Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century (20 page)

Once our understanding and awareness of something has expanded, it stays expanded. We can’t shrink our consciousness by unthinking the thoughts that caused it to grow. Now that you are aware of the totality of possibilities of orgasm, there is no going back to your old, more limited view. So let’s keep going. Dive with me into the next chapter of infinite ecstatic possibilities: breath and energy orgasms.

When I decided I wanted to wear a permanent symbol of my commitment to my Tantric path, I knew I had to go to my friend Pat. When Pat Sinatra tattoos you, it’s an erotic healing experience. The tattoo we created was a woman standing on a coiled cobra holding a thousand-petaled lotus. Despite Pat’s advice that tattooing over bone was some fresh new kind of hell, I resisted all her attempts to place the tattoo on the muscle above my ankle bone. I insisted it had to go directly on my ankle. Pat began inking the tattoo. She was right. Tattooing over bone was a bitch. As she did all the fine-needled black work—the outline and the bottom of the snake—I tried to find a way to breathe to help me cope with the pain. Pat works fast, and before long, I’d found a breath and she’d finished the outline. Now for the colors—Pat worked in one color ink at a time, and we agreed that I would breathe in the meaning of the chakra that corresponded to whatever color she’d be using. We began with red, the root chakra. It was right on the ankle bone and it felt like hammered fire. I began breathing a variation of the Circular Breath I regularly used to circulate sexual energy. Gradually, the pain started to go away! I started feeling quite floaty and I began to giggle. The giggle became a laugh. A huge ball of energy rolled up my leg, up my abdomen, and burst out of my heart in an explosion of joy. It was a spontaneous release of all the tension that had been accumulating in my ankle.
“Okay
, that’s the first chakra,” Pat said, finishing the red.

“Was it good for you?’ I giggled. “That was amazing. I wonder if I can do that again?”

“Let’s try,” she grinned. “Here comes orange for the second chakra.”

I kept breathing. To my astonishment, every chakra color Pat tattooed produced another energy orgasm. Some of them felt like they were centered in the chakra we were focusing on; others did not. Some were quiet; some were screamgasms. They were all fabulous! Other people enjoyed them, too. When another tattoo artist finished with her client, the two of them joined us, playing music and breathing with me. It was one totally incredible ritual and one miraculous afternoon. I was stoned on the energy until late that night when I fell into a most blissfully peaceful sleep.

What’s So Special about Breath and Energy Orgasms?

As a child, my biggest thrill was doing whatever it was that people said I could not do. If someone told me that I couldn’t take my bicycle apart and put it back together again, I’d have it in pieces in the driveway within the next hour and back together again by lunchtime. So, when someone told me it’s not possible to have a real orgasm just by breathing, I wanted to prove otherwise. Never has proving something been so enjoyable! I simply adore breath and energy orgasms. They have given me hours of profound healing and insight, as well as some of the most fun I’ve ever had. They give me gigglegasms, angergasms, crygasms, and blissgasms. They clean out old emotional gunk and make me feel rested and new. They make me feel centered, expansive, and powerful. I have used them to stop smoking, to heal the pain of loss, to grieve the deaths of loved ones, and to visualize new career paths. I have breathed my way to orgasm as physical prayer, and as a group alternative to a round of martinis at a boring cocktail party. I have done breath and energy orgasms alone, with partners, and in groups. The possibilities are endless.

The Firebreath Orgasm

Although its name is similar to the Breath of Fire, the Firebreath Orgasm is a completely different breath process. The Firebreath Orgasm was so named by Harley Swiftdeer, Cherokee medicine man, activist, and teacher; but variations of this technique are found in all sexually knowledgeable and sex-positive cultures of the past, such as the Tantrists and Taoists, as well as in the modern therapy work of Wilhelm Reich and Alexander Lowen. This technique can be a deeply healing and enlightening sexual meditation, producing waves of tingly sexual pleasure that surge through every part of the body. You may experience profound relaxation and powerful insights about your life or life in general. You may feel reborn. You will almost certainly discover a deeply meaningful thread running through breath, emotion, energy, and pleasure.

BEFORE YOU BEGIN

Here are some pointers to keep in mind before you attempt the Firebreath Orgasm.

* You may want to practice with a friend who can read the instructions to you; or, you can read the instructions into a tape recorder and play them back.

* The Firebreath Orgasm can be done as a conscious quickie in about twenty minutes. However, the first few times you try it, you may want to allow more time.

* Drop your expectations—the good ones and the bad ones. If you are thinking that this will never work for you, or that it will be the most profound experience you’ve ever had, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Keep your mind focused on your breath and on what you are feeling in the present moment, not what could happen in the future.

* People respond differently to breath and energy orgasm techniques, and it may take a while for you to feel the “orgasm” part. For example, I was swept away in waves of pleasure the first time I did the Firebreath Orgasm, but it took months of practice to feel the bliss of another technique, called the Clench and Hold (discussed later in this chapter). My friend Annie’s experience was exactly the reverse. Be patient with yourself.

