Void (33 page)

ANDRIS’S HAND FELT clammy in mine as we rode together in silence. Most of the snow had melted which allowed him to drive the black car. The one
Sinclaire
used to pick me up in. It was strange riding in the front of the car that carried me to the anonymous meeting place every time I was with Link. I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through the minds of both of the men in my life as we approached this pivotal moment in our relationship. The way Andris spoke about Link and the way that Dr. Chambers told me to “go easy on Andris” had my shackles raised. Did Andris think I was going to hate him if Link wasn’t what I had imagined him to be? Or is he worried that I could possibly fall deeper in love with Link as soon as I laid eyes on him?

My heart was beating loudly in my chest and I wondered if Andris could hear it. I tried to distract myself by taking in the surroundings as we passed through the late New York streets. I noticed that Andris was taking me to a part of town that was traditionally wealthy or celebrity. Was Link some celebrity singer or music star? Was he someone else entirely?

It was strange that I had only spoken to him once, but had repeatedly allowed him to control and satisfy my body on a routinely basis. Yes, I was being paid for it, but the emotions that Link brought out in me would have let me do it for free.

Andris squeezed my hand before bringing it to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to the back. I couldn’t suppress the ache that came from deep inside me, knowing that this meeting with Link was somehow going to change the relationship between Andris and me irrevocably.

There was fear in his eyes, and worry between his brows. The youthful, sexy man that I had come to love looked like he had aged in the last few hours. The breath caught in my chest when I realized something.

Andris told me he loved me, and I never said it back.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Andris?”

He looked at me and then back to the road as he weaved through traffic, never letting go of my hand.

“Yes,” he managed to say, his voice slightly croaking with unease.

“I…”

“What?” He asked as the back of his thumb slid back and forth on the back of my hand. It was almost as if he was giving me comfort and in return, comforting himself.

“I love you.”

Andris pulled into a parking garage and soon into a space that held a sign with
A.S. Gunn
on it. At first, I found it strange that he would have his own personal parking space at Link’s place, but then when I thought about the amount of time he spent there, it really wasn’t so strange after all.

Cutting off the engine, Andris turned to look at me. Leaning in, he cupped the back of my head, threading his fingers through my hair as he brought our mouths together. My scalp prickled and my lips tingled as he slowly kissed me. It was different, slow, passionate, and filled with heaps of promise.

“You have no idea how fucking happy it make me to hear you say that. God, Nicola. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. My heart races every time I touch you. I’ve grown stronger because of you. And if it were any other person, the possibility of what is going to happen tonight would never happen. I want you to know, that no matter what happens after tonight, I want you to know that I love you. I love you more than anything or anybody I have ever had in my life.”

“You act as if I’m going to run away from you,” I admitted with a smile, trying to liven up his mood.

“There’s a damn good possibility that you will.”

“I doubt it. Why don’t you let me prove you wrong?”

He took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for what was to come before turning to me.

“Just remember, okay?”

“Okay.”

Andris got out from the car and walked around to my side to help me. I took in the cleanliness of the garage as we walked towards the elevators. In New York, finding anything in a public space clean was a rarity. It felt strange to come to this place without the blindfold. Even though all the smells were familiar, it felt as if I were truly visiting the building for the first time.

Andris’s nervousness was more apparent than ever as he leaned back against the mirrored walls of the elevator and closed his eyes. As the door closed, I looked up at the floor numbers.

Forty-Eight.

“What floor are we going to?”

He opened his eyes and looked straight ahead, but never at me. I wanted to do something to help him ease into what was going to happen tonight. I wanted him to know that no matter what happened, my feelings for him wouldn’t change. I had already confessed my feelings to him in the car, and I didn’t have anything that I knew would help him relax.

Except for one thing.

“All the way to the top.”

“Good.”

I stood in front of him and pulled the tails of his crisply pressed dress shirt free from his pants before placing my hands on the buckle of his belt and proceeding to undo it.

“Nicola—”

“Shhh.” I said as I placed my fingers on his lips to keep him from protesting. I dropped my purse to the elevator floor, allowing it to land with a thud before I dropped to my knees in front of him. Knowing I didn’t have much time, I quickly unzipped his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers only enough to expose his enlarged cock to me. Cupping his balls, I placed my mouth over the head and sucked on it slowly, only once. From there I began a steady rhythm as I hollowed out my cheeks and opened my throat up to take him in deeper.

“Fucking hell, Nicola,” he managed to say between panting breaths. I enjoyed the salty taste of him and the velvety smoothness of his skin. He grew even more in my mouth and my jaw ached from the intensity of my actions, but I didn’t care. This wasn’t for me, it was for him. This was to show him that I’d do anything for him, even take his mind off his demons, if only for a brief moment.

His hands fisted in my hair as he held onto my head and I continued my swift strokes of my mouth. Saliva dropped out of the corner of my mouth and my eyes watered as I gagged a few times. I was turned on by the red lipstick that now coated his dick from my mouth. I continued to play with his balls, feeling them start to tighten as his orgasm quickly approached.

“Oh fuck—” he repeated over and over, I glanced up briefly.

Only ten more floors to go. Thank God that the elevator car hadn’t stopped to let anyone on because they would have gotten one hell of a show.

