Wanting Reed (Break Me) BOOK 2 (47 page)

Finishing off another shot, I pay my tab and push through the crowd to escape. I have to get the hell out of here. I have nothing to celebrate anymore. I slam through the doors, letting the mild October air hit my hot, sweaty skin. Now, I may have fucked up again with this latest news of Mindy’s pregnancy. I can’t be the damn father. Not that I don’t want to be a father someday, just not like this and not with her.

“Fuck, man, you’ve got yourself into a whole mess of shit,” Tommy says, jogging up next to me.

“Shut the fuck up.” I cringe, staring at the red-brick facade of the building. Should I go after her? I thrust my hands into my hair in aggravation and stare up into the moonless sky. What the fuck! How the hell did this happen? I should have kept my dick inside my pants. I’ve got to move. I’ve got to do something, but what?

My legs start carrying me in no particular direction. The wind whips at my skin as I pass bars filled with fans celebrating the Red Sox victory, bumping into inebriated assholes who are trying to flip over cars and vandalize property. Figuring I can join the festivities at hand, I take out my frustrations on a couple of vehicles and brick walls of vacant buildings. I’m immune to the physical pain, but not to the pain that’s making a home in my heart.

“Where are we going?” Tommy asks.

“I don’t fucking know,” I grit, watching the buildings melt into brown and black smudges with only the sounds of our footsteps against the concrete, cars passing by and the faint screaming of fans in the distance. I don’t know how much time passes. I check my phone, hoping that Juju texted me, telling me that it is okay to come home so that I can somehow talk my way out of this with Elle. What can I say? There may be a chance that I am the father? Am I ready to be a father? What would that mean for my future with Elle? My football career? It changes a lot of things for me.

“Got any advice for me, man?” I mumble, staring at the cracks in the concrete and never breaking my stride.

“She just needs time to think,” Tommy encourages, wrenching me away from the chaos in my brain and shoving me back into real time.

“Think so?” I ask, seeing a sliver of light somewhere. It’s faint, but it’s there. It’s more like a candle and any draft or breeze will snuff out the light.

“No doubt. Finding out your man could be a father is some major shit, don’t cha think?” he counters.

“Thanks, man.” I agree, nodding my head. “I need the hard truth this time. This is huge,” I reply, finally lifting me head.

A brightly lit tattoo parlor on the Boston University campus catches my eye, spilling light across the sidewalk. The door is covered in posters and old, faded stickers. I don’t think twice about my sudden plans. I swing open the dense door and enter as the radio blares one of Crimzen’s songs. I’ve decided to get a couple of tattoos tonight. The way I see it, either Elle and I will be together after all of this shit, or she’s going to be a permanent reminder of the love I lost and will never regain.

Ace, a brawny guy sporting a frohawk and heavy scruff with numerous military tats on his arms finishes my first tattoo in about an hour. He starts tracing the design for my second tattoo on my bicep when Tommy’s phone starts chirping.

“Answer that!” I exclaim as Ace places the needle onto my skin again.

“Yeah, man, relax,” Tommy says, scanning his phone and shaking his head.

“What?” I frown, glancing over at Tommy. “Something wrong?” I ask, desperately ready to spring off the table.

“She just said not yet. She needs a little more time.”

“Oh fuck,” I groan, closing my eyes. “I might as well pack up my shit and leave.”

“Dude, chill or you’re gonna make me fuck this design up.” Ace laughs, pulling the needle away from my skin. “What the fuck has you all riled up?”

“Sorry, man.” I look down at him and try to smile through the anger, the pain, and a whole mess of other emotions that I can’t grasp right now. “A girl.”

“Elle,” he says.

“How’d you guess?” I ask sarcastically, checking out my new tattoo.
She can’t leave me now.

“Sorry to hear it,” he replies, placing the buzzing needle back onto my skin. “I can’t help you there. I’m no good with relationship advice.” He chuckles as the dog tags around his neck clink together.

