Used (Unlovable, #1) (Unlovable Series) (14 page)

“So nothing’s changing?” He presses his lips together.

I shake my head and trail my lips over his throat. He’s swallowing hard like he’s trying to overcome something. “Nothing’s changing, Greer, except how much I want you. Like this. Now. I need you to make me forget. I need you so much.” My kisses turn feverish as I work my way down his chest. One of his hands comes to rest on the hollow of my back while the other works its way up the inside of my thigh. One finger slips in to tease and get me ready but is soon followed by another because I’m already so wet. I was as soon as I thought about the fact that we were going to drop his girlfriend off and go at it.

I fist my hands in his hair and pull as I devour his neck. His pace between my legs increases until I’m shaking. Letting go of his hair, I thrust my hand down his jeans to find him hard and ready for me. I palm it roughly and work its stiffness with my hand.

“Whoa, Denver, slow down. What are you doing?” Greer is used to me just kind of going through the motions, and not really showing any pleasure or desire. All that’s about to change—I need something more from him, but I don’t quite know how to ask for it.

“Greer, I don’t want you to be tender with me. OK?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just want … want you to be rough.”

He grins and looks at me knowingly. Spinning me around, he pushes my chest down on his truck seat, tells me to spread my legs, and is inside of me before I know it. A gasp erupts from my open mouth as he drives in and out of me at a punishing pace. Instead of just taking him, I thrust back into him and meet him move for move.

I. Love. It. I feel … alive. And from the sounds that Greer is making, he loves it too. I sense him close to climax, and something powerful works its way through my body. I hold my breath so that I can concentrate on the sensation that starts to overtake me.

“That’s it, Denver. Give it to me,” Greer demands.

My toes curl in my boots, my mouth falls open, and my breath leaves in a whoosh as I come apart underneath him as he empties himself inside me. The brilliant fireworks that had gone off in my body fade with a satisfied shower that continues to resonate throughout my limbs.

Suddenly, all the wrong we’ve been doing feels so right. And what’s supposed to be bad, makes me feel oh-so-good.

He collapses against my back and kisses my hair. “Denver, you’re amazing. That was amazing.” And I think … so that’s what an orgasm feels like. And can I have more please?

“It was amazing,” I agree. “And so were you.” He kisses his way down my spine and straightens my clothes as he stands. I grab my underwear and slide them on. He’s not going to like my suggestion. Well, maybe a little. But mostly he’s going to hate it.

I try for a businesslike tone to deliver my proposal. “Greer, I think we need to revise the parameters of our relationship.”

“Oh, yeah?” he says, as he buttons his jeans and runs his hands up my thighs before fitting them around my waist.

“That was hot. Right? Going on a date. Flirting with each other right under their noses and ditching them, all the while knowing that, at the end of the night, it’d just be us.”

He narrows his eyes and gives me a begrudging, “Yeah.”

“So, let’s continue to date others—I will too if I want.” I shrug. “Then we’ll have each other. And I want it like we just had it. No more trying to make it something it’s not. We each do what feels good. Us and mind-blowing sex.”

“That’s how you want our relationship to change?”

“Yes, I think the reason we’ve been struggling and things have been awkward is because we try to make it something it’s not. Our expectations didn’t meet our reality, and it sucked.” He looks affronted. “I’m sorry. Did it meet yours?”

He just shakes his head no. “So, you still won’t be with me,” he grunts. “That’s the bottom line.”

“I’m sorry. I’m just not ready for that. What do you think?”

Grabbing my waist tighter, he spins us around so that his back is to the truck as he sets me away from him. “I think I’m done with this and with you,” he barks, as he runs his hand through his hair. “I … I can’t be like that anymore. Like you. I. Love. You. You may have turned your damn emotions off, but I’m not capable of that where you’re concerned. I’m not pretending this is something it’s not. This
is
everything to me. And I’ve done everything and anything to prove that to you. Looks like you’re determined to live down to your reputation. Congratulations.”

He practically slams the door on me before peeling off down my driveway. I stand there stunned for a few minutes before slowly walking up to my porch. Numbly, I stumble to the porch swing and replay the night.

I was so wrong on so many levels. He was right to push me away. I congratulate myself on finally having done the thing that made Greer realize that I’m no good for him. Who knew? Over the past year, I’ve tried so many things. Flirting with other guys, setting him up with other girls, ignoring him at school, being a complete and utter bitch, ranting and raving like a lunatic … OK that part was not feigned by me. I really felt like a lunatic.

Even though I did all of these stupid things hoping to drive him away, I’ve always gripped tightly to the sliver of hope that I wouldn’t actually do it. That one day, I’d wake up healed from being such a soul-sucking mess. Greer and I would go back to being like we were when we first got together. I’d finally be all he deserved.

Now I wonder, since I’ve lost Greer, will I become the slut that everyone already sees? Will I start sleeping around on a regular basis? How can I not when it’s the only time I don’t
feel
… when it’s the only time I can escape all the dark thoughts that plague me, and it’s the only thing that sends a hands-off vibe to the men who want to use me.

A buzzing snaps me out of my reverie. A glance shows a text from My Golden Boy displayed across the screen. I don’t want to open it because he’s going to apologize and accept my conditions, and I’m going to let him. And then my torturing of him will continue unabated. But, just because I don’t want to open it, doesn’t mean that I’m capable of resisting.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.
Just like I thought.

Don’t be sorry. Everything you said is true.

Not all of it. But you’re still my best friend. And I never want to hurt you.

You can’t hurt someone who is so riddled with holes that nothing can fill her and make her whole. And you can’t hurt someone who is not whole.
I’m fine, but I’ll miss you.

