Violet Addiction (15 page)

So many lyrics are about love or loss of love, and singing those songs made looking at Cain difficult. So I tried in vain to keep my gaze on the empty seats before us. This weekend we were performing together for the first time in over ten months. Saying goodbye to my temporary band mates hadn’t been difficult, but right now my stomach was twisted into uncomfortable nerves, all over singing with someone I had been singing with for almost half my life. However, as soon as Cain began playing, I fell into the warm comfort of something that was so familiar it made me feel like a bag of rubbery bones. The song I was singing right now was about love of a different kind, the love of jazz, and it made me feel like a fifties jazz starlet as I moved around the grand piano.

“And all…that…jazz!” I belted out the final words, and Harry jumped up from his position before us, applauding with enthusiasm.

“About fucking time you two got your shit together,” he called out as he walked away. I gave Cain a bemused look, and he grinned with a raised brow.

“It’s like nothing has changed,” he said smiling. That brought my momentary good mood plummeting back to earth with a heavily weighted thud. The truth was, so much had changed. “Are you going to ask me?” Cain finally said with a sigh.

I took a drink from my bottle of water and shrugged. “Ask what?” I asked, feigning innocence. I had actually been dying to ask him, but I was terrified of the answer. I didn’t want to know if he was married. I didn’t want to know when the baby was due. I wanted to live in a bubble where I could pretend there was no Annabelle, no baby, no heartache.

Cain shook his head as he stood from the piano. I stubbornly moved away and sat on the edge of the stage, watching the hotel staff in the distance as they moved about, preparing the room for another function tonight. Cain sat down beside me, so close his shoulder touched mine. He had gained some weight and was looking more like the Cain I knew so well. His shoulder length hair was gathered into its usual messy man-bun. He was wearing a tight fitting grey shirt with a long sleeved thermal underneath to keep him warm as the New York winter crept closer, and a pair of jeans, ratty and worn in a delicious way. He looked perfect, as usual. Would I ever look at him and see a fault? I doubted it.

“You know, if it wasn’t for you, I would have done the wrong thing. I needed you to remind me that I’m not that guy.” I felt sick to my stomach as he spoke, but I needed to put on a brave face. Letting Cain go had been the right thing to do, it was still the right thing to do. He needed to be with Annabelle and give her and the baby everything he had to offer. I wasn’t about to make that more difficult for him.

“You would have done the right thing regardless of what I said, that’s who you are, Cain.”

He shook his head. “I was so messed up, so close to making the biggest mistake of my life, Violet. It took you to open my eyes, and that’s the funny thing; my life has always had more clarity when I’m around you. You kind of put everything into perspective.” I wanted to fall to pieces. I wanted to curl into a ball and sob like a baby. Instead I sat a little taller and tried hard to ignore Cain’s warm presence beside me. He gave me a gentle nudge with his shoulder. “Ask me, Violet,” he said in a low voice.

“Fine,” I threw my arms in the air a little dramatically. “When’s the wedding, and can I bring a date?”

He laughed at me. Laughed! The gall of him.

“There is no wedding, Violet. I am not marrying Annabelle.”

I was breathing a little heavy, trying hard not to turn into an emotional mess, so it took me a while for his words to make their mark, and when they did, I went still.

“Why not?” I asked, more than a little startled.

“I had to do the right thing, and that was to not marry Annabelle. I don’t love her and never did. She was a distraction, and it was wrong of me to string her along like I did.”

“W…what about the baby?” I stammered.

“Bringing a baby into a loveless marriage is wrong, Violet. I’m more than able to be a good father, to provide for my child and Annabelle without marrying her. Marriage is sacred, Violet, it is for people who love each other.”

“So, you are just going to live together?” I wasn’t sure what Cain was trying to tell me. Was he still with Annabelle?

“No, we aren’t going to live together. I told you, I don’t love her. We haven’t settled on what we are actually going to do or where we will live. I want to be close to my child; I want to be there for both of them. Annabelle is a good person, she will need my support, and I want to give that to her. But we mutually agreed that it would be for the best if we did it in the capacity of friends only.” I sat in stunned silence for a long time before another nudge to my shoulder caught my attention. “Just out of curiosity, would you have brought Peiro as your date?”

