Void (29 page)

Antonio Cardinelli.

“HE TOLD ME HE WOULDN’T cheat on me. I believed him. Just like I believed all the others. Just like I believed my father wouldn’t lie to me.”

I tried as hard as I could to focus on my patient in front of me. She was a gorgeous young girl with golden blonde hair, that wasn’t quite as blonde as Nicola’s. Her eyes were almost too large, and weren’t the same vibrant blue as Nicola’s.

It didn’t matter what the fuck I did to try and concentrate on her, the one woman who invaded nearly every vacant space of my mind wouldn’t go away. I found myself smiling throughout the day when I thought about how we spent last night, although I frowned when I thought about the morning. I knew that I shouldn’t have let my father’s desperate attempt to affect me from the grave alter the events of my life, but he was. These last few months have found me turning to Link more than ever, and now that I had Nicola, I both wanted him here and wanted him gone.

“You have issues of trust with men, Gabrielle. That is understandable considering the circumstances you have been in. Have you thought about why it is that you keep choosing the same kind of man? Have you considered maybe attempting to look for someone that you never would have thought you would be with?” I said to my patient to fill the silence that had developed between her and me. I needed to get my shit straight because my father’s inflicted insecurities were now trying to seep their way not only into my personal life, but my work as well.

I helped people. I reached into parts of their psyche to help them break through walls and to develop into an individual capable of letting go of their fears to be able to function normally in society.

Too bad I couldn’t do that for myself.

“I’ve never thought about it like that,” she stated as she contemplated what I had just said.

Reaching into my drawer, I pulled out another leather notebook and handed it to her. She accepted it, turning the leather binding over and over in her hand.

“Your homework for our next session, Gabrielle, is to write down a list of qualities you feel are important in a mate. Not what you find attractive, but what you feel would help match what you are. Then bring it back with you next week.”

She shoved the journal into her bag and shook my hand before retreating from my office to probably go and find her next unsuitable male. I rested my head in my hands to take a moment to breathe. Two more patients to go and I would be done for the day, but my next patient wasn’t slated until another hour and a half from now, so I had a little time to kill.

I looked up when there was a knock on the door. Bradley, one of the other doctors in the practice, stood staring at me from the doorway. His arms folded gently across his chest as he leaned against the doorjamb.

“Rough day, Andris?”

“You could say that,” I said with a slight chuckle.

Bradley was older than me by several years. He wasn’t as old as my uncle, but not young enough to be classified as my generation. He was also a damn good psychiatrist and the only person at the practice who knew about my issues.

“Feel like talking about it?”

I nodded and he entered the office and shut the door before coming to sit in one of the chairs in front of my desk. Throughout the years that I had worked at the clinic, Bradley always tried to reach out to me whenever he saw how hard I would strive for excellence. He saw past the hard exterior I tried to let the world see, to recognize the boy inside of me that was still affected by the wrath and hatred of the one man in my life, who was supposed to love me unconditionally.

Crossing his legs, he relaxed back in the chair. He was a tall man, towering over me by a few inches. His build was slim, which made him appear even taller. Salt and pepper speckled his hair, showing the signs of his age, but his smile was still that of a vibrant eighteen year old boy. For some strange reason, I always felt that I could confide in him, almost looking up to him the way I never did my father.

“How are you handling taking over the clinic, Andris?” Bradley asked me as he gave me his full attention.

“Well, the day to day stuff is completely manageable, it’s the other stuff he left behind that is a pain in the ass.”

“You mean the Cardinelli situation?”

My eyes snapped up to meet his and I saw understanding through his grey irises.

“You know about that?”

He nodded as he let out a frustrated breath.

“Yeah. I walked in on him and Cardinelli in a heated argument once. Apparently your uncle tried to pull out and Cardinelli wasn’t having it.”

“Really? That’s news to me. I always assumed that he wanted the arrangement.”

“Partially, but I think that after he saw how deep he got, he knew it was a bad decision.”

