Untrusting (Troubled) (10 page)

He wants to see the dogs to verify,
for the department, they’re being taken care of properly.  I give him a
tour and explain we’d had some wind damage from the storm, but it had been
taken care of the first day.  He’s happy with the information and hands me
an envelope.  I hand him the reports in a manila envelope.  Maria
copied the charts while I showed him around, correlated the chart copies with
the statements and packaged them.  She’s a gem.  I couldn’t have done
it without her.

The court date is Wednesday of next
week and the defense attorney needs the information on the dogs to get the
conviction.  The officer said I wouldn’t have to be there unless something
changed.  When the officer left, I open the envelope to find a check for the
dogs care in the amount of five thousand dollars.

Steve and Bob spoke with the
Patrolman and the owners of the puppy farm are going to be charged with
Involuntary Manslaughter, too.  They’d insisted the dogs be delivered in a
short period of time, not allowing the driver to sleep and breaking the laws
for commercial transports.  Steve and Bob put Maria and I into bear hugs,
during our talk and kiss us hello when we finish talking.

I go out back to find three students
cleaning the yard.  That explains why the dogs are inside and the door’s
closed.  Steve and Bob had corralled the dogs so the students could
work.  They have half the yard done when I offer them something to
drink.  They accept and I show them where the refrigerator is so they can
get it.  I’d forgotten to get the gift certificates from Mister Sal’s so
Steve drives me over.  A small pizza is ten dollars so I get three
certificates in that amount.  When we get back to the office the kids are
close to finishing and Maria’s closing up.  Miss Lili insists we come to
her house for supper tonight.  Maria and I agree, but we feel
pressured.  After the kids get through, I give them the certificates and
they’re very happy for my gratitude.  Unfortunately, as soon as they leave
I have to let the dogs out again.  Steve stays to help.

I’d wanted to go the Burger Barn
for a quiet burger then back to let the dogs out and home to bed.  It’s
been a hectic day and I suspect Monday will be just as bad, if not worse. 
I’m feeling tired and cranky and don’t want to go to Miss Lili’s.  Steve
notices I’m standoffish and asks why.  I tell him the truth.  He
understands, but asks me to indulge Lili this time.  He’ll try to run
interference in the future.  He says Miss Lili wants to talk to us about
the reservations and delivering the flyers tomorrow to the other towns.

 I tell him I’m too tired to
be of any help tonight.  He understands and will “take notes” so he can
fill me in later.  We corral the dogs and go to supper.  Supper’s
very good, but Miss Lili is wearing me out talking about all the work that’s
left to do.  She wants Maria and I should go with the “boys” tomorrow to
hand out the flyers.  Maria and I make excuses so we don’t have to
go.  The guys are a little confused as to why we can’t, or won’t, go with
them.  Shay finally complains he’s tired and Maria goes home, Bob follows
soon after.  I tell Miss Lili I have to get back to the office to check
things out.  The office was so busy today I forgot to do some things.

Steve takes me back to the
office.  “You look frazzled.  What’d ya forget?  I’ll help ya.”

Now I have to find something to do
to keep from being a liar.  “I need to take inventory of the
supplies.  I haven’t been able to order anything the last two weeks, because
of the storm and the carnival.  I realize the carnival is partially
Maria’s and my idea, but Miss Lili has blown it all outta proportion.  I
understand how it happened, but now the office is ‘carnival central’ as well as
a clinic.”  That wasn’t nice of me, so I change my tone, “I’m tired and
cranky from lack of sleep, so don’t pay any attention to me.  As for
tomorrow, I have the dogs to let out; laundry that hasn’t been done for two
weeks; a house that needs to be cleaned and a horse I haven’t ridden.  I
need to take care of things at home, as well as here.  You understand,
don’t ya?”

He nods, “But I could help with
those things and you could still go with me tomorrow.  I want to spend
some time with ya without a lot of distractions.”

“And what happens if I fall
asleep.  Steve, I really haven’t had a minute to myself for two
weeks.  I love spending time with ya, but I have a lot I still have to do
for the clinic and so I can wear clean clothes next week.  Don’t be
upset.  Why don’t ya come out for supper, I’ll ask Maria or someone to put
the dogs out tomorrow night.  Maybe we can go riding, if I can get things
done so I have time.”