It took me a moment to realize what he was asking. I shook my head slowly. “I’m no longer seeing Peiro, not that I was ever really seeing him. I’m not sure what you would call what we had. Maybe a distraction, like Annabelle was for you. I guess I would have asked Mya to be my date since she seems to have a crush on me. I have no doubt she would have obliged.” It was Cain’s turn to be shocked.

“Mya is gay?” I nodded. “Wow, does Harry know that?”

“I have no idea, but I think it’s a recent revelation for Mya. She’s young and a little confused about her sexuality.”

“And she has a crush on you?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, I’m quite the catch.”

His eyes softened as he looked my way. “You are more than a catch, Violet. You’re a damn prize.”

I am pretty sure I blushed all the way from my toes to my nose, and when the back of Cain’s finger gently brushed my cheek, I shivered under the touch.

“Is Annabelle alright?” I wondered. I was honestly concerned; she didn’t deserve to be promptly shoved aside because Cain had finished playing with her.

“Belle and I were never really happy together. We are both able to admit that. When she got pregnant, we both panicked because we knew we didn’t have a strong relationship, and neither of us was brave enough to admit it. Annabelle is happy with this decision.” I shivered as his hand continued to caress my cheek. “What are we going to do about this?”

Even though it seemed a vague and ordinary question, I knew it for what it was. Cain and Violet, we had history and the potential for a future, but there were so many questions and worries floating around in my head. He was going to be a father to another woman’s child; the pang of jealousy I felt over that was substantial. My addiction was still a day to day battle. Would Cain be willing to be a part of that? And then there was the ever present snide voice in the back of my mind that still whispered thoughts of contempt and self-loathing. I still wasn’t sure if I was good enough for Cain, but I wanted to be, and for the first time in my life, I considered that maybe that voice was wrong. I could be good enough.

“I’m not asking to put a ring on your finger, Violet, not yet anyway.” My gaze jumped to his. “I’m asking that we no longer fight this. I’m tired of fighting it. I’m not someone who walks away easily, and when I did, it broke me. I’m not going to do that again; I simply couldn’t. I want to help you fight your battles. I want you to let me in, Violet.”

I nervously rubbed my sweating palms on the legs of my jeans. I wanted to give Cain what he was asking for, but what if I screwed up? What if I slipped and fell with my sobriety? I couldn’t drag him down like that again; it would destroy both of us. We could end up like my parents, so desolately in love. “
You are not your mother, Violet. You are your own person, strong, independent, and able to accomplish anything. Don’t let her fate dictate yours.”
The wise words of Dr. Brightman played through my mind. They encouraged me, filled me with the strength I needed.

“I guess,” I began with a deep breath, “I owe you a chance. God knows you gave me so many.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Violet, and if you don’t want this, then we move past it and get on with our lives.” There was a little anger behind Cain’s words, something I was more than familiar with. He was a passionate man whose temper sparked easily but fizzled just as fast. With that thought, he sighed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. I just don’t want you doing this because of some misplaced notion that you owe me.” That’s not at all why I wanted to be with Cain. My need for him was much more selfish.

“Cain, the very first time I saw you, I was drawn to you in a way that scared the ever loving crap out of me. I’m not that scared little mouse anymore though, and I want to give us a chance to see how our relationship could grow because I’m selfish and don’t want to share you anymore. You are mine, so I hope you know what you’ve signed on for, buddy.” With that Cain smiled; it was a smile I had witnessed thousands of times during our friendship, full of excitement, relief, love. He grabbed my cheeks and held me steady as his mouth descended over mine, catching me completely unawares just like his passionate kiss on New Year’s Eve which seemed like a lifetime ago. That kiss was more aggressive though, more desperate. This kiss was more like a pledge, slow, deep, tender, and when Cain finally pulled away, I was left feeling dizzy and breathless.

“Guess we better wrap this up, because in all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never had the pleasure of taking you on a date. I can’t wait another day, and I don’t want to give you the chance to say no.” Cain jumped up and dragged me back to the piano, his hand holding mine as if he was afraid I might run the moment he let go. The funny thing was, I didn’t want him to let go, I wanted him to hold me tighter, because somewhere in the back of my mind I was terrified I was going to lose him again, and that was something I simply couldn’t relive.

