VIP (42 page)

“Later,
I have a lot that needs to get done this week before the weekend.”

“Yeah,
me, too. I miss you Sebby, how about we do a family day Sunday?”

“Perfect,
I’ll call you in the morning. We will be offshore I don’t know how well my
reception will be. If I can I’ll call before Christian goes to sleep.”

“Okay, I
love you, be safe.

“Me, too.”

I went
back to Ysabelle and she was laying in fetal position looking deep in thought.

“You’re
up.” I announced.

“You’re
here. I thought I dreamt it all.” She whispered smiling at me.

“Of
course, there’s no where else I’d rather be.”

“I puked
on you.”

I laid
next to her reaching for her, “yeah…on yourself, the bed, and a little on the
floor, too.” I said kissing her forehead, her fever had gone down some but she
was still burning up.

“I have
to pee.” She bashfully expressed, “I need help, it hurts to move.”

I
carried her to the bathroom and kissed her forehead as I slid her down my body
in front of the toilet. She snickered a little when I placed my fingers in the
elastic of her sweats. I held onto her as her muscles trembled, lowering her to
sit. She was swaying helplessly, I had her lean on me to steady herself.

“I can’t
do it. I have stage fright.” I laughed leaning for the faucet to turn it on.

After
she was done I carried her back to bed, and spoon-fed her some soup. She only
ate a couple of bites before she said it was making her nauseous. I gave her medicine
and she was out within five minutes.

We
didn’t talk at all; she was in and out of consciousness the entire evening and
night. Her body would alternate between hot and cold sweats throughout the
night, and she threw up a few more times. It had only been a day and I could
already tell she was losing weight.

She was
fragile and moaned anytime I tried to comfort her. Getting her to drink fluids
was a task, because she couldn’t keep it down, and the medication just made her
sleep. I had never seen an illness take a person down like that.

The next
day was much of the same. I felt awful for her. I didn’t want to leave I just
wanted to stay there taking care of her, I didn’t have any other choice. I
waited for the nurse to arrive, before I tried to tell Ysabelle that I had to
leave.

She was
asleep and only smiled with sleepy, pouty lips. I brushed her hair from her
face, leaving her to sleep. I didn't want to go, nonetheless I had obligations
that took precedence over my love affair. I turned back one more time, smiled a
weak smile to my sleeping beauty, and left her in the hands of the nurse.

            I
had never been sick like that in my entire life. I vaguely remember the first
few days. I know Sebastian was with me and had to leave to go back to his
real
life.
I don’t know if it was the medication or the illness that was making
me think about what a mess I had put myself in.

After he
left to go back home a nurse Madam provided for me stayed the duration of my
illness, she was nice and helped me when needed, it wasn’t the same, I wanted
Sebastian. I couldn’t have Sebastian and for the first time in this whole
fucked affair, I was resentful and angry.

            I
realized that I would never truly have him. I never thought I’d see the day
where I would finally open my eyes and feel like his whore. The day had come
and it left a bitter fucking taste in my mouth and especially in my heart.

            Sebastian
would never be there for me like I would need him, I certainly did not imagine
that I would find myself in a place where I wanted to rely on a man, and I did.
I wanted Sebastian to be that man for me.

            I
wanted the fairy tale and the happy ending. I wanted to be rescued.

            It
was a downfall of emotions when I finally admitted it to myself. I just didn’t
know what I was going to do about it.

            Sunday
came and my nurse was excused, I was able to take care of myself and I was
starting to feel like a normal person again. Chance was a trooper throughout
all of it, always staying by my side filling me with love and affection. I
decided that I had seen the inside of my bedroom for far too long.

I put on
a top and cotton shorts with my Nikes, and Googled Dog Parks. It was such a
beautiful day, the sun was warm and not scorching like I was accustomed to. I
smiled at several people, as my new best friend and I walked along Haulover Dog
Park. I couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal. It was ridiculous, I had gotten
myself into this mess. I shook my head trying to brush off the feelings that I
couldn't change and walked my dog that was very happy to be out and about.

I sat on
my blanket, unleashed Chance, and pulled out the tennis ball from my bag
throwing it as far as I could. Chance ran right after it with the same amount
of energy each time, by the tenth time he got distracted by this female Collie,
and it was goodbye mom and ball.

Men.

I ran to
go get the ball myself, once it was in my hand I looked for where Chance had
run off to.

