VIP (38 page)

We
arrived at the entrance and were immediately let in without having to wait in
the 200 plus deep line. The hostess escorted us to our table right by the stage
and our water bottles, Grey Goose, and mixers were being chilled on the table. These
top tables were usually reserved for celebrities. Madam owned this town.

It was
almost midnight and Dirty South was about ready to come on. The opener was
killing it with the beats and the melodies.

I took a
deep breath and felt it instantly kick in, I looked back at Sebastian and saw
that it had hit him too.

<><>
S
<><>

            I
knew I should have been thinking about my family when I willingly opened my
mouth for something I would have never thought about doing before. I didn't.
That's the effect that Ysabelle had on me. That girl could talk me into just
about anything and for the life of me, I didn’t understand why. All she had to
do was look at me and I would give her anything.

            Ysabelle
appeared to know everyone in the club. Random people kept coming up to her to
say hello. My girl looked amazing with her outfit, my girl looked amazing
anytime, she was drop dead gorgeous and I was a lucky son of a bitch to have
her by my side.

            She
looked back over at me and her eyes were bright and shinning, her pupils were
immensely dilated and it made them even bigger, even livelier. I felt the urge
to take a deep breath and when I did my whole body tingled, I felt like my
nerve endings were alive.

            Ysabelle
came closer to me, close enough that our noses were almost touching.

            “Want
to see why people do this together Love, look into my eyes, and tell me what
you see?” She panted.

            I
had looked into her eyes hundreds of times, this was the first time I saw the
world. I saw life, love, happiness, purity, pleasure, joy, every fucking
emotion rolled into one looking into her eyes. Our connection was alive and all
around us, I could touch it, taste it, feel it, it was everywhere. She smiled
at me and I swear it lit up the entire room, when she kissed me I could taste
life in her lips, like I was put on this earth to only kiss those lips.

            “I
have been waiting for you all my life, Ysa.” I passionately said, knowing that
she was all and everything. When she moved away from me to talk to someone who
came over to her, I felt like she took my soul with her. The saints of the
Divine Love had spoken it and there was an openness of care and adoration, and
I was privileged and blessed to be around it. My whole body was experiencing
euphoria and the world was at my fingertips, I was standing in the presence of God,
and knowing I was loved without reservation.

            I
took in my surroundings the bright lights and lasers were fucking with my
vision, which made my eyes jumpy. The lights formed halos around them and
tracers would follow when they moved.

            Ysabelle
handed me a piece of gum, “you’re clenching your teeth love, chew this; it will
make it better.”

            The
mint from the gum was an explosion in my mouth, it was as if my lungs were
alive.

Ysabelle
laughed and smiled at me “you should see your face right now; you have a
perma-grin.”

“You’re
an angel, aren’t you?”

She
laughed again and it made me feel carefree, I hadn’t remembered feeling like
that since I was a small child, absolutely in the moment, able to feel, experience,
and share everything she was offering without fear or hesitation. It is the
most perfect moment of the most perfect day of my life.

I had so
much energy that I wanted to move. I grabbed Ysabelle and leaned her against
the balcony while I stood behind her; she swayed her body to beat of the music.
My world was spinning, all the colors and movements felt like a rainbow,
everything became faster and faster.

With the
music from the D.J. and the lights pulsing all around us it seemed like
everything was vibrant and throbbing, the world had become the most beautiful
place I had ever seen. I had heard this music before and never cared for it, now
it felt like we were one. Every beat, every drop, I was right there with it. I closed
my eyes and just felt it all around me, beating into my veins and blood.

It was
perfect, synthesized chords that were cutting into my soul, pulling and aching
pleasure from inside me. I hadn’t noticed that my hands were all over Ysabelle’s
skin. She felt hot. I could feel the goose bumps and sensations coursing
through her and it made our connection even stronger. It was as if we were one.

We
danced and listened to the music for what seemed like minutes. I couldn’t
believe it when Ysabelle turned around and said it was nearly 3 a.m., I felt
like we had just got there. We left shortly after and decided to take a taxi
back to the hotel; she said Madam would have someone pick up her car. The ride
back was just as enjoyable. Walking out into the fresh air was a feeling like
none other; it was exhilarating and blissful, even the leather seats felt
surreal and the lights of the city felt like they were also thriving and agonizing.
It was all so animated, almost like watching a 3D movie. Ysabelle just kept
looking at me giggling and being fucking adorable.

Once we
got back to the hotel we changed into comfortable clothes, Ysabelle got us some
water, and we sat on the loungers out on the balcony overlooking the stars and
the moon. She laid on my chest, her back to my front, and rubbed her fingers
back and forth on my arm, making me feel like I was on fire. The moon and stars
felt like they were right near us, like we could touch them if we wanted to. The
change of scenery was dreamlike; it was a wonderland just for Ysabelle and I.

I felt a
sense of calm being there with her, she had no idea how much power she had over
me. The realization that I barely knew anything about her had hit me out of
nowhere and all at once. I wanted to know it all every last detail.

“Ysa…”

“Mmm
hmm…”

“Tell me
about your life? Tell me who you are?”

<><>
Y
<><>

            The
night had turned out better than I ever could have imagined. I had done mollies
with men before, and never experienced anything even remotely close to what I
had with Sebastian. Seeing him experience that for the first time was a memory
I’ll take to the grave. I got to experience it as if it was the first time
through his eyes. It was like watching a child take it’s first steps, or say it’s
first words, like seeing him realize that there is so much more to this world
if he would allow it.

