Wayside School Gets a Little Stranger (13 page)

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Chapter 23

Ears

Wendy had three. Ears, I mean.

She had one ear on each side of her head, just like most people. But she also had a third ear, which lay flat on top of her head.

You couldn’t see it. It was completely covered by her thick, frizzy brown hair.

She was an intelligent and lovely young woman. She was gentle and kind.

At least, she used to be. Then she met Xavier and became evil and wicked, but I’ll get to that later.

She lived in a small apartment in the big city. She always kept fresh flowers in the vase on her kitchen table.

She didn’t have any friends. She was afraid someone might find out about her ear. She was very embarrassed by it.

The one on top of her head, I mean. The other two ears were pretty, as ears go.

Actually, the third ear wasn’t ugly. In fact, it looked just like her other two.

It was quantity, not quality, that bothered her.

Then she met Xavier.

It was at a museum. They happened to be standing next to each other looking at the same painting.
The Mona Lisa
.

A guard stood by to make sure they didn’t touch it.

Xavier was very handsome. But he was frightfully shy. He was afraid of women.

“That’s a beautiful painting, isn’t it?” said Wendy.

Xavier blushed. He wanted to speak, but his mouth locked shut with fear. It took all his courage just to nod his head.

But Wendy knew he liked her.

Because there was something else about her ear I haven’t told you yet. The one on top of her head, I mean.

It didn’t hear normal sounds. It heard people’s brains.

Wendy was able to listen to Xavier’s secret thoughts. And this is what she heard.

Yes, the painting is very beautiful. But you are more beautiful than the Mona Lisa. I wish somebody would paint your picture. I would buy it and look at it all day. Alas, if only I had the courage to talk to you.

Wendy didn’t usually listen to other people’s thoughts. She thought it was rude, even though the other people didn’t know she was listening.

Besides, most people’s thoughts were usually boring.

Xavier was getting too nervous standing next to her. He moved on to another painting.

Wendy followed him.

She listened to the lonely man’s thoughts. They weren’t boring at all. Most of his thoughts were about her, but she also learned a few other things. He liked to read. His favorite author was Charles Dickens. He loved animals, especially dogs.

“That painting reminds me of a book,” said Wendy. “
A Tale of Two Cities
, by Charles Dickens. Have you read it?”

“Yes!” Xavier blurted, a little too loudly. “It’s my favorite book! I’ve read everything Dickens has written. Twice. My favorite part is when—”

He suddenly stopped, very embarrassed.

“Please go on,” said Wendy.

“No, I don’t want to bother you,” said Xavier.

“You’re not bothering me,” said Wendy. “Charles Dickens is my favorite author. I sometimes read aloud to my dog.”

“You have a dog?” asked Xavier.

Wendy nodded.

Xavier stared into her dark eyes. “I love dogs,” he said, as his brain said,
I love you
.

Wendy and Xavier spent the afternoon together. He could hardly stop talking.

It was like a genie had escaped from a bottle. All the love and emotion that had been buried for so long inside him came pouring out on Wendy.

“I don’t even know your name,” he suddenly blurted.

“Wendy Nogard,” said Wendy.

“I’m Xavier Dalton,” said Xavier.

They shook hands and made plans to meet again at the museum the following week.

On her way home, Wendy stopped by the library and checked out
A Tale of Two Cities
. Then she went to the pet store and bought a dog.

A month later Xavier asked her to marry him.

Wendy didn’t know what to say. She loved Xavier. And she knew he loved her. But she still hadn’t told him about her ear.

The one on top of her head, I mean.

He knew about the other two. He had nibbled on each of them.

“Marriage is a big step,” she said. “I’m afraid we haven’t known each other long enough.”

“I’ve known you long enough to know I could never be happy without you,” said Xavier. “Before I met you, Wendy, I was sad and lonely. But I was used to it. Now I can’t imagine living like that again. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

He stroked her hair.

“Well, there’s one little thing you don’t know about me,” said Wendy.

His hand bumped into it. “What’s this thing?” he asked.

“That’s what I was going to tell you about, dear,” said Wendy.

Xavier parted Wendy’s hair and looked at it. “It’s an ear!” he exclaimed.

“Yes, it is,” said Wendy. “Some people have two ears. I have three. Now that you know, if you still want to marry me, my answer is yes! Yes, sweetheart, yes!”

“I love you,” said Xavier. “That’s all that matters to me.”

That was what he said. But this is what he was thinking.

Oh, gross! You’re disgusting! I never want to touch you again! I can’t even stand to look at you! You tricked me, you freak! You monster!

And of course Wendy heard every word.

He stood up. “I’ll be right back, sweetheart. I bought you diamond earrings as an engagement present. I just need to run back to the jewelry store and buy one more.” He hurried out the door.

She never saw him again.

I’m sorry to say this story has a sad ending.

Xavier, thanks to Wendy, got over his shyness. He went out with lots of women but broke each one’s heart. He could never love any of them.

There was a hole in his heart. He was in love with Wendy Nogard, but he didn’t know it. And so he could never be happy.

Wendy became a bitter and evil person. She was unhappy, and she wanted everyone else to be unhappy too.

Whenever she heard someone thinking happy thoughts, she would listen closely and then do and say just the right thing to make the person feel rotten.

She hated children the most. Every time she passed a playground, she heard them laughing and having fun.

So she became a substitute teacher.

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Chapter 24

Glum and Blah

Miss Nogard entered the classroom on the thirtieth story. She looked at all the bright and chipper faces. She knew by the end of the day they would no longer be bright and chipper.

They would be glum and blah.

