VIP (45 page)

He
kissed my neck and pulled back to look at me. We stared into lost solitary
eyes, hurting for a love that could never be. He kissed the corner of my mouth,
looked down to my hand where he brushed his thumb, and let me go. I watched him
walk out of my life for the second time.

I let
out a deep breath that I hadn’t realized I was holding. I frantically reached
for my purse, searching for the vile. I snorted four more lines. I had to it
wasn’t having the same effect. I smiled at my pitiful self in the mirror and
reapplied my makeup, fixed my hair, and walked out to find Slavic.

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S
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Julia
and her partners all decided to get tickets to The Gala as a form of networking.
I didn’t want to be there. It had been a rough month for us, and being around
people with all the tension going on around us just didn’t seem like my idea of
fun. We were fighting, constantly over nothing and everything. I was a
miserable bastard and I was taking out all my frustrations on Julia.

I
couldn’t stop myself. None of this was her fault, or so I thought. I don’t know
when it happened, what moment of clarity it was, I resented her even more now,
not only for Olivia, now also for Ysabelle.
How fucked up is that?
I
resented my own wife, because I was never able to be with the women I truly
wanted. Julia was my safe spot. Julia was easy for me, and although I knew it
wasn’t fair to her and she did nothing to deserve my bitterness, nonetheless,
it was there.

She was
what I was supposed to end up with, what was expected of me. I loved her
without a doubt, I learned through my time with Ysabelle that it was never that
feeling of just being madly and entirely in love with someone. The sensation of
knowing that this person owns all of you, every last inch of your heart, mind,
and soul. The person that stops time, everyday life, and responsibilities, the
person that causes you to live in the now.

Ysabelle
was that for me. I knew then more than ever she was my person. You don’t know
what you have until it’s gone.

The Gala
was incredibly dull, for me anyways. Most everyone around us seemed to be
having the time of their life. Not me. I didn’t want to be there and I
definitely wasn’t having the time of my life. I tried to be there for Julia,
being the doting and loving husband that she deserved.

We were
standing in a circle with her lawyer friends, talking about, hell, I have no
idea what they were talking about. I took another swig of my whiskey and felt
her. I can’t explain it, she was there. I didn’t have to turn around to know
it.

I
nonchalantly removed my hand from my wife’s lower back and turned to see if my
intuitions were right. They were. I felt the veins, instantly pop in my neck
along with a rush of angry fury that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to control. She
was on the arm of another man. Although she looked absolutely stunningly
beautiful, there was something off about her. She was sporting a demeanor that
I wasn’t sure about, nor did I like.

“You
still owe me a boat ride,” one of Julia’s friends reminded me. I didn’t hear
her. I was too busy watching the spectacle going on in front of me.

“Sebastian!”
Julia called.

“Yeah?”
I asked, coming to my senses.

“Chelsea’s
talking to you,” she informed me with an irritated look.

Chelsea
made her request again and I promised to take her and her daughter for a ride
sometime. I turned my attention back to Ysabelle, ignoring the annoyed glare
from my wife.

She
looked like she was enjoying his affection, loving every caress and kiss that
he gave her. It got to the point where they were almost fucking each other with
clothes on. Ysabelle wasn’t acting like herself, not the woman I remembered.
She was eating him up, loving his fucking hands all over her body.

My blood
was boiling, especially when I watched her push his hand away from going up her
dress more than once. The stupid fucker must have succeeded that time. He
brought his fingers to his nose, smelling her, I was sure. She playfully slapped
his hand away, laughing, after he licked his fingers.  

“We can
leave if this is really that awful for you, Sebastian,” Julia alleged, pulling
my attention back to her.

“No, I’m
fine. I’m going to run to the restroom, I’m fine,” I lied, giving her a quick,
reassuring kiss as I watched Ysabelle walk away from the fucker she was with,
heading toward the ladies room.

 I
didn’t know what possessed me to follow her in the restroom, I did. I followed her
right to the inside although the encounter didn’t go as I envisioned it. I was
blinded by rage and panic of having her in front of me again. I wanted to mark
her. I wanted to remind her that she was mine. I wasn’t the least bit gentle
with her. I was forceful, knowing that I was scaring her. I couldn’t fucking
control myself. I was a man obsessed. She belonged to fucking me. As stupid as
that sounds, that’s how I felt. I didn’t want her in the arms of anyone else.

