URBAN: Chosen By A Kingpin (9 page)

Momma wasn’t really a fan of Markus’ daddy. Said that he was too much of a gangbanger. She would go on a rant forever about how my daddy was the same way and she had already learned her lesson.

“That boy is gon’ end up just like him. Probably in jail before he even finish high school. That’s how all these lil’ hood rats end up. Damn shame.” She would say.

I would try and tell her that Markus was different. In the few years that we had known each other he had stayed away from most of the dealing and stuff. His daddy’s crew would follow him around from time to time as a precaution but he wasn’t wrapped up in it, at least that’s what he told me. I chose to believe him because of course I was in love with him. I would do anything for Markus and I would defend him ‘till the day I died. I wanted to be his ride or die chick but I knew Momma wouldn’t let me.

“He’s not like that, Momma. He’s fine. We always play basketball and stuff. He’s not like his daddy. He don’t got a crew, he don’t sell, he just go to school with me and come home.” I protested.

“Girl, please. Don’t try to tell me I’m wrong. I’m right and I know it. Now get your little behind in the shower and go to bed. You got school tomorrow.”

Night time was the worse. I could never wait until school the next morning. I didn’t like school because I was learning and shit, I liked school because I could see Markus. I would always hang out with him and his boys during recess, which is probably why they thought we were dating. Girls didn’t usually hang with the guys unless they were dating. They would get teased for being annoying or some dumb shit like that. I always stepped to his friends anyway so they knew not to mess with me. Markus would always defend me anyway especially if I told him to. He knew if he didn’t that I would get mad at him and he never wanted to be on my bad side.

That night when I was laying in bed I heard someone out my window. It woke me up instantly and I was ready to scream for Momma to get her gun but I saw that smug smile against the gate and I knew who it was. Quietly, I got out of bed so Momma wouldn’t hear me moving and crept towards my window.

“What you doin’ here? Momma will kill you if she finds out you at my window this late.” I whispered.

Markus laughed. “Then you gotta keep that big mouth of yours shut. I just wanted to chill with you. I couldn’t sleep.” He sat back on the fire escape as i sat on my window sill so we could face each other.

“So you walked across the street and climbed up the fire escape just to bother me, hmm?”

“You know I ain’t bothering you. Besides I wanted to ask you something…”

“Ask me something? Like what? It better not be to borrow any money!” I said jokingly.

Markus shook his head. “Nah, it ain’t that. I was wondering…like you know how my boys always be saying that we together and shit like that?”

“Yeah, what about it?” I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, hoping and praying that I knew what was about to come out of his mouth next.

“You wanna like…be my girl, fo’ real? They always talking about it so i figured we could just make it official or something.” His deep brown eyes turned away. It was so cute how shy he was being. Dudes always had to be all hard when they were out in the streets but get them around a girl and they would become nothing but jello.

I reached through the window gate and took his hand in mine. “You so stupid, you know that? I’ve pretty much been yo’ girl since we were eight. You better recognize, homie. Step yo’ game up.”

He smiled at me and laughed. “Man, shut up. I can leave yo’ ass right here. I don’t
gotta
be yo’ man.”

“But I want you to be.”

Ohhhh, I was so damn smooth. I knew he couldn’t resist that shit. And i was finally gonna get what I had been wanting all these years. Markus moved closer to the gate puckering his lips just a little bit. When my lips met his it was like heaven. Soft, sensual, light, and still a little nerve wracking. This was my first kiss, my best friend and I were kissing, becoming one. Markus was mine and no one could take him away from me. Well that was what I thought. But I was wrong. So, so wrong.

***

It seemed like the very next day that Markus disappeared. But I knew where he was going. There was no doubt about that. He hadn’t been in school that day, which made me worry. Something was up. Markus would usually tell me if he was going to miss school or something. But I hadn’t heard anything from him. When I walked home from school that day I saw what seemed like the whole block gathered around Markus’ apartment building. Police were there, i could see the flashing lights shine across everyone’s confused faces. I pushed my way through the crowd trying to see what was going on. I prayed the Lord would forgive me for thinking it, but I hoped that they were taking away Markus’ daddy and not him.