She smiled at the class. “Good morning, everybody,” she said. “My name is Miss Nogard.”

She listened to their brains.

Calvin had spilled orange juice on his lap during breakfast and worried that someone might think he had gone to the bathroom in his pants.

Dana had gotten her hair cut yesterday, and she thought it was too short. She was afraid it made her look like a boy. She was especially sensitive to this because Dana was sometimes a boy’s name.

Jason was mad at his older brother, Justin. Justin was in high school. Justin always got good grades and was a star in everything he did. Compared to Justin, Jason felt like a loser. “What’s so great about high school?” he had asked this morning. “My school is higher than yours!”

D.J. had heard a song on the radio on his way to school. He hated the song! But it kept playing over and over again in his head.

Bebe had an itch on her leg.

Miss Nogard smiled. The bad stuff always rose to the top of the brain.

Even if a person was very excited about something wonderful, the person still worried about what could go wrong.

Jenny was going horseback riding after school, if it didn’t rain. She had never gone horseback riding before. She hoped she wouldn’t fall off the horse.

Miss Nogard clapped her hands. “So, who would like to tell me what you’ve been working on?” she asked.

A few hands went up in the air.

“Oooh! Oooh!” said Mac.

“How about the boy in the orange and purple shirt?” said Miss Nogard.

Everyone looked around.

“The handsome young man sitting right there,” said Miss Nogard.

Dana looked at her shirt. It was orange and purple. She pointed at herself and mouthed the word
me
?

“Yes, you,” said Miss Nogard.

Dana’s face turned red-hot. “I’m a girl,” she said.

Everyone laughed.

“Oh, I am so embarrassed!” said Miss Nogard, with her hand over her heart.

“It’s not your fault,” said Dana. “It’s my stupid haircut. I hate it!”

“Oh, no,” said Miss Nogard. “You look adorable. I see now you’re a very pretty girl.”

“I’m ugly,” muttered Dana. She buried her head under her arms.

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“I’d better call on someone else,” said Miss Nogard.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a brain screamed,
Don’t call on me! Whatever you do, please don’t call on me!

It came from Benjamin Nushmutt.

“How about you?” said Miss Nogard, looking right at him.

Just don’t ask me my name
, thought Benjamin.
I never can say my name in front of people
. He took a breath to steady himself. “Well, we’ve been reading—”

“First tell me your name,” Miss Nogard said sweetly.

The muscles in Benjamin’s face tightened. He concentrated real hard, then said, “Benjamin Nushmutt.”

“I beg your pardon?” said Miss Nogard.

“Benjamin Nushmutt,” he repeated.

“Henderson Schmidt?” asked Miss Nogard.

Benjamin sighed. “Ben-ja-min Nush! Mutt!” he shouted.

“I’m sorry,” said Miss Nogard. “I must have been distracted. What did you say?”

Benjamin pressed his lips together. He tried to speak, but his mouth wouldn’t open.

“His name is Benjamin,” said Jason. “Benjamin Nushmutt.”

“Thank you,” said Miss Nogard. “That’s a very nice name, Benjamin. You shouldn’t be ashamed of it.”

Benjamin covered his red face with his hands.

She turned to Jason. “You look familiar. Do I know you?”

“I don’t think so,” said Jason.

She stared at him, as if she were trying to remember. “You’re Justin, right?”

“I’m Jason. Justin’s my older brother.”

“So you’re Justin’s baby brother!” said Miss Nogard.

Everybody laughed.

“I remember Justin. I substituted for his class once. He was the brightest student I ever taught. You must feel very lucky to have such an exceptional brother.”

His feet stink
, thought Jason.

For the rest of the day, Miss Nogard kept accidentally-on-purpose calling Jason “Justin.”

One by one, she made every child in the class feel miserable. She called Calvin to her desk and asked in a whisper if he had to use the restroom. Whenever she passed D.J., she hummed and the song stuck in his head. Whenever Bebe finally stopped thinking about her itch, Miss Nogard would walk by and scratch her own leg.

“It looks like it might rain,” she said as she stared out the window at the bright blue sky.

Darn, I’ll never get to go horseback riding!
thought Jenny.

“I have a nephew who went horseback riding on a day like this,” said Miss Nogard. “There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, it started thundering and lightning. It spooked the horse terribly.”

“What happened to your nephew?” asked Jenny.

“Oh, he’s fine,” said Miss Nogard. “He just broke both his arms and legs. He’ll be in a cast for a year. But he has a very positive attitude; that’s the important thing. Remember, always keep a positive attitude.”

By the end of the day, nobody had a positive attitude. The whole class was glum and blah.

The children walked out of the school building, heads down. Except Jenny, who looked up at the sky, worrying about the weather, although she didn’t know if she was more worried about rain or sunshine.

Even D.J. was frowning.

“What’s the matter?” asked Louis, the yard teacher.

“Nothing,” muttered D.J. “I guess I just had a bad day.”

“Don’t you like your new teacher?” asked Louis.

“She’s real nice,” said Dana.
It’s not her fault I’m the ugliest girl in the world!

“I like her a lot,” said Jason.
It’s my brother I hate.

“Me too,” said Benjamin.
I hate myself!

Louis rubbed his upper lip. His mustache was beginning to grow back. “What’s her name?” he asked.

“Miss Nogard,” said Bebe as she scratched the back of her leg raw.

“Are you sure?” asked Louis.

“Huh?” asked Bebe.

“I mean,” said Louis, “are you sure it’s
Miss
Nogard? Not
Mrs
. Nogard?”

“I think,” said Bebe. “Why?”

Louis just shrugged.

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