Steve comes to hug me and, quickly,
kisses me.  “Let’s get the office taken care of so you have more time
tomorrow and maybe you should sleep in.  I’ll let the dogs out tomorrow
morning then you can let them out at noon and, maybe, Maria can let them out
tomorrow night.  Or we could come in to let them out then go back to your
place.  Whatever needs to be done, I’ll help.”

“That sounds great.”  I kiss
him, quickly, hand him a pencil and the inventory list and tell him to follow
me.  I count, he writes it down.  We let the dogs out, and clean the
kennel room.  Then we look at the receipts and the checks and organize
them to be put on the books, at home, Sunday.  Steve sees I’m behind in my
work and apologizes for his grandmother.

“I thought she was helping, freeing
up time for ya to do some of these things.  I guess she was taking more
time than she was giving.”  Steve’s concerned he’ll have to tell Lili she
needs to stay away from the office more.

“She was helping, but after the
accident and the storm, things have gotten behind.  My attention has been
everywhere but on the administration of the office.  I’ve been trying to
keep up with the newsletter, the things H.P. needs, Miss Lili, you and me, and
still take care of the dogs and appointments.  That’s a lot for Maria and
me to keep up with.”  We walk out back to check on the dogs.

“I was afraid Grams would take
things too far.  She’s a dear, but, sometimes, she needs to be hog
tied.  Unfortunately, she drags those she cares about and who care about
her, into the middle of a whirlpool and things get hard to keep up with, mostly
Grams.  But she wants so much to help those who’re having problems that
she doesn’t consider those who’re helping her.”  He hugs and kisses me and
as tired as I am, I can’t help responding.  He didn’t bring Chief this
time.

The kiss progresses and his hands
are moving over me.  He’s doing things that’re taking me into areas I’ve
never been before.  His hand, under my shirt, comes up my back and he
gently squeezes the muscles there.  His hands are warm causing a
relaxation of the muscles, allowing the sensations they’re giving to spread the
lightening storm in my stomach to much lower.  The kiss becomes frantic,
making it hard to breathe.  He strokes my back firmly ‘til I can’t breathe
at all and the lightening in my abdomen is beginning to flame.  He brings
his hands around to my breasts sending shocks through me.  I’m holding on
tightly, feeling like I’m going to fall from the alternating waves of
lightening and shocks.  He moves his head down to nuzzle my breasts and
slips his hands inside the back of my jeans to pull me tighter to him.

I can feel his excitement in his
hands, his kisses, in his shaking, and tight muscles.  He brings his head
and hands up and groans.  He whispers my name into my neck and steps away
from me so fast I sway, unbalanced.  He walks away from me and I’m left to
catch my balance and breath, and wonder what happened.  He keeps his back
to me and I stand there settling back to earth and not liking it.  After a
few minutes, forever, or so it seems, he turns and comes back to me. 
“Sher, I’m sorry, I got outta hand.  I don’t want to take advantage of ya
while you’re tired.  Let’s get the dogs in and you go home and get some
sleep.”

“Steve, it’s okay.  I let it
get outta hand, too.  I’ve never felt anything like that before and it
just, sorta, took over.  I’m sorry, too.”  He looks at me, comes over
to hug me, but doesn’t kiss me again.

“Looks like the dogs went in
without us.”  I look around and he’s right, we’re the only ones left in
the yard.  I laugh, he chuckles and we go in to shut the kennels.  We
close and lock everything up and Steve walks me to my truck.  “If I’m
going to let the dogs out in the morning, I’ll need a key.”  I give him a
key and he gives me a long, restrained, goodnight kiss.  He walks,
quickly, to his truck and we both leave.

I go home, shower, turn the alarm
off and get in bed.  I lay there trying to figure out if I’d done
something wrong.  I fall asleep before I have an answer.

After I leave Sher, I drive out to
the falls, parking below the bluff.  I need some time to…I don’t know what
I need to do.  She felt so good.  Her cool skin under my hands was
almost too much for me to give up.  I’ve never experienced anything
so…intense.  I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop next time.  She was
tired tonight and vulnerable, I could’ve continued, but she might regret it
later.  I wouldn’t be able to face her regret and not be sorry I’d let it
go that far.  We need more time.  But she’s so responsive and I want
her, too much.  I was kidding when I made the crack about “burning up the
sheets,” but after tonight, I’m not so sure we wouldn’t.  I hope she’s not
playing games with me.