            I
didn’t know what possessed me to want to do this with him. I knew the night
would lead to conversation, which would lead to questions. The sure thing about
Molly was honesty, you couldn’t lie if you wanted to. Maybe a part of me wanted
him to know, and I knew the only way I could tell him was through a drug induced
state that allows all your inhibitions to go out the door.

            In
that moment, being in his arms, looking out at the beauty of the world, I
wanted to tell him everything. I wanted him to know me in and out. I was safe
with him.

            Without
any hesitation, I answered. “Where do you want me to start?”

            “I
want you to start from the beginning, I want to know it all.”

I took a
deep breath, “I was raised in Tampa, Florida, and I don’t really know where I
was born, I assume it was there. My mother was a Grade-A bitch Sebastian. She never
took care of me; I can’t remember one hug, one kiss, not even a fucking ‘I love
you’. I’ve never met my father and I never even asked. It’s not like she would
tell me, anyway.

She was
a selfish, immature, fucking loser. I grew up in section eight housing where my
only friends were stray cats that I would play with. There was never any food
and I remember going to bed hungry more than not. My mother was also a
prostitute, I couldn’t tell you how many times men would come in and out, our
home was a revolving door.

I would
clean up booze, condoms, and drugs pretty much on a daily basis. The house
reeked of sex, cigarettes, and alcohol, it didn’t matter how many times I tried
to air it out. It was permanently imbedded in the air.”

“I’m so sorry,
Baby.” He whispered kissing the side of my face.

“It gets
a lot worse, Sebastian.” I chuckled out of the pure nervousness.

“When I
turned twelve and got my period for the first time my mother saw dollar signs.
I went to bed one night and woke up with an immense amount of weight on me, at
first I thought it was my mother and something had happened. When I felt a hand
over my mouth and the other one fondling me all over, I barely had time to
register what the fuck was going on.” I paused for a moment, I had to, I felt
like I was re-living it all over again.

“I
didn’t move, I didn’t fight, and I barely made a sound. I was scared shitless
and prayed for the first time in my life that it would be over quick. God
didn’t hear my prayers because the fucker took forever. He wasn’t gentle, he
was nasty, and awful, and enjoyed it every fucking second of it.

When it
was over he just got up, grabbed his coat, and left. I heard my mother in the
hallway talking about money; she knew what was going on. She planned it.

After he
left she didn’t come in my room to comfort me. I laid there all night with his
stench still on me. I could barely move the next morning, when I had to clean
the blood in between my thighs. I couldn’t look at the sheets it looked like
someone had been murdered on them, and in a sense somebody had. I threw them
away and slept on a mattress for the next several months.”

I
couldn’t turn around to look at Sebastian’s face, I was too afraid of what I
would see. I had never told anyone that. I had to keep going. I had to finally
tell someone what I had survived.

“After
that I barely ever went home. I went to school, I’d go to the park, and I would
wait till it was really dark outside before I would climb through my window. I
barracked my door with a chair the best I could, and slept with a knife under
my pillow.

My
mother didn’t seem to notice that I was even gone. The next few years I grew up
and started to become a woman I guess…I grew breasts and a womanly figure. I
learned at an extremely young age how to use that to my advantage.

I
started using boys to do stuff for me, it didn’t matter what it was if I wanted
it or needed it I would give away sexual favors for it. I didn’t have sex with
them, I couldn’t. I was too fucked up to even go there, but the other stuff was
alright.

The next
time I had sex, it was when I decided to get the fuck out of my house. It was
with a random guy from school, who gave me a lift to Miami. When I was sixteen,
I left and never looked back. I haven’t seen my mother in eight years. I didn’t
tell her I was leaving I just left. I haven’t heard from her, and odds are she
probably doesn’t even remember I ever existed.

Once I
got to Miami, I met Devon- the guy from the bar that you met. I worked there
for two years and then I met Madam; the rest is history.”

Sebastian
hadn’t said a word since I started talking and I was anxious to what I would
turn to. I think he could sense it, because he finally asked me to turn around
and when I did I saw more emotion on this one man’s face than I had ever seen
on any person before. It wasn’t like he was passing judgment or pitying me,
more like he was feeling everything I had just shared with him. It was as if he
had experienced it with me. 

I
thought I would feel uncomfortable in his presence, after sharing all that with
him, feeling vulnerable and exposed to him much more than I had before, I
didn’t, it felt right, he felt right. I didn’t know if it was the Molly or me,
in that instant I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to shout it from the
rooftops; I wanted the whole world to know that I loved this man.      

I loved
a man who was taken by somebody else, a father and a husband. I had never
planned on it, and it was never thought out, being in love with a married man
was one of the hardest things I had ever put myself into. I knew he cared for
me, he returned each and every affection and feeling, but I still knew he went
home to his wife.

Love is
a very funny thing, the desire, the want, the need, the attraction; it’s all
these chemicals that release the same endorphins that may be similar to what we
were experiencing then. It was an emotional roller coaster; he made a commitment,
and vows to another person. I didn’t know how it had happened, but I had become
the other woman.

<><>
S
<><>

The immense
emotions that I felt when she told me about her childhood made me want to kill
that motherfucker, even her own mother. I wanted to cry, I was afraid of the
effect it would have on me, not being able to stop, and I wanted to be strong
for her. She needed that from me and I was going to give it to her.