Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger (10 page)

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Chapter 16

Mr. Poop

Joy, Maurecia, and Jenny were playing jump rope out on the playground. School hadn’t started yet.

Maurecia and Jenny were twirling. Joy sang as she jumped:

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“My mama wore pajamas to the grocery store.

She smashed a bunch of eggs on the grocery floor.

One dozen, two dozen, four dozen, six.

She dumped a bunch of jelly jars into the mix.

Grape jelly, apricot, don’t forget cherry.

Orange marmalade and wild strawberry.

A man walked by and fell in the glop.

He slid next door to the barber shop.

His icky-sticky body got covered in hair.

He tore a hole in his under—”

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Joy tripped over the rope. It wasn’t her fault. Maurecia had suddenly stopped twirling.

“Hey!” said Joy. “What’s the big idea?”

“Look!” said Maurecia.

A very handsome stranger was walking toward them.

The girls stared at him.

“Good morning, Maurecia,” said the stranger. “Jenny. Joy.”

“How do you know my name?” Maurecia asked nervously. She wasn’t supposed to talk to strangers.

“I’ve known you a long time,” said the stranger. “I see you almost every day.”

Maurecia was beginning to feel scared. She looked around for Louis, the yard teacher, but didn’t see him. “I can scream real loud,” she warned.

“Oh my gosh!” said Jenny. “It’s Louis!”

Maurecia looked at the stranger. He did sort of look like Louis.

Except his hair was combed. His shirt was tucked in. He was wearing a tie. And there was skin between his nose and mouth.

He had shaved off his mustache.

“That’s Mr. Louis to you,” said Louis. “I’m a teacher, and I expect to be treated with respect.”

“You want to play jump rope, uh, Mr. Louis?” asked Maurecia.

Louis was great at jump rope. He could even do it blindfolded. He was the one who taught Joy the song she was singing at the beginning of this story.

“No, thank you, Maurecia,” said Louis. “I don’t play games. I’m an adult.”

“But you’re a yard teacher,” said Jenny.

“No, I’m a Professional Playground Supervisor,” Louis corrected her. He walked away.

“Wow!” whispered Maurecia. “I never knew Louis was so handsome!”

Jenny patted her heart. “I think I’m in love,” she said.

“I thought he looked kind of goofy,” said Joy.

Up in class, everyone was talking about the new Louis.

“He looks so weird without his mustache,” said Calvin.

“He’s handsome!” said Bebe.

“He got mad at me for running across the blacktop,” complained John. “He made me go all the way back to the edge of the blacktop, then walk across it. And I had to call him Mr. Louis.”

“I am very proud of Louis,” said Mrs. Drazil. “He has always been a troublemaker. But I think he is trying to be good. We should all give him a chance.”

Joy stared at Mrs. Drazil.
It’s your fault
, she thought.
You made him shave off his mustache
.

At recess, Louis refused to pass out the balls.

“I haven’t washed them yet,” he said.

“You’re going to wash the balls?” asked Eric Bacon.

“They’re filthy,” said Louis. “And they all have the wrong amount of air in them.”

“I don’t care,” said Eric Fry.

“I do,” said Louis. “Before I can let you play with them, I have to clean them and pump them up with the precise amount of air as specified by POOPS.”

“POOPS?” asked Eric Ovens.

“The Professional Organization Of Playground Supervisors,” explained Louis.

He showed them the POOPS handbook.

“Well, what are we supposed to do?” asked Eric Fry.

“Just play and have fun,” said Louis. “But remember, stay off the grass. No running on the blacktop. No eating. And no excessive shouting.”

The three Erics walked away. “What a booger brain!” muttered Eric Bacon.

Louis heard him.

“That’s Mr. Booger Brain to you, young man,” he said.

The next day, when the kids tried to go outside for recess, they only made it down to the fourth floor. The stairs were completely jammed with other kids from lower classrooms.

“Hey, what’s going on?” shouted Joy.

“Louis won’t let anyone outside,” somebody shouted back. “He’s painting the blacktop!”

“But I have to go to the bathroom!” yelled Stephen.