As I was
looking through the park, I saw him and my heart literally stopped. My whole
world seemed to come crashing down on me in a matter of seconds. Everything I
thought I knew, everything I wanted to believe, all of it…gone.

There he
was right in front of my very own eyes, it was Sebastian…with his family. His
son was on his shoulders and his wife was curled up under his arm and they
looked like the picture perfect family.

I had
imagined this in my mind numerous times, what they all looked like together, it
never took an ounce of comparison to what I was seeing. They were a family. I
could feel the love and devotion hundreds of feet away. Crawling and etching its
way under my skin and into my bloodstream.

And then
it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks.

I’ll
never be the one he lays next to every night…

I’ll
never be the one that he makes love to time after time…

I’ll
never be the one he plans a future with…

I’ll
never be the one he grows old with…

I’ll
never be the one he comes home to…

And I’ll
never be the one that he says ‘I love you’ to…

I’m the
whore, the escort, the mistress, the prostitute, it doesn’t matter what way you
say it…I’m the other fucking woman. I’ll always be second place.

I stayed
there like that, lost in the zone of seeing the man that owned my heart, with the
family that owned his.

I had
seen families before, the easiness and carefreeness of it all. The fact of
knowing that you belong somewhere and with someone, the unspoken promises and
support. I had wished for a family like that of my own. A family like Sebastian’s.

The
laughing, the smiling, the playing, and the unity of what they were. It was as
if I was watching a train wreck, and I fucking knew I needed to stop watching but
I couldn’t tear my eyes away. I couldn’t move from the spot I was standing in.
The feelings I experienced hurt so bad, like someone was taking a knife and
jabbing me over and over again.

I
couldn’t fucking move.

I was
punishing myself for being stupid, for letting my guard down, for letting
someone in. I should have known better.

And in
that moment I truly wanted to die. It was too late, because I was dying…I was
no longer Ysa…I was Ysabelle.

I should
have seen it coming, I didn’t. God had a funny way of making me that day’s
entertainment. I saw Little Man running towards me.

“Ms.
Ysabelle!” He yelled for the entire park to turn and look. “Hi! You have a dog?
I have a dog, too! He’s over there.” He explained with a cheerful bright smile.
I don’t know what came over me I crouched down to his level, and pulled him
into a hug. I just wanted to feel a piece of Sebastian, because I knew that it
was over.

The
game.

The
charade.

The
affair.

His
little body and arms curled around my neck just like his father’s had done so
many times, he smelled just like him.

I
whispered
“I love you”
just enough for me to hear, and kissed his cheek.
I pulled away from him and his face showed concern.

God he
looked so much like his father.

“Why are
you crying?” He sadly asked.

“They’re
happy tears.” I replied, wiping them away with the back of my hand. I stood up
and saw a woman running towards us with Sebastian right behind her.

“Christian!
You cannot runaway like that.” She said to her son not even looking at me, she
didn’t have to Sebastian’s face said it all.

“It’s
alright, this is my friend Ms. Ysabelle.”

“Oh,”
she said standing up to greet me.

Her face
turned pale, “Oh, my God.”

Sebastian
looked back and forth between her and I showing concern for I didn’t know whom.

“I’m so
sorry. I don’t mean to be staring, wow…you look just like her.”

“Excuse
me?” I knew who she was talking about. The reason of why Sebastian wanted me. 

“Julia.”
He finally said.

“I’m
sorry, Sebby just look at her. Do you know this woman?” She questioned.

“Yeah
mom, she’s dad’s friend, we played at the beach.” I could see Sebastian’s Adams
apple move and the distress all over his face. I should have exposed him, all
the lies, the secrets, and the infidelity. I wanted to hurt him; I wanted him
to hurt just like I was.

I
couldn’t do it.

I was a
woman in love.

“Yes, I
know your husband through my husband. We bought a yacht a few months ago.” I
lied putting my left hand in my shorts.

“You
said you weren’t married.” Christian chimed in.

“Buddy…I
think you got it wrong. Ms. Ysabelle is married to a client of mine.”

Christian
cocked his head to the side as if challenging out the lie, and then abruptly
shrugged his shoulders. I saw Sebastian breathe out air in relief, before he
scooped him in his arms to pick him up.

“Right….well
I’m sorry for all this. I didn’t mean to intrude on your family time.” I said
with a weak smile.

