Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger (12 page)

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Chapter 20

Elevators

Mr. Kidswatter’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Good morning, boys and girls!”

There was the usual pause.

“I have a very important announcement,” said Mr. K. “Elevators have been installed in Wayside School!”

For a second, the kids on the thirtieth floor were too stunned to speak. Then everyone went crazy!

“Yahooooo!” yelled Sharie.

“Hot diggity dog!” shouted Dameon.

Everyone was yelling and jumping.

“Zippity doo dah!” shouted Mrs. Drazil.

Cheers could be heard coming from every classroom in Wayside School. The higher the classroom, the louder the cheers.

“Now, before you all rush out and use the elevators,” said Mr. Kidswatter, “I want to talk a little bit about elevator safety.

“I don’t want the same kind of chaos that we have on the stairs every day. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you. When you go up the stairs, stay to the right. When you come down the stairs, stay to the left. But still, everyone keeps bumping into each other.

“Well, that won’t happen on the elevators. I have personally designed a special safety system.

“There are two elevators. One is blue. One is red. When you want to go up, you take the blue elevator. When you want to go down, you take the red elevator. It’s that simple. It can’t go wrong! The blue one only goes up. And the red one only goes down.

“By the way, has anyone seen my coffeepot?”

And so, at last, Wayside School got elevators. A blue one and a red one. They each worked perfectly one time — and never could be used again.

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Chapter 21

Open Wide

The good news: Jason got to leave school early.

The bad news: He had a dentist appointment.

“I’ll never ever eat candy again,” he promised the Tooth God as he headed down the stairs. “And I’ll brush my teeth after every meal. I promise. Even if it’s just a snack. I’ll bring my toothbrush to school! Just please,
please
don’t let her find any cavities.”

“I’ve heard that song before,” answered a voice inside his head. “Every time you go to the dentist, it’s the same thing. But then, a week later, you’re eating candy and forgetting to brush your teeth.”

“This time I really, really mean it,” Jason promised.

“Too late,” said the voice.

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An hour later Jason was lying on his back in the dentist chair.

“Open,” said the dentist.

His dentist was named Dr. Payne. She had long fingers and even longer fingernails.

Jason opened his big mouth. He had the second biggest mouth in his class.

“Wider,” said Dr. Payne.

Jason stretched his mouth until his cheeks hurt.

“That’s good,” said Dr. Payne. “Now just a little bit wider.”

The veins in Jason’s neck bulged out as he stretched his mouth even wider. His eyes watered. His throat was dry.

“Okay, just hold it like that,” said Dr. Payne. She turned on the sucking machine and put a tube in Jason’s mouth.

The machine made a gagging noise as it sucked out his last drop of moisture.

As Dr. Payne poked around at his teeth she said “Tsk, tsk” and “Oh, my!” several times.

“So how do you like school?” she asked.

“Aghaa,” said Jason.

“What grade are you in?”

“Aakhalak,” said Jason.

“Well, just remember,” said Dr. Payne. “It’s very important to always listen to your teachers and do whatever they say.”

She poked a tooth with a long, pointed dentist tool.

“AAAAHhhhhhhhh!” Jason screamed in agony.

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“Did that hurt?” asked Dr. Payne.

Jason shook his head. If he told her it hurt, she might think it was a cavity. If she couldn’t find it herself, he certainly wasn’t going to tell her about it.

“Are you sure?” asked Dr. Payne. She poked the same spot.

This time Jason didn’t make a sound. Tears and sweat dripped down his face.

The receptionist came into the room.

“Yes?” said Dr. Payne.

Jason was glad for the break.

“Kendall’s mother is on the phone,” said the receptionist. “She refuses to pay her bill.”

“What?!” exclaimed Dr. Payne. “How dare—”

“She says you pulled the wrong tooth.”

“Give me the phone!” shouted Dr. Payne.

The receptionist handed it to her.

“This is Dr. Payne. What do you mean you’re not paying your bill? … Well, then, just bring Kendall back in here, and I’ll pull that one too. I’ll pull them all! But you still have to pay me.

“Your lawyer! I don’t care what your lawyer said. You can tell your lawyer to rub a monkey’s tummy! … You heard me! Rub a monkey’s tummy with your head!”

She slammed down the phone.

Jason looked at the diploma hanging on the wall. Before his dentist got married, her name was Jane Smith.

His big mouth opened wider.

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Chapter 22

Jane Smith

“I found Jane Smith,” Jason told Stephen the next morning when he got to school.

“You better tell Deedee,” said Stephen.

They hurried across the playground.

A whistle blew. “No running!” ordered Mr. Louis, the Professional Playground Supervisor. “Now I want both of you to go back to the edge of the blacktop, and
walk
this time.”