The restroom
scene was disgraceful. I touched her, trying to make her feel like the slut she
was portraying. I was pissed. I wanted her to feel like a cheap whore, even
though I knew there was nothing cheap about her. It just happened, the craze engulfed
me until she slid her dainty arms around my neck and told me how she felt.

It
nearly destroyed me. I had to stop being a selfish prick. I had to let her go.
I had to think of her instead of myself. It wasn’t just about me anymore. I
kissed her lips for what I knew would be the last time and left her, standing
there alone and returned to Julia. She was deep in conversation. I don’t even
think she realized I was gone.

I
watched from the corner of my eye, seeing Ysabelle press her body against her date’s
chest on the balcony. I thought I had regained my control. I was mentally ready
to let her go. That wasn’t the case. The motherfucker squeezed her ass into his
cock, sending another surge of venom through my veins. I didn’t think, I didn’t
hesitate, and I didn’t stop myself. I couldn’t. Nothing logical was able to
form in my mind, not my wife, not the bystanders, and not the poor bastard who
was about to see my wrath.

I ran,
sprinting through the crowd of people, right out to the balcony where Ysabelle
was still pressed, firmly against his body.

“Take
your motherfucking, hands off her!” I shouted, shoving her to the side and
pushing him in the chest.

“What
the fuck, Man?” The guy in the fancy tux asked right before my right hand came
in contact with his jaw. He stammered a little, catching himself on a table,
and sending a chair to the ground.

I didn’t
even know Julia was close. I didn’t think any of this through. It just
happened.

 “Sebastian,
what the hell is wrong with you?” Julia yelled, grabbing my arm and stepping
between me and Mr. Asshole. The rest was like a slow moving film. I looked down
to her with balled fists and back to Ysabelle, whose eyes were wide with shock.

Julia
turned, seeing her, too. She looked right at Ysabelle and then back at me. I
looked at my wife who no doubt had the look of realization. She knew. It was
written all over her face. Her hand slid down my chest and to her side.

I knew I
should have cared, I knew I should have been explaining, lying, and covering my
ass, I didn’t fucking care. I had no remorse over what I just did.

The man
brushed himself off, “What the fuck is your problem?” he asserted, pulling all
of our attention away from the affair, lingering amongst us.

“Do you
know this asshole, Gorgeous?” He commented gripping Ysabelle around the waist.

I pushed
him again, “Don’t fucking touch her, you touch her one more time and I’m taking
you the fuck out.” I argued.

“Listen,
you dick!” He shouted coming towards me.

“NO!”
Ysabelle grasped stopping him by jumping in front of him, “let’s just go, come
on let’s go.”

“Are you
fucking serious? You’re going to leave with him?” I proclaimed dumbfounded.

“Sebastian…go
home.” She whispered into the air, before grabbing his hand and turning.

“Ysa.” I
called to make her turn, “You leave with him and you’re dead to me, we’re
fucking done, do you hear me? DONE.”

“Sebastian…”
She said calmly, “I was never yours. I never belonged to you.” I watched her
gaze move to Julia, “I’m so fucking sorry.” She said before pulling him and
turning away.

I fucked
up my entire life in a moment of pure panic. I let all of my emotions take over
and I watched the woman I love walk away from me as if I were nothing, like I
hadn’t just given up everything for her.

Of all
the expressions, I was expecting to see on my wife’s face, this didn't compare,
“she looks just like her Sebastian, it’s uncanny.” She wept in a daze, brushing
the tears from her face, “not here. Don’t fucking follow me.” She demanded,
walking away from me.

There
were no words that could express the severity of the situation that I had just
created. I watched Julia walk away from me not knowing if she was walking out
of my life as well.

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Y
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            I
pulled Slavic away from the scene that Sebastian had caused until we reached
the outside of the building, and his complete demeanor changed. He crudely
grabbed my upper arm dragging me to the limo, and shoving me in. I heard him
say something to the driver before he barged in through the other door.

            He
backhanded me across the face so fast that I didn’t even see it coming.

            “Do
you have any fucking idea how embarrassing that was for me? Do you have a
fucking clue who the fuck I am? I paid thousands of dollars for your pussy, not
for your fucked up drama you stupid cunt.” He yelled so close to my face that I
could feel his spit on me.

            I
hadn’t even had a second to process everything that had just happened with Sebastian
before he tackled me to the floor.