“It isn’t where you came from; it’s where you’re going that counts.”

—Ella Fitzgerald

As it turned out, I never said no to the date, but we didn’t go on one either. A panicked phone call from Harry had Cain racing from our rehearsal to fill in for a pianist in another band Harry managed. We hadn’t been on any dates yet, but over the past week we had spent a ridiculous amount of time texting each other and Cain had become a regular fixture in my and Mya’s apartment. We had also spent most of that time avoiding the topic of the ever present elephant in the room: Cain’s impending fatherhood. Currently, he was sprawled across the couch with the TV remote in hand, flicking repeatedly through the channels with a lazy indifference only a male could achieve.

“How do you know if the program is interesting or not if you don’t pause long enough to check it out?” Mya grumbled as she shoved her books into her worn backpack.

“I’m looking for something,” Cain murmured.

“Like what?” Mya snapped. She had been a little snappy with Cain since the moment I had introduced them. I think she was a touch jealous, and as much as it upset me to upset Mya, she needed to know I was most definitely off the menu where she was concerned.

“Don’t know,” Cain sighed, “but I will when I see it.”

Mya rolled her eyes none to subtly. “I can’t handle all this excitement. If his channel surfing doesn’t blow up the TV, it will blow up my occipital lobe.” Mya left in a huff that made me smile. She wasn’t really pissed at Cain, I could tell she actually liked him, jealousy aside. She tried not to laugh at his ridiculous jokes and teasing humor, but I spied her, more than once, giggling uncontrollably as she left the room.

“What the hell is an occipital lobe?” Cain wondered out loud. I shrugged, because I really had no idea. Something in the head I assumed.

“You hungry?” I asked as I finished wiping down the counter and wandered over to stand behind the couch. Cain flicked off the TV and looked up at me with a mischievous grin.

“Starving,” he said in a low voice that implied he was, in fact, starving, though not at all for food. I raised a brow while my eyes developed a life of their own and began an appreciating evaluation of his body. He was looking messy and tattered and, as usual, spectacular. His jeans were well worn with a hole beginning in one knee. His feet were bare, his hair loose, and his blue eyes sparkled with mischief. He was clean shaven for a change. His full lips tilted up in an easy smile that also suggested his hunger wasn’t for food.

“Maybe you can cook then, cause I’m hungry too,” I said teasingly. Cain’s hand reached out, grabbed my wrist, and pulled me over the back of the couch. I squealed loudly and Cain made an ‘uff’ sound as my full weight landed heavily on him.

“Damn girl, you’re heavier than you look,” he groaned, trying to reposition me somewhere more comfortable.

I slapped at his chest. “That will teach you for dragging me over furniture like some Neanderthal.” Cain gently brushed my hair back from my face, and the intimacy of the position we were in became abundantly clear. I was sprawled over his warm, strong body, his knees parted to allow my hips to press against his groin, which apparently had also noticed the closeness of this position.

“So,” Cain whispered.

“So,” I echoed.

“Let’s make out.” Cain smiled and my lips parted for a retort which was hastily silenced under Cain’s masterful mouth.

We had found ourselves sneaking many kisses over the last week. Sometimes they were quick and chaste, other times they were long and passionate. This kiss was filled with hunger and need. Cain’s hands held my hair back, and from his prone position, he led the kiss. His tongue lapped at mine, tasting, testing. With a final nip to my lower lip, his kisses left my mouth and trailed a path down my jaw and to my neck. Warm hands caressed my shoulders and back until they finally found a home on my ass, where he pulled me against the hardness between us. We both sighed simultaneously at the contact. Eager to feel the softness of Cain’s skin, I tugged at his shirt, but in this position I wasn’t going to get far at removing his clothes.

“Violet,” Cain whispered in my ear. “I wanted to do this right. I wanted to take you somewhere special.” He kissed my neck again. “I wanted to feed you; I wanted to show you romance; I wanted to seduce you like you were born to be seduced.” Soft lips nibbled at my ear once more. “Then I wanted to make love to you until neither of us could move anymore.” As if guided by a force outside of my control, I ground my hips against Cain, the friction causing a shiver to possess my body. With a strong tug at my hair, Cain pulled me away to look in my eyes. “I’ve never wanted anything so bad,” he whispered.