The boys went back the way they came, then came back the way they went.

Deedee was sitting on a bench. She had been benched by Mr. Louis for excessive noisemaking.

“I found Jane Smith,” Jason whispered as he walked past her… .

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… Deedee and Jason entered the classroom together. Mrs. Drazil was seated behind her desk. As they passed in front of her, Deedee stopped and said, “Did you have a nice time at the dentist yesterday, Jason?”

“Yes, Deedee,” said Jason. “It was very nice.”

“I wonder if we have the same dentist,” said Deedee. “What is your dentist’s name?”

“Her name is Dr. Payne,” said Jason. “But that hasn’t always been her name.”

“It hasn’t?” asked Deedee.

“Oh, no,” said Jason. “Before she was married, her name was Jane Smith.”

“Jane Smith?” asked Deedee. “Is that spelled J-A-N-E S-M-I-T-H?”

“Yes, that’s how you spell Jane Smith,” said Jason. “But like I said, that’s not her name anymore. Her name is Dr. Payne. She works at the dentist office at 124 Garden Street.”

They took their seats… .

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… Late that afternoon Dr. Payne finished work and walked out of her office. It had been a good day. She had drilled twenty-five teeth.

She made sixty dollars for every tooth she drilled. Twenty-five times sixty dollars is $1,500. Not bad for a day’s work.

Of course, not all the teeth really had cavities, but how would any of her patients find out?

She got into her fancy silver-and-black sports car and drove away. She sang along with the radio.

She didn’t even notice the old beat-up green station wagon in her rearview mirror.

She lived in a mansion next to the lake. There was a stone wall around the house. She pressed a button in her car, and an iron gate opened. The gate closed behind her as she headed up the long and winding driveway.

A moment later the old green station wagon stopped and parked next to the gate. A woman got out, walked around to the back, and opened the tailgate. She pulled out a ladder. She set the ladder up against the wall.

Under her arm she carried an old blue notebook… .

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… Dr. Payne’s butler handed her a drink. The cook was making dinner.

Dr. Payne’s dog, cat, and husband were waiting for her in the den. Her dog’s name was Brussels, and her cat’s name was Sprouts. She petted them both.

Her husband’s name was Sham. She petted him too.

“Hi, darling, how was your day?” he asked.

“I made fifteen hundred dollars,” said Jane.

They hugged and kissed. They loved each other, but they loved money even more.

Then they had dinner by candlelight as they watched the sun set over the lake. After dinner they sat out on the deck, under the stars.

Sprouts lay purring on Jane’s lap. Brussels sat faithfully by her side.

Life was perfect.

“I love you, darling,” she said, petting Sprouts.

“And I love you,” said Sham.

“I was talking to the cat,” said Jane.

The butler stepped out onto the deck. “Excuse me, madam,” he said, “but there’s an elderly woman out in the yard.”

Jane’s long fingernails dug into her cat’s neck.

“I wonder how she got past the gate,” said Sham.

“I don’t know, sir,” said the butler. “She’s probably hungry. Perhaps I can give her some left-over—”

“No!” shouted Jane. “Get rid of her!”

“Let me have a look,” said Sham. He followed the butler back into the house.

He returned a moment later. “Darling, you’ll never guess who’s here. One of your former teachers! Isn’t that just the sweetest—”

Jane screamed. She jumped to her feet. Sprouts flew off her lap and into the hot tub.

“What’s wrong?” asked Sham.

“You idiot!” shouted Jane. “I told you to get rid of her!” She kicked her dog out of the way, then climbed over the railing and jumped off the deck to the ground, fifteen feet below.

Mrs. Drazil came out onto the deck. “You can’t get away from me, young lady!” she hollered.

Jane hurt her ankle pretty badly when she hit the ground. It was either sprained or broken. She lay on the ground in agony as she looked up at her former teacher.

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“You have homework to do,” said Mrs. Drazil, looking down at her.

Jane’s face twisted with pain. “Rub a monkey’s tummy!” she shouted, then struggled to her feet.

She had a suitcase stashed in the boathouse, just in case this ever happened. She hobbled to it, grabbed it, then limped down to the lake, dragging her suitcase behind her.

Mrs. Drazil hurried down the steps on the side of the deck.

Jane groaned as she threw her suitcase into a motorboat. Then she pulled herself aboard and started the engine.

“Darling, come back!” Sham shouted from the deck as he watched the boat sputter across the water.

Mrs. Drazil climbed into an old rowboat. “I’ll find you, Jane Smith!” she shouted into the darkness. “You can run, but you can’t hide!”

Jane’s voice echoed back across the black water. “Rub a monkeeee’s … tumm-mmy … with … yourrr … heaaaaaaaaaa …”

And neither of them was ever seen again.