“Yet he still pushed me to keep the relationship with Cardinelli.”

“I think that was more pressure from Cardinelli himself than your uncle.”

I contemplated what he said for a moment. It was strange to think that my uncle, who in a vast amount of ways, reminded me of my father.

“Seems to me, that isn’t the only thing you are troubled about. How many times have you called on Link lately?”

It wasn’t a shocker for Bradley to discuss Link with me. I had confessed my need to have Link in my life with Bradley before, and he knew Link was my way of hiding behind my so-called imperfections.

“Several. Although you will be pleased to know that I am now seeing someone without hiding behind Link and the blindfolds.”

He arched his eyebrow at this, and at first I thought it was in surprise, but then he smiled and I knew he already knew. Of course he did.

“It wouldn’t be that beautiful blonde whose file you sent my way, would it?”

A vision of Nicola flashed into my mind, particularly the look on her face as she climaxed while I drove into her over and over. I could even see the trickle of sweat that developed on her brows and the way her mouth fell open in ecstasy.

Bradley snapped his fingers in front of my face, bringing me out of my sexually induced daydream.

“You got it bad, man.”

I could only nod. There was no sense in denying what I already knew was happening.

I was falling in love with her.

If my jealous actions this morning over her employment were any indication, I’d say I was already there. It was both a blessing and a curse, because not only did
I
have a shitty amount of baggage, but Nicola had her own as well.

“Does she know about Link?” Bradley asked me.

“She does. She’s met him. She slept with him before she ever did me.”

“I see. Is this something you and she have discussed? Is she okay with it?”

“We’ve talked about it to an extent. She doesn’t know the full truth.”

He rose from his chair, and placing his hands on the desk, leaning in closer towards me.

“Nothing good has ever come from secrets, Andris. If you truly feel anything for this girl, and if your face is any indication, then I know you do, you need to be honest with her. She has her own demons that affect her. Hell, she is a patient, and one I’m glad that you handed over to me. The last thing you need is a malpractice charge or an ethics issue. You are a very talented doctor, Andris. Have faith in that, but be honest in every aspect of your life, not just your professional one.”

I rose to shake his hand. I had the deepest respect for Bradley. Losing his wife to cervical cancer several years ago could have ruined him, but he still remained calm, collected and professional. Any man who could go on living after the love of their life had passed on was a hero in my book.

“Thank you for the talk, Bradley. I appreciate it. I trust you to take care of Nicola for me in the absence of my care. You are correct about my feelings for her.”

I followed him across my office and just as he reached the door, he turned around and cupped my shoulder.

“I know your old man never treated you right. It simmers down to the way his old man, your grandpa, treated him. I’m not making excuses for him, Andris. Even though you might disagree, I know he is looking down on you and is proud of you. I know I am.”

Then he walked out. It wasn’t the first time that Bradley had said something similar to me before, but for some reason it sucker punched me in the gut a little more this time than to any other times prior.

He was proud of me.

For what? For
still
being under the thumb of the Cardinelli clan? For falling for a woman who didn’t deserve to have to deal with all of my issues, and one I had to lie to on a daily basis?

My feet felt like lead as I walked back to my desk and picked up the file containing my next patient’s information.

I didn’t believe Cardinelli one second when he said that he didn’t need me. These kinds of regulated drugs were hard to come by and were in limited supply on the black market. He needed me more than he thought he did, which made me wonder what he was really up to.

My phone vibrated on my desk and I picked it up to reveal the alarm that indicated my next appointment would be here soon. The stress of the day and the weight on my shoulders were starting to take their toll on me. As much as I wanted to lose myself in Nicola tonight to rid my mind and body of the relief, I just didn’t know if it would be enough. They say old habits die hard, and they couldn’t be more right. As much as it hurt my guts to think about her with anyone besides me, I knew that a session tonight is just what I needed.

Nicola wasn’t the only one not ready to let Link go.