was sleeping on his couch. Even worse, on his mother’s couch.

It was all just too weird. These unbelievably friendly and sincere people invited her to their home before they even knew her last name. Even more shocking was that it felt nice. Amanda almost felt her deep chasm of loneliness had been a tiny bit filled by their warmth. She thought she should feel awkward, but somehow it was okay to fall asleep here.

And since it was okay, she decided it would also be fine to go back to sleep for a few more hours. She snuggled back under her warm blankets and drifted back to sleep.

* * *

Amanda awoke to find Jake sitting in his spot on the floor eating French toast and sausage and watching TV. Before she could even sit up, Trix brought down a plate of breakfast for Amanda. They watched MTV and talked about music.

Amanda dragged herself away at almost noon, and she went straight to her mother’s room because she felt so guilty. Her mother was full of questions about where she was, and Amanda decided it was easier just to tell her the truth. Suspicion flickered in April’s eyes when Amanda explained where she was.

“What do you mean, you just ‘fell asleep’?” April was propped on two pillows wearing her pink “Live to Ride” t-shirt and cut off sweat pants. Her legs were so skinny that her knees looked almost bulbous connecting her bony thighs and calves, and she wore patchwork slippers that had been donated to the hospital by the ladies’ auxiliary.

“I don’t know what else to say. I had dinner, we watched a movie, and I fell asleep on the couch. His mom had already gone to bed, so I assume Jake finished watching the movie and went to bed later. When I woke up it was after 10:00 a.m. I ate a quick breakfast and came right here.” Amanda was sitting in the glider rocker in the corner of the room. Even though it didn’t have a chair pad, it was still very comfortable.

“Those are the clothes you were wearing yesterday.”

“I just told you I came right here, Mom.”

April leaned back and closed her eyes. She couldn’t seem to find the words for what bothered her so much about Amanda spending the night at Jake’s house, but Amanda knew exactly what the problem was. April wasn’t upset because her daughter had spent the night at a guy’s house, or that she was wearing the same clothes and the nurses might suspect something. She didn’t like that Amanda had somewhere
else
to go.

April finally just shook her head and changed the subject. “I’d like to go out today. Maybe stop at Wal-Mart and get some good socks.”

She wanted to tell her mother that she didn’t need socks, but there was no point. Going to Wal-Mart would be a long, involved activity that would require bathing, dressing, borrowing a wheelchair, getting in and out of the car … It would easily take the rest of the day. Amanda took a deep breath and braced for her mother’s response.

“I need to go home for a while, Mom. Why don’t you have a nurse help you get dressed, and I’ll pick you up around 2:00.”

April stared at Amanda. “Have another date?”

“I want to change clothes, Mom. I want a shower. I need to do a few things before I can spend the afternoon at Wal-Mart.” Amanda was just trying to be honest, but she knew this would not go over well.

“You know what, Amanda? Just forget it. Forget it. I don’t need socks. It’s a waste for me to get anything new anyway.” April turned away from Amanda and lay back down. “I’m tired anyway. Go take your shower, and I’ll see you at dinner if you’re not
too
busy.”

Amanda heard a familiar scream of frustration in the back of her mind. “I told you I would take you, Mom. Let’s just go.”

“You can’t go now, Amanda. You need your shower and your clean clothes. Forget it.” Her mother talked into her blanket. There was no winning this argument, and Amanda sensed that a trip out would be too much for her mom today anyway. She really was withering away before her eyes. Amanda saw that even sitting up in bed wore her out. She decided to let it go.

“I’ll see you in a couple hours, Mom,” Amanda said. She leaned forward and put her cheek next to her mom’s. April put her hand up and rubbed Amanda’s head.

By the time Amanda returned later that afternoon, her mother had forgotten the Wal-Mart argument. They had dinner together and watched
Entertainment Tonight
. April was asleep by 7:00 p.m.

Amanda left the hospital and drove around town. She needed to get a job, both to pass time and save some money for school. Even though her financial aid package included big government grants that paid for nearly everything, she would need money for her book bag, things for her dorm room, college apropriate clothes, and the like. She stopped at Dairy Queen to pick up an application and found Jake and his mom in line for blizzards. She couldn’t really call it a coincidence since Jake had mentioned that they often went out for ice cream at night.