            “You
want to humiliate me you little shit, I’ll show you what its like to feel
shame.”

            He
covered my mouth before I had a chance to scream and had my arms up above my
head and my legs spread open before I had even blinked. It all happened so fast
I couldn’t even contemplate what the fuck was going on.

            The
next thing I knew I heard my dress rip and felt his dick at my entrance.

            “You
like it rough don’t you? You little slut.” He groaned before plunging into my
dry core making me shriek in pain.

            It
all occurred within minutes, him fucking me and yelling obscenities while he
was doing it. I had no option but to turn my head and let him use my body for
his frustrations. I had fucked up and now he was taking it out on me.

I had no
idea why he was even holding me down I wasn’t fighting him. He was getting off
it on it, the humiliation, the power, and the control. I gladly gave it to him
to let this go by faster. This is what I signed up for, this is what I was, I
was men’s play toys to use and abuse.

I never
thought I would be so happy to hear a man come. Once he was done he pushed off
me and the bastard even held out his hand to help me off the floor. I curled
myself into a corner of the limo just counting down the seconds until I would
be home. As soon as I saw the entrance to my building I darted out of the limo
before it even had a chance to stop.

I took
the elevator up to my floor praying that no one would see me. I made it to my
condo unnoticed and was immediately greeted with a thrilled Chance. I rubbed his
head before walking into my bathroom.

I didn’t
want to look in the mirror and found myself doing it anyways. I stared at an
image that I didn’t even recognize, I had no idea who the fuck I was anymore. I
had lost total sense of who I thought I was, of who I wanted to be, and the
bruising on my cheek made it all the more real.

I was
lost.

They say
in order to find yourself you have to know where you come from. I laid in bed
that night contemplating that theory while Chance laid beside me enjoying my repetitive
scratching under his neck. I needed to go back to where it all started from, I
needed to go home.

I hadn’t
seen Julia for three days, which means I hadn’t seen Christian either. I texted
with no responses, I tried calling with it going straight to voicemail, I even
went to her parents and nobody answered the door.

            I
was getting ready to call the police and hospitals when I heard the sound of
the garage. I wanted to run to her, I wanted to tell her how sorry I was, I
wanted to make it better, I didn’t know how I felt. It was so fucking confused.

            She
opened the door alone. We stared at each other and she looked like she hadn’t
slept in days, her skin was pale and she looked like she hadn’t been eating,
what alarmed me the most was her eyes which once held so much love for me were
now lifeless.

            She
averted her eyes and walked past me.

I held
my arm out, stopping her. "Babygirl," I quietly spoke, not knowing
what the fuck to say, I expected her to slap me, punch me, I expected anything
not what proceeded. She leaned into my chest and cried, no, she heaved a world
of tears. I held her as tight as I could letting her express everything she
couldn’t say with words.

She
realized what she was doing, and slightly pushed off of me moving to sit as far
away from me as possible.

            “Where’s
Christian?” I asked breaking the silence.

“Oh, now
you’re worried about Christian. Were you thinking about Christian before?” I
sighed barely having the strength to look at her.

“Are you
fucking kidding? Just this once Sebastian, have the balls and fucking decency
to tell me the truth.”

I didn’t
know what to say, I wanted to say so much, I couldn’t get my Goddamn mouth to
move.

“Okay…Sebastian.
I’ll talk. Do you think that she’s replacing her…replacing Olivia?” She asked
with trepidation in her voice. “Is that what you see when you look at her?
Because, that’s what I see when I do.”

Neither of
us said a word for several minutes and it felt like a lifetime.

“What
did they call us growing up, Sebastian?” She said looking back at me.

“The
Three Musketeers.” I whispered.

“That’s
right…The Three Musketeers.” She said before having to look away from me.

“I
remember growing up and always being in love with you…there was never a time
where I wasn’t. My very first memory were the feelings I had for you.” She said
laughing at that statement.

“Fuck…you’re
everything to me, you always have been. I mean our parents were best friends;
it was only natural that we would end up together…right? I mean from birth we
played together. One of the first words I ever said was Sebby.” She whimpered
shedding a tear and wiping it away.

I didn’t
think it was possible for my heart to break anymore, I tried to take a step to
come near her.

“Don’t.”
She whispered. I stayed where I was.