“Yeah, it seems like I’m not good with relationships either.” I frown, staring up at the dingy brown tiles on the ceiling. I can’t go through another situation like this with her. I’m not going to walk away from this, and she can’t either. I’ll fight for her; I’ll breathe my last breath for her. I know she loves me. I know she feels it, believes it, needs it and wants it just as much as I do.

I’m a little uncomfortable when we leave the parlor, but it’s worth all the pain, knowing that no matter what happens between Elle and me, she will always be with me. It’s after two in the morning when Juju calls, telling me that Elle left to take a walk. I hail a cab, and within five minutes, I’m rushing through her apartment door, hoping that she may have returned. She hasn’t answered my texts, and she won’t take my calls. Tommy and Juju watch me as I pace across the living room, thinking where she could have gone and where she could be this late at night by herself. There’s only one place.

It all comes back to me when I open the gate and step inside. It all started right here for us, and it could all end here, too. I trot up the path, but I don’t call out for her. I don’t want to scare her away if she’s here. I find her sitting under a tree, facing the park with her eyes closed and her face placid and serene. Knowing that she’s okay, I relax my face. She senses me and lifts her eyes as I quietly approach and offers me the softest smile that melts the cold that I’m feeling inside.

“Baby?” I sit down next to her, wrapping my arm around her shivering body. “Why are you out here at this hour all by yourself?” I need to comfort her, to wrap her up in my arms and to take her away from all of this. All the pain that I seem to bring her. I gaze at her for a moment before she turns to me, resting her hand on my arm and staring at me for what seems like forever.

“This is the only place I know where I feel safe.” She pauses. Her eyes glisten while she searches mine. “But, I feel the safest when I’m with you.”

“You don’t know how much it means to me to hear you say that.” Emotions lock in my throat, and I close my eyes and pull her tighter to me.

“Tell me...” she says in a shaky breath. “You need to tell me everything.”

“I have.”

“No, you haven’t.” She faces me. “You were in the hospital. That’s something. You could have never come back here, and I would have never known if you were okay or if you were dead. That’s selfish of you,” she states adamantly. “You have yet to tell me the truth about what really happened back in Texas. What have you been keeping from me about your past that is so terrible?”

I turn to her, shocked that she knows this piece of detail from my stay in Texas. Either Tommy or Juju must have let it slip, assuming that I did disclose the reasons why I was away.

“Doll...” I say, brushing her cheek with my thumb.

“You want me to trust you, to believe you,” she whispers forcefully. “Then, you have to start right now. If you don’t, then I can’t be honest with you about our future.” She motions to get up, but I clutch her arm. She looks down, reacting to the bandages on my arm. “What...what happened to you?” she asks tenderly. Her eyes instantly grow concerned and fearful.

Lowering my eyes, I slide my hand down her arm and take her hand in mine. I look into the eyes that I can’t live without waking up to every morning, the beautiful hair that I want tangled in my fingers, the body that I want close to me, and the heart I want beating next to mine. She is my everything. If I’m going to have the future I want with her and she wants with me, then I have to reveal all the skeletons in my closet. I have to finally bury them, so I can give her what she deserves. “Sit down, baby. Let me tell you the entire story about my past, and then I’ll explain the bandages.”

I told her everything. Every shitty detail. She took it all in like I knew she would. She’s still scared for me, even though I told her she has nothing to worry about. Being truthful with her is much better than seeing the pain in her eyes and knowing that I’m the reason that it’s there to begin with.

“Baby, are you tired?” I ask, watching her climb the steps to her apartment.

“I’m fine,” she replies, retrieving the key from the potted plant on the porch.

“Doll, do you think it’s safe to keep your key hidden there like that?” I ask, standing behind her at the top of the steps.
I hope at some point she will give me a copy.

“Only Jace and Tyler know,” she answers as she unlocks the door and replaces the key.

“Like I said.”