“Now he’s gone too far!” said Joy. “Excuse me, out of my way, sorry, coming through!” she said as she squeezed in and out of kids, crawled through legs, climbed over heads, until she made her way to the door at the bottom of the stairs.

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Louis was slopping black paint across the blacktop. Joy could see him through the glass door. Next to him was a big bucket of paint.

“MR. LOUIS!” she shouted so loud that even the kids back up on the fourth floor had to put their hands over their ears.

He came to the door.

“What are you doing?” Joy demanded.

“The blacktop isn’t black,” explained Louis. “It’s gray. A blacktop is supposed to be black. It’s right here on page forty-three of the POOPS handbook.”

He opened the book and showed page forty-three to Joy.

Joy grabbed the book and threw it out across the graytop. It landed
plop
in the bucket of black paint.

All the kids behind her cheered.

“You’re the Poop!” said Joy.

Louis’s red face turned even redder. The place where his mustache used to be turned purple.

“That’s Mr. Poop to you,” he said.

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Chapter 17

Why the Children Decided They Had to Get Rid of Mrs. Drazil

1. She was nice.

“I made cookies for everyone this morning,” Mrs. Drazil announced.

Everyone cheered.

2. She thought up ways to make learning interesting.

“I made five dozen cookies,” she said. “There are twelve cookies in a dozen. So, who can tell me how many cookies I made?”

Joe waved his arm back and forth. “I know! I know!” he said.

“Okay, Joe,” said Mrs. Drazil. “How many cookies did I make?”

“Five dozen,” Joe said proudly.

3. She was patient.

“Yes, I made five dozen cookies,” said Mrs. Drazil. “I told you that. But how many cookies are there?”

“Five dozen,” said Joe.

“But how many cookies are in five dozen?” asked Mrs. Drazil.

“Huh?” asked Joe.

“How much is twelve times five?” asked Mrs. Drazil.

“Uh, just a second,” said Joe. “Can I use pencil and paper?”

“Certainly,” said Mrs. Drazil.

Joe took out a piece of paper and a pencil. He wrote the number five on the piece of paper, then tore it into twelve pieces. “Sixty!” he said.

Nobody quite understood Joe’s mathematical methods.

4. She was fair.

“Yes, there are sixty cookies,” she said. “And there are twenty-eight children in the class. So, how many cookies should each child get?”

Bebe raised her hand. “A hundred,” she said.

“You can’t have a hundred cookies,” said Mrs. Drazil. “I only made sixty.”

“Make some more,” said Bebe.

“I made sixty,” said Mrs. Drazil. “I’m not making any more.”

“Okay,” Bebe said with a sigh. “I’ll take sixty.”

“We have to divide them evenly,” said Mrs. Drazil. “How many cookies should each child get, so that every child gets the same amount?”

John raised his hand. “Everyone can have two cookies,” he said, “and there will be four left over.”

“Can I have them?” asked Bebe.

Allison raised her hand. “Everyone can have exactly two and one-seventh cookies,” she said.

“Very good, Allison,” said Mrs. Drazil. “And John, you were right too.” She gave everyone exactly two and one-seventh cookies.

5. She was a good cook.

“Best cookies I ever had in my whole life!” said Stephen.

Everyone agreed.

“I got the recipe from Miss Mush,” said Mrs. Drazil.

“You did?” several kids said together.

“I just added a pinch of this and a little of that,” said Mrs. Drazil.

6. She knew what a goozack was.

“Jason, would you please open the door?” she said.

Everyone gasped.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“You said the D-word!” said Dana.

“Door?” asked Mrs. Drazil.

Everyone gasped again.

“You’re supposed to call it a goozack,” explained Dana.

“Who said so?” asked Mrs. Drazil.

“Mr. Kidswatter,” said Dana.

“Mr. Kidswatter is a goozack,” said Mrs. Drazil.

Yes, Mrs. Drazil was smart. She was nice. She made learning interesting. She was patient and fair. And she even could make Miss Mush’s cookies taste good.

But she made Louis shave off his mustache.

And so she had to go.

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