* The Firebreath Orgasm is a powerful process. It can produce feelings of great intensity, including feelings of anger or sadness. This is completely normal. If it happens, just keep breathing through any unpleasant feelings that come up. These are not feelings you have to sit in and process for months before you get to the pleasure. They are simply emotions that come up to be cleared out. Allow them, but do not get lost in them. Keep your intention on pleasure. Think of the negative feelings as small clouds in an endless blue sky of pleasure, and simply watch them pass by.

* You may feel a pleasant tingling sensation in your hands, face, or feet. This yummy tingling may spread throughout your whole body. Occasionally, the tingling may intensify into a tight, cramping feeling, typically in your hands or lips. This is not dangerous, although it can feel a bit weird. Slow your breathing down and try to relax. The cramping will pass. The cramping appears to be the result of stress or tension in combination with the presence of increased oxygen in the body. I think of it as the conflict that results when the body tries to hang on to tension at the same time the breath tries to release it. The more breath work you do, the less likely you’ll experience cramping.

* The Firebreath Orgasm is a chakra-oriented meditation. You will be breathing into each chakra. As you do so, you may want to meditate on the color or affirmations appropriate to each chakra. This can be very healing and will help you keep your focus.

* You’ll be breathing energy up your body in circles. When the energy reaches your upper chakras, it will start to do you instead of you doing it. Simply enjoy it, and
keep breathing!

* I’m going to show you two ways to do the Firebreath Orgasm. Many people find the simplified version just as effective as the full version, and easier to do. I suggest you read both before trying either. Then try the version that seems the most appropriate for you.

The Firebreath Orgasm: The Full Version

1. Lie comfortably on your back, with your knees up and your feet flat on the floor. Keep your spine straight. Don’t use a pillow.
   
2. Relax your jaw. Yawn. Keep the back of your throat open.
   
3. Breathe in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. If you’re not comfortable breathing in through your nose, feel free to breathe in and out through your mouth. The important thing is to take in as much air as possible in a relaxed manner.
   
4. Think of your breath as a circle, with no pause between the inhale and the exhale. Don’t force the exhale.
   
5. As you inhale, let your belly fill up like a balloon. As you exhale, flatten your lower back to the ground. This rocking motion helps to move sexual energy.
   
6. Add Kegels (see
   chapter 7
   ). Most people like to squeeze on the exhale, but do what feels right for you.
   
7. Now, use your mind and your breath to pull energy into your perineum (the area between your genitals and your anus—a.k.a. the root chakra). Remember, energy easily follows thought. You do not have to push and pull the energy; all you have to do is focus on the chakra you are breathing into, and the breath will follow. You may find it helpful to place your hands on the chakra into which you are breathing.
   
8. Now, inhale your energy up to the sex center (lower belly, at the second chakra).
   

   

   First chakra to second chakra
   

9. Exhale, circulating the energy back down to the perineum. Continue until your sex center feels charged up, lit up, bigger, or more alive. Trust yourself; you’ll know when it is charged. You will feel that you’re ready to move on, or as if the energy is moving up by itself.
   

   

   First chakra to third chakra
   

10. Now enlarge the circle. Breathe energy between your perineum (first chakra) and your solar plexus (third chakra). It’s located below your diaphragm and above your belly button. Keep rocking and Kegeling. Continue until this area is well charged up.
    
11. Now reduce the circle, circulating energy from your sex center (second chakra) to solar plexus center (third chakra).
    

    

    Second chakra to third chakra
    

12. Keep breathing! By now you may (or may not) be feeling some of the physical or emotional effects of the Firebreath Orgasm.
    
13. Enlarge the circle so that you are breathing the energy between your sex center (second chakra) and your heart (fourth chakra). When that feels complete, reduce the circle so that energy is circulating between your solar plexus (third chakra) and heart center (fourth chakra).
    

    

    Second chakra to fourth chakra
    

    

    Third chakra to fourth chakra
    

14. Are you seeing the pattern here? The next circle is from your solar plexus (third chakra) to your throat (fifth chakra), followed by a smaller circle between your heart (fourth chakra) and your throat (fifth chakra). By the time the energy reaches your throat, you’ll probably want to make some sounds. If sighs or sounds haven’t happened naturally yet, it’s important to vocalize them at this point. It will help the energy move up.
    

    

    Third chakra to fifth chakra
    

    

    Fourth chakra to fifth chakra
    

15. By now, the energy may or may not be moving up the chakras on its own. If it is, just keep breathing the connected breath; you can stop visualizing the circles. If the energy is not yet moving on its own, your next circle is from the heart (fourth chakra) to the third eye (the middle of your forehead—the sixth chakra), followed by a smaller circle between the throat (fifth chakra) and third eye (sixth chakra). Roll your eyes up (while closed) as though you can see out the top of your head; it will help the energy rise.
    

    

    Fourth chakra to sixth chakra
    

    

    Fifth chakra to sixth chakra
    

16. The next circle is from the throat (fifth chakra) to the crown (just above the top of your head—the seventh chakra), followed by the smaller circle between the third eye (sixth chakra) and the crown (seventh chakra).
    

    

    Fifth chakra to seventh chakra
    

    

    Sixth chakra to seventh chakra