“Don’t start.” She smiles as she opens the door.

The living room is bathed in a dim light, and the radio is playing Lady Antebellum. Tommy and Juju are cuddled on the sofa bed, buried under a Dallas Cowboys blanket. That’s another thing I love about this girl. She’s a Dallas Cowboys fan. She walks to the thermostat and turns up the heat. I don’t know what that means. I was hoping I could keep her warm instead. My eyes follow her every move. She doesn’t look at me as she clutches my hand, leading me down the hallway to the bedroom. Shit. I smile hard and instantly get excited down south.

She kicks off her sneakers and seductively starts pulling off her hoodie, revealing the skimpy outfit that she complained about all night.
She pulls her hair out of her ponytail and shakes it loose so that it tumbles over her shoulders and down her back. I admire her amazing body, her tiny waist, her firm perfect ass, her shapely legs and her smooth sexy back. She’s all fucking mine. Warm. Inviting. Tempting. She’s my fucking treasure.

“Oh fuck, doll,” I groan.

“Shh...” She turns, leaning up to me and placing her finger over my lips. I kiss it. I want to fucking kiss her all over. Everywhere. Anywhere. Anytime. She wants me, like I want her. Her eyes hide nothing. They’re telling me she needs me.

“I’m not the same person I used to be,” she says with determination in her eyes. “I need to tell you that.”

“I know.” I see the way she carries herself more protected as if she’s shielding herself. I’m trying to figure out ways to show her and tell her that what happened was not what I intended. I live and die with her. She holds my heart in her hands. Shit. I think I ripped it out of my chest and handed it over to her the first time we met.

She takes my arms, wrapping them around her waist and pinning her body against mine. Taking her in like this, I’m speechless for the first time all night. She smells so good and feels so amazing under my hands. I run my hands down her waist to her hips, watching her lips part and listening to her breaths quicken as we gaze at each other. She kisses me with her eyes. The passion between us can’t be contained. I lower my forehead to hers.

“Say something, doll.”

“Promise me there’ll be no more secrets,” she breathes.

“I promise.”

“Cross your heart?” she asks enticingly.

“Baby, anything for you.”

“Anything?” She tilts her head. My cock comes alive when she grabs my ass, pressing me tight against her and watching me with those damn captivating eyes
.
I just nod in agreement because I really have a good feeling about this
.
“You’re
my
slave,” she murmurs, backing me toward the bed.

Oh, fuck. She’s making good on our bet. “Yeah, I can do that.” I roughly exhale as I watch her make quick work of the buttons and slide my shirt off my shoulders as she places her soft, sweet kisses on my chest.

“Are you going to tell me what happened to you tonight? Did you get into a fight?” she asks as she gingerly runs her hands over my bandaged tattoos that are still sore, but her hands make the pain disappear. I stare down at her, taking her hand in mine and playing it off like I did get into an altercation with some random stranger.

“Yeah.” I smile, kissing her hand. “I got into a little tiff with a drunk ass Red Sox fan.”

“Are you okay?” she questions. The look in her eyes is driving me nuts, and I can’t take keeping it from her any longer. That and the fact I want her so badly right now.

“Yes.”

“Can I see?” She starts to inspect the gauze on my forearm. I love the look on her face; it’s a mixture of curiosity and concern. I brush the hair that falls over her eyes when she looks up at me. I nod, giving her the okay to peel away the bandage.

“I leave it to your capable hands, doll, since you are the one planning to go to medical school next year.” She blushes and returns her attention to my injury.

“I can’t believe you got into a fight with a damn fan, but I don’t blame you. They can be real assholes.” She laughs as she starts to peel the medical tape from my forearm. She frowns when she sees me grinning. “What’s so funny?”

“I’m just teasing you. I didn’t get into a fight. I actually lost another battle all together. I was never going to win any fight in staying away from you, ever.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Hurry up and take off the bandages,” I say, glancing back down at my arm.