Nothing to miss. I agree to your terms.
Before I can respond, he buzzes again with …
No sex with anyone else though.

Shit. I shouldn’t be so relieved. I should tell him the offer’s off the table, but I know I won’t.
Of course not. And no kissing when we are having sex.

Umm…OK? But we can still kiss other times?

Yes.
Our friendly kisses don’t bother me.

Chapter Twelve

Then

A
S MY NEW
ranch hand walks away with his tail tucked between his legs, I throw my hands up in the air, spin around, and run right into a smiling Greer. His hands shoot out to steady me while his chuckles ring in my ear.

“Don’t laugh at me,” I snap.

“I can’t help it, chicken butt. I love to see you all worked up. But why are you yelling at your new ranch hand?”

Shaking off his hands, I cross my arms across my chest and cock my hip. “First of all, I wasn’t yelling. I was speaking in a stern tone. I was speaking in said tone because I told him exactly how many cattle needed to be on the front twenty, and instead of following my instructions, he went behind my back and asked my mother. She didn’t know the answer and put him off, and now I’ve got an overeaten pasture and some hungry livestock,” I finish almost out of breath. Greer just stares at me, so I state, “I’ve gotta get up there and help get ‘em moved.” I scoot around him and out of the barn, turning back when I get to the utility vehicle, only to see him grinning and leaning against the barn door. My brows pinch together. “Are you gonna stand there gawking at me all day, or are you gonna make yourself useful?”

His eyes drop from mine and run down my black t-shirt, over my frayed, holey jeans, and all the way to the tips of my black work boots, his scorching look setting my body aflame. Finally, his gaze meets mine again and he shrugs. “I can’t help it if your farmspeak turns me on.”

Laughter rings out over the hubbub around the barn. “Really? That’s what does it for you?”

He straightens himself and saunters toward me, stopping a few inches away so that his fingertips graze the outside of my thighs. The light, fairly innocent touch somehow causes my stomach to clench and my center to throb. “Are we still on for tonight?” he rasps.

I groan, and not in a good way. “Ugh … my mom made me promise to show up for dinner tonight with her and Blake or else she’d take my door off the hinges again. He’s not worth losing my privacy, so I’m going, but I did get her to agree for us to just eat here.” A mischievous smile overtakes my face. “So, I’ve decided that me and
mi amigo
would be in attendance.”

His brows pull together since he knows he is my only friend. “Mi amigo?”

“Jose Cuervo!” I say, trilling my
r
.

“Oh, shit. I do not think that’s a good idea. You forget the last time you two spent quality time together?” he says with a frown and a shake of his head.

No, I sure didn’t. I tried to pick a fight with my mom, but when she didn’t bite, I hopped in the John Deere and drove all over the property at midnight … with no lights on. It’s pitch black in the Montana countryside, so I ran through a couple of gates. Greer laughed his ass off as he watched me repair them the next day, refusing to help me because he thought I need to learn a lesson and remember my stupidity. “Hell, no. I haven’t forgotten. That’s the point.”

His fingers come up to hook my belt loops, and he jostles me side to side, sporting that lopsided grin. “You wanna make trouble.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to be a bore,” I deadpan as I get in the John Deere. I pat the seat so he’ll join me.

“Got room for one more at dinner?”

“Will you get drunk with me? It’ll be more fun if we’re both wasted,” I singsong.

He just laughs at me, slides into the driver’s side of the Gator, and punches the gas so we can go straighten shit out on the front twenty.

“
S
HH,”
I
WHISPER
loudly, which is probably more a shout than a whisper. Then I lose it because I’m incapable of whispering since I can’t feel my teeth, my throat or my vocal chords.

“I’m being quiet,” Greer replies. “You’re the one kicking shit over.”

I snort laugh. “Who the hell puts gardening tools in the path to the door?”

“Well, they weren’t exactly in the path,” he says with a laugh.

I prop myself on the garage wall and watch Greer’s strong backside as he examines my mom’s Lincoln. And what a sight. His curls are shorter than usual right now from the cut he got over the summer. This tequila may have numbed some of my body parts, but others are on fire. “Come ‘ere,” I call out.

He straightens up and turns to me. He pins with me with those striking blue eyes. “Did you do this?” he asks as he thumbs at the long, angry scratch on my mom’s car.

I lose myself in those eyes for a minute. God, I just… “Greer, come here,” I demand, a little less slurred this time.

A slow smile works its way up to his eyes as he strides toward me. He’s far less drunk than I am, I think. “What, chicken?” he asks when he’s a hair’s breadth away.

I don’t answer him with words. Pulling his face down to mine, I thread my fingers through his short hair. I kiss one corner of his mouth and pull back to smile at him before kissing the other corner. He releases a shaky breath and trembles against me. He loves it when I kiss him. If it were up to him, I think that’s all we’d do. That and maybe second base since he loves to worship my tits. I giggle with that thought. He stares at me like I’m too good be true.

When he doesn’t move to kiss me back, I kiss the tip of his nose and move my lips up the bridge, placing more light kisses until my lips meet the center of his forehead. I kiss one side and then the other. With a sigh, he brings his arms up to plant themselves on the wall behind me, like he has to hold himself up. I run my lips down his temple, over his cheekbone, and back toward his mouth.

When I’m a kiss away from his lips, he turns his head and presses the soft, plump flesh against me. A groan escapes me, and I swear I almost climax on the spot. He doesn’t open his mouth, nor do I. He just moves his lips over mine, slowly, tantalizingly, until I almost come undone again. I can’t take his teasing anymore, so my tongue darts out to taste him. His mouth opens immediately, and he nips at my tongue with his teeth. The once throbbing pulse in my center swells into a vigorous tattoo.