“I don’t need you to seduce me, Cain, I’m already there.” That was all it took, a sentence spoken from the heart. Cain rolled, and with the movement, I found myself falling into a heap on the floor.

“Owww,” I groaned.

“Shit, sorry, Violet,” Cain said, though the chuckling suggested he was far from sorry. When he reached out his hand, I grudgingly took it, giving him my best stink eye which only made him laugh harder. Rather than pulling me to my feet, I was promptly settled over Cain’s strong shoulder.

“Damn it, Cain, you’re going all Neanderthal on me again,” I screamed.

He strolled easily to my bedroom, kicking the door shut as he entered. “I can’t have Mya seeing you naked; it would ruin the poor girl.” He carefully slid me down his body until my feet were once again on the floor. We paused for a moment, looking into each other’s eyes, and obviously finding what we needed to proceed. I reached for Cain’s shirt at the same time he reached for mine.

“Me first,” I demanded.

“Tit for tat, baby, and I’m a gentleman, so ladies first.” Cain dropped his hands and stood perfectly still before me. Unable to wait a moment longer, I removed his button down shirt. When I went to grab the hem of his undershirt, his strong hands circled my wrists, stopping me. Cain tsked me softly and shook his head.

“You aren’t playing by the rules, Miss Trivoli.” Pushing my hands to my sides, he finally let them go. “My turn, and if you break the rules again, I’m going to punish you.” He ended his words with a playful nip to my bottom lip.

I had seen Cain playful, but never in the bedroom, never like this. This was new and exciting; it was also a little bit scary. What if he didn’t like what he saw? What if he became bored with me? What if he changed his mind about Annabelle?

“Whatever’s going on in here to make that smile disappear, stop it,” he commanded with a kiss to my temple. “I’ve been waiting a long time to make you happy, Violet. It’s about time you let me.” With a gentle tug, he pulled my frumpy sweater over my head, leaving me in a cami and sweat pants. The lust in his eyes flared as he realized I wasn’t wearing a bra. It was Cain’s turn to break the rules as he reached for my breasts. I took a step back, a teasing smile on my lips.

“Uh, uh, uh. I do believe that is breaking the rules, Mr. Everett. Do you want to be punished?” Cain’s smile was far too wicked and sexy.

“Strangely enough, I do.” He reluctantly dropped his hands though, and I stepped back into his personal space.

My fingers gripped the bottom of his shirt, and I lifted it over his head. Cain wasn’t what one would call heavy with muscle, more lean and athletic. With wide shoulders, smooth skin and maybe not quite a six pack, more like a three pack. I was going to have to count them…later. My hands ran down the course of his stomach, those muscles clenching under my touch.

Gently brushing my hands aside, he reached for my cami. “My turn,” he breathed as he quickly lifted it over my head.

Cain had helped my drunken and stoned ass into the shower enough to have seen me naked, but the way he looked at me now was as if he was seeing me for the first time. His hands imitated the path my own had taken on him. With a featherlight touch, his fingertips ran down my chest, over my breasts, and finished at the top of my sweats. I reached for the button of his jeans, and one by one, popped them open. I was too greedy and impatient to go slow though. Pushing his jeans off his hips, I helped Cain step out of the offending clothes, leaving him in a pair of blue boxer briefs that matched the color of his eyes. His erection was tenting proudly, and Cain made no effort to hide his desire for me. With equal impatience, he slid his fingers into the waistband of my sweats and pushed them down my legs, taking my underwear with them.

“You cheated,” I gasped.