“Tamina! Get over here!” I whirled my head around to see my mother on the stoop, waiting for me. Her face said that she knew something I didn’t know and my fears became a reality.

Two cops came out of the building with Markus between them. My world seemed to stop right then. I could barely hear what was going on around me. Everything seemed to be in slow motion. When Markus looked at me, my heart broke. It couldn’t be true. Markus wasn’t like the other guys. He knew better. At least I thought he knew better. I couldn’t bare to see them shove him into the squad car and instead I turned away and ran into the house. Momma tried stopping me but I ignored her, not caring if she would make me regret it later. I ran into my room and slammed the door shut before throwing myself on my bed. Outside I could hear Momma yelling about slamming door in her house but I didn’t care. I would take a beating over the feeling of losing Markus.

I tried to make sense of what was going on but I didn’t know what the hell was happening. I was with Markus all the time! How could he even find time to do illegal shit? I guess…I guess he wasn’t no different than every other dude on the block. The police sirens started again signaling that they were taking him away. It was done and over with. Who knew when I would see Markus again—
if
I would see Markus again.

Momma didn’t bother to knock on my door before coming in. “C’mon girl. You don’t got time to be sulking over that boy. I told you this was going to happen. Momma is always right.”

I kept my mouth shut, knowing that if I said anything I would be disrespectful. I would be in lockdown myself if that happened. A few moments of silence passed between us before I felt my bed sink down with Momma’s weight.

“Look, I ain’t raise no fool now. I know you cared about him and it’s hard for you to see him go but that’s the life these boys live nowadays. He may be a friend to your face but he could be a whole different person when he’s with his boys. It’s gonna be hard but you gotta keep goin’ with your life, understand?” I felt her hand pet my hair back and she kissed my head. “I love you baby girl. I know I’m tough on you sometimes but it’s only because I want the best for you.”

“I know…” I whispered. I did know Momma was trying to comfort me in her own way but I didn’t want to hear it. I was blinded by what just happened. It was all I could think about. For the past few years my life had been revolving around Markus. I didn’t even think about it like that until now. I did everything for him and this is what he does? Now I was just mad as all hell. How the
fuck
could he do this to me? “He was lying to me, Ma! He said he wasn’t like them! He made me believe that he wasn’t like them! I spent all that damn time hanging with Markus and he go and do this to
me
?! I…I hope his ass rot in there!”

Momma just laughed a little bit. “You gon’ be mad for a little bit but you might be sad soon too. Just take it a day at a time. Focus on yo’ school work and just do you, baby girl. I’m gon’ get started on dinner soon, ok?”

I nodded and let Momma leave me behind to sulk in my room. Markus betrayed me. He did me wrong and I ain’t want no part of it no more.

***

All of that was years ago. About five years ago to be exact. And all that time Markus had been locked away. I hadn’t seen him at all and hadn’t heard much from him either. I think his Daddy got locked up a few months after him but I didn’t really pay attention. A lot more cops were coming around our block back then and everything just blurred together. People came and went. People died. We all moved on. I graduated High School and was already in my third year of college. Momma made me go to school even though I wanted to be a hair stylist like she was. Even though she loved doing hair she said it wasn’t no life for me. So I decided to become a social worker for kids. It was hard as hell and I always had to be stuck in my room doing homework. I hated it. There was only a few times that I could go out and hang with my girls. This weekend was one of those times.

I was counting down the days and finally Friday night came around. My friend Kayla and roommate Amani was at our apartment trying to help me figure out what the hell I was gonna wear for tonight. “I need to be looking HOT. Like hot as hell.” I said as they pulled a bunch of clothes out from my closet.

“Girl, we know. We ain’t gonna let you go outside lookin’ like no busted heffa. Calm down.” Amani said. She was my friend from high school and moved on to work at Momma’s salon. I spent more time over there after
he
left because I needed to get my mind off things. Amani helped me a lot. We went everywhere together and she became like a sister to me. She was my rock now. I watched her long braids sway back and forth as Kayla held up pieces together.