“No, I
apologize for the third degree. Christian gets excited when he sees people he
knows. He’s a social butterfly.” She calmly stated, “I’m Sebastian’s wife
Julia, it’s nice to meet you.” She said extending out her hand to shake mine. I
did, taking in her beauty. She was lovely, exactly what I would picture
Sebastian to be with.

“Ysabelle.”

“Well
Ysabelle, I apologize for my abruptness, it’s just you look like someone who
was very dear to me.”

Staring right
at Sebastian, “No worries, I actually get that a lot.” I reminded. To which
Sebastian closed his eyes like I had hurt him.

“It was
nice meeting you, I’m going to go find my dog. He seems to have wandered off.”
I nervously laughed.

“Okay.”
Sebastian finally spoke looking right at me.

I walked
away from the man I loved that day. Now all that was left was to let him know.

I was in
bed when I got his text later that day.

S –
I’m so sorry Ysa.

Y –
Mmm hmm.

S – I
don’t even know what to say or do to make this better. I promise you that I
will do anything in my power to make that happen.

You
can’t.

Y –
Yep.

S –
Don’t shut me out, please talk to me. I don’t care what it is just talk to me.

Y –
Ok, can I see you tomorrow?

S –
Of course I will be there before work. I can’t wait to hold you. I miss you so
much.

Y
–
:-)

S –
Sweet dreams my girl.

I didn’t
reply.

I got
out of bed went and grabbed the boxes I had purchased that afternoon. It was
time to clean house.

<>*<>
S
<>*<>

            I
laid awake for the longest time with my wife in my arms, staring at the blank
ceiling and feeling like shit. I couldn't believe I was stupid enough to let
Julia and Ysabelle run face to face into each other. I ran my finger up and
down Julia's arm while she slept nestled to my chest. I'm pretty sure besides
the night Christian was born, the night I sat with Ysa while she was sick was
the longest night of my life.

I wanted
to see her. I needed to see her, I needed to tell her that it was going to be
okay, to reassure her that we were fine. I think I saw the sun coming up before
I finally let the exhaustion take over. Julia was up and gone when my alarm
sounded. I was glad that she'd taken the time to drop Christian off. I had an
agenda, somewhere very important that I needed to be.

I felt a
hint of guilt when I read Julia's note telling me that I was sleeping so sound
that she wanted to let me sleep,  she was taking Christian to school, and then I
love you Sebby at the bottom.

I drove
to Ysabelle’s condo with a pain in my heart, the way she looked when I saw her
yesterday looked like she had been crying. And then her responses to my texts
were short, not that I blamed her. I knew this was a cop out, I stopped and got
her favorite breakfast and coffee from a diner she frequented.

Her door
was unlocked when I got to it and she was blaring house music. Chance didn’t
even hear me come in, and that pissed me off that she would be careless with
her safety.

I placed
the food and coffee on the end table and turned down the volume on the
receiver. I turned to find Ysabelle staring at me, and I immediately noticed
her eyes were cold. I don’t think I’d ever seen her eyes like that before, her
demeanor was different too, she was dressed perfectly, not a hair out of place.
I hadn’t seen her wear straight hair in what seemed like forever. She was
wearing tight jeans and a black low cut revealing silk blouse with high heels.

“Are we
going somewhere?” I asked.

“I am.”
She said walking over to me and turning off the music.

“Okay.”
I reached to grab her and she backed away from me.

“Don’t.
We need to talk.”

Shit.

“Ysa…listen.
I’m-“

“I don’t
want to hear it. Just listen alright?” She cautioned with an unreadable face.

I sat
down on the couch, “okay.” She moved to sit next to me tucking one leg under
her thigh to face me.

“You
know Sebastian…I’ve never been with a man or even a woman if I wasn’t getting
paid for it.”

“What do
you mean?”

She
looked me straight in the eyes, “what I said, I’ve never been with anyone
unless I was getting something out of it. I don’t have any idea what it feels
like to not get paid for my company.”

“Ysa,
we’re different.” I tried to explain.

“Are we?
Because you pay for me, you’ve been paying for me for a year now. Do you see
everything around you, Sebastian? You’re paying for my comfortable lifestyle
and in return I’m at your beck and call. How convenient for us both.” She
acknowledged.

I
grabbed her hand and she let me, “I know this is hard alright. I need you. You
know I do.”

“I know.
That’s the problem, Sebastian. I let this go on for far too long. This is my
fault I control the situation.”