“Feel free to punish me,” he groaned from his position kneeling in front of me. Cain kissed my hip, his hands holding the sides of my thighs as if he let go he might fall. When he gave me a little shove, I didn’t have time to be surprised or offended. I landed on the edge of my bed with a small huff, and Cain’s hand followed me down, pushing me to my back. “You’ll have to punish me later though, I’m starving.” Hooking my leg over his shoulder, Cain leaned forward and licked my most tender parts. I should have been embarrassed, it should have been awkward, but it wasn’t. His mouth teased my inner lips, nipping and lapping at my body as if it was a delicacy laid out for feasting upon, and my heart pounded harder. I tried to keep my eyes open and watch Cain, after all, it was the most erotic moment I had ever experienced, but the surge of desire that engulfed my body was like a tsunami of pleasure, an unstoppable force of nature that forced my eyelids closed. When two fingers slipped inside me, I almost launched us both off the bed. “Fuck it,” groaned Cain. “I can’t wait.” He pulled away from me, pushing his boxer briefs off as he did. “Please tell me you have condoms somewhere close by.” With my head still floating in an abyss of desire and carnal pleasure, I pointed to my bedside table. Scrambling further onto the bed, I laid back down, ready for Cain to finally make love to me. My body thrummed with urgent need and I pressed my thighs together in an attempt to soothe that ache. When I realized I had been lying alone for a little too long, I glanced over at Cain, and what I saw caused my entire body to flush with embarrassment. In one hand he held my vibrator, in his opposite hand, lube. I groaned loudly and covered my face as mortification set in. “I’m just going to sit these here,” he whispered. I caught a glimpse of him placing the tools of every woman’s trade on the bedside table. Then he grinned, and it was wicked and naughty. “We are gonna play with those later, baby.” I didn’t attempt to come out from the protection of my hands until Cain’s weight settled over me, and he gently pried my hands away. “Do you have any idea how hard it makes me thinking about you using that?” He ground himself against me to prove his point.

“If you think I’m giving you a firsthand peep show, you are sorely mistaken.”

Cain laughed against my lips. “Oh no, baby, you are never using that on yourself again, but I have every intention of using it on you.” I didn’t get a chance to object, as Cain began rubbing the silky smooth hardness of his cock through my lower lips. My eyes rolled back in my head under the onslaught of feelings and emotions. We had definitely breached the friendship zone now, and it was more than I could have ever dreamed of. With a slow, gentle yet firm thrust, Cain entered me, one agonizing inch at a time. I wanted hard, I wanted fast, but I also wanted this moment to last forever. When he was finally fully seated inside me, all movement stopped. Cain’s soft lips teased at mine, gentle kisses, so loving and slow. Cain encouraged me to wrap my leg around his hip, and while stealing long, wistful kisses, he began to move once more. It was unhurried at first, a constant rhythm that never faltered, sure and strong thrusts which pushed my orgasm higher and higher. While one arm was braced beside my head, holding himself steady above me, his other hand traveled the curves and valleys of my body, starting at my neck, stopping to tease my nipple then dipping lower until he was able to smooth his expert fingers over my sensitive clit. “Do you have any idea how many times I fantasized about you beneath me?” he whispered, so close his breath mingled with mine. “All I ever wanted was for you to be mine, Violet.” With his confessions, his tempo increased. “I’m not letting you push me away anymore.” I moaned loudly as he used his thighs to raise my buttocks, forcing himself deeper. “I’ve tasted you,” he said breathlessly. “I’ve been inside you,” his next kiss was hard and demanding, “and I’m not letting you go,” he snarled fiercely. When he pulled away to breathe, I pushed at his shoulders and Cain rolled us until I was straddling him. I leaned back and rested my hands on his thighs, and Cain’s hips rose to meet my downward thrusts. His hands, which had been holding my hips in a tight, viselike grip, moved to my breasts which he cupped and pinched with just the right amount of pressure. Watching Cain watch me was so intense and erotic that I felt my inner walls around his cock begin to flutter. Whether feeling the rippling sensation or seeing the growing moment of free-fall in my face, Cain’s hand lowered to my sensitive clit. It took no more than a few gentle stokes before my orgasm fell over the precipice it had been perched on. Cain’s following orgasm was ripped from his body with a satisfied growl. Breathing heavy, Cain pulled me forward, and I buried my face in the crook of his neck. My body felt like a wet noodle. My legs trembled around his hips as my heart pounded so hard it echoed in my ears. “My Violet,” Cain whispered, his voice once again low and gentle.