“Why do you have to be so picky? You know Tamina would look great in anything!” Kayla said. Her arms were probably getting tired already. She was a small little white girl from Upstate New York that came to a city school to get away from her family or something. She was in most of my classes and was really smart. She helped me study for tests while I helped her learn how to get turnt and be fun for once. Her family kept her all ‘poised and proper’ or whatever her family would say. Amani didn’t like her much but I made them try and get along. They were really the only two people—other than Momma—that I had. I would much rather have them get along then try to kill each other.

“Uh, excuse you. We need Tamina to get a man! She been stuck in those damn books for too long. She need somebody to give her some good lovin’!” Amani thrust her hips forward as if she was humpin’ the damn air.

“That’s where you wrong. I don’t need no man. Never had, never will.” I told her.

“What you a lesbian now? With little Miss Barbie?” was Amani’s response.

“What? No! What the hell?! Just ‘cause I don’t
need
a man, don’t mean that I don’t
want
a man. I just have more important things to do now than to worry about some trifflin’ thug that I ain’t got time for. Like you said I need to get a man, not a boy, okay??”

“That’s true,” Kayla laughed. “I see some of those boys around her and they aren’t really anything to look at. I think it’d be great if Tamina would date someone we went to school with. At least he would be doing something more positive with his life.”

“You testing my patience. You think ghetto dudes ain’t good enough for her? Is that it? You want her to date some white boy?” Amani tossed her braid over her shoulder and gave Kayla a dirty look. I stepped between them before Amani would try and snatch Kayla’s blonde clip in’s out her head.

“Girl, Kayla’s right. I got bills to pay. Them dudes ‘round the block got the same ol’ tired lines and just want something to put they dicks in. I don’t got no time for that. I want something real.”

Amani stayed quiet for a little bit. “Yeah, you right, you right. That is true.”

Kayla seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. I looked into my closet and pulled out my favorite tight black dress. It was the perfect dress to get down in and It made my ass look so damn good. “Now ladies, this is the one. Tits gon’ be up, ass gon’ be out. And we gon’ party!!”

“Oh yeah! I like that one.” They both said, finally agreeing on something. I didn’t want to mention that I had no clue what shoes to wear or else they would start arguing again. I would just figure something out when I started my makeup.

Amani went to work on making nice little curls in my hair. She couldn’t even deny doing Kayla’s hair either. Her blonde straight hair was new territory and Amani loved experimenting with new looks and shit. She was gonna hook Kayla up and really give her family something to clutch their pearls at. It took us a while before we were all satisfied with the looks we were rockin’. I had chosen to wear gold heeled boots with my dress and matched my makeup with it. I was sparkly and feelin’ myself from head to toe. I was ready to let loose and forget all about school. The girls and I got a cab to pick us up ‘cause there was no way we were gonna take the train and come out smelling like piss and hobos or some shit. I ain’t want to get my outfit dirty either. Even though the damn ride cost so much we split it and hoped that we had enough left over to actually get into the club. We were banking on guys to buy us drinks and we were damn sure we looked good enough to get a whole lot of drinks that night.

The music was shaking the walls already. We could hear it from the outside but when we actually got it it seemed like our ears were about to bust. People were packed so tight that it was hard to even walk anyway but it was bumpin’. Kayla, Amani and I held hands so we wouldn’t lose each other as we walked to the bar. Getting them seemed like such a relief that we hoped someone would buy us some drinks soon. But Kayla didn’t want to wait that long. She got out her credit card and ordered us all some shots. It was the right way to start the night.

The three of us clanked our shot glasses together before tossing the burning vodka down our throats. I always hated doing vodka shots but I didn’t care. I held it down and made my way to the dance floor. The jams were good and I was ready for my feet to hurt. Kayla and Amani danced around me and even danced with me. It was the most fun I had in awhile. At least an hour later we decided to break. A shitty song was on so we took the time to head back to the bar and cool down. I could feel the sweat across my brow and wanted to go to the bathroom to clean up a bit. I did not want to look like a hot mess. I told the girls that I would be right back and headed into the crowd towards the restrooms.