“My
parent’s had tried for years to have another baby. It never happened for them,
I wanted a sister so bad.” She looked up in front of her; as if she was
visualizing everything in her mind.

“They
always told me that it was because I was one in a million, I was their special baby
girl.” She said wiping away more of her tears.

“They
talked to me for months on end about how they were going to bring home a baby.
That there was this special place that angels made for people like them who
couldn’t have any more miracles like me.” She looked like she was lost in
thought.

“They
asked me over and over again what I wanted…of course, I wanted a sister.
Somebody I could dress up…somebody to share my secrets with… somebody who I
could talk to boys about…just somebody that I would love unconditionally.” She
put her hands in her hair almost as if she was surrendering.

I had
broken my wife.

“Mom and
dad said that it was going to be more difficult for them to bring home a baby,
and that was okay, because I didn’t want a baby. I wanted someone that was like
me, another spunky ten year old. What was I going to do with a baby I told
them?” She laughed again at that thought.

“Do you
remember how I excited I was, Sebastian? How many times did I talk about my new
sister that my parents were going to bring home for me?” She asked.

“Yes, I
remember Babygirl.” I replied.

“The day
that they brought her home was one of happiest days of my life. She was so
skittish and shy at first.” She looked at me. “Do you remember, Sebastian? She
moved right to you when she came in, I should have known it then.” She said.

The
memory of that day plays in my mind as I hear Julia talk. I remember the look
of fear in Olivia’s eyes. I remember being a twelve year old boy who was
nothing but hormones look into the eyes of the most beautiful girl he had ever
seen. Being so young and feeling so drawn to another human being was the most
awkward and exhilarating thing for me to understand.

“From
that day forward she was attached to us like glue. We were all always
together…The Three Musketeers.” I wanted to come over to Julia again, but I
knew better.

“I loved
my sister, Sebastian. I loved her like she was my blood, to me she was, I
didn’t care where she came from, she was mine. The moment I saw you look at her
for the first time…I knew…I knew I’d lost you…you had never looked at me like
that before. The eyes you had for her were the eyes I had for you. Did you know
Sebastian? Did you know how long I’ve been in love with you?” She asked.

“I do.”
I replied.

“I got
passed it. For so long I wanted a sister, that I didn’t care that she took you
away. I knew that you would always still be in my life and that’s all that
mattered to me. That was enough.” She sighed.

She looked me straight in the
eyes, “the day that she died was the best and worst

day
of my life Sebastian. It was the day I lost my sister  and the day that I
gained you.” She sadly smiled at me. “I knew that I could have you then, I knew
you would look at me then…finally…I had my chance.” More tears came down
Julia’s face. “I’ve never said that out loud before.”

“That’s
not the way it happened Julia, you and I didn’t get together for years after
Olivia’s death.” I retorted.

“I
know…” She sighed. “I knew I had to let you be. You needed to find your way, I
knew it would lead back to me. And I waited Sebastian. I waited for you. The
day you showed up at my apartment, you kissed me, and told me that you loved
me. You came after me Sebastian…why?”

I looked at my wife, the woman of
my child, the woman I had loved for so long.

“Because
Babygirl…I did love you…I do love you. I came to you that night, because I
needed you. It was the three year anniversary of Olivia’s death, I woke up that
morning knowing that I needed to let her go, and the moment I realized that…I
saw your face. I bought a plane ticket home and the rest is history.” I moved
over to her and she let me. I sat on the edge of the coffee table and put my
hands on the sides of her face, I made her look right at me.

“I love
you Julia, I’m sorry.” I could hear the pain and agony in my voice.

“I
know…” She responded. I moved in to kiss her and she pushed me back.

“I can’t
Sebastian…” She looked down at her lap. “How long were you with her?” She
asked.

“Ysabelle…her
name is Ysabelle.” I responded.

“Don’t
you fucking dare say her name in my house, Sebastian. How long have you been
with her? Do you love her?” She said openly bawling her eyes out.

I took a
deep breath. “I don’t know Julia. I don’t know what I feel for her. I met her over
a year ago at one of my client’s yacht parties. I thought I was going crazy, she
looked so much like Olivia. My mind was playing tricks on me…I had to find out
who she was…I had to know everything about her.” I said.

“Do you
know that she’s a whore, Sebastian? Do you know that she gets paid to be with
men? She was using you.” She alleged.