The knock on the window next to my
head, makes me jump, I hadn’t heard anyone come up.  I look and it’s
Bob.  I roll the window down and he wants to know where my head is. 
I tell him, Sher.  “Wanna talk?  I got girl troubles, too.”  He
goes around to the passenger side and gets in.

“What’s the problem with
Maria?  I thought you were crazy about her.”  I’m not ready to talk
about my problems.

“I am, but I’m not sure she’s as
crazy about me.  We get to a point of takin’ it one step further and Maria
backs off.  I don’t understand.  I know she has a past and we talked
about it.  She says she knows I’m not like her ex, she can tell from the
way I treat people.  But she has some kinda wall tellin’ her she can’t
trust herself and her instincts.  I don’t get it.”

“Women have a way of sayin’ things
that don’t make sense to us, but then they have the same problem with us, I’m
told.  Sher said Maria was in the hospital for a week after the beatin’
her husband gave her for gettin’ pregnant.  That’s a bad beatin’ and not
easily forgotten for someone as gentle as Maria.  Sher didn’t say anything
about broken bones or anything like that, but she did say Maria was confined to
bed rest for a long time after she got outta the hospital.  That’s a lotta
time to think and a lot to handle alone.  She had to testify against her
husband then divorce him.  She had to listen to him curse her for gettin’
pregnant and makin’ him beat her.  She had to have some mental issues come
into play to shield herself from all that.  If you care about her, she’ll
come around.  Just be patient and give her and you time for her to do
that.  I suspect you won’t be sorry ya did.”

“Good advice.  I’ll try to
remember it when I feel like Gibraltar is sitting on my gut and
shoulders.  I’d like to get my hands on her ex.  He needs to be torn
apart and buried in a dozen different places.  How about you and your
‘Gibraltar’?”

“I’m havin’ trouble keepin’ things
low key.  Every time I kiss her, it’s like we’re swallowed up.  It’s
that powerful, but I don’t want to push things when I’m afraid she’ll regret it
later.  She responds, but it’s too soon for her and she’s told me so. 
And I don’t wanna push her so she reluctant to give us a chance.  The next
step may not be mine.  Ya know?”

“Yeah.  It’s tough when women
have pasts that cause them not to trust.  The next man has to work twice a
hard to prove they’re trustworthy.  I think that’s our problem.  We’re
already in love with ‘em, but they aren’t able to love as easily.  Do ya
love Sher?”

“Love?  Hadn’t thought about
it.  I know I want her every time I see her and I can’t stop it. But she’s
conditioned to men that are only after sex, so I have to keep my hands to
myself, when I can, ‘til she responds to me, not lust.  What about you?”

“I have the same problem, but I
think I’m in love with Maria.  I must be, she frustrates me so much and
not just sexually.  I want her to see me for me and not like she sees the
other guys.  I want to marry her and not just to have sex with her, though
that would be a great perk.”  We chuckle.

“If y’all were having sex and Shay
walked in, what would that do to him?”

“I hadn’t thought about it from his
perspective.  He might think I was gonna be his Daddy and then when I’m
not there the next night he might think…a lotta things.  It could mess up
our friendship and when he got older he might think badly of Maria, too. 
That’s not something I want to happen, even if Maria and I don’t work
out.  I don’t want to do that to him, or her.  I see what you mean,
I’ve gotta back off, for all our sakes.”  We sat quietly for a few
minutes. “You need to talk some more?”

“No.  I was just out here to
take some time to talk myself into something.  Didn’t have a clue what and
still don’t.  I’m ready to go home, how about you?”

“Yep.  Thanks for the talk,
see ya at home.”  Bob gets out and goes to his truck on the other side of
the tree.  I can’t believe I didn’t hear him drive up.  Sher must
have me in more knots than I thought.

I start my truck and follow Bob
home.  I have to meet Sher at her place tomorrow.  We’ll be alone. 
Can I control myself and her?  Good question, but I don’t have an answer.

Maria calls at ten, waking me
up.  She’s got guy problems.  We talk and finally I ask her to come
over for supper, tonight, with Steve and me, and if Bob’s around, he can come,
too.  That should postpone any guy problems either one of us might have. 
We can enjoy the afternoon with them without having to fight ourselves. 
She’s all for it.  We plan the menu for supper and hang up.