I tasted it the second it hit the back of my throat and I worked furiously to swallow the warm salty liquid, lapping up every drop before finally releasing him from my mouth and pulling his pants back up just in time for the car to arrive at the forty-eighth floor.

I didn’t get off easy as Andris attacked my mouth, pulling me closer to him and squeezing me tightly against his chest. His tongue dipped inside my mouth and I knew he could taste himself on my lips.

It was fucking sexy as hell.

The doors opened and an elderly woman stared at us in disgust as she paused before stepping into the car. Andris and I quickly broke apart and I retrieved my purse off the elevator floor before exiting the car. The old lady mumbled something along the lines of “kids these days will do anything in public” just as the elevator doors closed and she was gone.

“That was fucking priceless. Old lady Foster is probably one of the most uptight people I know. Her husband died several years back, and now she takes her solace in the ten cats she keeps in her penthouse.

“Penthouse?” I asked, arching my brows.

“Yes. There are two up here. One belongs to old lady Foster, and the other belongs to m…Link and me.”

“Oh. I never knew there were two up here. Of course I never knew you brought me to a Penthouse either.”

“No one knew, Nicola. You are the first person to set foot in the building with me without a blindfold on.”

I guess if he was aiming to make me feel special, then I guess I was. As heart wrenching as it felt to know that I wasn’t the first woman to enter here, I was certainly hoping I would be the last.

The entryway to the penthouse was beautiful. Gold plated furnishings and plush carpet laid out on dark hardwood floors. As we approached the front door, the familiar smells that I had become used to, began to assault my senses, taking me back to all the times I was with both Andris and Link. It was a smell that I would never grow tired of. Rich, deep leather mixed with sandalwood and oak—an aphrodisiac that would always be a turn on for me.

I took in every sound differently. The way he inserted the key into the lock, and the way it clicked as he turned. The creak of the door as he opened it. Only this time, I got to see all of it.

Closing the door behind us, Andris flipped a switch on the wall that illuminated the room we were in. What I saw was nothing like I had imagined it, yet it was. The leather smell was more potent now, and I knew why. Various bondage apparatuses and other things were spread out in the open-plan room. Every cuff or buckle was made of the leather that smelled so wonderful to me. A huge four-poster bed with a canopy was in the center of the room and a giant stereo system was positioned not too far away.

“This is it,” Andris said with a wave of his hand, so nonchalantly that it was like he were bringing me home to his personal apartment for the first time, only this place would put any BDSM club or association to shame. There were St. Andrew’s crosses on the walls as well as different varieties of benches and swings. I wasn’t embarrassed by the scene in the room. Many of the devices seen before me were used by other clients. Most of those clients, though, preferred to be
in
the device with me taking charge.

I wandered over to a specific bench and ran my hands across the cool leather padding.

“This was the bench I was on the other night, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

One word. His voice taking on a new octave—one lower than I had heard from his mouth before. It was vaguely familiar, but I shook it off and told myself that it was probably due to his nervousness.

“This—this is where I would come to escape. Everyone thinks that being a doctor is so easy. I get to hear about other people’s problems and issues on a daily basis. Some of the shit I’ve heard would make you vomit. Some of the experiences that my patients have had are things no one should have to experience. Most days, it is hard to shut that shit off at the end of the day. Know what I mean?”

“I can imagine. But you help those people, Andris. You have to remember that. You are good at what you do. Look at me. Look how far I have come.”

“Nicola, eventually someone or something would have brought you out of your shell. Something would have happened to trigger your emotions. There is no way to guarantee that it was me.”

I walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist and leaning my head into his chest as his arms folded around me. I could hear the heavy beat of his heart and his labored breath slow down as we embraced each other.

“I came alive when I met you and Link. I know you don’t like the idea of sharing me. It is something I have thought about as well. I won’t lie when I say that I have feelings for Link. I love him, but I also love you. Both of you are different. Both of you turn me on in many different ways, not just sexually. Thank you for allowing me to meet him. Thank you for sharing that part of you with me.”

I leaned up and on my toes and pressed a slow, sensual kiss upon his lips.

“I guess now is as good as ever.”

“What? He’s here already?” I asked in disbelief.

“Yes. He’s always here. He doesn’t leave often,” he said, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

“Wait here and I’ll go get him.”

Nervous anticipation filled my stomach as I watched Andris walk out of the room. I was bathed in silence, the only thing present was the sound of my breaths. I felt a sudden pang of unease filter through me as I paced the floors waiting for Andris to return. There were so many times when all three of us have been together, but this felt completely different. Link was practically a stranger to me, yet one I had feelings for.

It seemed like hours that I was left alone in the room, waiting for Andris to return. Left alone to reminisce as I looked around the room taking in everything. I walked over to the bed and ran my hands across the satin sheets, feeling the coolness of the fabric between my fingers. I was lost in my own world for several minutes, that I didn’t even hear Andris return.

“Hello, Nicola.”

My back was to the door, so I didn’t see the person who had called my name. The voice was so different yet so familiar at the same time.

When I turned around, my heart seized in my chest. The air rushed out of my lungs and for several moments, I swear I forgot to breathe.

Whatever I had imagined Link to look like when I met him, the man standing before me was not him.