“Yes…Julia.
I knew right from beginning what she was. I couldn’t stop myself. I tried, I
swear to you I tried.”  

“SHE’S
NOT FUCKING OLIVIA!” She screamed and shoved me away. I put my hands in my
hair, and God did I want to rip it the fuck out.

“What
the fuck Sebastian? You slept with a whore, someone who sleeps with men for
money…Jesus Christ…did you have no regard for me?” She shuddered.” I mean
diseases. Did you even use protection, because we don’t.”

“It’s
not like that Babygirl, you were never at risk.”

She
scuffed. “Well…that’s fucking fantastic, Sebastian. Does that make it better?
Should I be happy now?” She screamed.

“No, it
doesn’t make it better. I’m just stating the facts. What I did was wrong. I
know that. I couldn’t help it, Julia. I would never want to hurt you; I would
die before I hurt you. You know that!” I argued.

“I don’t
know a God damn thing Sebastian…not one God damn thing. How long Sebastian? How
long did you betray me with your fucking lies? How long were you fucking
another woman and coming home to me?” She cried coming after me, she hit me
everywhere she could and I took every last one of them.

“You
fucking bastard! I hate you Sebastian! Do you fucking hear me, I fucking hate
you!” She screamed over and over again never letting up on pushing me or
hitting me.

I
couldn’t take it anymore and I grabbed and turned her around holding her to me.

“I know
Babygirl, I know. I’m so fucking sorry. I can’t change it, I can’t take it
back, all I can do is prove to you that I love you. That nothing like this will
ever happen again. I need to earn back your love and trust I know that. Please
forgive me, I fucked up.” I pleaded trying to hold her still.

“Why am
I never enough for you, Sebastian? Why?” She cried going weak at the knees. I
slowly let her go and felt her slide down my body until she was sitting at my
feet hugging her entire body and comforting herself.

I had
never felt more like a piece of shit in all of my life. I had broken the one
person who had always given me everything. I crouched down with her and held
her in my arms, rocking her back and forth. “I’ll make it better Babygirl, I
promise. I’ll make it better.” I repeated over and over again.

I picked
her up and carried her to our bedroom. I placed her on my chest and tried to
soothe her with reassuring words, and she let me. We stayed like that for the
rest of the day until both of us fell asleep from exhaustion.

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            I
spent the next few days recovering from the fucked up mess that was my life.
Although, the bruise was fading it didn’t take away the pain and anguish I felt
in the depths of my being.

            I
still couldn’t believe what had gone down at The Gala, never in my wildest
dreams had I imagined Sebastian acting anything remotely like that. The look on
his poor wife’s face was enough to make me feel terrible. Not one time did I
ever even think about her, about how she would feel when she found out. The
truth always finds it’s way of being revealed, that’s the beauty of lies they
never stay hidden.

            I
didn’t even think it was possible to feel any less of a human being than I already
did. I was a selfish woman. I had always thought about myself and what I needed
to get through the day, never taking into account other people’s emotions, I
don’t think I was ever a good person.

            Good
people don’t fuck with other people’s lives, like I did on a daily basis. How
many married men had I’d been with? How many lives had I ruined? I had fucked
with anything that would come my way and I enjoyed it. I relinquished in being
able to control my clients. I always thought that I was the bait being reeled
in, it was never like that, it was always the other way around.

            I
had no one. No family, no friends, no life outside of VIP. Then suddenly my
life became consumed with Sebastian and I just lived for him. I had no idea
what it felt like to live for me. I thought I was happy before Sebastian, but I
wasn’t. I was living in a fantasy of sex, drugs, and money; where greed and
vanity ruled my everyday existence.

            I
hated myself. I hated who I let myself become. I could barely look at myself in
the mirror the last few days.

            I
put on a maxi dress and wedges, applied my makeup perfectly, with my curly wavy
hair flowing. I packed an overnight bag with Chance and walked through my
parking garage to my car.

            I
rolled down all the windows and placed my aviator Channel sunglasses on my face
while I smiled in my rearview mirror. I drove all the way to Tampa with BPM satellite
radio station blaring out my vehicle. I didn’t want to hear my thoughts; if I
did I wouldn’t be able to do what I needed to accomplish.

            I
got to the neighborhood I grew up in at 2:30 p.m., and it looked as if I had
never left. It took me over nine years to return to my childhood home and it
was still the piece of shit house I remembered.